The Darkness

By Badrul Kiyani

Life is happy and vibrant for one busy working mum who has a budding career with a young four-year-old daughter and husband at home. In an instant, darkness creeps in and changes everything. Her once full of happiness and laughter filled days are suddenly turned into utter darkness after the revelation of her 20-week pregnancy scan.
“The Darkness” is a journey that takes us through every step of her second pregnancy. The struggles she has to endure and the decisions she has to face. Find out the fate of her baby after three attempts of termination. This true enthralling tale of her experience will take you into the deepest darkest depths of events that she goes through. It is a heartbreaking story that will leave you in tears!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Aug 25, 2015
• ISBN: 9781329508439

Book preview

The Darkness

The Darkness

This book is dedicated to all mothers who lost their Little Angels

Copyright © 2015 by Badrul.N.Kiyani

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

ISBN : 978-1-329-50843-9

Table of Contents

The Darkness

Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Living The Moment

Chapter 2: Everything Changed

Chapter 3: Why Me??

Chapter 4: Everyday Existence

Chapter 5: The Confirmation

Chapter 6: Hearing The Truth

Chapter 7: In Denial

Chapter 8: The Decision

Chapter 9: Against All Odds

Chapter 10: What Kept Me Going

Chapter 11: Finding Courage

Chapter 12: Family Reflection

Chapter 13: Being Judged

Chapter 14: Shattered Dreams

Chapter 15: High Hopes

Chapter 16: Not Giving Up

Chapter 17: Barrier From Public Eye

Chapter 18: Sixth Sense

Chapter 19: Keeping Focused

Chapter 20: Message From Beyond

Chapter 21: Battling On

Chapter 22: Last Resort

Chapter 23: All Hope Lost

Chapter 24: Giving In

Chapter 25: Being Scared

Chapter 26: All Alone

Chapter 27: Facing The Darkness

Chapter 28: Accepting The Inevitable

Chapter 29: Closure

BOOK SYNOPSIS

Chapter 1: Living The Moment

It is the start of winter and I cannot believe that I have only seven months left to go on my maternity leave. This is my second pregnancy and I am really excited about it. My four-year-old is even more excited than me. She tells me that she cannot wait for her baby brother or sister to arrive so that she can help Mommy change the diapers and feed the baby. Typical traits of a girl who likes her dollies and pretend plays every play associated with newborns.

My due date is in mid January 2013 and already I’ve had my 12-week scan. The radiographer had given me a printed scan of my baby, which I am carrying in my handbag. Occasionally I look at the scan when I am not busy at work and adore my baby’s tiny hands and feet. The first trimester of my pregnancy is nearly over. It only feels like yesterday that hubby and I had conceived. Look at me now – almost over with my first trimester.

The Monday morning of every week I had this ritual of emailing hubby at work to give him a quick update on the progress of our baby. I would keenly go onto the weekly baby progress calendar and excitedly read about the milestone growth my baby had achieved in the previous week.

They say that every pregnancy is different in its own ways. For me, this pregnancy seemed way different. I didn’t have any cravings and no morning sickness. The only thing that stood out was that right from the day of conception up till now I’ve had a really bad head cold, which didn’t seem to leave me alone at all.

I was constantly blocked up in my nose with a nasty headache and overall tiredness. I had read in pregnancy websites that one does get congested when they are pregnant. Even at work colleagues commented that my cold was constantly following me around without any sign of leaving me soon. I simply put it down to this pregnancy being different to my last one.

In the meantime I kept looking at newborn pictures online and was getting tips on how to photograph newborn pictures. I loved the ones where they use soft merino wraps around the newborns and do a close-up photo of them. There were many inspirational pictures online where newborns were themed up in pretty knitted hats to cute baskets with babies sleeping inside them.

I cannot wait for my baby so that I can take some really creative shots with my little bundle. So many ideas and so many inspirations that I can try. I also wanted my newborn to be held up in Daddy’s hand to see the contrast between Daddy’s hands and my newborn’s tiny little fingers. I simply cannot wait to meet my baby!

Next morning I woke up with a heavy feeling in my tummy. Almost to a point of inflammation and burning. I mentally made a note of this feeling and thought it was unusual, but as my day progressed I soon forgot about this poking sensation.

Ironically, that weekend I skyped my sister for an overseas phone call and she asked me how my pregnancy was going. I replied to her by saying that I feel like this baby is really poking me in my belly. Towards the end of the day I get really uncomfortable and must lie down to relieve the poking burning sensation.

When I went to visit my midwife I did mention to her about this poking feeling. She put it down to the fact that my belly is growing and accommodating the baby’s development. Good enough explanation I thought, and I moved on with the rest of my day.

Chapter 2: Everything Changed

Today is the big day where we will have my 20-week scan. Hubby and I had talked about the fact that we will find out the sex