Cancer, Cancelled: Taking on 4th stage cancer, and coming out alive.

By Cindy Antoinette Fernandez

Cancer Cancelled chronicles a middle aged woman’s journey with 4th stage cervical cancer, from the time she found out about her illness till the day she was declared cancer-free. Cindy Antoinette Fernandez was not without fear or doubt when she realized she was knocking on death’s door. However, she decided to not be overcome by her diagnosis, and instead, walk the talk as a health magazine editor and turn the tables on her biggest, most outstanding obstacle: her own mind. She was adamant that if she achieved that, the rest will follow. Cindy went on to prove herself right, and decided to not just keep this success to herself when countless people out there also need hope.

In here, she reveals a simple healing plan she drafted out for herself when she was at her worst during her fight with cancer. These guidelines can be followed as is, or tweaked to one’s own needs, or even preferences - as long as certain crucial pointers are observed and carried out.

There is no reason why I can and someone else can’t. I simply refuse to believe it ~ Author

• Language: English
• Publisher: Partridge Publishing Singapore
• Release date: Jun 5, 2023
• ISBN: 9781543773781

Book preview

Copyright © 2023 by Cindy Antoinette Fernandez.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

www.partridgepublishing.com/singapore

CONTENTS

Chapter 1 Why didn’t I see this coming?

Chapter 2 When reality hits hard

Chapter 3 I’ve been frightened before, but…

Chapter 4 My thoughts, precisely

Chapter 5 And with treatments came….side effects!

Chapter 6 And now, the real fight has begun

Chapter 7 At long last, the turning point

Closing Chapter: The magical timeline

CANCER, CANCELLED

I OUTSMARTED AGGRESSIVE

STAGE 4 CERVICAL CANCER, AND

I BELIEVE YOU CAN TOO.

This book is

dedicated to my mom Vivian, and my boyfriend Andy.

(7)%20My%20beautiful%20mother.jpg

My beautiful mother, Vivian

(8)%20My%20boyfriend%20Andy%20who%20has%20always%20been%20my%20pillar%20of%20support%20throughout%20my%20cancer%20journey.jpg

My boyfriend Andy who has always been my pillar

of support throughout my cancer journey

First and foremost, bear with me as I attempt to immortalize a few words of apology as well as appreciation to my body.

For the past few decades, you have been subjected to all kinds of abuse. Like many others out there, I wrongly assumed that nothing bad can ever happen to you. I quite forgot that we are only human. I fed you too much junk food, and have allowed my stress levels to elevate beyond control. I hardly attempted to take charge of my life. For most of my adult life, I almost always avoided confrontations, as it seemed easier than explaining what I was really feeling. If only I have known how all these were stressing you out, my body, my temple, my vessel of life. During the early months of 2020, I paid the price.

I love and appreciate how you stubbornly remained resilient and strong just to help me keep going. With my mind (the strongest and most powerful force in me) seemingly against you from the beginning, you never once gave up on me, so really, THANK YOU.

And now, let’s share our story. For who knows how many lives we may be able to positively affect with what we know now.

Hello to my readers!

As a baby & parenting magazine editor, I am quite accustomed to writing articles for new parents and parents-to-be. I have also been an editor for a health magazine, as well as a ghost-writer for a couple of locally-published books. I told myself that I would only go ahead and write this book if I was sure that it would make a difference in the lives of others. And I honestly think it will.

It was one thing to read about others who have gone through cancer - their experiences, their pain and sometimes even, their deaths, but it’s a whole different ball game to be diagnosed with what’s easily known as the most life-threatening one among women, i.e cancer of the cervix. I can still recall the moment I walked up to Andy, my boyfriend who was waiting outside the doctor’s office, and told him the news. He just stared at me, as if I just told him a bad joke. He was still staring at me as I walked on to the room where my blood was to be drawn for further tests. I am deeply indebted to this man, as from that moment on, he never really left my side. And he’s still by my side today, cheering me on in everything I do, even in writing this book.

Just so you know, if you’ve picked up this book, there might be some important stuff in here that may help you in your own journey with cancer, or, prevent you from the worst that may occur. Or, perhaps you may know of someone who may need this as an inspiration to keep going? So, thank you in advance for joining me on this journey. Cheers!

CHAPTER 1

WHY DIDN’T I SEE

THIS COMING?

Mom! MOM! Are you ok? MOM!!!

The frantic voice of my daughter Adelyn rang faintly in my ear.

What happened, Mom?

It was so faint that it seemed like she was some distance away, when in fact, she had pulled me halfway out of the bathroom of my studio apartment in Plaza Damas, Sri Hartamas, Kuala Lumpur (KL), and had my head on her lap. Mom, you’re bleeding like you had a miscarriage or something! Are these blood clots? What’s happening? I’ve got to get you to the hospital! she said, her voice trembling as she slid my head from her lap onto a thick and comfy rug outside my bathroom.

Can I just lay here? It’s so nice here… I remember pleading with her as I drifted in and out of consciousness.

Mom, you need to go to the hospital! I’m gonna have to run down to the pharmacy and get you a diaper or something first. Look, you’re still bleeding! A normal pad won’t hold all this blood. I won’t be long, ok? Just relax, breathe, stay awake, and I’ll be back real quick. Can you do this for me Mom?

She sounded confident but when I looked up at her, she seemed desperate and somewhat lost. Ok, Angel, was all I managed to utter back.

Adelyn Klarissa is my firstborn of four children. Well, actually five children. I lost a baby on the day he was born, the 1st of July, 1994. Adelyn had spent a few nights with me as she had some free time in her hands. At age 31 as of August 2022, my lovely eldest girl has always been this kind, soft-spoken being who hardly had anything malicious to say about anyone. For those of you who know of Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice, Adelyn to me is akin to Jane, the oldest daughter in the Bennet family. I heard her scurry around for her bag and her set of keys, and I heard her open the door, but I didn’t hear the door close back. I waited a few more seconds and still no sound of the door closing. So, despite feeling somewhat weak and disoriented, I craned my neck upwards to peek at the door, and she was just standing there, looking hopelessly at me, obviously debating on whether to go or not. I’m fine, Angel, I promise. Go on.

I’m going now, and I’ll be right back, ok? Love you Mom.

As she closed the door behind her, I lifted my head just to have a look at this so-called blood which she likened to a miscarriage, of all things. That would be extraordinary indeed, I remember thinking to myself. Not that I had been up to anything during that time, but if I was, what with being over 50 and all, who the heck would think of protection? It’s not like I have any eggs left…right?"

The sight that met my eyes was horrific, to say the least. How the hell did all of THAT come out of ME? There were splashes and clots of blood all over the bathroom floor, as well as a trail of blood leading to where my legs were resting, with more blood and clots around there too.

As I stared down at the disgustingly bloody sight, I could still feel my body expelling stuff, and it was just oozing out of me - more blood, I presumed. Adelyn was right, as I was indeed still bleeding.

Adelyn%20replacement.jpg

Adelyn

I mentally tried to recall all that took place the past few hours leading to the incident. I had, earlier that evening, been to the gym, which I joined just a month before. One of the abdominal exercises felt unusually uncomfortable for me, so much so that I told my trainer I was done for the day. I returned home at around 6pm, after which Adelyn and I went to have some dinner downstairs at one of the dozens of restaurants that were operating in Plaza Damas. Obviously, this was before ‘quarantine’, ‘lockdown’, ‘MCO’ (Movement Control Order), ‘CMCO’ (Conditional Movement Control Order) and a few others turned into outrageously popular terms in Malaysia. Usually, I stay up quite late, working on my computer, or watching my favorite videos, etc. But on that night, I told Adelyn that I was tired and was going to bed. It was around 9pm. In less than 15 minutes, I sat up on the bed as I felt a whole lot of stuff coming out of me, as if I was having a really heavy menstrual flow.

I have been experiencing irregular periods for a few years now, and I had managed to convince myself that I was nearing menopause. So, although sudden ‘bleeding’ was nothing new to me, at that time at home with Adelyn, I knew I had to rush to the bathroom as I wasn’t wearing a sanitary pad. I don’t remember when or how I got to there, but the next thing I knew was that I was on the ground and she was calling out to me.

Now, as a mother of four, you’d expect that I must have had quite a few pap-smears in my lifetime as part of my regular checkups. Erm, it was never the case with me, and no, I’m not proud of it. I probably only had three, at most four pap smears in my entire life and I hardly ever went for any kind of checkups. I found pap smears to be uncomfortably painful and I just hated them. I still do. The only time I visited the doctor was when I was having really bad migraines, or, when I injured myself while walking our dogs, but never about inquiring about the goings on of ‘down there’.

In about 15 minutes or so, I heard Adelyn coming back in. I watched as she got around to cleaning up the mess I made in the bathroom, and cleaning me up too. She helped me put on a diaper, which was a really weird experience, and asked if I could sit up afterwards. At the time, I could not as I felt too dizzy to do so. She helped to dress me in a pair of sweatshirt and loose pants. As I drifted back to sleep, I heard her make a couple of calls, but I couldn’t make out who she was speaking to.

A while after that, my front door flung open again and I heard a familiar voice calling out to me. It was my second daughter, Evelyn, or Evie as she is affectionately known. Evie, a singer by profession, is rather well-known in the Malaysian pub scene. She happens to have a few singles to her name too; I believe they are on