Psych-Ward Genius: The Struggles Through a Psychotic Break

By Auston M. Pratt

This story offers you a chance to explore the struggle and internalize the triumphant fight of a young life interrupted by the day-to-day climb of battling with a mental illness. Travel with the author who, at the age of fifteen, presents a realistic account of the fear, uncertainty, and confusion of a life-altering illness he is determined to conquer. With sincere compassion, he offers hope to teenagers who may struggle to gain back the confidence that one day life will blossom again.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 9, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499052251

Auston M. Pratt

Auston Pratt is an energetic, vibrant young man who has evolved as a motivational example of the upside of difficult battles. A recent high school graduate, class of 2014, he is off to college, with the dream of one day being able to help others in the struggle.

Book preview

Introduction

Today I’ll talk about what manic is. To me manic is when you’re at a state when people can’t tell you anything. It is like the biggest high a human being can receive. It all started when I was in boarding school. When I first started, I thought I wouldn’t fit in. I thought I was too dumb for the school. But really, I was smart. When I use to take tests, I began to fail, but as I found better study habits, I passed with flying colors. I remember my 8th grade Social Studies teacher would say, The fool speaks, the wise man listens. Also, I remember when my 8th grade math teacher would say, A closed mouth does not get fed. That taught me that I have to feed by listening and drink by talking. When I made high honors, everyone thought I was a threat. I wanted to beat out everyone to see my name on top. But what I wanted to do was show the school that I belonged. So I started studying non-stop. The stress level was so high to the point where if anyone asked me to do one more thing, I would literally break in half. I became sick and severely depressed. I had no family to congratulate me, and no friends to hang out with. When we had Spring Break I was tenacious about making my break worthwhile and decadent. But when I got home I had absolutely nothing to do. All my friends were still in school, and my family was always busy and had no time for me. I called my dad, I asked to stay with him and he agreed. I packed my bags and went straight to Florida. It was the best vacation I’ve ever had. We ate whenever we were hungry, walked on Fort Lauderdale’s strip, went to Hooters on Fort Lauderdale strip, went to the Kennedy Space Center, met important black people, went to Universal Studios, slept in and out of hotels like rock stars, and went to the best party of my life. Nevertheless, when I went back to Philly, I felt like I owned the world. Nobody could tell me anything. I was the beautiful Swan and they were the ugly ducklings. But I would soon learn that the new me was about to experience some very frightening times. It all started with Hospital number 1; Children’s Hospital, from there, to an inpatient clinic. Within two days I was diagnosed with something called Bipolar-Mania. Over the next few months I spent a lot of time in outpatient clinics and hospitals. During my stay, I met a girl and realized that she had the same thing I had. Consequently, I was able to ask her questions to help me figure out what was going on with me. After outpatient, I went back to school for a week and ended up going back to the hospital again. Hospital number 2; in Pittsburgh, and from there I stayed home until school was out. I became very depressed to the point that I didn’t even swim the whole summer. When I went back to boarding school for 10th grade, I was so happy. New dorms, shower curtains, and bigger rooms. The people who bullied me were now much smaller than I. But the second day of returning to boarding school when someone tried to bully me, I stood up for myself. I was tired of that stuff. That led to me getting kicked out of school. When I went back home, I was determined to find a school.

I tried several highly selective admission schools, but the stress of trying to sell myself resulted in me walking on highway 76. That put me back into the hospital. Hospital number 3; in Philadelphia, and from there back to inpatient, once discharged I returned to an outpatient program. This is only a summary of what I’ve been going through. When I was a patient, the only thing that kept my mind right - was writing. It kept me calm. First I would write on any paper I could find, especially when I was in the hospital. Then later I would write in my journal whenever I felt like I couldn’t take it anymore and I did this for one year. It was how I kept my self from really going out of my mind. This book is a collection of my thoughts, from my journal on my way to wellness while I struggled to understand what was going on in my life. Now let me give you the real details, the piece of the pie.

Friend or Foe

I’m mad as hell… Can they really tell…? All the bullshit and lies make up a fairytale. I’m not the frog or the prince; I’m the Dark Knight…. I bleed slow, never let my enemies know. If I show the real me my haters grow like the beanstalk because I feed them the seed. That’s why I wear the mask. Keep them guessing, Who are you they ask. I say, I am you only the fact that I can pick and choose the fools and they always lose. When I wear the cape, I see all the fakes. They’re never above me or below, how can I get them to go? They won’t leave… when I stomp on them they come for more. I can’t adore a thing… That’s why they tickle underneath my wings. Then I fly sky high, look, the neighbors watching. But I don’t care; just make them smell the fear. I envy you, they say. A small smirk just goes away…. Hooray, hooray, the dark knight saves the day, or did I? Was I like a shadow you saw underneath your precious eye? The black on my outfit is like the shadows in the forgotten alleyway. The cats spray on me and the garbage reeks. The mice bite at my feet, now I’m covered with grief. Now the devils get to eat. They take my mask and garment; they throw them at my feet. The devils laugh, or are they mocking me? They think they have me but I got them fooled. I turn into a monster, and now I’m like their tool. I fence to prey on the weak, fight with the bad guys. Then eventually we tussle in the streets. I became enraged. I jump so high I fly by the sky gravity under my knees. I try to speak but I can’t, choked by the leash and the devils, which surround me. I say, Hence be Satan and all of them go away. Then I say get rid of all my sins... But I’m still choking… Put my mask and garment on and now I’m smoking. I tell God for when I fly don’t say bye-bye. So I fly down, a tear caught my eye. A drop turns to a rainstorm, and I started to pour but as I hit the ground, my sins are washed away. No more hiding, no more fakes, I’ve become the great. My sins evaporate, and I go back to doing what I do best: Save the Day.

Developing Patience

Today as I sit in the desk in the hallway in an outpatient program I feel as if a bomb blew up on my head. The reason why I write in black is because it shows my pain and emotion. I stay quiet to keep positive. But I really feel mad as hell that I got to stay here another day. I just ask God to help me through these rough times. Like one of the Psalms states, You will stumble but never will you fall. Sometimes it feels like I fall all the time throughout my life, but I always manage to get back up and keep my head up. I really can’t stand being here. I have to try my best to stay positive when there’s so much negativity in the air. It reminds me of that verse in Psalm, Why have you forsaken me? Usually I don’t write down stuff. But if you want to be a writer and book author, you have to write a lot. Even though they cut my medication in half, I’m starting to feel my energy come back. Not the so-called manic energy. I wish I didn’t have to take these damn meds because they make me so weak. I give it three weeks to get used to the meds, and I’ll have another Psychotic Break. This time if it happens I will sing, dance, and create things. It’s crazy how I can’t remember all the stuff