The Booty Chronicles

By Osa Sjoberg

This fun, thoughtful, entertaining, bold and outrageous read about Osa Sjoberg and one of her ASSets begins in the northern part of Sweden, where she grew up. It is also where her booty began to get attention when she was just 13 years old. Not only has it created quite the stir, it has also partially shaped her life - literally and figuratively. The attention on her derriere continued to gain momentum when she moved to Los Angeles, California.

Osa tells the tales of crazy reactions, indecent proposals, jokes and having her ethnicity in question because of her behind. Her booty definitely takes on a life of its own and even begins to talk back in the stories. Packed with smart humor, you will get a lot of booty - BUTT there's also a deeper thread about staying with our truth, stereotyping and how we judge ourselves and others - how it affects us and what we do with it all.

Awesome photos included.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Dec 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781387459025

Book preview

The Booty Chronicles

The Booty Chronicles

By Osa Sjoberg

Published by

True North House Publishing

www.TrueNorthHouse.com

Worldwide Publishing and Productions

Copyright 2016 Osa Sjoberg

All Rights Reserved, First Edition

ISBN: 978-1-387-45902-5

Published by True North House Publishing and Productions

Contact:  [e-mail] before using any material

from this book. Thank you!

Book cover image by Aaron Patrick Freeman Photography

@ www.afree-man.com.

Cover design and layout by Alexander Johnny Beat

@ www.AlexanderJohnnyBeat.com.

DEDICATION

I’m dedicating this book to my beloved bff, Nelson Atienza. I know that you would laugh, appreciate and recognize many of the stories. I also know that you would be one of my biggest cheerleaders and be proud of your bff – fo sho! I wish so much that you were here to celebrate, create many more memories and have bent over laugh out loud moments. But I know that you are smiling where you are, and you are now an angel. Miss you so very much, and I’m incredibly grateful to have had you in my life until you had to leave. To share life’s challenges and beautiful moments. My life would not be the same without having had you in it. I love you Nels!

­

INTRODUCTION

Mirror, mirror on the wall……. who’s got the roundest and biggest butt of them all?! What concern did a little Swedish blonde girl, running around freely in the countryside in the Northern part of Sweden have about looks - or what the shape of her butt was for that matter? Sure she had a lot of dreams and ideas about what she would do, visualizing and fantasizing about the future. Even making up specific stories in her mind about particular events, at times much grown up for a girl her age. But thinking about how the shape and size of her butt would have any impact in shaping her life at all – no, certainly not.     

She had a green and yellow parakeet named Puttan, a black and white dwarf rabbit called Nappe (short for Napoleon), and a duck named Andy. The rabbit and the duck were also roaming around freely in the summers, following her around, so she had to trick them when taking off on her bike. And on the bike she was, going to friends sometimes 10 miles away. How amazing it was to just shoot down to the lake and jump in. Often times without parents, just a bunch of kids - and that was just the way of life there. No worries about child abductions and there were never any accidents, drownings or anything else that today’s parents have to consider all the time. Everything just seemed simpler than now.

In the land of the midnight sun, the summers were really something else. At one point there was a sauna raft on the lake. Simply a raft, with a sauna built on top of it. It was beautiful to take a small row boat late at night, going out to the raft, fire up the wood burning sauna, sit there and sweat - and jump in the lake in between to cool off. Sometimes even at midnight or 1 o’clock in the morning – while it was still light out, almost like daylight. One summer when she was 11, she took the boat all the way across the lake with her best friend who was 12. They took turns rowing. Once they got to the spot she had thought out, they unloaded the boat and set up a tent. Her mom had sent food and a little saucepan. The two girls made a fire, cooked a simple dinner over the fire and talked about boys – of course. After they cleaned up and put out the fire, they took the boat out again, in the middle of the lake – and jumped in from the boat, skinny-dipping. They had books with them to ­read and they played some cards before they went to sleep in the sleeping bags they had brought. Yes, this was the life there during those beautiful summers, followed by skiing and driving snowmobiles during the completely opposite dark and cold winters.

Life was great and she was very active. Anything from long bike rides to soccer, to track and long jump, swimming, ping pong, floor hockey and even ice hockey for girls. She had her own style as far as clothing, shoes and hair, but there was no concern about physical appearance other than what a 10 year old or so girl would bother with. She wasn’t too girly in her clothing choices, like a throw-up of pink and purple, flowers and so on, but certainly still very much a girly style, and usually with a little bit of an edge. The feminine with a flare of edge, stuck around in adulthood as well – she knew and knows what she likes, also what fits her body well. She did love shoes from a very young age – yes I know, girls love shoes. But we’re talking about from the time she was about 2. She took off in a department store one day and her mom went looking for her. She went to the toy section, but no sign of her or along the way. She then found her in the shoe section, where she was trying to put on a pair of high heel pumps. Every time she took off in the store, her mom knew to go find her in the shoe department. Yes, she had a little shoe whore on her hands. As she grew up she continued to love shoes, but she also had very small feet for her age and height. She was even teased about it sometimes. One day she forgot her running shoes for physical ed class. She was in sixth grade. She went to the third and fourth graders to see if she could borrow a pair, but they were all too big. She went to first and second graders, but no, too big also. Finally she found a pair from the preschoolers that fit. A little embarrassing, but we have the feet that we were given.  

Boys were an important part in her world. It was about crushes, going steady with a boy and some kissing in the corner of a room at a birthday party. Yes even at 10. In between running around with friends and some occasional shenanigans at school, she was to herself quite a bit. That’s when those dreams and thoughts about what she imagined her adult life to be like surfaced, sometimes she even had movie scenes about them in her head. Whole scenes that she would re-enact in her room at times. She had a little actress in her. She had a dream about going to America, even at that age, butt, butt, butt……little did she know…… 

Chapter One

Enter Booty

~

*From now on the dialogue in italics is my booty talking. ~When there’s a reply after with hyphens, it’s me answering back.~

I was a skinny girl with ribs showing before I really developed, but I had a butt. I wasn’t paying attention to that whatsoever, the only thing was that it was hard to find jeans that fit well. Back then, there weren’t that many styles to choose from, and either the waist was much too big, or it was too tight around the butt. That was something I dealt with for a while when it came to pants, until all these new styles came out, like the stretch and the skinny jeans. Other than that, my butt was just something behind me that I always had and that I was sitting on.

It was during the summer between middle school and junior high that I was made aware of my physique. A friend of my parents was spending a lot of time at our summerhouse, as he loved the countryside and taking his dog out there. He eventually ended up being our neighbor. This was in the countryside outside a small town, and up until I was 10 we lived in a slightly bigger town about an hour away. It was a beautiful sunny day and he was at our summerhouse. Picture perfect day, with the Swedish greenery and flowers all around, birds singing and my rabbit jumping all over and doing little tricks on a soccer ball. I was out, roaming around as always, in a bikini, having been down by the lake with some friends. There was always some activity going on outside. I grew up around my grandparents and the summerhouse was right next to their house. At the time we were growing our own potatoes and I was always helping out, putting the seeds down and then harvesting the potatoes toward the fall.

Well, back to this day. In the evenings we had a fire going in the summerhouse, which is called a baker’s cabin. There was a specific bread made in a special fire place and then hung to dry on beams from the ceiling. The baker’s cabin was about 150 years old. And that’s where I spent my summers before we built a house close by and moved into that permanently. My dad built our new house himself from the ground up, with the help of a friend. It was such a cozy feeling being there at the summerhouse, and we often had guests who stayed over. Still to this day we spend some time there during the summers. We had dinner and my dad and my parents’ friend had a drink later at night. I liked being up late and hanging around the adults, so I was right there as they were talking. My parents’ friend made some remark toward me, and it was something about my look. It may sound creepy, coming from a man 20 years older than me and I was 13, but it wasn’t. It was more of a compliment that was just nice and appropriate. It didn’t hurt that he was extremely good looking too!

I was always very comfortable around adults, growing up around a lot of them, having an old soul, and being the only child until I was 10 when my brother arrived. We were