Why #FemboyFriday is more than just a trend

Self-identified ‘femboy’ Kevin Ninh’s first feminine clothing purchase was a complete accident. After a top from the women’s section found its way into the men’s department and ultimately into his shopping basket, he was asked if he still wanted it. He said yes.

“I remember my mom purchased it for me,” the 24 year old content creator tells Evening Standard Insider. “That’s when I knew that my style wasn’t restricted to just labels.”

Now Ninh, who goes by Flawless Kevin online, has a wardrobe that includes pleated miniskirts, floral ruched dresses and (his prized possession) a Kendall Jenner-esque Nylon Prada bag - all of which he shares proudly on platforms like TikTok, YouTube and Instagram.

He’s just one of many young men who are part of the digital feminine boy community, expressing themselves on social media platforms through fashion and make-up. It’s the next online chapter in gender fluid fashion, which has long been championed by the LGBTQ+ community.

Femme men have held space online for years now (Reddit’s /r/feminineboys forum has nearly 70k members since starting in 2012). However, they’ve become more visible than ever on TikTok. #FemboyFriday has become a popular weekly theme with over 158.3m views on the platform as users including Ninh and 17 year old Seth Tamunopriye Williams (@thesethwilliams on Instagram) have blown up, showing off rainbow skirts, embellished bustiers and complex make-ups looks straight out of Euphoria - expanding beyond their community and into the wider digital world.

One of the biggest unifiers among femme boys is that they proudly incorporate feminine clothing into their wardrobes with strong ties to the LGBT community. Beyond that, they’re a diverse group, made up of people with different gender identities, sexualities and more.

For example, Ninh says a common misunderstanding viewers have of him is that he’s “in the process of transitioning or am transgender”, while Williams asserts that “feminine men are not any ‘weaker’ than masculine men” - stressing that "the fabric on your body doesn’t make you any less of a man if that’s what you identify as.”

While the word ‘femboy’ has been used in the past to insult feminine men, and according to Ninh has a "connotation of fetishisation", Williams is among those who have embraced it - explaining “people are trying to repurpose the word to give it a positive meaning.”

The fashion enthusiast continues, “I originally started using the word since that’s what I was frequently called. Words have power and I believe the label was what allowed for the creation of our community, because it gave us a word we could use to identify as.”

Though Ninh and Williams have impressive following counts, both have also previously spoken at length about the prejudice they’ve faced as femme boys. For Ninh, he’s previously talked about his negative experience in the dating scene, discussing in a YouTube video how he's encountered Grindr bios explicitly stating "no femmes" - or going completely the other way, objectifying him which he called "low key a dehumanising experience."

Williams’ TikTok username @thatsusboi is borne out one of defiance. In the comments of femme men on social media, you’ll sometimes see them referred to as ‘sus’ and Williams explains it “has homophobic connotations dependent on the context” and is “generally used to shame men for same sex attraction.”

“It’s a term I’m often called so I put it in my username to try to reclaim it by taking the shame away,” he says.

The abuse and fetishisation directed towards them can also have a racial element, with Ninh saying in the same video that "orientalism" has sometimes played a factor when dating ("guys just want you to be their little Asian housewife") while Williams notes, “I’ve also noticed that people of colour in the femboy community largely receive far more hate than our white peers.”

Williams, who is Black, continues, “As a Black person, it can often feel like I’m fighting two battles at once. A sizeable amount of the hate I receive is from people of my own hue, which is frustrating because we already struggle with representation in media. Because of this, I fear that styles and trends popularized by Black queers are likely to be whitewashed without recognition.”

However, Williams has found like-minded people. He explains, “I didn’t know anybody else like me until I started posting on TikTok. I was shocked — there was a huge group of people that felt just as I did. Talking with other guys in my community and allies gave me so much more confidence, so while I received a great deal of hate it didn’t deter me.”

Ninh also comments that he’s “definitely seen more femboys now than I have in the past, which is great for representation.” He makes a habit of supporting others in the community, writing, “I love supporting other femboys I see on social media and just hyping them up and saying keep doing you. You are the reason why so many kids can see the light at the end of the tunnel.”

The TikTok hashtag #FemboyFriday appears to have really hit its stride with the onset of quarantine, which could be down to a range of factors - the added surge of 12 million users in March alone for example, plus the added freedom for people to experiment with their wardrobe in the safety of their own space as millions sheltered at home. For Williams, quarantine was an opportunity to further develop his personal style.

“I’ve always been drawn to feminine clothing, but I didn’t think that it would look good on me,” he explains, “I wore nail polish regularly and makeup occasionally, but I didn’t start wearing skirts and dresses until March. Once quarantine started, I decided that I’d explore my femininity a bit more with my newfound time.”

Videos at the top of each hashtag on TikTok are decided via an algorithm (which has not been transparent), rather than in chronological order. The videos surfaced by the app to the top of #FemboyFriday have mostly been posted over the pandemic, with many of them from the past couple of months.

In conjunction with the massive spread of the hashtag, femme boys also entered wider internet culture as ‘Femboy Hooters’ became a viral meme on platforms such as Twitter - referencing a genderbent version of the infamous American diner chain. The meme has since become something of an inside joke amongst those in the community, with some dressing up as fictional Femboy Hooters servers, and on TikTok #FemboyHooters has over 96m views.

The increased visibility wound up inspiring others to join the hashtags as well as cisgendered heterosexual men to bring more femme items into their wardrobes, with 18 year old #FemboyFriday participant Judd Anderson joining the new wave. Anderson, who goes by .jvdd on TikTok, began incorporating skirts into his wardrobe in May and had a very different way in than Ninh - as his was rooted in music.

“It was during quarantine and I decided to find new music to listen to with all the extra time,” he recalls. “I started to develop a strong liking to Nirvana, which made me want to research the band and that’s when I instantly became interested in Kurt Cobain. One thing that specifically caught my attention was pictures of him performing in dresses and skirts.”

He also points to celebrities such as Harry Styles having an impact on men introducing more femme items into their wardrobes, saying they “have more of an influence on today’s trends in the fashion industry and ultimately make it more socially acceptable.”

In fact, he has a pearl necklace “definitely” inspired by Styles and has since started to bring makeup into his looks, saying that it’s one of his favourite purchases as it “makes me feel good about myself.”

“I immediately went and bought a skirt and ended up loving how it looked,” he explains. His purchase was a tiered leopard-print miniskirt, which features in his first and most popular outfit TikTok including femme clothing which has racked up 2m views - more than any of Williams or Ninh’s.

From there, he was encouraged by fans to join #FemboyFriday and he’s participated ever since: peppering in Nirvana tees, Vivienne Westwood necklaces and references to Cobain. He’s also since moved beyond simply restricting himself to Fridays, sharing videos of his outfits on other days.

Anderson doesn’t see himself as a femboy but “doesn’t mind” if he’s referred to as one. He has “no idea” why his initial video blew up (as well as follow ups of himself in different skirts and dresses), but believes it might be because it’s still “unexpected to see a guy in a skirt.”

Saying that the responses to his videos have been largely positive, like Ninh and Williams he’s also been subject to occasional abuse and assumptions based on his choice of femme clothing. For example, Anderson says, “People tend to assume my sexuality by calling me gay or ‘sus’ is what a lot of people say, solely based on the fact I wear more femme clothing and makeup."

Anderson adds, "People have been presenting themselves more femme for a long time but were constantly hated on and bullied."

He feels that with increasing the visibility of men wearing femme items (referencing Styles again), is a "way to make it become more socially accepted." He continues, " The more people see it and see positivity coming from everyone it’ll make more people who’ve wanted to express themself in a more femme matter finally do it and not have to be worried about getting hate for the clothes they wear or how they want to present themself."

Stylist director Marc Sebastian Faiella, who has worked with celebrities including Troye Sivan, believes that while there’s been a surge of men including femme items in their wardrobe - it’s still largely restrained to TikTok.

He explains, “The average man still has issues with his idea of masculinity. There will not be any innovation in fashion unless the world demands it.”

As a fashion expert deftly weaving in corsets, Pamela Anderson-references and hot pink jumpsuits into Sivan’s wardrobe, he began to share his expertise through a series of #FemboyFriday reviews. (Williams and Anderson have made appearances, winning top marks.)

“I loved that these young boys or gender nonconforming kids wanted to experiment with clothing. I wanted to provide a sort of how to guide so it felt less daunting,” he explains.

However, while the videos receive hundreds of thousands of views, he says his reviews “have become quite polarising.” He explains, “People confuse me critiquing a skirt for judging someone’s identity. I’m all about the clothes and only the clothes.”

As more cisgendered heterosexual men have moved into the #FemboyFriday space, some have been criticised for exploiting the high performing hashtag for views or even mocking it. Others have been catapulted into virality at speeds that feminine men in the space have barely scratched the surface of, a double standard that Ninh, Williams and Faiella have noted.

Though Williams and Ninh have both acknowledged the positive impact of men bringing femme clothing into their wardrobes, Ninh also feels “femme boys are still in the minority group as the [cisgendered heterosexual] boys skyrocket to fame and success at a rapid pace in comparison” on social media.

The energy and reception towards femme men is not the same, he feels, and it has to do with the fact that cisgendered heterosexual men are seen as attractive for choosing to wear femme clothing - whereas femme men have been abused and to an extent desexualised for the same thing (barring those who fetishise them).

Ninh explains “the priority of attention goes to anyone who we deem as sexually desirable” - citing the “thirst follows” amongst fans of cisgendered heterosexual men. He also points to the number of “girls gushing over how they would love if their boyfriends were to dress like [cisgendered heterosexual men wearing femme clothing].”

Ninh continues, “On the other hand, when a feminine guy presents himself more femininely, the general response is something along the lines of you’re so pretty or confident...Not to say that this is a bad thing, but in terms of social media and it’s audience, the cishet male tends to get a flood of engagement quicker than the femme boys, most likely due to the hypersexualised culture we live in.”

More bluntly, Faiella says the focus on femboys and the hashtag has surged “because straight men started doing it.” He says, ”‘Femboy’ style has been around for centuries, this isn’t anything new but since young white straight teenage boys started to do it, others took notice. Everything good and historic in modern fashion was started by queers and in most cases queer [people of colour].”

Williams, who also uses the hashtag #FemboyEveryday, says, “I don’t think that there is anything wrong with cishet men experimenting with their self expression. However, people need to be cognizant of the fact that our identities aren’t a ‘trend’ and that this is who we are.”

“Amongst my circle, I’ve noticed that more discernibly or openly queer men receive much more hate. Our community has been fighting gender norms for years, so we should get the same appreciation as our cishet counterparts,” he says.