Disastrous Love Life

By Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana

“Her posture and short beautiful legs were the centre of attraction.” And so began BJ’s disastrous love life when he invited Nomava into his life. His terrible journey was always marked with tough experiences and tragedies. BJ loved women. In fact, he was a womaniser and that alone became a thorn in his flesh throughout his life as it always backfired. The love relationship between him and Nomava did not work out after trying three times; instead it ended up in disaster which involved witchcraft. He lost all the women who seemed to be close to his heart. Sisanda, one of his beauties, died after being poisoned. That blow changed BJ’s life and he became an alcoholic. But religion played a vital role in his life and moulded him for the better. Meeting Nomatse seemed to be the best thing that ever happened to him. Was she really the kind of woman she portrayed herself to be? She lied at first but was forgiven by BJ since the lie was innocent, but things changed as she involved her friends in her life. Even her lifestyle changed as she was introduced to alcohol and one disaster led to another and BJ’s trophy wife turned out to be a monster. “Wow! The woman’s heart is like a deep ocean.” These were BJ’s words after losing his last hope in life. He became the victim of circumstances but he did not quit; he never gave up even though his life seemed like a constant uphill climb. What an interesting, inspiring and enthusiastic ending as God the Almighty lifted him up and restored BJ’s life in the presence of his enemies just as it is written in Psalm 23:5, “It is true and undisputed that, those who laugh last laugh longer.”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana
• Release date: Nov 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781005271251

Book preview

Disastrous

BJ’s Journey of Love

Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana

Copyright © 2020 Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana

Published by Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana

Xolisa Justice Gcilitshana

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Table of Contents

Message From BJ

Author’s Note

1. Attractive But Very Shy

2. BJ’s Glamorous Love Life In Mdantsane

3. Dating A Colleague And A Tavern Queen

4. Do You Have A New Girlfriend BJ?

5. Nomava And Rose

6. Making A Life-Changing Decision

7. Getting Married: A Shock To The Community

8. Happy Couple (People’s Comments)

9. Religion Moulded Us

10. Misunderstanding And Confusion

11. We Also Entertained Ourselves

12. Everything Led To A Shaky Relationship

13. More Counseling And The Act Of The Devil

14. I Want You Back BJ

15. Divorce And The Emerge Of New Nomatse

16. Another Tough Experience

17. Good Habits And Principles Do Not Die

18. Divine And Unconditional Love Prevail

Message From BJ

This sad story is for all those who have experienced disaster in their love relationships and all those who became victims of so-called ‘love’. It is also a wake-up call to those who depend on instinct for their actions and responses. People are not animals; they do not behave instinctively and they have the power to reason. Never depend on instinct or follow your heart as it is also treacherous. Always have a reason for your actions because you will have to deal with the consequences later. Life is too short, make every minute count effectively and bear the good fruits of your positive response to the forces of nature. Responsibility is marked with self-control, working hard and invulnerability. To all the ladies I dated in my time, those who are still surviving, I say We have played our fictitious game; it’s time now to seek the true hidden treasures of human nature. To be honest, although I suffered bruises physically and emotionally in the name of love, I blame no one except myself for allowing nature to take control of my life, not practising self-control in order to reap good results. This is a true story of my love life that all ended in tears and broken hearts. All I can say in conclusion is I have learnt a lot in life. I have been through all walks of life. I’ve walked the walk and talked the talk. If you are desperately in need of a true friend, God and His word, the Bible, will never fail you. That is the promise and plain truth. Always remember that nobody is meant to be a son or a daughter of misfortune. At the end of each dark tunnel there is a bright light. My message to you my love is, Handle me with care, I’m too fragile. Do not let yourself down, always take pride in everything you have achieved for your children to be able to proudly call you a ’Super Mother’. Lovey, you know how much I have toiled for the betterment of our children’s future and I’m very happy that I did not let myself end up on the streets. Lastly, be careful as those who call themselves your true friends as they are not always what they seem.

Author’s Note

Do not love either the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world – the desire of the flesh and the desire of the eyes and the showy display of one’s means of life – does not originate with the Father but originates in the world, the world is passing away and so its desires. This is what the Apostle John said in the Bible pointing out the wrongness of the worldly practice of sexual love towards another, not one’s spouse. I am so honoured to pen this motivating and inspiring story as some of BJ’s experiences took place in my presence. I’m pleased that he has entrusted me to share his heart-breaking experience so that inexperienced people all over the world can learn from this life. It is evident therefore that a person can lose sight of the right principles and that the proper love he once had can fade away. This emphasises the importance of constant exercise and development of love by meditating on God’s word and by moulding one’s life according to His principles. Therefore, I dedicate this book to BJ’s son, Ndoda. How I wish you do not follow in your father’s footsteps and only have the love of God which endures all things and never fails. Share this information with your brothers, Buhle and Olwethu, as this will enrich your souls and you will find favour with your Creator, Almighty God. I also write this story as a kind of warning to our youth at large. To the unmarried men and women, the message for you is, Never wish to acquire fame through promiscuity and bad habits as you will fair badly. Always practice self-control and you will save yourselves from tragedy and regret. Take courage; be ready to struggle and to be disappointments in life. Take good lessons from the elders and sift through them. Young men, never make a girl pregnant and if you do, do not run away from your responsibility. However, that doesn’t mean you should marry her if you feel she is not the right partner. Laurence Tutu once warned, Never go to your grave denying all the wrongs you have done. If you fall, wake up, shake it all off. Be more vigilant and focused and the results will be really heart-warming. Always be cautious when choosing a life partner. Remember, all that glitters is not gold.

This is a photograph of Xolisa J. Gcilitshana in his youth. Xolisa J. Gcilitshana was born in the mid-60s in the district of Keiskammahoek in the Eastern Cape Province in South Africa. One of his favourite hobbies as a scholar was to read novels, poems and short stories. Throughout his school life he was regarded as a highly intelligent, perceptive young man who was consistent, dedicated, passionate, enthusiastic and cheerful and had incredible creative energies that allowed him to accomplish whatever project or task was assigned to him. This is his first book and as a student he had shown his abilities as a writer and has published articles and poems in different magazines. His favourite authors are, to mention a few, William Shakespeare, Thomas Hardy, Hammond Innes, Danielle Steel, Chinua Achebe, Ngugi Wa Thiong ‘o etc. The story teller, BJ, is the author’s closest cousin and friend. Most of BJ’s experiences were also witnessed by the author. As BJ grew up, he found himself in a world where humility and compassion are rare and his sense of humour, kindness, integrity and creativity are so inspirational. Yet, blessed with all that he harbours the private wounds of a devastating love life. Nevertheless, Danielle Steel once uttered nearly the same words but in a different story in her book First Sight.

PART 1:

THE JOURNEY OF LOVE BEFORE TYING THE KNOT

Chapter 1

Attractive But Very Shy

As a young man, growing up in the rural areas of the Eastern Cape, I happened to fall in love with a short and attractive young woman with beautiful legs. However, as time went by, she would end up being my worst enemy. I was attracted to her posture, short and hairy legs. When I bumped into her for the first time, I did not recognise her and so I made it my mission to find out who she was

Immediately, I noticed that she was not easily approachable due to her shy character. To me, she appeared to be lonely as she was always by herself or maybe it was that others didn’t enjoy her company. Such rare characteristics interested me and encouraged me to dig more about that flower with the aim of plucking it in due time. How I wished I had a camera so that I could take a photo of that splendid structure but I was still a pupil and could not afford such luxuries.

That was the beginning of my tragic journey of my so-called ‘love life’. Upon investigation, I discovered that she was not a local but rather a visitor from another village in the same district of Keiskammahoek. At that time, I was doing my matric at one of the senior secondary schools in the district of Middledrift while she was in Standard 7 in a school in the Western Cape Province. Yes, I admit that there was a slight gap between us but this was only academically and not by age and even though she looked very young, I learnt that she was a year older than me. I kept on convincing myself that she was going to be mine as I had never failed such an assignment before, and soon she fell for my charms and got into the bus that had only a few passenger at that moment.

Her real name was Nomava and I thought she was going to be the love of my life because of the innocence and honesty she displayed along with her interesting body features. But, hey! Never judge the book by its cover. Things changed over the course of time and she turned to be someone I never knew. In other words, she showed her other side which I believed to be her true colours. Allow me to narrate my story about this mystery woman.

Now, there were also other girls on the bus that she boarded and back then I was not a one woman type of person. I can clearly say that I was a player and that was a big thing in those days as it boosted one’s ego or self-esteem. I really enjoyed manipulating or taking advantage of those inexperienced girls. Fortunately, she was very much informed and quite aware that she had competition without me telling her. In the true sense, that was exactly what attracted me to her as it was not easy for ladies to fall for anyone whose name they didn’t even know. That is exactly what our ladies wanted in those days; they were not looking for a guy who was a virgin as he was regarded as inexperienced in the game. Indirectly, this is how cheating was promoted. Being faithful to one’s partner was not encouraged nor practiced and that applied to both genders, unlike today. Yes, there were STIs and STDs but these were not fatal like HIV/AIDS, a deadly disease that has made its mark on our communities by leaving some homes absolutely destroyed. Therefore, such careless practices can no longer be encouraged anymore except for those who do not value their own lives and the lives of those they are involved with.

To cut a long story short, I was her first boyfriend. Wow! It was really difficult for me since it was going to be her first time being with a man in every aspect of a love relationship. Fortunately, I knew it was not going to be a walk in the park as I had some previous experience with first-timers. She didn’t know anything about kissing or making love except for what she had seen on television or in movies.

You may have a certain picture of a virgin with a quite experienced man the first time they made love. We made use of things that could make lubrication easier like Vaseline but they were not much of a help. Imagine cultivating an untouched piece of land for the first time during a drought or dry season. Our first time was awful. It was like a war between a dog and a cat. I physically suffered a lot of scratches although there was no proper or actual penetration after such hard work. This all meant that I had to be a little rough in order for penetration to take place, despite the pain we were suffering amidst all the screaming and walloping. I then decided to invite her to my place almost every day for the whole week so that she could get used to it and be able to feel and enjoy the fun and pleasure of the game at the end. As she was still a pupil, she had to leave when the school holiday was over. Every time we happened to be together it was as if it was her first time and I had to get used it and endure that pain as well.

She never came or reached an orgasm no matter how much I played with her private parts, and passionately kissed her almost everywhere, trying to trigger her feelings. I got to learn that she was always shaking when we were about to engage in that kind of play, meaning that she was dominated by fear and could never relax, hence those the results. What an ordeal. Unfortunately, she conceived before she could even enjoy the fun associated with sexual intercourse.

Imagining her giving birth was really frustrating me. I was then in my second year of studying towards a secondary teacher’s diploma and I felt very much responsible for causing such damage but her mother forced her to abort the baby, saying that she had to complete her schooling first. She informed me about the whole situation and her mother’s intentions. To make matters worse, I learned about her decision on the day that I was writing my last paper of my final exam for the year. I took a bus and made my way to one of the largest hospitals in Cape Town as she was still attending school in the Western Cape. To be honest, she broke my heart as I watched that dying beautiful thing lying there helplessly after the abortion. I could not take it because I thought of what would happen if her mother instructed her to kill anyone including myself; to me she now appeared as a murderer. Killing an innocent child was the most terrible thing I had ever came across. When she finally came out of the hospital, she realised how much damage she had caused to our relationship. She visited me with the intention of doing damage control and fortunately, I was still on summer vacation with my family in Cape Town.

My mother never approved of our relationship from the very beginning but due to my obsession I could not let that beautiful creature be touched by anyone other than me. Nomava begged for forgiveness and she tried to show how sorry she was about the whole incident. Yes, I could see the remorse but it was really hard for me to accept her apology; maybe I was going to consider it later. She was no longer the same lovely girl she used to be. She was thin, pale and all her attractive features were gone.

It was now clear that the abortion really did cost her dearly. It had left some scars that were not going to be healed any time soon, physically and emotionally, and I had to reject her with a resentful heart. I then had to deal with my own heart that was also broken. I thought we were done and that I would never be in a relationship again but I was wrong because things do change in life. I also believed that we both had moved on but I was wrong again as it became obvious in the long run that we were not over each other. Furthermore, my mother never wanted to accept her as my partner because of her family’s reputation of being involved in witchcraft, something I also wasn’t aware of. My mother knew because our villages were not too far from each other. But I just could not let that be a love barrier between us, not knowing all the while that I was playing with fire by not listening to the elderly and experienced ones. I was madly in love and vulnerable. Even my late brother convinced me to marry her when the time came as I was her first love and it was clear that she did not want to have any other boy or man as long as I was still alive.

All the guys I grew up with also believed the same. I was their hero at that time because such a woman was in high demand. She was considered by many to be one of the best young women living in the area. It was during the academic year of 1984 when we first fell for each other but it all ended dramatically in 1987 because of the scandal caused by the abortion which brought about shame on anyone who did it back then because of the stigma attached to it. I had to look for something that would mend my broken heart.

Reading helped me and one day I came across an article in a magazine about how to mend a broken heart. It started by saying, "Recovering from a break-up can be painful, but here is how to heal with it. The end of a romantic relationship is never easy. More often than not, both people involved walk away with a bagful of anger, hurt, regret, sadness and/or guilt. Many of us would prefer to forget the whole thing and simply move on. But moving on without looking back can cause problems in one’s future relationships. This is according to Gail Dore, a Johannesburg-based family counsellor and life skills trainer. The problems, issues and painful emotions experienced in past relationships don’t simply go away – they just fade temporarily from one’s conscious awareness – and are very likely to surface again in a new relationship. Unresolved issues and feelings have a nasty way of re-occurring just when we thought we had put the past behind us.

"This is often referred as the ‘baggage’ that we carry from one relationship to the next and this baggage can become toxic, spoiling the joy and pleasure we’ve found with a new partner. One of the best ways of preventing your past experiences from polluting the present is to heal your relationship with your former partner. This does not mean that you have to communicate with your former partner in anyway. You can do