The Essence of a Healthy Relationship

By Venesia Makofane

In The Essence of a Healthy Relationship, Venesia Makofane has given four valuable keys to promote an authentic and fulfilling emotional connection in a relationship. In each of these keys, there are sections of real value written with the aim to equip more people, both male and female, with the skill to build a secure attachment that is healthy. The author stresses the importance of not only counting anniversaries in a relationship, but also checking if you’re in a healthy relationship whereby you’re both genuinely happy and emotionally fulfilled.

The book will inspire and motivate couples to build a relationship that is joyful and peaceful with a strong bond of friendship and true partnership. It will help you to share responsibilities, encourage the “give and take” spirit in a relationship and to also communicate better.

The author stresses the importance of:

1.Practising the six souls of a healthy relationship.
2.Recognising the factors of a healthy relationship.
3.Learning about the skills of a healthy relationship.
4.Loving each other through the seasons of a relationship.

About the author

Venesia Makofane is a best-selling author of The Reflections of a Lasting Love, now with the addition of a second book to her list of career accolades. She is also a growing musician, lyricist, composer and a journalism student in South Africa. She also aims to study for a life coach course in order to become a powerhouse in her own right as one of the most influential authors and love experts, and one of the most sought after artists in Africa, as well as a columnist in one of South Africa’s magazines and newspapers. Her hope is to help both men and women build longlasting and healthy relationships and marriages, and more importantly, to help them understand the importance of building a partnership as a couple.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Venesia Makofane
• Release date: Jun 25, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463888278

Book preview

The Essence of a Healthy Relationship

Venesia Makofane

Copyright © 2020 Venesia Makofane

Published by Venesia Makofane Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2020

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by Venesia Makofane using Reach Publishers’ services,

[e-mail]

0812441664

Edited by Vanessa Finaughty for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Introduction

In order to create the essence of a healthy relationship, it is important to:

Part 1 Know and Practise the Six Souls of a Healthy Relationship

The Foundation

The Framing

Here is what to avoid when communicating:

The Wiring

The Drywall

The Screws and Glue

The Roof

Part 2 Factors that Strengthen a Healthy Connection in Your Relationship

Keep the Romance Alive

Understand your Attachment Style

Types of attachment styles:

Part 3 Learn the Skills of a Healthy Relationship

Express Love in Words; Show it in your Actions

The Small Things Matter

If you Cannot Fix a Problem, Manage it

Show Affection

Focus on the Positives; Improve on the Negatives

Talk about Money

Part 4 Love Each Other Through the Seasons of a Relationship

Spring

Summer

Autumn

Winter

Dedication

I dedicate the book to my son, Tshiamo Makofane.

For the times you healed my broken spirit, thank you.

For the ways in which you complete my heart, thank you.

For the many ways you make me laugh when I’m about to cry, thank you.

When you see me wake up and push to live, it is because of you.

I love you and you are the only perfect person to whom to dedicate this book. The day I discovered I was pregnant with you, I was very happy. It took a few months to sink in that I was going to be a mother. Still, I was excited. I know you won’t read it now or anytime soon, since you’re autistic, but always know I still choose you the way that you are. I won’t shield you from the real world just because you are autistic. Whilst I want nothing but happiness for you, I know we are all shaped by our struggles as well. What I promise is that, as long as I am alive, I will always be by your side through it all. In my eyes, you are absolute perfection, even at your worst. You’re enough and I’m blessed to be your mother. I will protect you with all my might and power. I will pray for you. Your mother has been through so many struggles in life, but you won’t struggle the same way I did as long as God shields me. I dedicate this book to you, because I used to be broken; my background was that of survival, but, since you came into my life and offered me an opportunity to be a mother, I know the value of a healthy attachment. I had to learn to be secure, even in my attachment. You made me whole when you took your first breath. Be a loving force in the world, because we need that. Today, my heart swells with love for you, because you opened me to love. My obligation is to do right by you. Thank you for being mine. A man can come and go. His promises can vanish into nothing. But the love we share will never fade away. Even beyond my death someday, you’ll always be my soul mate.

Acknowledgements

First and foremost, I thank God. Some of the things I have right now, I forget I prayed for them a long time ago and, however long it took, you answered. I just want to take a moment to say thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally when I couldn’t figure out how to love myself. Thank you for your guidance. Thank you for the beautiful talents. Thank you for your felt presence in my life. I am eternally grateful for all I have.

To my followers, the people who buy and read my books. I am an author for one reason: to inspire and change lives. If my books have changed your life, my purpose as an author has been achieved. Success for some people is the money they make through their talents, whilst for some of us it is about making a change and the mark we leave when we die. When I die, nobody will care if I have money or not, but they will care about how I made them feel and what change I brought into their lives.

To my pillar of strength, my Grandmother Annah, thank you for being the glue that holds our family together. Thank you for your guidance and your wisdom. Thank you for instilling the will of being a fighter inside me. You are my rock and you are very special to me. I saw you struggle to put food on the table; never once did you make it look hard even though I know it wasn’t easy. You are my greatest role model in life. I look up to you.

To my guardian angels, my late parents, Sylvia Mmagauta Malapane and Ace Mackson Makofane. I know you will never physically see this, but may you both continue watching over me. We were not a perfect package, but you guys still put my needs first. I know your spirits are still with me and you will always guide and protect me. I love you both.

To my family (Makofane, Malapane and Phala), thank you for being an ever-present force in my life. We don’t speak all the time, but we are there when it matters. I am blessed with all of you in my life.

To my close friends, let us continue walking this journey of life together and supporting each other. I am absolutely nothing without your constant love and nurturing care. I’m avoiding including a list of names, because I know you know yourselves. I love you all, my chosen families. You have made my life fun and, because of you guys, I am able to look at the bright side of life.

To the one person who has been in my corner consistently, Fanie; thank you for being my friend and my support system through it all. You are not the most emotional person, but I know that I can always count on you to support me through it all. Let us continue with the journey. You are my family, no matter what, and you always will be. We have walked such a tough road together, and at all times have been loyal to each other.

Katlego, Kamogelo, Lefa, Lesego and Thabang… a person is nothing without siblings. I love you guys. Whenever I am in the presence of all five of you, I feel joy in my heart. You will always be special to me. Kamogelo, don’t be surprised that you are my late aunt’s son, yet I added you as my sibling; it is because I am your sister and I will always be. You are my younger brother and protecting you all will always be my priority.

To Pedicca, Karel Gugs and Samantha, let’s continue walking this journey of life together and always know you guys are my ‘ride or die’. I am nothing without your care, support and I love you all.

To these beautiful women: Shoki Radebe, Violet, Mamkhulu Joyce, Virginia Ngobeni Rasetelo and Morongwe Makofane, thank you for listening to me when I need advice or when I am feeling weak. Thank you for keeping me grounded. Thank you for being incredible women; because of you guys, I am also pushing myself to be an incredible woman. I will always appreciate your presence in my life. I love you all. You ladies are the most optimistic, selfless, cheerful, resilient, loving, caring and welcoming people I have ever known. I have learnt from all of you that it is possible to be a woman of substance. Let us continue being how we are; we aren’t perfect, but we do our best to be great people.

To Mavis Baloyi, I love you wholeheartedly, thank you so much, my sister, for encouraging me to write this book. I still remember the very first day I met you. You had just completed reading my book, The Reflections of a Lasting Love, and you said that it deserves a follow-up. You told me to keep writing, because the talent is God-given and isn’t forced. To hear great reviews from a person who read my book is encouraging, but to hear an enthusiastic review from a person who just believes in your capability is just beyond what words can express.

Your belief in me, which is unconditionally refreshing, motivating and inspiring, has encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone in terms of my career and also my personal growth in general. You have motivated me to be the best that I possibly can be. You have encouraged me to never settle for mediocre. You're not only my sister, I regard you as my pillar of strength, my sounding board, and also my biggest cheerleader. Meeting you has brought warmth to my heart because I don't have an older sister, but fortunately for me I've gained one in you. After receiving good news, even bad, I always run to you because I know you'll help me either carry the load or celebrate in a congratulatory mood. I appreciate your big heart and how much it reminds me so much of my own heart. You're like a true mirror of who I am internally. I will always adore and respect you.

Last, but not least, to Reach Publishers; thank you so very much for walking yet another journey of self-publishing with me. I had to do this with you again, especially after the commendable work you did on my very first book. Let us continue this journey. This goes to many more future books… cheers to us yet again.

I would like to express my gratitude to a large number of couples, who over the course of my career as a relationship book author, motivational speaker and love expert, have shared freely their success love stories and their relationship challenges with me. It takes complete trust in me, as well as deep rooted courage and belief in someone to be able to open your hearts and share your experiences. It isn't easy but you still made it effortlessly easy. This book and my first book, including the third book I'm working on, remain a tribute to your honesty because I cannot do it without your permission for me to publish your stories. Thank you so very much. Again, as per my promise, your names have been changed in order to protect your privacy.

Introduction

The Essence of a Healthy Relationship is a book I wrote following the success of my first book, The Reflections of a Lasting Love. Normally, it makes sense to write an insightful book that not only advises people to build a lasting love, but also to build a healthy relationship. A lasting love and a healthy relationship goes hand in hand; they feed off each other. I have also grown in terms of understanding myself and how I react in a relationship, especially when I am pushed to my limit by the