A Twisted Halloween 2019

By Matthew Tonks

Step inside the madness as these 31 short stories send you on a journey of insanity, lost in the fevered dreams of a challenge that lived well past its life span. But don't be fooled, for this is a HALLOWEEN lost on the twisted roads of my madness, and it takes more than a sure footed saint to step inside, without kissing your arse goodbye.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matthew Tonks
• Release date: Mar 27, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463660218

Matthew Tonks

Together we ride the steed of madness, along a road long foretold. Do not let the dire consequences scare you from this journey, for it is written, so it must be. We traveller. We explorers of otherworldly things. Let us share our providence, so we may all prosper.Hidden in the depths of it all, you will find your utopia, and it will be a beautiful sight to witness.For I may walk beside you, and I may carry your umbrella in the sun, just don’t expect me to dig you up, when the zombie apocalypse comes...

Book preview

Wearing the Ring Thing

It’s not like that, he says as he throws himself onto the table that sits before him. Spit sprays from his mouth and showers her face, but she doesn’t register the spit hitting her, she only continues to smile.

You have forfeited all and any ability to make alterations, and or claims now that twenty-four hours have passed since you signed your signature on the contract. There is little to anything that you, or I for that matter can do. It is suggested in the bylaws that if one does come forward with a complaint such as the one you have brought forward, that we once again address the original specifications of the agreement. she smiles broadly, showing off her perfectly white teeth.

But it’s NOT fair! What we agreed to was not what I originally asked for, he says, the frustration oozing off each word.

Any displeasure, or deviation from the original agreement should have been made within the first twenty-four hours, anythi....

TO HELL WITH YOUR FIRST TWENTY-FOUR HOUR BULLSHIT! he screams slamming his fists into the table once more. I was unaware there was any deviation or problem with the fucking thing until I got a good look at it! he yells waving his hands towards her sporadically.

It states in clause two of the agreement, that all goods must be checked by the purchaser within the first twenty-four hours after signature of the agreement. Otherwise any displeasure, and or deviation from the original agreement will not be covered by any form of warranty. she says, the broad smile still plastered upon her lips.

But it’s not FAIR! he yells. How was I to know there was going to be an issue? How was a supposed to know I should check every INCH of it before I took it home?

Because it states for that to be done in the contract you signed, and not only that. she says with a smile, You also signed box sixty-seven which states that you not only read the contract, but that you also fully understood the documents that you were signing.

No one EVER actually reads all that shit! he says as he throws his hands in the air in frustration.

But that’s why we required you to sign box sixty-seven, to ensure that you read and completely understand what you are signing.

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! CAN I SPEAK TO A FUCKING HUMAN? he yells.

There is a three hundred and forty day wait to speak to a human operator, are you happy to be moved into the queue?

FINE! he hisses in frustration as she disappears. The egg-shaped pod that he is sitting in slides into an enormous warehouse filled with thousands upon thousands of similar looking pods. As his pod comes to a stop behind another, he turns to the motionless girl who sits beside him and lets out another sigh of frustration. The girl jerks forward and turns to face him, smiling broadly.

My love, whatever is the matter? she asks as she places a hand on his lap, his face scrunches up and he pulls his hand away.

I SAID DON’T TOUCH ME UNTIL WE GET RID OF THAT THING! he bellows, her face drops and she frowns.

You’re still unhappy about it, aren’t you? she asks, Is it because it’s bigger than yours? she adds as she pulls her massive penis free from her pants.

Like A Mindless Sheep Going to Slaughter

I don’t think your assessment is keeping in flux with what is actually wrong with the patient doctor, and that is why I am disagreeing with your diagnosis. There’s no ill-gotten means, and I have no desire to see you made a fool of. All I want is the poor sod who’s lying in the bed in front of us to get the right treatment they need, Jessika sternly snaps at Claude quickly, her voice almost void of emotion.

BULLSHIT! Claude fires back. We’ve done this dance our whole lives Norma-Jean, and I’m so FUCKING tired of it! Everything I’ve ever truly done well at, has caused you nothing but disgust! he bellows as slithers of saliva explode from his mouth with gusto. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to just leave me the fuck alone. To allow me one FUCKING THING to call my own. But NO, that’s not in your wheelhouse is it Jessika?

Don’t you think you’re overreacting a little bit? This isn’t about a toy car or some cheap skirt who’s tried to get in-between us. This is about someone’s life, not you and me!

How many times have I told you that there is no you and me! Can’t you just leave me be? Can’t you just go live your own life far, far from me? he bellows loudly, throwing his arms around as if he was a wacky waving inflatable tube man.

She allows her eyes to roll before gripping him by the shoulders and pressing firmly down upon them.

"Claude, my sweet. There is nothing I’d rather do than go off into this so-called world of yours and love my own life, but I can’t. I tried it for a month back in twenty-eleven if you remember, and it was terrible for us both. The late nights. The travelling. The absolute sadness of it all. No Claude, I think this is our perfect form. The way we have always been, the mortar to the others brick. The typewriter to the others Jessica Fletcher. The Mack to the others Fleetwood. What I’m