Go Fork Ye Crooked Spoon And Let Me Live My Knife!

By Sheila Marshall

Live your best knife! This whimsical guide to cooking and carving meats is both educational and entertaining. The book is written in Shakespearean language, and includes amusing quotations (and almost-quotations) from the Bard. It is filled with striking black and white illustrations by Twin Cities artist Sarah Marie Wash that complement the instructive and sometimes irreverent text.This book is a must for every kitchen that holds William Shakespeare and his works in high esteem. Learn to cook and carve, with hearty laughs all the while.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Moonfire Publishing
• Release date: Feb 24, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463932001

Book preview

Oyes! Good ladies and gentlepersons of all regards, come hither into the leaves amongst the cantos! Seek the height of thine courtly manner within the very walls of the home. Take charge in the congreet of your kindly guests by expertness in the carving of roast-meats.

To thine own Knife be true!

Affluence in the wielding of a knife for feasting rightly bringeth joy and reverence from all those fed of it. All the carver need be is within confidence and ye may embark upon thine path toward mastering the methods of the carving blade.

Carve thy path to Victorious Victuals!

Be not a ferret at the thought of mistake-making! Carving forgives, for you shall live to eat another fine meal, living again to perfect your skill. The slips and missed angles be noticed firstly by thine eye, keener than thy skill – which you must train to catch up.

Thou art the Chosen One…

How dost the Lord or Lady chose the blade best fitted to the task of carving? Why certainly it is advised to procure a carving knife in the French style. Sized nearly half the cubit, that is, eight to ten inches from the knife pointe unto the bum end of the handle. Seek out a sturdy handled knife that is embodied and unified, the blade descending between the handle parts and joined through by metal.

Through ages and time this design hast been born of human endeavor, folly, and fury. A thousand things have changed purpose, perhaps lost in time – but not the knife. Nay! The knife is with us ever, still awaiting our grip and channeling our purpose. To eat, to drink, to live the knife!

THE TREE OF KNIFE

The simple knife hath endured as both a weapon and eating utensil since prehistoric times. The first knives wast sharp stones madeth sharper by chipping to cutteth food. In coastal areas, shells could serveth the same function. Fastening a stick to a sharpened stone or shell provided greater reach, and protected the wielder from cooking fires and hot food.

"What a piece of work is a knife!

Be it a weapon or a serving tool,

the knife is sure to rule."

In the European Middle Ages, a knife wast carried in a belt sheath. Knives of this period hadst narrow, sharper pointed ends that wast used to spear food and raiseth to that from which we speak. Around the year 1600 table knives wast introduced, though these hath continued to beest used as weapons. As a result, dining could apace becometh a harrowing experience.

Live in the moment. I prefer to seize the knife.

During this same period forks began to findeth popularity. The use of forks eliminated neede for table knives with pointed tips. The first table knives with rounded tips wast madeth by Duc de Richelieu in 1630’s France. These could not beest used for picking teeth, but wert safer to wield. In 1669 King Louis XIV of France banned pointed knives at table or as weapons of opportunity.

"Do ye call it a fork? Or a two-tined knife?

For the fork, in truth, can become a rapier.

Indeed, it is likened to the knife."

In the modern era, the rounded knife remaineth a table implement along with fork and spoon. Pointed knives didst returneth to the table, but as carving implements rather than weapons. These could beest made with straight edges or with serration, in a wide variety of angles and sizes. Eight to ten inches is recommended for carving, with a single edge.

And lo! The tool of the ages is now in thy grasp!

Traditional European knives wast madeth with edge angles of 20 to 22 degrees. Traditional Japanese knives art much sharper, with edge angles of 10 to 15 degrees. Japanese steel is harder than European steel but more brittle, meaning that Japanese knives could beest made sharper but at same time wast more fragile.

"Use me well in ‘t – sister, prove such a knife.

Make mingle with thy eating tools, so as to champion."

Modern European knives art now madeth with edge angles close to those of Japanese knives, whilst retaining the flexibility of European steel. The sharpness of these knives maketh carving easier, but care must still beest taken so as not to damage the fine edge.

Come hither – tis no time to rest. I shall not be slack, in sign whereof. Well mayest thou woo, and happy be thy speed, but alas, safety foremost.

If you prick us, do we not bleed?

UNTO THE BREACH

Tis comparatively a slight matter to carve a solid mass of lean meat. Tis the bones, tough gristle, and tendons that interfere with the easy progress of the knife. To expect anyone to carve well without any conception of