The Inner Art of You and I: A contemplation from Purity with Grace

By Tatz Holmes

The Inner Art of You and I is a contemplation of meeting life with Love through healing the suffering of trauma and trauma related issues. Tatz takes you on a journey through parts of her own life as she shares her path of self-discovery and all that she has learned along the way, shifting stories, beliefs and behaviours that were born out of deep childhood trauma and took her into the very darkness of her Soul.

Every aspect of Tatz healing journey has been shared as she worked through childhood sexual abuse; drug and alcohol abuse; domestic violence and suicide attempts. In this bare all book, Tatz will open your mind to new perspectives, she will challenge your beliefs and shine the light of truth on your behaviours that you will never look at life the same again.

Tatz is deeply passionate about sharing the path of self-empowerment that you may find the light of truth in your life and meet yourself with the eyes of Love and this is her Soul offering to you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tablo Publishing
• Release date: Dec 28, 2019
• ISBN: 9781922381033

Book preview

Chapter One

You are a Master.

The Master of your world

and teacher to your people.

For this is your world,

and these are your people.

To them you are Master,

and you are Servant,

Just as they are to you.

As you allow yourself  to bow to your world in service,

So you allow yourself to rise

and stand in the glory of your Kingdom

and reign supreme

As your King and your Queen.

25~03~2003

An Energetic Invitation

My eyes closed, as I lay on the floor.  My breath flowing in a long, even rhythm as I allow my awareness to centre into my Heart.  With each breath sinking deeper and deeper into the space within.  I follow the invitation into imagination and begin the journey into another realm.

Deeper into the meditation and I am standing on a heart-shaped lily pad floating upon an emerald sea towards a beautiful white domed temple.  It is night, a waxing crescent Moon adorns the sky surrounded by magnificent diamond stars.  Around the base of the temple are stairs leading out of the water and up into an ethereal light emanating from no particular source.  Eight ornately carved columns are inter-spaced around the circumference of the temple with balustrades between every second pair.  As I walk up the stairs and take in my surreal surroundings, I notice tiny formless faeries flying around me, light energy in the most beautiful white-gold colour.  It is all so dreamy and beautiful.

I am guided to a chaise lounge.  I walk over, lay down and make myself cosy in amongst soft delicate blankets and cushions. There is a table beside me with a golden rotary phone, I pick up the handset and dial a number, 17 17 17.  A slight pause after I say hello and then suddenly the coiled cord of the phone and the handset change form and disappear from my hands as a beautiful golden feathered dragon appears and begins to join with me as a double helix spiral integrated into my energy centres.

The scene changes and a voice speaks words that I cannot remember.  I am aware that there are several Angels in the temple with me. I ask to go into the emerald sea, I somehow know that these are the healing waters of life and I walk naked down the stairs into the water. I first begin to wash my body with my own hands, then by the hands of Angels and finally simply by the water itself as I lie held and supported becoming one with the water as it cleans each of my energy centres.  There is something ceremonial about the energy at the temple and I somehow know that something profound is coming and I wish to be purified in these sacred mystical waters.

A voice says to me, Become aware of your energy.

I am guided to release my attachment to my physical body, to release my human form and simply become my energetic self.  I become a rainbow light, but I feel a sense of confusion.  I am still attached to having some type of form or shape.

What should I be? I ask.

Anything you choose.

Really? I feel so excited.  Can I be a circle?

If you would like to.  I form into a bubble as I float into the centre of the temple.

What else can I do? I ask feeling a childlike sense of wonder.

Whatever you want, try it.

I become formless and morph and shape as I dance; swirl and twirl around the temple. I am overwhelmed with joy and feel tears welling up in my eyes as my physical body lies in my room immersed in this fantastical experience.

It is time Dear One, are you ready? The voice asks.

Oh my god, it is really happening isn’t it? 

Somehow, I know exactly what is to come.  The Angels and Faerie beings in the temple surround me in a circle as the roof of the dome begins to open.  An Angel Stargate and it is opening for me!

I witness as the Stargate opens into the Universe and there are more Angels and light beings on the other side waiting.  I am held by the Angels and Faeries with me as we begin to rise and go through this magical portal.  The most intense feeling overcomes me and I sob out loud.  As we are through the Stargate and I am completely surrounded by these magnificent beings, and in a moment they join their energy with mine and begin pouring Divine Love into me.  I feel myself expand and become one with those that are around me.  I expand again to become the Divine essence of Love, and once more to connect with the source of creation and become all things and no thing at the same time.  I am coming home.

My eyes suddenly open, and I looked up at the ceiling of my room as I listen to the rest of the meditation.  After a while, I get up and go sit at my work desk, I feel restless.  I am heavy and light and dizzy.  My ears begin to ring, my breathing deepens, and I burst into tears. I go back to my room, lay back down and close my eyes. I am instantly back through the Stargate.

We are not finished, are we? I asked.

No.

The ringing in my ears becomes louder, it is not uncomfortable but a pleasant frequency. My forehead begins to pulsate, my breath is heavy, and tears stream down my cheeks.  Slowly my breath evens out as I feel myself being attuned to a heightened frequency of consciousness.

Eventually the ringing in my ears subsides, along with the pulsating in my forehead and I lay there for a time feeling bewilderment and gratitude. 

My meditation is complete.

Looking back on this meditation and this point in my timeline, I wish to take a moment to honour the journey of life, the path of expansion and the curiosity that is illusion.  Do I know what is real and what is not?  Not really, I have some thoughts, some ideas and contemplation's, yet in truth, they are just that … thoughts, ideas and contemplation's.  They are malleable in their form as they shift and shape to the Dreaming that is life and the process that unfolds as we grow and age.  It is truly a wonder how we can be so unaware of this simple occurrence of shifting beliefs and often hold onto what we believe to be true. Some of us do so with an intense ferocity and even create wars because of our steadfastness to the beliefs that we hold.

Perhaps some of my own stories may seem unbelievable to others. In fact, there have been plenty of times that I too have not believed in my own experiences.  This meditation experience that I have just described for you, was just one of those.  I had never in my life experienced such power; such realness; such profound Love, yet it seemed to happen only in my imagination, but did it?

Is the imaginary realm so very unreal in the face of this illusory existence that we live in within the Human experience? Synchronicity or coincidence?  Intuitive knowing or a wild guess? Who knows for sure?  What I do know is that I have witnessed and experienced far too many things in the unseen realms of existence to believe that this meditation was anything but absolutely real for me, that these Beings of light were truly there and that this world that I visited exists somewhere in the vastness of our multi-dimensional reality.

My ongoing experiences of the realm of Spirit offer me all the proof that I require in knowing that I am far greater than the limitations that I place upon myself; that I am capable of creating things in my life that far surpass my wildest dreams; that I hold in me the infinite knowledge and power of the Universe and all that I need lives right within me. This meditation was an invitation to explore deeper, to know myself as an energetic being connected to Spirit.  I came out of that meditation a different person, my energy had shifted and I could never again be the person I had been the hour before I lay down to journey within and I most certainly did not want it any other way.

Over the years my journey of self-discovery has led me to remarkable teachers and mentors, both through books; videos; documentaries; courses and in person.  As I began to open up to a new paradigm within, so I began to attract new and exciting experiences into my outer reality.  I began to become fascinated with the emerging science and research being offered that aligned with spiritual teachings and the understanding of the Spirit self within Humans.  Finally, I had a way to infiltrate the mainstream through scientific teachings and offer a new perspective to those that are spiritual sceptics through my various training and therapeutic education.  So, on one hand, I am learning about conventional therapeutic supports and scientifically researched practises, while on the other I am diving deeper and deeper into the spiritual realms.  I have been called a bridge, a gatekeeper between the old paradigm and the new, a walker between worlds helping to guide the way to the new future.  Some call me a Dreamer, telling me that there is no future for our species on this planet, and I continue to hold the Dreaming gently within my Awareness.  It is up to us, the Dreamers, to dream us into the new way which has been hiding in plain sight all along and to show the way back to the Dreaming for those that are sceptics.

Spiritual teachers have long since been telling us that we are energy, that our breath is a sacred tool and our Heart the seat of Love.  Science confirms that all matter is energy, that we can use our breath to consciously create change in our bodies, that our Heart is more powerful than our brain, and, when we combine our breath and our Heart consciously, we can create radical change in our neural pathways which consequently effect the autonomous nervous system creating balance and resilience mentally; emotionally; physically and spiritually.

This then opens us up into the deeper exploration of our physical bodies, our thoughts and feelings, our beliefs about ourselves and how we can truly become alchemists in our lives.

I am no scientist and may allude here and there to some scientific terms which I invite you to explore further beyond these pages as there are teachers out there in the world that can offer you this knowledge in a far more comprehensive and informative way than I, however, when we marry science and spirituality together there are some ideas that simply make sense.

Spirituality tells us that we are all connected, One.  That separation is an illusion and that we are all manifestations of the source of all creation.  Science tells us that everything is merely energy vibrating within a unified quantum field that is inter-connected.

Spirituality tells us that we are creators, alchemists, manifesting our reality. Science tells us that we are emitting our vibration out into the quantum field and attracting to us that which we are putting out.  This invites the contemplation of how we can truly differentiate where one thing ends and another begins. When we open our awareness to energy, we begin to witness life and our experiences from a different perspective.  We recognise that every aspect of ourselves is an energetic experience whether mental, emotional, physical or spiritual and as such we are able to harness this energy within ourselves and shape it into whatever we choose.  This is where the alchemy occurs. 

Think of it this way, we all have an electromagnetic field that is interacting with the field of life around us.  We walk through the forest and we feel a sense of peace and wonder as we interact with the beauty of nature.  We can walk into a room and turn to our friend saying, there’s a strange vibe in here.  People and places give off a feeling and we feel this through our field, process the information through our body and from there we make our choices on whether we like the people or the place, yet what we don’t always realise is that our own vibration is also in effect and simultaneously shaping the situation. All energies are interacting and co-creating the experience of space and time.

When we further understand our emotions as energy in motion, we begin to realise that this energy is being transmitted out into the field and we are attracting the same or similar vibrations to us.  This coupled with our thoughts that drive the emotion is, in effect, creating our reality as we behave in alignment with our thinking and feeling, which in turn offers us more of the same.  We feel the same thoughts and emotions and we begin an interesting cycle of behaviours and attitudes.  Have you ever noticed people around you that complain all the time?  If so, then you will have seen how life seems to throw them constant bad luck and that bad things just seem to always happen to them. Is it possible that their attitude is what attracts the so-called bad luck?  What about people around you that are bubbly and happy, grateful in life and have an all-round positive attitude?  Life seems to shower them in good luck and somehow, I just don’t think this is a coincidence.  Test it out. Consciously go out into your life and spend a day with a bad attitude and another with a good attitude, regardless of what events unfold and simply see what happens. 

Now, what if I told you that this is something that you can cultivate for yourself? What if I told you that your energy is yours to harness and create with?  Would you believe me?

The thing is, it is all about perspective.  It is all about how you choose to view the world and your ability to recognise that you are choosing even when you are not doing so consciously. If you are walking through life unhappy, disillusioned, unhealthy and bitter, what type of experience are you creating for yourself?  These are often people that are judgemental, blaming and victims of experience. Constant negative thoughts and emotions are bound to influence your body and create all manner of illness and dis-ease. In fact, we know that this way of life creates stress and when we are in constant stress our energy is directed to our extremities to prepare us for fight or flight and is unsustainable over the long-term.  Living life from the internal programming that is unconsciously running within us is what creates cancer in the Soul which has no choice but to manifest in the body.

When we are consciously cultivating our energy towards higher vibration through choosing to shift our perspectives from fear to Love, we are creating a life that is easeful and in flow.  This does not mean that we do not encounter obstacles or challenges along the way, but it does mean that the way in which we perceive and handle those obstacles and challenges is from a space of far more resilience and inner comfort.  It is quite simply all about self-awareness and, once again, this is our choice.

The first type of person I mentioned, lives in a space of negativity and are in an incoherent state.  This means that they are out of alignment not only mentally and emotionally, but they are also creating physical havoc within their bodies.  The body becomes so used to, and even addicted to, the stress hormones that these people begin to create stressful situations in order to get their chemical fix.  They are neurologically wired in such a way that they are constantly creating situations where life affirms to them that everything is a struggle, that people are ‘shit’ and they literally live in a perpetual pool of problems.  At some point, we have all been this person, myself included.  The amount of drama I have created in my life, well … that is a story for a whole other book, "The Mischief and Misadventures of Tatz,’ perhaps. 

There are a couple pivotal moments of conscious change in my life, where I stopped in my tracks, changed my mind and thought to myself that this way no longer works for me and I