Drama Faerie: A Nicky and Noah Mystery

By Joe Cosentino

It’s summer at Treemeadow College’s new Globe Theatre, where theatre professor Nicky Abbondanza is directing a musical production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream co-starring his spouse, theatre professor Noah Oliver, their son Taavi, and their best friend and department head, Martin Anderson. With an all-male, skimpily dressed cast and a love potion gone wild, romance is in the starry night air. When hunky students and faculty in the production drop faster than their tunics and tights, Nicky and Noah will need to use their drama skills to figure out who is taking swordplay to the extreme before Nicky and Noah end up foiled in the forest. You will be applauding and shouting Bravo for Joe Cosentino’s fast-paced, side-splittingly funny, edge-of-your-seat entertaining ninth novel in this delightful series. Take your seats. The curtain is going up on star-crossed young lovers, a faerie queen, an ass who is a great Bottom, and murder!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Joe Cosentino
• Release date: Feb 1, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463829691

Joe Cosentino

JOE COSENTINO was voted Favorite MM Mystery, Humorous, and Contemporary Author of the Year by the readers of Divine Magazine for Drama Queen, the first Nicky and Noah mystery novel. He is also the author of the remaining Nicky and Noah mysteries: Drama Muscle, Drama Cruise, Drama Luau, Drama Detective, Drama Fraternity, Drama Castle, Drama Dance, Drama Faerie, Drama Runway, Drama Christmas, Drama Pan, Drama TV, Drama Oz, Drama Prince, Drama Merry, Drama Daddy, and Drama King; the Player Piano Mysteries: The Player and The Player’s Encore; the Jana Lane Mysteries: Paper Doll, Porcelain Doll, Satin Doll, China Doll, Rag Doll; the Cozzi Cove series: Cozzi Cove: Bouncing Back, Moving Forward, Stepping Out, New Beginnings, Happy Endings; the In My Heart Anthology: An Infatuation & A Shooting Star; the Tales from Fairyland Anthology: The Naked Prince and Other Tales from Fairyland and Holiday Tales from Fairyland; the Bobby and Paolo Holiday Stories Anthology: A Home for the Holidays, The Perfect Gift, The First Noel; and the Found At Last Anthology: Finding Giorgio and Finding Armando. His books have won numerous Book of the Month awards and Rainbow Award Honorable Mentions. As an actor, Joe appeared in principal roles in film, television, and theatre, opposite stars such as Bruce Willis, Rosie O’Donnell, Nathan Lane, Jason Robards, and Holland Taylor. He received his Master of Fine Arts degree from Goddard College, Master’s degree from SUNY New Paltz, and is a happily married emeritus college theatre professor residing in New York State.

Book preview

Praise for the award-winning Nicky and Noah mysteries:

Joe Cosentino has a unique and fabulous gift. His writing is flawless, and his use of farce, along with his convoluted plot-lines, will have you guessing until the very last page, which makes his books a joy to read. His books are worth their weight in gold, and if you haven't discovered them yet you are in for a rare treat. Divine Magazine

"a combination of Laurel and Hardy mixed with Hitchcock and Murder She Wrote… Loaded with puns and one-liners…Right to the end, you are kept guessing, and the conclusion still has a surprise in store for you." Optimumm Book Reviews

adventure, mystery, and romance with every page….Funny, clever, and sweet….I can’t find anything not to love about this series….This read had me laughing and falling in love….Nicky and Noah are my favorite gay couple. Urban Book Reviews

For fans of Joe Cosentino's hilarious mysteries, this is another vintage story with more cheeky asides and sub plots right left and centre….The story is fast paced, funny and sassy. The writing is very witty with lots of tongue-in-cheek humour….Highly recommended. Boy Meets Boy Reviews

This delightfully sudsy, colorful cast of characters would rival that of any daytime soap opera, and the character exchanges are rife with sass, wit and cagey sarcasm….As the pages turn quickly, the author keeps us hanging until the startling end. Edge Media Network

A laugh and a murder, done in the style we have all come to love….This had me from the first paragraph….Another wonderful story with characters you know and love! Crystals Many Reviewers

These two are so entertaining….Their tactics in finding clues and the crazy funny interactions between characters keeps the pages turning. For most of the book if I wasn't laughing I was grinning. Jo and Isa Love Books

Superb fun from start to finish, for me this series gets stronger with every book and that’s saying something because the benchmark was set so very high with book 1. Three Books Over the Rainbow

The Nicky and Noah Mysteries series are perfect for fans of the Cozy Mystery sub-genre. They mix tongue-in-cheek humor, over-the-top characters, a wee bit of political commentary, and suspense into a sweet little mystery solved by Nicky and Noah, theatre professors for whom all the world’s a stage. Prism Book Alliance

Nicky and Noah mysteries by Joe Cosentino

Drama Queen

Drama Muscle

Drama Cruise

Drama Luau

Drama Detective

Drama Fraternity

Drama Castle

Drama Dance

Drama Faerie

Drama Runway

Drama Christmas

DRAMA FAERIE

a Nicky and Noah mystery

Joe Cosentino

Table of Contents

Cast of Characters

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Epilogue

About the Author

Other Books by the Author

Copyright 2019 Joe Cosentino

Published in the USA

This is a work of fiction. All characters, places and events are from the author’s very vivid imagination and should not be confused with fact. Any resemblance to persons, living or dead, events or places is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced in any material form, whether by printing, photocopying, scanning or otherwise without the written permission of the author.

The content of this book is not meant to diagnose, treat, or prevent any illness or condition. This novel is for mature readers.

It’s summer at Treemeadow College’s new Globe Theatre, where theatre professor Nicky Abbondanza is directing a musical production of A Midsummer Night’s Dream co-starring his spouse, theatre professor Noah Oliver, their son Taavi, and their best friend and department head, Martin Anderson. With an all-male, skimpily dressed cast and a love potion gone wild, romance is in the starry night air. When hunky students and faculty in the production drop faster than their tunics and tights, Nicky and Noah will need to use their drama skills to figure out who is taking swordplay to the extreme before Nicky and Noah end up foiled in the forest. You will be applauding and shouting Bravo for Joe Cosentino’s fast-paced, side-splittingly funny, edge-of-your-seat entertaining ninth novel in this delightful series. Take your seats. The curtain is going up on star-crossed young lovers, a faerie queen, an ass who is a great Bottom, and murder!

Cover Art by Jesús Da Silva

Cover and interior design by Fred Wolinsky

Dedication

To Fred for everything, to the readers who begged for another Nicky and Noah mystery, and to everyone who loves faeries.

Cast of Characters

A Midsummer Night’s Dream Dramatis Personae at Treemeadow College:

Nicky Abbondanza, Professor of Play Directing, Director, Oberon, King of the Faeries

Noah Oliver, Associate Professor of Acting, Titania, Queen of the Faeries

Taavi Oliver Abbondanza Kapule, Nicky and Noah’s son, Puck, servant to Oberon

Martin Anderson, Professor of Theatre Management, Theatre Department Head, Music and Lyric Writer, Hippolyta Queen of the Amazons

Ruben Markinson, Producer, Theseus, Duke of Athens

Elliot Hinton, Theatre major, Lysander

Ray Zhang, Theatre major, Demetrius

Enoch Grayson, Theatre major, Helena

Braedon Walsh, Theatre major, Hermia

Dante Bravo, Assistant Professor of Voice, Egeus and Bottom/Pyramus

Hank Brickman, Associate Professor of Fencing, Flute/Thisby

Ganesh Ghosh, Noah’s young neighbor from Wisconsin, Titania’s beloved boy, understudy for Helena and Hermia

Yates Aldrich, Graduate Assistant of Movement, understudy for Lysander

Talvin Moore, Theatre major, understudy for Demetrius

Detective Jose Manuello, understudy for Egeus and Bottom/Pyramus

Shayla Johnson, Theatre Department Office Assistant, Dramaturg

Sharon Delwab, Theatre major, props

The Family:

Bonnie (Mom) and Scott (Dad) Oliver, Noah’s parents

Valentina (Mama) and Giacomo (Papa) Abbondanza, Nicky’s Parents

Nisha (Mama) and Ganesh (Papa) Ghosh, Ganesh’s parents

The Government:

Congressman Christian Evangelica

We’ll Never Tell:

Professor Noe Tenure, Professor of Microbiology/Chair of the Tenure Committee

Golda Ginsberg, Romancecologist

Peter Package, Package Handler

Guy Destruction, Dick Annihilation, and Gal Abolition: Manager, Lead Singer, and Press Agent in Just Say Yes heavy metal band

Parry Touché, Producer at Lunge Retreat Productions

CHAPTER ONE

The silver starlight cast its enchanted glow on a forest in Athens, Greece. Faeries in G-strings and garlands made of multicolored flowers bend over the resting Queen of the Faeries as they sing a rousing It’s All Greek To Me. A Greek horos turns into a hip shaking Calypso number. After the climax, the exhausted faeries become covered in a puff of smoke, which rapidly increases in volume. The disappearing faeries hack and gasp for air.

"Stop! We aren’t doing Summer and Smoke people." It’s me, Nicky Abbondanza, PhD, Professor of Play Directing at Treemeadow College, a cozy Edwardian white stone college surrounded by a cozy lake and cozy mountains in a cozy tree-laden town in cozy white church-steepled Vermont. Cozy, huh? I’m tall, with dark hair and long sideburns, emerald eyes, and olive skin thanks to my parents’ genes—which, like Dorothy, live with my folks in Kansas. Thanks to the gym on campus, I’m pretty muscular. My sense of humor has been called snide, snarky, and cocky. Ah, speaking of cocky, I have a nearly foot-long penis. Just thought I’d throw that out there. Well, not literally. However, I have used that little, or should I say not so little, endowment to help me solve some of my previous cases. I’m not a detective…exactly. I’m what cozy mystery readers call an armchair detective or amateur sleuth, having solved eight mass murder cases that stumped local detectives in Alaska, Hawaii, Scotland, and of course at Treemeadow College.

Treemeadow was named after its original founders, gay couple Harold Tree and Jacob Meadow, who are enshrined in statues at the college’s entrance—right under the dive-bomber pigeons. Following in our founder’s bronze footsteps are my best friend and department head, Professor of Theatre Management Martin Anderson, and his longtime husband, Ruben Markinson. Ditto for my hubby, Associate Professor of Acting Noah Oliver, and yours truly. Why am I sitting on an uncomfortable wooden bench watching student technicians repair an overactive smoke machine on the stage above me?

Martin had an idea to build a replica of Shakespeare’s Elizabethan Globe Theatre on a barren piece of land in our college campus. After doing some research, he found a grant from a business in China supporting Global Awareness projects. Incorrectly assuming the grant was to build a Globe Theatre, Martin threatened to hide Ruben’s diapers until Ruben filled out the application. Ruben, the retired CEO of a gay rights organization, as a master grant writer, secured the grant, which will culminate in a visit from the Chinese donors to observe Treemeadow’s progress in world relations. Martin’s response to this piece of news was, Since they don’t speak English, we can tell them the play fosters better global relations. I explained that many business people in China speak English. Martin retorted, Most people who speak English don’t understand Shakespeare.

Since our premiere production in the new space performs in the summertime, we selected A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Martin wanted to set the play in the back room at Republican Party headquarters after they hired male strippers to celebrate the party’s (no pun intended) latest anti-gay legislation. When I, as play director, nixed that idea, Martin pitched a Mormon elders secret initiation meeting, or a seminary shower room during a blackout. I opted instead for the authentic Elizabethan approach, where male actors play all the roles, both male and female characters, just like in the days of Shakespeare. After Martin threatened to give me an eight-a.m. class every semester for the rest of my life, I agreed to let Martin add original songs to the production, rendering our show A Midsummer Night’s Dream, the musical, or as Martin calls it, You Need a Faerie for Love in the End.

Having rehearsed for a month, we are now in tech week. That’s the hallowed time when we put all the elements of the show together—acting, song, dance, costumes, props, sets, music, lighting, special effects—culminating in a nervous breakdown for yours truly.

I am playing Oberon, aptly named King of the Faeries. As for my costume, I can tell you first-hand that G-strings itch, silver satin drapes fall off, cellophane wings poke into people (making fast enemies), and a huge crown gives you a huge headache. My gorgeous husband Noah is Titania, Queen of the Faeries (pun intended). Our adopted son from Hawaii, Taavi Oliver Abbondanza Kapule (try saying that three times fast with your mouth full of poi), threatened to report us to Child Protection Services if I didn’t cast him as Puck, trickster servant to Oberon. At only twelve years old, since our son has been with us, he’s acted in two movies, a Broadway musical, and a ballet. At this point, in order to get Taavi to eat his breakfast, Noah and I need to ask for his autograph. He’s definitely one of the family.

How’s my faerie king holding up? Noah sat next to me, looking scrumptious with his marine blue eyes and peaches and cream skin surrounded by a long blond wig. At thirty-four, Noah is seven years younger than me, but who’s counting years? Now that I’m over forty, I am! He hugged me, and our faerie wigs collided—a hazard of the faerie trade.

I rested my head on my husband’s soft shoulder and basked in the scent of his strawberry shampoo. What time is it?

Ten o’clock. Two hours before faeries roam the theatre.

Faeries roam the theatre morning, noon, and night. I glanced around. Especially this theatre.

Noah arranged the silver satin woodsy gown around his long legs. I like playing your faerie queen. He giggled. On stage and off.

You know I’d have it no other way.

He nuzzled his face into the fold at my neck. Tell me about it.

You’re the love of my life, the perfect Watson to my Holmes. We shared a kiss, which brought me back to consciousness. Or maybe it was the black tea Noah gave me to drink. Noah, Taavi must be tired. Shouldn’t he be home in bed?

A burst of energy plopped down next to me. Can we do our first scene now, Pop?

Noah released luscious dimples. Does that answer your question, Nicky?

I turned to our son, looking adorable in his silver shorts, leotard, and wings. We got a late start waiting for all the lights to be hung. Not an easy task in a theatre with no ceiling. So we’re only at the beginning of Act I. Keep your faerie dust in your pants, Puck.

Faster than a Russian hacker rigging an election, Taavi sat between Noah and me, resting his arms around our shoulders. It’s so much fun starring in a play with you two guys as my co-stars. Have we discussed billing in the program? I’m thinking my name over the title and your names at the bottom of the page in small boxes.

I’m thinking you should be home in bed.

Taavi clutched at his heart. Pop, you wouldn’t stifle a young artist’s creativity! A son who wants nothing more than to follow in his fathers’ footsteps. He glanced at Noah. Dad, have we talked about getting my footprints in front of Mann’s Theatre in Hollywood?

Noah smirked. "You talked about it…when I asked you to take out the garbage."

Take out the garbage? Taavi chuckled like a Republican senator asked to support renewable energy, gun control, and a tax break for the ninety-nine percent. It’s the actor’s life for me. He winked at us. It’s in my blood.

Says our adopted son. I kissed his cheek. Take off your costume and makeup. We won’t get to our scene tonight.

Taavi whined, Do I have to?

No wine or whine allowed in the theatre, remember? And a good actor always listens to the director.

All right. Taavi slumped to his feet, and then turned to Noah. Can we at least talk about my character’s action, objective, tactics, and emotional beats in my upcoming scene?

Noah grinned at me. Duty calls.

Enjoy.

Taavi offered me the hang loose sign.

Noah kissed my sideburn. Hang in there, Mr. Director. Tech week is the birth pains to a glorious creation.

If I can survive the labor—pun intended. After Noah and Taavi ran up the stage steps and disappeared backstage through the center archway, Martin and Ruben approached my front row bench. The couple have been together more years than they can count and have two daughters and many grandchildren to prove it. Ruben, tall, regal-looking, with salt and pepper hair, plays Theseus, Duke of Athens. Martin is cast as fair Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons. This presented a dilemma for small, thin, bald Martin who Ruben calls older than the dinosaurs’ eggs. In an effort to appear young and beautiful, Martin, in a chartreuse gown trimmed in gold, had pulled his face up with a headband and covered his bald head with a long golden wig. Nicky, do I look younger than springtime?

Ruben replied faster than a priest facing an altar boy who dropped the incense, Martin, despite using every vanity trick in your vaudeville trunk, you look older than winter in 200 BC. He struck a royal pose in his violet tights and cape. I, on the other hand, look very much the duke.

I agree, Ruben.

Ruben did a double take. Why thank you, Martin.

Martin pierced his lipstick-covered lips. If Duke Theseus had lived from 1600 until now!

The couple glared at each other. Then they burst out laughing and embraced.

As they walked away arm in arm, Martin said, Hearing my beautiful score for this show brings me to tears.

Ruben grimaced. It brings me to tears too.

Other theatre faculty members and students make up the rest of the cast and crew. You’ll meet them soon. Get to know them quickly. As you regular Nicky and Noah mystery fans are well aware, as in Oz, people come and go so quickly here.

How did I ever let you talk me into this, Nicky?

I turned to the bench behind me and came face-to-scowling-face with Detective Jose Manuello. His dark hair and eyes pierced into mine, as he rubbed the protruding belly under his gray tunic and britches. I must be out of my mind to waste my evenings in this open-air nut house.

I feigned shock and hurt. Et tu, Manuello?

You’ve got the wrong Shakespearean play, Nicky.

And perhaps I have the wrong Shakespearean actor, Manuello. You begged me for a role in this production. Out of the goodness of my heart, given our extremely close relationship, I relented and threw you the crumb of understudying the dual roles of Egeus and Bottom/Pyramus.

His shoulders tightened to his ears. First of all, you and I don’t have a ‘close relationship.’

Oh, really? What would you call me solving murder mysteries so you can keep your job—paid for by my tax dollars?

He groaned. You and your…faerie queen get in the way of my investigations!

Really, Manuello? Blatant homophobia on the job?

I’m not on the job. And it’s not homophobia since Noah is playing Titania, Queen of the Faeries.

"Manuello, you most certainly are on the job. The most important job of all. The job of entertaining people. You are entering the noble profession of acting, where many far more talented have ventured before you, Noah and I included. Please show some respect!"

He folded his flabby arms over his flabby