Love, Lust, Sex, and Education

By Lindsey Brennan

Mackenzie has her rules that dictate how she interacts with others to keep herself emotionally, psychologically safe. Darren has complex PTSD traumas and mental health diagnoses that color his worldview and affect his interactions. How can they find what they need in each other when their obstacles create issues at every turn that push them apart? Will their love for each other heal them?

What does love mean, or even look like, when one is so broken that self-hate overrides any positive feedback, compliments, or affection? How do you heal when you've been harmed so terribly that you have triggers set off even by what should be the most positive experiences possible?

Darren and Mackenzie seek out these answers as they navigate college life and find their own definition of love and a relationship. Along the way they find out new things about themselves and the people they care about as well as who they are in relation to the rest of the world. Sometimes love, lust, sex aren't so simple and may require an education on the subject matter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lindsey Brennan
• Release date: Aug 21, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463568897

Lindsey Brennan

I'm a part-time writer who has a very different mind about erotica as I have multiple mental health diagnoses that greatly influence my works as my characters generally have some form of mental health challenge that they manage, or don't manage, well. I use these items as ways to reduce stigma of such diagnoses and show that people can live productive lives with them. Much of what I write comes directly from my own lived experiences or are from what I've discovered in research about diagnoses that I don't have so that what I write is as authentic, real, and correct as it cam be.I'm fluent in Spanish. I have cats and dogs at home. I really like marshmallows and dark chocolate.My form of fun is writing short stories, novellas, and poetry that all revolve around erotica of many different flavors. I write from mild romance erotica to heavier, darker BDSM and extreme themes. Some of my darker works deal with dubious consent, consensual non-consensual, pain play, very rough sex, breath control (sometimes extreme levels), and extreme orgasm control/denial/edging with a sadistic bent. I have several works in progress at the same time so that when I have an idea for one I can work on it until I either finish it or have a new idea for another.I enjoy receiving constructive criticism, reader feedback/kudos, and even learning more about my readers. I like to know how well you like, or dislike, what I write and also what themes or subjects give you the most enjoyment and pleasure when it comes to erotica. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Book preview

Love, Lust, Sex, and Education

Copyright August 2019 Lindsey Brennan

Published by Lindsey Brennan at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments and Nota Bene

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Bonus Flash Fiction Story

About the Author Lindsey Brennan

Other books and works by Lindsey Brennan

Connect with Lindsey Brennan

Acknowledgments and Nota Bene

This work is the second one I’ve self published and this also uses the services of Smashwords. It’s a short story turned novella that is the basis of a novel I have as a work in progress, but this story was used as basic bones for that book’s structures. This specifict story is its own standalone and has an acceptable happily every after that leaves open possibilities in the reader’s mind, but doesn’t shortchange the reader. This is also an experiment in a way as well because I’ve included a bonus writing that is a flash fiction work that I wrote several years ago, long before I ever thought at all about writing to publish or even share with others. It’s title is Locked in the Library and is referenced in this work as a writing sent by one main character to another. I didn’t want to have a reference that had no meaning, so that full work is included at the end of this book for your enjoyment.

An important aspect of this work, as it was with my previous one, is what rating it should be given and how to use a reasonable, fairly impartial metric by which to measure said rating. I’ve chosen to utilize the definitions and ratings of My Book Cave, which can be found at https://mybookcave.com/mybookratings/meet-the-ratings/. Using their metrics, I’ve self categorized this book as Adult+ because this work may contain one or more, but not necessarily all, of the following:

May contain extensive profanity (501+)

May contain extensive graphic and crude language

May contain passionate and extended kissing

May contain extensive and graphic descriptions of nudity

May contain repeated and graphic erotic love scenes

May contain graphic BDSM

May contain sex with simultaneous partners

May contain extended, gruesome, and depraved violence

May contain extensive drug, alcohol or tobacco use

Additionally, this work is a work of fiction that utilizes some factual details about BDSM, spanking, power exchange between two partners, and other possibly acts, proclivitiets, or behaviors that aren’t mainstream or typical. The way the work is written and intended is that all characters are at least eighteen (18) years old or older which means NO underage play or characters exist nor are intentionally or unintentionally expressed or exist within the work. It is acknowledged that use of a safeword for sex play where such use is customary, if not obtained at the start of scene play, is a hard limit which requires all participants to stop and be made aware of what is to be used as the safeword for the duration of the play scene.

It also should go without saying, but I WILL say it here, this is a work of FICTION based on some factual underpinnings. There is no instalove or instalust in real life, at least not in any healthy form. The love arcs are clearly artificially short and compressed. There is dubious or nonuse of some vital safe sex practices that are used for artistic and dramatic effects on the characters, scenes, and the plotlines. Use of birth control, condoms, and other life-saving, life-protecting practices is NOT optional in our intimate interactions with people we’ve just met or ar still getting to know better. I cannot provide official legal, physical medical health, mental health, financial, or other professional advice and my written work is NOT a professional advice giving construct. Seek licensed, trained, professional services providers for the appropriate needs and questions that you have.

The sensitive nature of mental health matters, traditional stereotyping, and social stigmatization are not topics I take lightly nor do I discuss or dramatitize them callously. I have my own diagnoses, have directly lived experiences with specific conditions and have familiarlized myself with others due to the nature of my gainful employment. As such, I work dilliently to present the details and the situations where my characters deal with the authentic mental health issues and struggles as factually, realtistically, and respectfully as I can to the best of my understanding of the subject matter as a lay, unlicensed, nonprofessional individual. Some aspects or details of a mental health diagnosis may be massaged slightly to fit the fictional dramatic arc or the parameters of a specific fictional situation in ways that aren’t fully based on the available research based facts. None of that is meant to demean, lessen the value or worth of any individual, or cause intentional harm, stress, or duress.

Now that we’ve dealt with some important housekeeping, please enjoy this second published work of mine in the spirit it is intended. That would be to give some pleasure to the reader’s mind, perhaps to one’s body as well, while one gets to live vicariously through the characters. Please savor my creation and let my word magic weave wonderful scenes in your mind.

Chapter One

The day was Friday, and Darren Wagner had completed his five sets of ten planks held for sixty seconds each on the padded floor of the dojo. But he wasn’t a fitness fanatic.

He worked out with weights to max out with three hundred pounds for a dual arm and leg lifting and working on other strength and endurance training. But he wasn’t a bodybuilder.

Front kick. Back knuckle. Side kick. Straight punch. Palm heel to solar plexus. Knife hand to the groin. Up block. Down block. He barked out moves from different katas as he moved down the floor of the dojo. But he wasn’t a martial arts master. He was proud of his purple belt rank and looked forward to earning his brown belt. However, today’s workout wasn’t fully about training for the belt test or simple physical betterment.

He felt a spike of generalized anxiety and mania. He was feeling like he might just do things without thinking about the consequences. He wasn’t sleeping well this week either. He also felt the edges of dissociation for some reason. He was afraid a depressive spike down might follow. He attempted to use coping mechanisms of the extreme physical exertion to control the stressors before they exploded out of hand.

He had two distinctly different concerns on his mind that created the stressors.

One concern had gradually grown since the end of August when classes began for the fall semester of his sophomore year. He agreed to become a housemate with his two best friends in undergrad at Washington University in Saint Louis. The other concern was that one of the freshman students he tutored for an archaeology class had asked him out on Monday of this week after they finished the session. He had tutored her for approximately a month before being asked.

The challenge with the former concern was that he now lived closely two very intelligent women in the same house versus just in the same dormitory building as last year. Last year it was great getting to know each other because the three found that each other could identify with the others in their individual nerdiness. He thought about how the initial clearly platonic bond of close friendship changed over one academic year, a summer, and one month to date, at least within him. They bonded over their calculus and chemistry classes first and their unique interests. However, going into the fall of their sophomore year Darren found the change from living in the same building and different rooms to living in the same house sharing so many more things in commonly created tension, the tension of some very strong sensual, aroused kind for him. He wasn’t certain if the same held true for his female friends.

The challenge with the latter concern was that he honestly had never really been on a date and knew he was socially awkward. He also was surprised to be asked out by someone rather than the other way around. He couldn’t forget details about the people he met. His mind focused on collecting data, lots of data, to help calm his racing thoughts. He specifically couldn’t forget details about her, the girl who gave him the surprise of her asking him out. That firmly locked them in, every single data point.

Her name was Mackenzie Roth, called Mac by friends, eighteen years old, shoulder-length golden blonde hair, chocolate brown eyes, five feet seven inches in height, and maybe one hundred twenty pounds soaking wet. She was a dedicated student but hadn’t declared a major yet which wasn’t surprising with her being a freshman. Those details about her raced around in his mind in rapid circles. He tried to do breathing exercises to calm his mind. After several minutes of doing them, he was able to find a calm space.

He reminded himself that all he could do was all he could do, and all he could do was enough. He also reminded himself that he needed to remember the difference between what he had the power to change want he didn’t. He reminded himself that one, even though he could physically tire and exhaust his body, no matter how hard he worked, he couldn’t nip his arousal resulting from thoughts of his two housemates and Mac as well. He could increase his muscle mass and tone but couldn’t seem to change his body mass from leaving him looking portly for his five feet nine height. He tried to think of himself as a firm, but squishy teddy bear of a guy to make him feel better about himself.

As soon as he thought about his friend Sonja McVicar’s long red curly hair flowing past her shoulders, her emerald green eyes, curvy one hundred fifty-pound body, five feet six height, twenty years of age, and her double major in planetary science and aeronautical engineering he felt heat building low in his torso. When he thought of his other friend Jessica, Jess to friends, Chambers’ long straight blondish-brown hair, bright blue eyes, and buxom one hundred forty-pound body and five feet six height, nineteen years of age, and her double major in pre-med and psychology his pulse raced.

It was mostly their intelligence that made him so hot and craving release. He was an intelligentiaphile and sapiophile because both knowledge and wisdom turned him on. His intelligentiaphilia and sapiophilia triggered much of his arousal. Their physical attributes were icing on lusciously baked brain cakes. He could talk to them, keep a conversation going with them, had built intimacy with them, just not the romantic or erotic kind, at least not that he was aware of. That part had frustrated him, but he respected his friendship with them too much to endanger it.

He settled for daydream erotic fantasies, secretly written erotic stories about them in a private journal, almost nightly manual release powered by hot very detailed fantasies. What he never did was treat Sonja or Jess without respect or presume anything. He was sure they thought he was a chaste boy scout and just a good male friend.

After the three hours in the afternoon, he spent working out and practicing karate he at least could say he exercised even if he only slowed the recharge of erotic tension in his body. He hit the changing room and removed his gi uniform jacket and pants. He looked in the room’s full-length mirror at his short reddish-blond hair and untamed beard sweaty from the workout. They looked more copper right now after his workout. He observed his portly two hundred twenty-pound body that nature decided to make him keep no matter how much he worked out, and his five feet nine inches of height. He fixated on his height to body mass ratio. He knew he wasn’t a Greek god in looks, that much he felt about how he appeared to others, especially women. He had never really thought of himself as attractive, but he knew he looked bookish with his metal-framed glasses accentuating his hazel-green eyes at his twenty years of age.

A fresh tee-shirt and comfortable shorts came out of his gym bag to replace the sweaty ones he wore under his uniform in case he ripped it, which had been known to happen when he really sparred hard. Liberal use of deodorant and body spray put into check his fresh sweat odor until he could shower at home. The fresh new covering scents had the added benefit of relaxing him.

Chapter Two

As he pulled in front of the house in his nondescript 2011 silver Toyota Camry, he did more quick breathing exercises. He looked at his smartwatch and saw he had three hours left before he would meet Mac on the WashU campus. He put on a smile, and as he came through the door, he heard Sonja in the kitchen likely making some baked good and saw Jess reading something on her e-reader, likely one of her erotic romances. He had seen her library folder one time she left the device unlocked. He even looked up some of the titles for his own edification. As for their habits, his comfort came from knowing them as they calmed him. Having too much chaos and unknown challenged his coping skills for his anxiety and might trigger some mania.

Hello hello hello, Darren announced. How are the brightest minds of WashU doing this Friday afternoon?

Jessica’s sapphires encircled by dark-framed glasses rose over the top of her e-reader. She didn’t mind the interruption of her story. She needed a break from lounging on the sofa anyway. Her pussy was quite wetted from the current sex scene on the screen, and she felt her nipples very erect too. If she were any more aroused, she thought, she might need to strip off her clothes and be a very horny exhibitionist in the living room. She wore a smile that made her full lips appear just as aroused and engorged as those of her heated sex. At first, she hoped her musky arousal wouldn’t be detected by Darren, then a thought washed over her that she didn’t care if he did. She wasn’t ashamed of her body, its needs, and its responses. She was simply debating mildly if she wanted to unintentionally mortify him. She knew he blushed easily. And she also knew she really did like him for a long time, even at the risk of making him turn red was she to tell him so.

Hey there Iron Man! How was the dojo? Did you kick ass, Jess asked? You look like you were ridden hard and put away wet. She tilted her head slightly then slowly blinked with a hint of sultry allure. You need a good hot shower to freshen up, though. The sweaty manly scent is cool only up to a point.

Yep, Sonja chimed in. I want you to be able to smell the fresh cinnamon rolls I have coming out of the oven soon, not your sweat. They are going to be very delish. Her emeralds sparkled through her glasses with metallic green frames. She leaned