30 Days Sexual Discovery: the Original Urbangay.Org Workshop for Gay Men

By Stephan Dahl

The complete and original urbangay workshop, now as a book. Broaden your sexual horizon: experiment with new ways to play, discover ancient sex secrets and write your very own sexual manifesto!

"From multiorgasmic play to kink –
it’s a journey like no other."

Topics covered in the workshop:

Develop a sex positive attitude
Dealing with fear, shame and guilt
How to “own” your sex
Making consent sexy
Taoist multiorgasm techniques
Tantra intimacy rituals
Toys, BDSM and public play
Jealousy and relationships.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stephan Dahl
• Release date: Jul 31, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370218707

Stephan Dahl

Stephan Dahl (Ph.D., FRSA) is an author, life coach and speaker helping gay guys around the world living happier, more fulfilled lives. He has published 9 books and over 100 articles, including self-help articles and scientific peer-reviewed articles. He held seminars and workshops in Asia, Australia, America and Europe, regularly speaks at international conferences and enjoys working with clients from different cultural backgrounds. He now lives in Portugal where he is establishing a co-living community.

Book preview

Stephan G. Dahl

30 Days

Sexual Discovery

30 days of

sex positive activities,

self-discovery and hot, playful

learning for gay men

urbangay.org

Smashwords Edition

© Copyright Stephan Dahl 2017

Welcome!

Day 1 Overview and Expectations

Day 2 Sex Negativity

Day 3 Shame and Shaming

Day 4 Fear

Day 5 The Sex Positive Mindset

Day 6 Sexual Routines

Day 7  Writing your own script

Day 8 Owning Your Sex

Day 9  Sexual Learning

Day 10  Let’s talk about sex

Day 11  Consent

Day 12  Negotiating Consent

Day 13  Wanking and Masturbation

Day 14 Edge Yourself

Day 15 Microcosmic Orbit

Day 16  Emergency Stops

Day 17 Taoist Sex and the PC Muscles

Day 18 Tantra Breathing and Connecting

Day 19 Tantric Genital Massage

Day 20 Prostate Massage

Day 21 Tantric Sex

Day 22 Toys and Accessories

Day 23 Playing with Toys

Day 24 Exploring BDSM

Day 25 Playing BDSM

Day 26 Playing in Public

Day 27 Jealousy

Day 28  Playing with Others

Day 29 Your Personal Review

Day 30 The Journey Ahead

Sex is emotion in motion 

(Mae West)

Welcome!

Welcome to this workshop! Over the next 30 days we will talk sex. Lots of sex. In fact, a little bit of sex every day.

The key theme over the next 30 days is your own, personal and individual sexual discovery. What is it that you really like? What turn you on? What things would you like to try? Whom are you as a sexual person? And how do you use sex to relate to other people. Of course, everyone will have different answers. Some people will have few answers, some have many. Others have really never thought about some of those questions. Whatever your answers are, your sex and how you relate to sex is as unique to you as you are unique in the world. And that is why the workshop is as varied and as interactive as it can possibly be when only words are being used, and your participation is entirely up to you!

Because your perfect sex is as unique as you are, this workshop is a journey. And it depends on your input. For every day, the workshop proposes an activity that will take you on a sexual discovery journey to yourself. There will always be an explanation before the activity what the aim of the activity is. For example, one day you will be asked to give a massage to someone. The point of the activity isn’t just to give a massage, but to reflect upon the experience. That type of reflection is very important: because it opens up the journey to your inner self and your feelings about sex. To help you reflect, each day will therefore not just have an activity, but also some questions helping you reflect. Please make sure you answer these questions, as they are a really important part of getting to know yourself. There is no need to discuss these with your partner, and very short answers are totally fine. For example, you may just want to say that you learned that practice XYZ is fun. Or that you originally had fears to talk about a subject, but it went well. Just stick to small responses for these reflection questions. They are there to briefly jog your thinking about how you feel and getting to know yourself. And getting to know yourself is the basis of having a healthy, fun and happy sex life. In the unique way that you’d like to live it.

One important point to address before I start is the role of partners. If you have a partner (or partners), I suggest you do the workshop together. Often couples assume a lot about what the other person likes or doesn’t like based on their routine. More often than not though, when doing these workshops in real life, I discovered that one or two of the couples didn’t really have the same expectations at all. The problem was that neither dared to address the topic directly. I even had cases where both partners had fantasies or ideas, but didn’t dare to speak to each other. This workshop gives you and your partner(s) the perfect reason to open up and speak. I promise you, you both will be surprised! And in 99.9% of the cases you will love the result. If you are feeling especially anxious about talking to your partner, skip ahead to day 10 for some suggestions about good sex talk etiquette. You may also want to complete days 11 and 12 (consent) as early as possible during the workshop!

Often the activities involve a second person, which makes it easy to jointly complete those activities if you are completing this workshop with a partner. On other days, the activities are more reflective. The best way to benefit jointly from those activities is to compare your notes after you have completed them individually - and speak about how you feel about the answers. Remember, there is no right or wrong way to have sex. 

If you don’t have a partner, or your partner doesn’t want to participate, you will be able to complete most of the activities on your own. However, sometimes I will indicate alternative activities for you if this is possible. Sometimes, it may be necessary for you to think through the situations rather than practice them. Either way, you’ll have the opportunity to follow the complete program without missing out.

Especially in the later part of the workshop, some activities ask you to imagine and/or describe certain sexual scenes, either alone or with a partner(s). Think of these activities as you taking the role of a director in your very own porn movie. Imagining scenes is an important part of the workshop: firstly, it will help you ignite your fantasies about your sex life and secondly it will help to negotiate these scenes with a partner. If you feel comfortable doing it, acting out the scenes will obviously enhance the workshop. 

The key to completing these activities successfully is to imagine your are setting a broad plot outline: Be more specific than you’d be on a regular fantasy, by imagining the setting, time, place, music, lighting etc… and the rough outline over what should happen, such as sucking, followed by fucking, followed by… However, don’t imagine every detail: particularly if you are putting the imagined scenes into practice, leave them open for some intuitive play or diverging from the script. 

When you do play scenes with a partner, always remember that it is important to reflect on how you both felt, or engage in after care. While the reflection questions are private to you, you should consider sharing how the scene felt with the person you were playing with. This will help both of you to achieve more frank communication about sex, which is an important basis of good sex. It will also allow for feedback and improvement. Day 10 will talk about how to do this more. 

However, you should always be clear that you are under no pressure to act out any scenes: A sex positive approach, consent and owning your sex is an essential part and the basis of this workshop. This means, that you have the right to decide what type of sex you have according to what feels right