Is It Happening Now? A Journey Through Existential Death Anxiety

By Bhavna Bhatia

From a very young age, we are taught that death is just a part of life. It is one of the most widely accepted and rarely questioned facts about life. So, like most others, I never paid much attention to it, until I came face-to-face with it for the first time with the sudden passing of a close family member. I realized then that death was unpredictable, which meant it could happen to me or the ones I loved at any time. I was overcome with fear and panic at this mere thought. I needed more time to explore and understand my existence. It took me nearly three years to fight through my anxiety, and of exploring and healing, I want to share my experience with others that might be struggling to find answers to the same unanswerable questions: why am I here? where will I go? In this short book, I provide the tips and tricks that worked for me to get out of my anxious funk and be able to live while I am still alive.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bhavna Bhatia
• Release date: Mar 21, 2019

Book preview

Dedicated to:

My big sister…For always guiding me away from the darkness.

CHAPTER 1

That moment when…

It was the night before Thanksgiving. My sisters and I had commenced our annual tradition of preparing the next day’s feast. We brined the turkey, tore toasted bread to shreds for the stuffing, peeled potatoes, and chopped veggies. That night marks the official introduction of Christmas into the year. We drink wine and laugh over old stories and new.

We were expecting thirty people the next day. Family, friends, neighbors, whoever. It’s an open-door policy. Our dinner starts at noon, followed by an entire day of eating, drinking, playing board games, throwing the football, and watching movies. It’s my absolute favorite holiday.

Our festive preparation was well underway. My younger sister was twirling around in holiday socks, singing All I want for Christmas is You, as I tore up the last loaf of bread and gulped down my second (or fourth) glass of wine. It was all very merry. Then suddenly we got a phone call, so we paused the music and my sister answered. I could tell by her tone that she was getting bad news…

Our grandfather’s brother had just passed away.

Damn. Buzzkill.

It didn’t seem appropriate to have a Thanksgiving celebration under these circumstances, so we sent a quick cancellation note to our invitees. Everyone sent their condolences and sympathies.

I felt sad for my family members that just experienced a loss, but I didn’t really have a relationship with my grand-uncle, so I