Excuses for All Occasions: Alibis Apologies and Cop-Outs That Can Get You Out of (or Into) Trouble

By Steven D. Price

Looking for ways to escape or shift blame is a fundamental part of life. Here’s a survival guide full of ready-made excuses, from the student’s classic “My dog ate my homework,” to the motorist’s “Was that sign the speed limit, Officer? I thought it was the town’s population,” to the dieter’s “I wasn’t getting enough to eat on one diet, so I had to go on three.” You’ll welcome these ready-made alibis and cop-outs for business, school, sports, family, romance, and other situations where you might find yourself in hot water.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Skyhorse
• Release date: Jun 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781620873083

Steven D. Price

Steven D. Price is the author or editor of more than forty books, including the bestselling The Whole Horse Catalog, the prize-winning The American Quarter Horse, The Quotable Horse Lover, and All the King’s Horses: The Story of the Budweiser Clydesdales. He lives in New York City, rides whenever and wherever he can, and numbers Don Burt among the finest horsemen he’s known.

Book preview

1.

Whether it’s because of all the media attention or because they’ve become adept at finding ways to talk their way out of sticky situations, people who are involved in politics and entertainment are prime candidates for coming up with prime excuses.

Politicians

I didn’t inhale…

—President Bill Clinton, admitting that he tried marijuana.

When the President does it, that means that it’s not illegal.

—President Richard M. Nixon in a television interview with journalist David Frost, justifying his actions surrounding Watergate.

[The] bitch set me up!

—Washington, D.C. mayor Marion Barry, reacting to an FBI raid after the agents saw a live video of him lighting a crack pipe.

I apologize if my comments offended.

—Kentucky Senator Jim Bunning, after predicting that Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg would not survive her pancreatic cancer.

I don’t think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees.

—President George W. Bush, after a week of repeated warnings about the expected effect of Hurricane Katrina.

[Michael Chertoff did not know] the first thing about running a disaster.

—Michael Brown, Federal Emergency Management Agency chief, blaming his superior, who was the head of the Department of Homeland Security.

We finally cleaned up public housing in New Orleans. We couldn’t do it, but God did.

—Louisiana Congressman Richard Baker, after Hurricane Katrina.

Harry Whittington didn’t ‘announce himself.’

—Katharine Armstrong, owner of the ranch on which Vice President Dick Cheney shot his hunting companion while quail hunting.

I had other priorities.

—Dick Cheney, on why he avoided military service in Vietnam.

I didn’t mean to say it.

—Roberta McCain, 95-year-old mother of presidential candidate John McCain, excusing herself for blaming Mormons for the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympics bribery scandal.

Al-Qaeda militants have slipped hallucinogenic pills in their coffee with milk, like Nescafé.

—former Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi, explaining why Libyan citizens were dissatisfied with his leadership.

I didn’t learn how to be careful with my words, didn’t learn how to be cautious about what we were trying to get done in ways that were self-destructive.

—Newt Gingrich, on his House of Representatives failures with regard to his communications strategy.

"Et alors?" [So what?]

—France’s former president François Mitter-rand, replying to a journalist about his secret illegitimate daughter whom he maintained at the state’s expense.

I have a Saints party. . . and I am absolutely going to be there for the big game, kickoff of the Saints and the whole NFL… As a fanatic (Saints fan), I have my priorities.

—Senator David Vitter of Louisiana, on why he hosted a New Orleans Saints-Green Bay Packers TV party with friends and family in Lousiana instead of attending President Barack Obama’s economic address before a joint session of Congress.

I’m not making any excuses for my behavior. I don’t do drugs. I was not drinking. That wasn’t the cause of this. This was me doing a dumb thing and doing it repeatedly and then lying about it. And that’s all there is.

—Rep. Anthony Weiner, after being caught emailing provocative photos of himself to a woman who was not his wife

I didn’t say that I didn’t say it. I said that I didn’t say that I said it. I want to make that very clear.

—George Romney, automobile executive, former governor of Michigan, presidential contender, and father of Mitt Romney.

Show Business

[It] just slipped out. I was a little excited.

—Melissa Leo, winner of the Best Supporting Actress Oscar, explaining why she included the four-letter word that begins with f in her acceptance