The Book of Rules: The Right Way to Do Everything

By Joshua Belter

Become a productive member of society!

Which way should the toilet paper be dispensed from the roll? Who goes first at an intersection in a grocery store? What is the proper placement of ketchup on a plate? When is it appropriate to dress your pet in clothes that match your own?

If you've ever wondered about the answers to these vital questions, this is the book for you. Consult The Book of Rules to identify acceptable practices and procedures for any social situation you may encounter in your everyday life.

With this book, you'll learn:

• How and when to tell someone they have bad breath
• Regulations on singing aloud with the car radio
• What excessive hair twirling indicates
• When power naps should be taken at work
• How to terminate a too-long text message conversation
• How to deter people who want to "taste" your food
• When it is appropriate to look in a friend's medicine cabinet, and much, much more.

Many everyday actions--while not illegal or immoral--are generally considered improper. With this book, you'll never again be considered an uncivilized, clueless boor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Simon & Schuster
• Release date: Dec 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9781440323850

Joshua Belter

An Adams Media author.

Book preview

orangerule

1

SCOPE

orangerule

BOR 1-1

Purpose

The Book of Rules (BOR) was established to outline acceptable practices and procedures in various social situations. Many everyday actions, while not illegal or immoral, are generally considered improper and are outlined within this handbook. This manual establishes and reinforces life rules required to be a productive member of American society.

A. The BOR is applicable to all citizens of the United States and all of its territories. Although not specifically mandated for citizens outside of the United States, most BOR regulations are generally accepted worldwide.

BOR 1-2

Jurisdiction

State and federal law override this handbook whenever specific statutes contradict individual rules or requirements of the BOR. Good judgment shall be utilized when individual statutes are in question. Additionally, specific regulations may be contrary to the religious beliefs of an individual. In such cases, individual regulatory exclusions specific to religious beliefs are permissible.

A. Use common sense.

BOR 1-3

Reference

A copy of the BOR shall be kept readily available for reference at all home and work locations. BOR D-1 Discrepancy Forms (see Appendix A) shall also be readily available and may be utilized as required. Previous versions are obsolete and shall be replaced within thirty days of the effective date of updated publications.

BOR 1-4

Definition of Terms

SHALL implies an action, motion or procedure is mandatory.

MAY implies an action, motion or procedure is optional.

WILL implies a future action is mandatory.

INDIVIDUAL refers to a single person or group of people.

EXCEPTIONS detail situations in which a specific BOR regulation may be ignored. Exceptions are generally not inclusive, and good judgment shall be exercised when considering exceptions not detailed in this manual.

PHRASEOLOGY EXAMPLE details verbatim phrases required—or acceptable phrases allowable—in various situations.

BOR 1-5

Discrepancy Forms

All American adults have a primary responsibility to issue BOR D-1 Discrepancy Forms to individuals when violations to the BOR are personally observed. No other action is warranted or required. The violator alone has the specific requirement to ensure that corrective measures will be taken to become compliant with the BOR.

A. The BOR D-1 Discrepancy Form is located in Appendix A of this publication.

B. Additional BOR D-1 Discrepancy Forms may be ordered at www.thebookofrules.com.

BOR 1-6

Authorized Deviations

Individual exclusions from any regulation contained within The Book of Rules are permissible whenever compliance with this manual may jeopardize the safety of others. The phrase Safety Exception followed by the specific BOR regulation violated shall be clearly expressed whenever a BOR regulation is intentionally violated in the presence of others.

PHRASEOLOGY EXAMPLE: Safety Exception 3-1

NOTE: Local and regional customs or procedures may warrant deviations from individual regulations contained within the BOR. Prior to implementing formal individual or organizational exclusions, permission shall be obtained from the BOR Regulatory Board at www.thebookofrules.com.

BOR 1-7

Submissions

Unsolicited submissions regarding amendments and additions to the BOR are encouraged. Changes may be proposed in writing by completing the BOR S-1 Submission Form (see Appendix B) or online at www.thebookofrules.com. Submissions become the property of the BOR Regulatory Board after receipt and will not be returned. The inclusion decision will be determined solely by the BOR Regulatory Board.

orangerule

2

DRIVING

orangerule

BOR 2-1

Crossing the Path of a Vehicle

Pedestrians crossing the path of a motor vehicle shall make personal eye contact with the driver prior to initiating passage across the path of the vehicle. If eye contact is not initiated, the driver of the vehicle is warranted to honk the horn, yell loudly and aggressively wave his or her fist. Vulgarity is only authorized when a violating pedestrian is operating a cell phone (see BOR 11-8 C).

A. Pedestrians more than halfway across the street when a vehicle approaches are not required to initiate eye contact with drivers.

BOR 2-2

Limiting Unnecessary Driving

Driving a motorized vehicle is only authorized when the distance between the departure and destination location exceeds 200 yards. Driving across the street and other needless trips are considered excessive and wasteful. Unnecessary driving contributes to obesity and wastes fuel.

BOR 2-1.

BOR 2-1. Pedestrians crossing the path of a motor vehicle shall make personal eye contact with the driver prior to initiating passage across the path of the vehicle.

A. Allowable vehicle operations less than 200 yards:

1. Moderate or greater precipitation is currently occurring (see BOR 4-16 A1a).

2. Physical restrictions of the driver or any passenger prohibit walking.

3. A song, program or talk show warrants additional listening.

4. The transport of heavy objects would make walking impractical.

5. The movement of a vehicle is required for maintenance of said vehicle.

BOR 2-3

The Green Light Honk

When stopped at a red light behind one or more vehicles, all vehicles ahead of a driver are allowed 3 seconds to accelerate after the light turns green. Honking the horn is permitted and encouraged after the mandatory 3-second wait period has expired. After any vehicle initiates a Green Light Honk, successive honks are forbidden unless an additional 3 seconds have passed since the previous Green Light Honk.

BOR 2-4

The Hang-Up Honk

Except when expressly forbidden by law, it is allowable to place and receive cell phone calls while driving. Texting while driving is always prohibited (see BOR 11-12 B). Cell phone driving is permissible for the operator of any motorized vehicle until a mandatory suspension is required after receiving a Hang-Up Honk. This honk may be initiated by the driver of any motor vehicle who observes the unsafe driving practices of a cell phone driver (see BOR 11-8 D).

BOR 2-4.

BOR 2-4. Cell phone driving is permissible for the operator of any motorized vehicle until a mandatory suspension is required after receiving a Hang-Up Honk.

A. Immediately after the receipt of a Hang-Up Honk, cell phone drivers shall abruptly cease conversation with the verbatim cell phone termination phrase below.

PHRASEOLOGY EXAMPLE: I’ve been HONKED; I have to go.

BOR 2-5

The Right Turn Honk

In an effort to decrease traffic congestion, all U.S. states allow a right turn at a red light after a complete stop. A right turn at a red light is authorized unless a No Turn on Red sign is clearly posted. Drivers shall vigilantly look both ways before turning into a lane of traffic. Some vehicles, such as a school bus or a HAZMAT vehicle, are prohibited from turning right at a red light.

A. When stopped at a red light behind a vehicle in a right turn lane, drivers are authorized to make the Right Turn Honk at the preceding vehicle when no traffic is observed in the perpendicular lane. The Right Turn Honk consists of two quick honks of the automobile horn.

BOR 2-6

Discouraging Tailgaters

Tailgating is defined as following so closely to another vehicle that a collision may not be avoided. Tailgating is typically conducted unconsciously, or due to a perceived lack of risk. Accomplished by aggressive drivers, tailgating is a contributing factor in most motor vehicle accidents. The deliberate form of tailgating known as slipstreaming is illegal and dangerous. Slipstreaming is the practice of intentionally tailgating a large vehicle to reduce wind resistance, thereby enhancing fuel efficiency by as much as 10 percent.

A. Requesting that a following vehicle cease tailgating may be accomplished by initiating a tailgate termination request. This may be done in one of two ways:

1. Slowing down

2. Utilizing the windshield wiper fluid continually to spray the following vehicle

B. Both tailgate termination request options are permissible until a mandatory suspension is required after observing a tailgate flash. A tailgate flash is the flashing of the headlights by a tailgater to indicate acknowledgment of the violation and the intention to cease following too closely.

BOR 2-7

Ensuring Children Are Safe and Occupied

Every effort shall be made to ensure children ride safely in motor vehicles. On average, three children die every day in vehicle accidents in the United States. It is the responsibility of a child’s parents to ensure a vehicle is equipped with the proper car seat or booster chair. It is the responsibility of every adult passenger to ensure all children remain restrained while riding in a motor vehicle. The following requirements help ensure children remain safe, orderly and entertained while riding in a motor vehicle.

A. With the exception of baby bottles for infants, the consumption of food or water in a vehicle is prohibited for children under age twelve for all trips less than 30 minutes in duration.

BOR 2-7.

BOR 2-7. Children’s automobile activities, such as pulling the fist downward to request that a truck driver honk the horn, are encouraged.

B. A collection of at least 3 hours of prerecorded children’s music shall be permanently stored in vehicles in which children under age twelve routinely ride.

C. Children under eighteen who speak or sing at a level of 80 decibels or higher shall be instructed to remain silent for one hour, or the remaining duration of the trip, whichever is shorter.

D. Children’s automobile activities, such as such as pulling the fist downward to request that a truck driver honk the horn, are encouraged.

BOR 2-8

Singing Along With the Radio

When automobile options allow drivers to preprogram favorite radio stations into car stereos, all available channels shall be set to radio stations of the primary driver’s preferred genre. This is accomplished to avoid the unnecessary listening of music or talk radio considered distasteful by the driver. The ability to rapidly change radio stations after an unpleasant song begins to play may help to avert a potentially hazardous driving situation.

A. Whenever an automobile passenger begins singing along with a song on the radio, the singer shall be allowed to continue singing until the completion of the song. Regardless of the quality of the singing, the driver may not change the radio station whenever all three of the following conditions exist.

1. The singer must be moderately knowledgeable of the song lyrics.

2. The song is not outside of the genre of the driver’s musical taste.

3. The singer continues to sing throughout the entire song.

B. The Don’t Change the Station, I’m Singing option may only be exercised twice each hour by any individual in a moving motor vehicle (see BOR 2-9).

BOR 2-9

Control of Dashboard Configurations

The driver of a motor vehicle, alone, has exclusive control of all dashboard controls, including radio configuration and climate settings. This privilege may