The Eyes of Love

By Bass Abrams

They say that the most purest love of all is your childs love for you especially between a father and his daughter. This is my story; its a true story of struggle, pain and love. It takes you through the trials of being a foreigner and growing up in a family that looked normal but had a lot of hidden troubles. It takes place in the US and it goes as far back as I can remember and suddenly it all comes crashing down once my love for my daughter reveals all the hurt and disappointment inside of me. I also realize that through her love, I had to face these demons and can come to terms with these feelings in order to give that true love back.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 11, 2013
• ISBN: 9781483679570

Bass Abrams

Bass Abrams was born in Salmia, Kuwait, in 1973, where he lived until he moved to the US in 1984 at the age of ten with his family. Since childhood, he was fascinated with classic cars and racing. He began racing Jet Skies at fifteen years of age and quickly became sponsored by local businesses. As life went on, his obsession with classic cars grew and in 2012, he founded SMI AutoBrokers LLC which specializes in classic car concierge service. Bass lives in New Jersey with his wife and two children.

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Copyright © 2013 by Bass Abrams.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013915077

ISBN:            Hardcover               978-1-4836-7956-3

                      Softcover                978-1-4836-7955-6

                      Ebook                     978-1-4836-7957-0

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Rev. date: 10/26/2015

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To my beautiful wife, Mary, who never gave up and always supported my work.

And to my lovely daughter, Sophia, who has been my voice all along ever since she looked at me with her loving eyes.

Like some, if not most parents, we take advantage of our lives and get caught up with the day-to-day stuff we have to do. Sometimes you have to really slow down and take a breather. However, as I learned, you have to be careful of that as sometimes you will get stuck like I did. I always envied the people who have the time to play and really spend time with loved ones, especially their children as they grow so fast. I, as a parent, made a promise to myself that I would give anything to my children. However, that was just a feeling that I had; and when it came to it, it was a lot harder than I thought. It is not hard to give to your children, but what do you give if you don’t have anything to give?

There are time when you’re older and you start to look at your children and reminisce about your own past and get lost in your thoughts. This is exactly what happened to me that important, life-awakening day. I remember one beautiful sunny day, I had my antique car out on the driveway; and while I was working on it, I can hear the sounds of children playing and laughing in the background. Among those voices was my daughter, Sophia. I lifted my head from under the hood, and while wiping my hands from the grease, I looked at her, and I was so taken by her purity and happy attitude. She loved going outside with me to do anything; she is my shadow. But that particular day, she was very excited because when I would put her in shorts or a bathing suit and wash the car, she knows that I usually spray her with the hose and run after her. Sophia was two years and a couple of months old at that time and she had, and still does, this amazing laugh that just made anyone smile. Sophia is this little girl with big brown eyes and brown spiral curly hair and when anyone would see her, she usually draws so much attention. They would say that her hair has the same spiral curl as Annie’s.

In that moment, I got lost in my thoughts and started to remember me when I was growing up. I started to remember the times that my brothers and I used to play outside together. Those days, we were close, especially me and Shady, my oldest brother, as he would protect me from my older brother, Hannah, because he would just beat the heck out of me and play tricks on me. My mother used to always tell me that he was just jealous, but I did not believe that because, as a child, I thought that he just hated me. However, Hannah was the privileged one to do me harm, jokingly, but when it came to anyone else, he would get protective and step in, or at least, most of the time. All these memories started to flash in my mind, so I looked around and took a bucket, flipped it upside down, and sat and just enjoyed the moment.

I stared out on the driveway and just looked at Sophia as she was putting the dirty water back on the car with her little hands having the time of her life and saying with her little voice, Like dis, Daddy? I laughed and replied, That’s it, my love. Great job! Thank you for helping Daddy!

Daddy. I was a little taken aback when I said that word as it resonated in my heart. Before, I thought I would never get married, let alone have this wonderful little girl. While I was sitting there relaxing, my mind started to wonder again about my life and the question of love rang in my head and my mind. I began to get this tight feeling in my stomach just running through my life and the younger years. I remember certain moments vividly that affected my life and the way I think and began to see and understand, being a parent myself, how my parents behaved and the reason they did what they did.

I remember having a lot of dreams and sometimes get my dreams and reality mixed up, and I did not know why until this moment, this second that I realized the reason that I lived in my own dreams. Although I got so much ridicule from other kids and sometimes from my own brothers about living in my fantasyland more than reality, I had to do this more often, and now I understand why. This revelation hit me like a ton of bricks, which, I truly believe, is because of Sophia. It felt like I dug up an old burial that was hidden in my mind’s forest, like an unmarked grave where I did not want anyone to know how to reach it. But because of her, I began facing these demons. Although she is still a baby, to me she is everything; and I learn more each day from my past because of her than any psychiatrist would ever do. You see, I did not have a rosy upbringing with lots of good memories and laughter except for brief moments, and even then, it was not from the heart. More and more people who go through life hiding from their past usually awaken these memories by either happiness or trauma.

Going through life, I was always someone with a limited mind-set, and I did not know why and always envied the people who make their own choices. Also, being lazy was not in my vocabulary, but the excuse of not doing something was always there to spring up in my mind. Ever since I can remember, I always came up with an excuse of not doing something or too afraid to complete any of life’s projects, like studying or doing anything that would benefit me in the long run. That is why I lived in my dreams because in them, I was this well-built, handsome, and strong kid with so much confidence and ability to do anything. Almost like Superman. I believe that dreams were only dreams, fantasies that only become reality to certain people, as my father would say. This fear and discomfort is also from being the fat kid in the family; at least that’s what my older brother Hannah used to always remind with. I was this little, fat kid with curly brown hair and a goofy smile that always pretended to be someone or something I am not. I had a baby face, which came in handy when I wanted stuff or tried to get away from something I did wrong and I was always drawn to food—good food. The most important thing that fulfilled me was food; I was good at eating. Nothing else. I did not play any sports, and when I wanted to emulate Hannah in taking piano lessons, I did not continue as I saw him excel in it. I did try different things, and nothing really stuck, except when I was taught how to swim competitively when I was eight or nine years old. I competed a couple of times but did not win. So food was it for me, and my mother was a master cook.

I had friends but only hung out with one or two; and