Finally Thinking with the Right Head: Mistakes Made in Lust and Love

By R. T. Ellis

Being a young man can be difficultresisting temptation, facing challenges at every turn to prove your manhood, and dealing with the torment of your natural desires.

Author R. T. Ellis is the first to admit that he didnt always make the best decisions. Here, he shares his lust-filled and hormone-fueled past in raging detail, hoping to inspire others to learn from his mistakes. Acting out of lust instead of using his heart or brain put him in some dangerous situations. Some nearly cost him his life, while others threatened his freedom and future. Often brutally honest, his story takes readers deep into his past adventuressome he himself describes as good, others as bad, and more still as downright disgraceful, degrading, demeaning, and disgusting.

At his core, he now knows, is a crippling lack of self-esteem and respect for himself and his sexual partners. Somewhere along the line, the immature boy has grown into an introspective man who needs to share his story.

The father of three, R. T. is trying to move beyond the misadventures of his past. It is for his children that he has come face to face with his history; in his story, others may see themselvesand the future that awaits.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 1, 2013
• ISBN: 9781491710661

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Copyright © 2013 R. T. Ellis.

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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ISBN: 978-1-4917-1065-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-1067-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4917-1066-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013918982

iUniverse rev. date: 10/28/2013

CONTENTS

Introduction

Chapter 1   Bear and Wombat

Chapter 2   The Tiger

Chapter 3   Getting Out of Tiger’s Claws

Chapter 4   Pissy Cat and Gazelle

Chapter 5   Pretty Hippo and Gopher

Chapter 6   The Chameleon Monkey

Chapter 7   Married to Monkey

Chapter 8   Trying to Get That Monkey Off My back

Chapter 9   My Koala Bear

Chapter 10   The Hyena and Cougar

Summary

Be Careful Who You Love

WARNING

Some of this story is written with the mentality of a horny immature young man with low self-worth dealing with some women with low self-esteem. Some material may be considered pornographic, degrading, and disgusting.

INTRODUCTION

Sometimes I wish I never had a penis! Why would I say a thing like that? One thing for sure, this is not an ‘I am woman trapped in a man’s body type of story!’ I was reflecting on my past relationships and I asked myself, What the hell was I thinking about when I got involved with those women? One word came to mind ‘LUST’. Well, thinking with my penis and heart has put me in some messed up situations that could have been avoided if I would have used my mind. I wish I was still a virgin physically and mentally. The physical part is self-explanatory, the mental part; the thoughts of big shiny breasts and asses, and the things I wanted to do with them pollutes my mind. When I was very young my older brother and I used to look at my father’s X-rated movies and magazines. So, way before I could fully understand sex: I WANTED IT! As early as the first grade I took a second grade girl in the woods trying to have sex during recess. The school staff was looking for us over an hour. I went to my first strip club at age thirteen. When you think about it that is what’s wrong with society today. We learn about sex before we learn about love.

Let the truth be told, I have just learned to love and respect myself more. In reality, I have dealt with some substandard women. Okay, some of them were the bottom of the barrel, or scum-bucket ass women! They were not that when I was screwing them. So what did that say about me? I had low self-worth. I don’t think that I am better than anyone else, but Damn! I could have set some standards based on something more than how good she looked, sucked joystick, or worked that honey hole. Through a lot of trial and error I learned that it is easy to find good sex, but to find a good woman is hard. Correction, a woman good for me is hard to find. As I grew mentally I realized I had to become what I was looking for. I was looking for a nice quality women and I had to work on myself to be equal or better mentally and financially to get what I want.

Choices I made earlier in life due to lust and not setting standards for myself in women selection caused unnecessary financial and emotional grief later. I made long term decisions too soon, such as making babies and signing financial contracts that still have an impact on me today. The only good thing that came out of my relationships is my three beautiful dependents that look like me. They have been my primary motivation to keep fighting and striving to become a better man and father.

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CHAPTER 1

BEAR AND WOMBAT

The summer of 1994, fresh out of high school and I got a job working for the same parking company as my father. He got me the job and I was just working there until I was ready to go in the Army. The big day came and I went to the Military Enlistment Processing Station (MEPS). I got in there and walked on my knees with my hands on hips like a duck, gave them a blood and urine sample. The doctor took one listen to my chest and denied my black ass! I was born with a heart defect. After that, I felt so down and depressed because part of my life plan was shot to hell.

With no sense of direction I started looking for a higher paying job. I finally found one working at a major hotel washing pots. The job paid a dollar more an hour than I was making at the time. I was so tempted to get in the street life, but after seeing what my brother and friends went through I decided to stay legal. I even had some of my so called friends get mad at me because I would not let them use my guns or get myself involved in their conflicts. The only people I took that risk for were my brother and Lucky.

Lucky was my homeboy that lived two houses down from my father’s house. One night Lucky and I went to a hole in the wall club down the street from the Georgia Dome named Superior. That club was so damn hood and ghetto! They sold forty ounce beers at the bar; there was gambling, weed smoking, cocaine snorting, and some of everything going on in that club! Lucky and I was drinking forties and dancing with women, all of a sudden I felt some titties on my back and a hand on my joystick. I liked that, so I turned around to see my admirer and I damn near screamed like a little bitch! I saw a husky dark skin woman with her hair pulled back in a bushy ponytail with displaced teeth in her mouth smiling at me. She looked like a Bearilla, a bear mixed with a gorilla. I hurried up and eased my way over to the other side of the club.

Just when I thought I was safe, I walked past the bar and saw Lucky. He signaled me to come over to where he was. As I got closer I saw the Bearilla and a floppy breasted hound dog looking lady next to him.

Lucky said, Marc this is Hound Dog and her friend Bear. Hound Dog wants me to come home with her and her friend Bear want you to spend the night at her place.

I pulled him to the side and told him, HELL FUCK NOOO!

Then Lucky said, Come on man all your musty ass going to do is go home and jack your joystick! Plus you got the straps and I need you to watch my back!

As Lucky and I started talking I started sizing Bear up. That husky woman was about five feet nine inches and weighed about two hundred and seventy five pounds. She had big breasts that extended out more than her stomach and a big wide ass that looked like a folded sofa cushion. Without the breasts and ass, she would have looked like a starting linebacker wearing a halter top and tennis skirt. I was horny and half drunk, Lucky finally convinced me to be that strong looking woman boy toy for the night.

I gave Lucky my twenty five semi-automatic out my pocket and I got my M-11 sub machine gun that’s similar to an Uzi out the trunk and we followed them in my car. These women stayed in one of the roughest projects on the eastside of Atlanta, Eastlake Meadows. When we got there I was thinking, ‘Damn, I should have brought my AK!’ We did not have any problems, it was late and nobody hated on us. Maybe because we were with some women that everybody had or did not want. Lucky went with Hound Dog and I went with Bear to her place.

When we walked into her apartment I was shocked. Bear had a nicely furnished and clean apartment. We started talking and the more we talked the better she looked. Bear was twenty six years old and dropped out of high school when she sixteen, because she was pregnant with her son. Then her boyfriend got her pregnant again at eighteen with her twin girls. They were together for seven years. I asked her what she was planning to do with her life. Bear was going to night school to get her G.E.D so she could become nurse.

She left me in her bedroom while she went in the bathroom to freshen up. That woman came back in the bedroom with a teddy on smelling good, I was damn near mesmerized! She was thick and shapely with beautiful chocolate skin. A good hairdo and a little dental work, she would have been a seven.

Bear got on the bed and asked me a question that gave me more respect for her.

Do you have any rubbers?

I replied Hell yeah! I never left the house without condoms and a gun, because you never know what might happen. She started kissing on my neck and chest, then Bingo! I felt those big soft lips on the top of my joystick! She started sucking the hell out my joystick! Shit! The more her head went up and down the better she looked! I thought she was a super model for a minute. I mounted that big bear and as I slid my joystick in her tight wet honey hole she let out a loud moan that was almost scary. She looked like a bear and sounded like an orangutan while I was shooting joystick to her!

WUFF AH WUFF UFF! Her deep voice making those sounds was disturbing, but strangely stimulating. When she started cuming it damn near scared the shit out of me! She sounded like Barry White when she said AH SHIT OOOO BABY I don’t know how I stayed hard, but I did! I’m not going to lie her honey hole was good. I fucked her big ass for an hour or two and could not cum. Afterwards I held her and we went to sleep.

Seven o’clock in the morning I heard a knock at the door. I woke her up and told her someone was at the door.

She said, I told him it was over!

Told who? I replied.

My kids father, give me a minute I will handle this.

She put her robe on and went downstairs. I got up and put my clothes on, grabbed my gun out my bag and cocked it. Five minutes later I heard somebody coming up the stairs and I positioned myself about seven feet from the door. I took the safety off my gun, put my hand with the gun it behind my back and gritted my teeth. The footsteps got closer and the door opened. She came back in the room by herself, then I relaxed and put my gun up.

What da matta? Bear said.

I replied, I was prepared just in case he wanted to act ignorant!

Was that a real Uzi? She said.

Yes. I replied.

So you were about to shoot that thing in my house! Bear said with a scared look on her face.

Only as a last resort, if he had a gun and I could not reason with him. I replied.

She started asking a lot of questions that were starting to irritate me, but I stayed calm and answered them.

"Do you sell dope?

Why you got an Uzi?

Have you ever shot anybody?

Do you really work at a hotel washing pots?"

I answered her questions and eased her mind. She started talking about her kid’s father and all the things he was involved in. That dude was selling crack and sniffing cocaine. Then that fool started smoking those damn geek joints. Snorting cocaine was not enough he had to mix that shit with weed. She went on to say that he almost got her and their kids killed messing around with drugs.

After reassuring her that I was legit and I only drink occasionally, we talked a little while longer and started having sex. I still could not cum; she finally sucked on my joystick until I shot cum all over her big chocolate titties. As she wiped my semen off her titties she asked, How come it take so much for you to cum? I almost said,’ because you are not my cup of tea!’ But instead I told her I was not comfortable in her neighborhood. She shrugged her shoulders and let out a sigh and offered to cook me breakfast. I declined the offer and got dressed. Hell! I don’t eat everybody food or honey hole! I gave her a hug and kiss goodbye and left to pick up Lucky.

Bear called Hound Dog and told her I was on my way. When I pulled up to Hound Dog apartment I parked and got out of my car. Lucky came out the door with a look of disgust and shame on his face, we approached each other and bowed our heads in shame. Lucky and I simultaneously started mock crying. EEEE HA EEEE, we gave each other some dap and got in the car. He then proceeded to give me the details about his night with Hound Dog.

Man why in the hell you talked me into coming out here with you? Lucky said with a look of extreme disgust on his face."

Go to hell you bowlegged ass sniffing bastard! This shit was your idea! I replied.

Fuck You! You constipated, crusty tittie licking mother fucker! Lucky replied, as we laughed at each other’s insults.

"Man that is one nasty ass bitch! When we went into the house it stunk like hell; because of all the trash in the kitchen and dirty diapers everywhere. We go into her bedroom and her ten year old daughter in the bed with her two year old