Danced with the Devil Sang with the Angels

By Bill Breig

This Book may be a one of a kind even about your own life. Or someone you know, Want to find out? Read On!
Keep in mind as you read the stories in this book they were put on paper by the people in each story, we did not edit much because we want you the reader to see the real person in their true words, and to feel what there are going through, and best of all to see that we are people like you who pulled FREE. WE ARE True Survivors of Drug Abuse, Child Abuse and Rape! JOIN US! Become a Survivor free yourself youll, love it. (We are not Licensed Therapists.)
We are just people who survived to share!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456795894

Bill Breig

Almost thirteen years ago around 1998 I the Author found myself still with no direction in life, “O” I was doing what most people were doing you know going to work then come home, go to the bar when there was money, sometimes even go to the casino on pay day hoping to win it big but still coming home a loser Ha! Loser my middle name. To top things off I had every bad habit you could think of, even trying to end my life early and not fully understand why, you ask how? ”O” well for starters I liked smoking, ha! ha! not much only 3+ packs a day and then when I got with my friends or without we would do are daily drugs and yes even booze great life huh, wait it gets better. I started my own painful journey in a foster home after being abandoned at birth, after two years with this family they adopted me, at age six military school my next stop you can see by the picture of me in my book standing in my military outfit across from my baby picture, this would become my life for the next 3 years, you see I was sent away seven of my first 14 years of life from place to place and never knew who I was till age 60. I was inspired to put this book together because of some special kids in my life and for other reason. We hope it might help people who are still living in their own Hell or something like it and also show them how to get FREE. The stories are painful and might put you in tears; they will even at times anger you. You will see how people learn to forgive both them self and others and move on. I have been told when it came to the graphic you will feel the true pains and sorrow in each story; this book can change your life if you let it.

Book preview

Danced With The Devil Sang With The Angels

Bill Breig

US%26UKLogoB%26Wnew.ai

AuthorHouse™

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

Phone: [phone]

© 2011 by Bill Breig. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 09/26/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4567-9591-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-9590-0 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-9589-4 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011915775

Printed in the United States of America

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

For questions, speaking engagements, additional copies of the book and more information go to www.popsjourney.com; [e-mail]; phone number:[phone]

Contents

Preface

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

Chapter 20

Chapter 21

Chapter 22

Chapter 23

Chapter 24

Chapter 25

Chapter 26

Chapter 27

Chapter 28

Chapter 29

Chapter 30

This book contains true stories about child abuse, abandonement, drugs and date rape. But also on how these were surpassed.

Preface

This Book may be a one of a kind even about your own life Or someone you know, Want to find out? Read On!

Almost thirteen years ago around 1998 I the Author found myself still with no direction in life, O I was doing what most people were doing you know going to work then come home, go to the bar when there was money, sometimes even go to the casino on pay day hoping to win it big but still coming home a loser Ha! Loser my middle name. To top things off I had every bad habit you could think of, even trying to end my life early and not fully understand why, you ask how? O well for starters I liked smoking, ha! ha! not much only 3+ packs a day and then when I got with my friends or without we would do are daily drugs and yes even booze great life huh, wait it gets better. I started my own painful journey in a foster home after being abandoned at birth, after two years with this family they adopted me, at age six military school my next stop you can see by the picture of me in my book standing in my military outfit across from my baby picture, this would become my life for the next 3 years, you see I was sent away seven of my first 14 years of life from place to place and never knew who I was till age 60. In some of the places I was sent to I was raped by other boys and older woman and men, and every bad things done possible to me, when older the loss of 3 wife’s9 kids, drug over dose, living on the streets, eating out of dumpsters, I have lived in mansions, chef to movie and rock stars I even have a album with my picture on it when I sang with groups, owned my own Co. even ran Corporation and much more that’s about 25% of it, the rest you will see as you read about my life it only took me 52 years to start getting it right, you might ask yourself how something like this could take place in a person’s life and live to tell about it, well you will soon see.

Like the other stories in this book they are all true only the names have been changed to protect their identification. The stores are about real life only with different types of pains like the loss of children do to drugs, dealing with the loss of sons life, date rape, family rape, and much more, even the things we all deal with every day even though most people will not admit it or even talk about it, well we do. I was inspired to put this book together because of some special kids in my life and for other reason. We hope it might help people who are still living in their own Hell or something like it and also show them how to get FREE. This book is full of hard truth some words have been changed so most all ages might read it with (parent’s approval). The stories are painful and might put you in tears; they will even at times anger you. You will see how people learn to forgive both them self and others and move on. I have been told when it came to the graphic you will feel the true pains and sorrow in each story; this book can change your life if you let it.

Now are you ready to take a journey with me and my friends? if so set back block all distraction around you, have a box of tissues close by you, Why? You might need it.

Keep in mind as you read the stories in this book they were put on paper by the people in each story, we did not edit much because we want you the reader to see the real person in their true words, and to feel what there are going through, and best of all to see that we are people like you who pulled FREE. WE ARE TRUE SURVIVORS! JOIN US! Become a Survivor free yourself you’ll love it. (We are not License Therapist.)

We are just people who survived to share!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Chapter 1

My Journey

So you can fully understand the full scope of my life let me jump ahead, I began my journey with the brake up of my 3rd wife, by doing this you can see how even after so many years of pain and a life in and out of hell with the devil in control I was able to pull free. I hope my story and all the stories in my book will show you how to take back control of your life and be FREE for yourself. Please note we are not writers we are Survivor and also keep in mind no doctor or philosophy put this together only the real people who lived to tell there story, people just like us.

My friend mike would all ways say Bill someday your life style will end up killing you in a very harsh way or make you a stronger person.

I was thinking what Mike said as I watch my third wife drive away one day with my boys and take with them my so called life.

As the dust from my ex wife’s car and her friend’s truck blocks my view, I tried to wave good bye to my son’s for what may be the last time or at less for many years to come. As I stand on the front porch alone with my son’s dog Sabrina the tears begin to run down my face for the longest time, after they got out of sight we both went back inside to a empty house, as we entered just then I fall to my knees in so much pain thinking and wishing I was dead, then the devil made his next move, I said to myself and to Sabrina all I have to do is get my gun and put it to my head and bang it would all be over no more pain, just then the strangest thing happen Sabrina moved very close so close to me that she started licking the tears off my face as if to say are you going to kill me to? Then again a stronger empty feeling came over me, like all the blood had just run out of me, I said to her as I looked into her eyes no girl my sons would never forgive me, your safe. She sat down and put her head in my lap as though she was crying with me. They say dog can feel your pains well I believe she did, we just sat there for the longest time as we tried to hold back the tears then after some time we both got up off the floor and we started to walk into each room of the house one by one like we were looking for some kind of life but again it hit us even harder as Sabrina and I saw no life. As the pain lingers I was slowing down a great deal you see I was drained dry and I think Sabrina was too she then just stopped and sat there looking at me as if to say well, what do we do next? I looked back at her and said what the hell, Sabrina I am right back in the same mess as before you would think by now I would have got my head out of my ass and would get it right, just then she got up a barked at me as if to say you would think so. Well I said to her can we just talk? I know I am talking to my dog, but I feel she will listen to me and if not she’ll just turn and walked away. Girl I don’t know about you but I am drained from head to toe I am tired of my life it was as though there was not one drop of life left in me I felt if a wind came up I would blow away, I would be so luckily. Then all at once, again as if something came over me like a surge of power I ran over to the table and picked up my keys kised the dog good bye and went and jumped in my car and started the motor put into gear and began driving, as I pulled away from the house I could see Sabrina in my rear view mirror just sitting at the window, as if she was saying are you coming back, but I did not turn around I just keep going hoping she would be there when I did come back. Well after pulling up to the local restaurant in town I could see it was not busy so I turned the ignition off and wiped my eyes, fixed my hair, and got myself together to go inside. Let me say at this point picture this, You see I was living in a small town at this time and had bought a 25 acre ranch for my wife and kids but to my surprise I found out later she hated it and to complete the picture she also wanted a divorce, talk about a frying pan hitting you in your face. Well like I said I got out of my car and said to myself it is time for a strong drink so I went in and sat myself down.

After some time sitting there just looking out into space thinking to myself, what the hell just took place in my life? Just two week ago I had a home and a family I was making love my wife and playing with the kids; I really thought that I had done things right this time. I had moved my family closer to me so we could be together. She never told me she did not want to move from California and live in Utah. I thought well she had her reasons and I would find out why. Let me take this time and back up to what took place two weeks earlier so you will have a better picture. Before all this went down two weeks earlier when she first asked for a divorce! There were no fights or arguments between us because with all that was going on in my life and my life’s pattern up to this point I just said ok, why not, all the other wife’s did the same thing so what’s new. So we went and got divorced in the local court house. The judge asks the both of us why? I knew by her actions it was over your honer, you see she started sleeping on the floor after she first asked for the divorce, we both then answered the Judge, your owner we have different wants in life and no love lost between us, so then the Judge requested us both to see a film on family life. We went into a side room and they put this film on, we both just sat there like strangers saying nothing, and when it was over we then went back into court room and that was it, she got what she wanted, I said to myself in thought I destroied another family, my life once again turned to shit. Well I did find out later that we never truly had love I was just a ticket out of town, and because of her life going no were and me being in the same boat the only one thing we had in common was we like to party and have sex and because of that we had 3 sons together. So we did the right thing, we got married. I think family life and love never entered our minds, I may never know.

So! here I was again as you will see, no family, living in a small farm town, and to make matters worse, I was being investigated by the police. I found out this was another reason she left, she did not want to be involved, and I also found out she was home sick, and to top things off I found out she wanted more kids, a girl, well she got her wish. Talk about your world coming down on top of you.

I know you the readers are saying investigated for what?

Well! I was involved with a construction job in Salt Lake City. I had taken on a partner in the local town for some help with the job and I needed someone who knew all the subcontractors in town, you see being from out of town and out of state I did not know one person. Well after some time things were going great, then my so called partner took a turn, we had got to this point in the job where we had the foundation and the sub wall completed and the hill section all up, so we took a week off letting the foundation set up, in that time frame I went home and I found out he run off with the funds for the job and left me holding the bag, just like the time in Texas as you will read later in the story. I never saw it coming or seem to learn. So here I am sitting in a restaurant talking to myself out loud so that all the people around me could here, they must have thought I had gone nuts. After feeling sorry for self, and smelling the food for some time, Stacy, a waitress walked up and said:

Hi, Bill can I get you something?

I ordered a cup of coffee; I was going to order a beer. Well after she got my coffee she asked again if I would like to see a Manu and I said not at this time just coffee please.

Just then she asked me what have I been up to as she walked around the counter from where I was sitting and sat down next to me! Let me explain, I had coffee before here and she had waited on me some and got to know me.

Just then Stacy asked!

Are you alright? And I said

Define alright? As I replied trying to hold back the tears.

Bill, she said.

"What’s going on? You look like shit! You have always seemed so happy when you come in before but tonight you look like your world is falling apart around you and your eyes are all blood shot like you have been crying.

I said! You got that right!

But "I didn’t think it showed,

She then puts down her tray on the counter and looked around.

the restaurant and saw it was empty she said, Bill I have time for a good customer like you, she said smiling and anyways I have heard talking about your problems helps you feel better, I asked why? Hoping we would get past this point and I would not have to deal with it but no such luck, she then said Bill there has been many times when I wish I had someone to talk to about my crappy life, all at once she turned her head and shouted across the dining room Mary can you take care of the customers that might come in."

Ok, Mary said.

She walked over to where we were sitting and Stacy told her she was going to take her break now and asked if that was ok.

Mary said yes.

Then Stacy said!

I have a customer in need of someone to talk with,

Again Mary said No problem," Then Stacy got up and poured herself a cup of coffee and

Sat back down beside me and then said with a smile, see you now have my full attention.

So what’s up? Why do you look so down? Again I told her it’s my problem and anyways it was too big to just sit down for a few minutes and talk about it and even so you wouldn’t believe my story if I did tell you, hell I don’t believe it myself.

Stacy said Bill just a minute ago when you came in and sat down I looked over at you and it look like you was talking to someone standing next to you but no one was near you.

I said to Stacy Did it shows that much? Very much so Stacy replied!

I said with a strange look on my face, Stacy "Sometime I think I should just grab my gun at home and pull the trigger and save all the people that have or would cross my path so much pain. I think I should have been aborted, not abandoned at birth.

What do you mean? Stacy asked, with a confused look.

"That’s a crazy thing to say!

I said back to her, not if you had just gone through what I went through earlier and had my kind of life, I went on saying It’s not easy to talk about my journey in and out of Hell and even so I would not know where to begin, and beside the fact I didn’t like people feeling sorry for me I have done plenty of that on my own especially the last two weeks.

Stacy said!

Ok Bill I won’t feel sorry for you, ok! So go on tell me.

Ok you win Stacy but stop me if I get too carried away.

Well to start with let me tell you what just happen, better yet let me back up starting two weeks ago that made me so sad and upset."

Do you remember when you saw me talking to myself when I first came in? Well I was, you better first take a sip of coffee.

Then I told her what had happen the last two weeks and how my life just took a nose dive.

After telling her what happen I saw the look on her face it was very dumfounded,

I said Stacy? Why do you want to hear my story?

She said, maybe some time you will listen to my life story, then she asked me Bill where do you think all your problems started? She said jokingly. Was it at birth?

Hell, maybe it did, isn’t that where everything starts at birth? Stacy for you to understand my story you will need the whole picture otherwise the rest won’t make much sense and anyways I can’t tell you my story in just five minutes. With my story you need popcorn. Stacy said, look, you are joking already. Then I said, I joke to cover up my pain. then Stacy put on her best face. Bill I have as long as you need, she smiled. I said, where do you want me to start? She said how about at the beginning, I think you need to start there so you can see where it started going wrong. But Stacy it did start at birth and it could take a life time to tell you, she said Bill just cut it down some, so I began, let me start with today. You remember when I came in tonight, and then I told you what took place at home today and all that took place up to this point

She said with anger in her face and in her voice what kind of person would do that,

I said you better setback, and I will tell you.

After talking about what I just said to her she then said that’s why you needed to start at the beginning at birth or when you were a child. Tell me what was it like and how did your life come up to this point to where you want to kill yourself

I said we might need more than just coffee!.

So she got me a glass of red wine and her self a nother cup of coffee and I began.

I was born on July 4, 1946, in Southern California. I never knew my birth parents. From what I have been told over the years, I was one of nine kids, but for some reason my biological parents didn’t keep me. I went from the hospital straight to a Catholic orphanage. And from then on out for the next 50 so years I have played the game, I called What the hell happened? and why didn’t they want me? Was I the result of some sort of infidelity or scandal that would have shamed my family? And I have a curse on me and all who get to close to me will get the same.

Stacy said what the hell do you mean a curse?

I told her it would drive me crazy with these thoughts, so over time I just keep it all inside of me. The only thing that consumes my thoughts from time to time is: "Why didn’t anyone ever try to come and find me? Did they not know I still existed? Even my own kids did not try, I would have been so happy if they had just sent me a letter telling me to drop dead and I did not exist.

This was beginning to be a pattern that would plague me the rest of my life. It was as if I was dead and not a person in the world cared or gave a shit about me unless I fit their needs. Stacy then said what about your real Birth family?

I assumed my biological parents were Catholic, because they left me for the Nuns to take care, of you see that is what they did back then. You could say they left me at the door step of life with no doorknob. Why one must ask. Well after some time a family came along called foster care and that was it for the next two years.

At the age of around two, or three, I’m not sure, I was adopted by my foster family whose name was Bud and Helen. They already had one daughter, she turned out to be an Angel, she married a wonderful man and had a full life rich with kids and a stable home. My sister was seven years older than me. When I was adopted from the time I moved into their house I must have been a burden; because I was always in the way. As I grew up I learned later from my mother when she was in the hospital thinking she would die, that my father was the one who wanted me not her, to her I was a income a foster income, and the sad part of this is my father played a very small part in my life as you will see later. I was to live by the philosophy of seen and not heard. I was a little boy who didn’t understand this concept. My first indiscretion was at the age of five. I was coming home one day eating a bag of chips from the local market just up the street from our house, I had no idea what I had done wrong but like always I would find out later, so when I got home my mother saw what I had done and made me walk back to the store with her and pay for them. It wasn’t enough that the store keeper embarrassed her, But to a five year old facing the owner as we paid for those chips in what seemed to be a harsh surrounding and very scared and most of all still not understanding what steeling was as you will see I would soon find out. Well she took me back home and told my father, I received a fierce beating from him not my mother. It’s funny how some things just stay in the back of your head and heart. I don’t think my sister saw what went on most of the time, because, as we both got older, I would ask her about life growing up at home after I was adopted, she would only say that she didn’t remember much. I think she just blocked it all out, you see she had her own sad things to remember I found this out much later. Another sad thing I never did spend time with my father asking him all the question about my childhood, by the time I wanted to have my question answered he was gone. To this day I feel there is still a lot of truth to uncover and maybe I will or will not ever get my answers. Try doing your family tree without all the fax’s some people have told me not to make a big deal about it who would care anyways, well I do, wouldn’t you, just think living your whole life not knowing who you are and better yet how did I get here in the first place, they new why didn’t they tell.

Chapter 2

Starting School

Well soon I started kindergarten, every day I would walk the mile to school by myself. It was common back then to walk that far as a kid because society was safer. I was easily distracted on my way to school. Especially when I passed by some old cars, from the Roaring Twenties, that were parked on the street.

To a small boy they were the most beautiful thing in the world, big and powerful. I was so mesmerized by these cars that I had to just get in and pretend like I was driving them. My favorite car was a brown convertible with brown interior. I would climb in and get behind this big steering wheel and start making a roaring engine sound and play with the buttons and knobs. I could not see above the steering wheel, but in my mind I was driving them. I later realized the reason I liked playing in the cars was because in a weird way they gave me the attention I craved as a child, without the harsh punishment that came along with attention. It was a temporary joy and I knew that I later had to face the consequences but they were well worth it for the moment of joy. I loved to play in these cars so much that sometimes I lost track of time and showed up at school late. I was sent directly to the principal’s office. The secretary would call my mother, and, without missing a beat, my mother would tell them to take care of it. She was at work you see and she told them that this was the only way I was going to learn, and it was better for them to deal with me than her. You remember Stacy when I told you about asking my sister about our childhood and she would not give me a answers well I found out later her mother and her had been abused by her real father, her mother’s ex-husband and that’s why she would never punish me with force herself but often had the school or my father do it.

Stacy let me explain back then corporal punishment was still enforced not like today when you spank your kids they call it child abused. So as I went into his office after which he the principal took out the wooden paddle with holes drilled into it so it would sting more, and proceeded to gave me two or three hits on my back side. It was horribly painful, and when I went back to class I wasn’t able to sit for the rest of the day. This is when I first stopped showing emotion because of fear of the ridicule my classmates would give me if I cried.

After I was punished by the principal a few times I could tell my mother was getting very impatient with me. She often made comments like "It is only a few more days and I can be rid of you. To this day I can still hear her saying that under her breath. It was not tell later in life I would look back and see she was all ready looking for places to send me, but at six years old how would I know that? Was I really bad from birth? Is that why my biological parents gave me up? Did they see the devil in me? See Stacy my problems did start at Birth.

Stacy stopped me for a moment and said you could say you were the real Denis the Menace, yes but he got his own show. Bill are you trying to tell me she was planning to get rid of you, even though she only had you for a short time?"

I nodded. I was sent away for the first time when I was six years old. I opened my wallet and showed her two of the few pictures I had of me as a child, one wearing a military uniform the reason why I new the exact date because on the back of the picture was the dated.

Where was your father all this time?" Stacy asked me.

Oh! he was there but yet was not, I didn’t know, I told her with a shrug. it seems that during my entire childhood I was somewhere else. I do know one thing my grandparents lived with us sometime, and when I was put in the military school someone would come and see me very little. Stacy you have to remember that I didn’t have much of a childhood, In fact, I don’t remember playing much as a child or receiving any type affection from my parents. I don’t even remember story times, meals together or laughter, it was not to be for me.

Stacy just looked at me, dumbfounded.

During my entire childhood it seemed they just didn’t care. It was a very empty time. You could say, without me knowing it, angels were always watching over me. You will see that as I describe my life. The only good thing I remember happening that year was when I went to military school, & Christmas."

I remember only one time the excitement of the Christmas season and all the presents under the tree I was at the age of 5. One night