Diary of a Christian Woman-How I Used Fifty Shades of Grey To Spice Up My Marriage

By Rebecca Reilly

“Delightful, hilarious story that a lot of women can relate to!”
“Brilliant for its realism! Rebecca Reilly is one entertaining author!”
“Fun, easy, HONEST read!”
“Great topic - relevant - you will LOL!”

Food is not a great substitute for sex, but it’s all I’ve got.

It’s not that I’m not happy in my marriage. I am. George is a good man, and I love him. I love our two children. I love our home. I love our church. And I love my job. I love everything I have.

And I’m bored out of my mind.

I know God created sex for marriage. And not just for beautiful people, either. Sex is supposed to bind a man and wife; to give them an intimacy they share with no one else. Sex is supposed to be fulfilling. And fun! I think we’re supposed to want to have sex with our spouse.

George and I did it by the Book. We are the ones that should be tingling, panting, and dripping with lust. We’re the ones who should be the models of sexual satisfaction.

I should feel as the bride in Song of Solomon felt: “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine....Take me away with you--let us hurry. Let the king bring me to his chambers” (Song of Solomon 1:2, 4).

But even Song of Solomon hasn’t helped spice up our boring chambers. And most of the time, I think George would rather have wine.
I needed something else. I needed more specific instructions to liven up our life. But where does a sexually uptight, Christian woman (with a reputation to protect) go for help?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Rebecca Reilly
• Release date: May 17, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301860906

Rebecca Reilly

I love the joy of new adventures, the challenge of new dreams, and the fun of a life well lived. My husband of thirty years is my rock, and my two children my joy. I am a youth pastor, a zumba instructor, a health coach, a massage therapist, and a writer. Writing is something I have to do. Writing in different genres with different voices keeps life interesting!

Book preview

Diary-of a Christian Woman

How I Used

Fifty Shades of Grey

To Spice Up My Marriage

By

Rebecca Reilly

All characters in this book are fictitious and have no existence outside the imagination of the author.

Published by Rebecca Reilly at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2013 Rebecca Reilly

All rights reserved.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

To my good friends

Carolyn--Carrie--Diana--Stacey

who make working in a church office laugh-out-loud fun,

and who helped birth the idea for this book

over a bowl of chips at Chili’s.

Every married Christian woman needs a book like this!

Chapter One

My name is Phoebe. I married George in 1994. It feels cliché describing him by his job as an accountant, but that’s who he is. Clichés are clichés for a reason. George is fussy about details, extremely conscientious, and he gets more excited over commercials on the Golf Channel than at the thought of taking an exotic vacation with me. He looks like an accountant too; short, more than a little rotund, with just a fringe of hair around the sides, and nothing on top.

I’d say we’re evenly matched.

At 5’2", no one would ever call me willowy and elegant. I’m gonna reach forty this year, and my figure has gone to pot. I don’t exactly look like a bowling ball with legs, but I feel that way. An extra thirty pounds on a short frame can do a lot of damage. I’ve tried every diet and cheated on every one. George is a meat and potatoes kind of guy, and I end up eating what I cook (plus a great deal of chocolate).

Food is not a great substitute for sex, but it’s all I’ve got.

It’s not that I’m not happy in my marriage. I am. George is a good man, and I love him. I love our two children. I love our home. I love our church. And I love my job as an office administrator at the local junior college. I love everything I have.

And I’m bored out of my mind.

***

I met George in Sunday School. I was a young, impressionable, twenty-year-old college student. George was the mature, twenty-seven-year-old Bible study leader.

For a single, desperate, hormonal woman, there is nothing sexier than a man teaching a Bible study.

Our relationship progressed in the favored Christian manner. We held hands on our third date. He kissed me, quite gently, on our fourth date. He proposed and was accepted on our sixth date.

When one plans to abstain from sex until the wedding night, one tends to move quickly through the courtship stage of a relationship.

We both wore white at our wedding and considered it a badge of honor. We had done it God’s way, and we were arrogantly sure our coupling would be blessed.

Instead, the wedding night was a bust.

It’s not that we couldn’t figure out what to put where (we weren’t completely stupid), but our expectations were so high, that when fireworks didn’t explode in our room, we went to sleep disappointed.

That didn’t mean we stopped trying, of course--we’d waited decades to experience sexual fever in the flesh! We knew we’d get fireworks eventually, so we kept pounding away.

By the third day of our marriage, I couldn’t walk and George’s manhood was covered with friction blisters.

I came home from our honeymoon thinking we’d never have sex again.

I was wrong. After giving ourselves a few more days to heal, George whipped out his Bible and got my juices going again.

We even got creative; I got on top.

We found our rhythm and have kept at it for nineteen years.

But I think there’s supposed to be more.

***

After a few years of marriage, I followed in George’s footsteps and became a Sunday school teacher.

There’s a lot of sex in the Bible. Song of Solomon is the most erotic book I’ve ever read, and it’s right there in the middle of the Bible (although I’ve never been to a church that actually did a study on it).

I know God created sex for marriage. And not just for beautiful people, either. He created sex to be more than an animal act to produce children. Sex is supposed to bind a man and wife; to give them an intimacy they share with no one else. Sex is supposed to be fulfilling. And fun! I think we’re supposed to want to have sex with our spouse.

I look at the college students walking around the campus where I work, and I think they are getting way more out of sex than I am.

And that is just not fair.

George and I did it by the Book. We are the ones that should be tingling, panting, and dripping with lust. We’re the ones who should be the models of sexual satisfaction.

I should feel as the bride in Song of Solomon felt: Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth, for your love is more delightful than wine….Take me away with you--let us hurry. Let the king bring me to his chambers (Song of Solomon 1:2, 4).

But even Song of Solomon hasn’t helped spice up our boring chambers. And most of the time, I think George would rather have wine.

I needed something else. I needed more specific instructions to liven up our sex life. But where does a sexually uptight, Christian woman (with a reputation to protect) go for help?

George and I don’t even watch sitcoms on television because their sexual innuendos embarrass us. No, not us--they embarrass George. He finds them quite improper. What would the Church Council think if we got caught watching sin on TV? Besides, they are a bad influence on our children.

Needless to say, I can’t go to the type of movie that might teach me anything, and the Internet is too easy to trace.

That narrowed my options down to books. At the time, when my sexual boredom had peeked, and I was desperate enough to try anything, the best-selling sex book was Fifty Shades of Grey. I made up my mind that for the good of my marriage (heck, for my own good), I was going to read that book.

I’m not saying I didn’t struggle with the Biblical morals of this decision. Philippians 4:8 is one of my life verses: Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. On top of that, there are a myriad of scripture passages warning of the dangers of sexual immorality. Before I could pick up a book that is considered by some people to be female pornography, I had to do some heavy soul-searching.

For me, the decision to read and study Fifty Shades of Grey came down to my heart and my motives--I wanted to learn and grow in my sexuality so that I could please my husband George. That is a pure and honorable desire--I am sure of it. And the Bible says, Everything is pure for someone whose heart is pure. (Titus 1:15).

It wasn’t about pursuing a new definition of love; I have the greatest model of love in God and in His Word. But I was looking for ideas about sex. I wanted ideas I could apply in my God-centered marriage as I saw fit--ideas that would knock George’s socks off!

Once I’d ironed out the guilt, I needed to figure out how to buy Fifty Shades of Grey without anyone knowing about my purchase.

My first thought was to download the book. I bought a Kindle with that in mind, and then I realized I had to set up an account online. That meant there would be a permanent record of my purchases. That permanent record would be nothing more than a monument to my sexual desperation. My children could, and probably would, stumble upon it and judge me unworthy of their love and respect.

That was the whole reason I didn’t go to the Internet for my sex education in the first place!

I panicked and downloaded the Little House on the Prairie series instead.

Next, I tried to purchase the book at the Target Superstore. The store was located in the next suburban town, a short ten-minute drive down the freeway. It was close, but far enough away to make me feel like I was being discreet. I meandered up and down the book aisle glancing at this title and that title. Sure enough, just as I passed Fifty Shades of Grey for the fourth time, ready to snatch it up and hide it

Reviews for Diary of a Christian Woman-How I Used Fifty Shades of Grey To Spice Up My Marriage

[John D Olive · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Excellent insights and quite humorous. Conservative Christians need godly advice on the act of marriage and it’s exceedingly hard to find. Thank you!