Life Happens: It’S How You Let It Shape You That Matters

By Alivia Cahill

Author Alivia Cahill learned that people are not merely reflections of their life experiences; theyre reflections of their perceptions of, and reactions to, those life experiences. Henry David Thoreau said, Its not what you look at that matters, its what you see. Whats more, the response to what is seen can change life forever.

This compilation of personal experiences illustrates how Alivias unhealthy responses to a harsh environment shaped her life in many ways. Years of stewing quietly and bottling up negative emotions about lifes adversities led to decades of self-abuse and devastating physical dis-ease. Fortunately, experiencing unconditional love and acquiring profound knowledge about the mind-body connection eventually led her on a path to wellness.

Life Happens follows Alivias agonizing journey of creating dis-ease and working towards healing, which sparks the motivation to make better choices in the face of hardship. The traumas described and lessons learned encourage a positive view of lifes obstacles to be adoptedto grow from them and allow them to positively shape the body, mind, and spiritso that wellness may be experienced, instead of simply dreamed about!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Nov 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781452558929

Alivia Cahill

Alivia Cahill has a bachelor’s degree in psychology and a master’s degree in health studies; she is working toward a PhD. She is currently preparing for some new adventures, which may include relocating to a quiet mountainside town with her husband, writing additional books, and opening her own wellness center.

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Copyright © 2012 Alivia Cahill

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-5893-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-5894-3 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-5892-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012917466

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Balboa Press rev. date: 9/27/2012

CONTENTS

Invaluable Resource

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1: The Early Years:

Setting the Stage for Dysfunction

Chapter 2: An Overview Of Adolescence

Chapter 3: Enter Eating Disorder

Chapter 4: A Rocky Road To Young Adulthood

Chapter 5: Becoming Forever Changed

Chapter 6: Forced Into A New Way Of Life

Chapter 7: Adjustments

Chapter 8: Lost And Found…….

and Lost, Again

Chapter 9: Chaos And Growth:

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Chapter 10: Some Things Change

and Some Things Don’t

Chapter 11: Trying To Fly

Chapter 12: Hope, Faith, And Grace

Chapter 13: Light At The End Of A Dark Tunnel?

Chapter 14: Moving Forward

With Wounds from the Past

Afterword

INVALUABLE RESOURCE

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The following is a premium health resource that I have been fortunate enough to take advantage of during my healing journey. This practitioner’s dedication to providing real solutions to a multitude of health concerns far surpasses that which I’ve experienced at the hands of any other health professional. I honestly cannot speak highly enough about the healing that I have achieved due to Fran’s unique approach to wellness! Please feel free to look into the distinctive services that she offers to determine whether any of her on-site or distance healing modalities might be helpful to you as you work towards achieving your own specific health goals.

T.H.E. Therapy Works

Port Charlotte, Florida 33952

[phone]

www.thetherapyworks.net

PREFACE

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Why? Why am I telling my story?

My response to this question is simple: I would like to make a positive difference in at least one person’s life, so that the pain that I have endured throughout my own life won’t have been in vain. It really is that simple!

What makes my story worthy of being written down for the world to read?

I believe that my personal journey may serve as a cautionary tale and, hopefully, it encourages positive change in the lives of others. The events of my past clearly depict how destructive thoughts and behaviors can lead to life-altering consequences—eating away at the mind, spirit, and even body—and it is my wish that by sharing my story, others, like you, will be encouraged to make healthy choices and healthy changes in life.

After reading about my misadventures, I would like you to walk away with the understanding that every thought you think, every belief you hold, and every action you take affects your mind and body—and they affect those around you, too. I would like the world to realize that the seemingly small, negative comments or taunts one person may inflict on someone else has a ripple effect that may influence both people (the target and the bully) for the rest of their lives. I would also love for you to think about how you treat yourself so that you can choose a better path in life before you find yourself facing something seemingly irreversible. As you’ll come to see, I am still wounded by the events of my past; they still haunt me on occasion. So the overall lesson of this book is to live a life of kindness, love, and nurturance towards self and others so that you can, hopefully, prevent those things that cannot be erased or forgotten—those things that hold such gravity that they could always haunt you to some degree. Prevention is everything!

In sharing my story, then, I don’t just recount the events of my life; I illustrate how each of the events—and my responses to them—contributed to the next set of circumstances that I experienced. Essentially, this book serves as a How NOT To book instead of a How To book. I reiterate the following sentiment because it is the most valuable lesson I have learned in my lifetime, and from where I stand, it may be the most valuable lesson anyone can learn in their lifetime: Destructive thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors can lead to life-altering consequences for the self and innocent bystanders. It is best to think better thoughts, adopt more positive beliefs, live through upstanding actions, and make overall healthy choices throughout your lifetime instead of only trying to do so after you’re faced with devastating consequences.

When I was in my early twenties, I came upon the notion that everything happens for a reason. I’m certain that without that profound realization, which I adopted as my motto in life, I would have gone crazy a long time ago. That phrase helped me through the darkest of times because when I applied it to prior negative life experiences, I realized that there was an abundance of personal growth that I attained because of those very hardships. The realization that personal growth would surely follow life’s struggles gave me the necessary strength and encouragement to navigate through life’s storms. With that in mind, another hope that I have for this book is that perhaps those who have had similar experiences may find some encouragement to work through the most difficult of days because (with the right mindset) personal growth may follow.

Much of my life felt like a solitary uphill battle, but I survived. While I am very grateful for having survived, I realize that I didn’t actually thrive until I let love into my life. Once I learned to trust someone who was worthy of my trust, and allowed myself to lean on that loving support system, I started to thrive in the face of life’s hardships. And I would love for my story to encourage you to find it within your own means to survive—and thrive! For those of you with your own unique past or who currently feel stuck between a rock and a hard place, my hope is that my story may encourage you to adopt a different, more positive perspective (if you haven’t done so already!).

I believe that sometimes a change in perspective can have a huge effect on our level of happiness and our ability to overcome obstacles. I hope that by reading about how my negative outlook and poor choices snowballed into something larger than life itself, you may be prompted to reevaluate your own perspectives (of self, others, and life’s challenges) to determine whether you are currently promoting a life of happiness and good health—or destruction and dis-ease.

Years of self-analysis and healing have helped me realize that while I am far from perfect, I would not be the person I am today without having had the life experiences that I have had. And again, if by sharing my journey with you the tiniest wave of personal enlightenment or encouragement rushes through you and arouses the determination to wade through your own storms with the hope that tomorrow will yield personal growth and healing, it would truly make enduring my life’s experiences worthwhile. May each of us become stronger and wiser as a result of our time together!

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

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I must thank Terry and MGG for living lives of inspiration! Because of Terry’s strength and determination in life, MGG’s perspective was forever changed. Consequently, MGG’s courageous actions inspired me to act on my dream of writing this book. May Terry and MGG’s wave of inspiration continue to positively influencing the world, just as it has influenced me!

It is with much gratitude that I acknowledge the editor of this book: Ann Rehth. Her assistance with this project was both professionally and personally rewarding; she provided great insight on the writing process and heartfelt encouragement of my work every step of the way. For those reasons, I will always be grateful to her!

Last, but certainly not least, I’d like to thank my soulmate. It is because of you, Boo, that I have become the person I am today. Your unwavering love, commitment, encouragement, and belief in me have made ALL of the difference in the world. I never would have made it out of hell—and into heaven on Earth—without you. You will always be my soulmate—the other part of me.

INTRODUCTION

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As you read on, you will find that this book is about how my unfavorable reality as a child changed my perception of self, people in general, and life, which then created an even harsher reality as a teenager and young adult. It has been my observation that every person experiences triumphs and tribulations and seems to turn out a little differently as a result of how those experiences shape: thoughts, fears, goals, behaviors and reactions; the ability and willingness to trust others, love others, to be loved; and ultimately, how the scars of time influence perceptions of self and the external world. Essentially, we are who we are because of how we choose to let life influence us.

For example, there may be times when we allow ourselves to outwardly appear wounded because we have, in fact, been wounded. Yet other times, we may choose to appear strong and in control in response to hardship because that obstacle either motivated us to remain strong, or because we are pretending to be strong in an effort to hide our wound from others. I know I am not the only person who has put on a figurative stiff upper lip or who tried to appear stronger (or overall different) than I felt inside on occasion. I believe that those reactions—those choices about our thoughts and behaviors—shape us just as much as (if not more than) the actual life events shape us.

While some sentiments expressed in this book may seem harsh or as if I am pointing the finger at everyone else’s poor behaviors, nothing written in this book was, is, or will ever be intended to be malicious or vengeful. Any negativity expressed through my words was meant to be factual (how I perceived the event or person) and healing. The stories that I share were derived from the videos my mind took throughout my lifetime and which were filmed from my perspective, using my psychological and emotional lenses, and edited with any dysfunction(s) that I have experienced. So, while such events may be very real to me, my family or other onlookers might recall them differently—such is life.

Whether or not the events shared in this book were memorable or significant to those around me, they scarred me. Perhaps I was in a sensitive state when some arguments took place, so their verbal cuts wounded me more than they should have or would have on another day. Maybe I was simply more vulnerable to my environment, since I was looking to my family for acceptance and love, yet was constantly greeted with negativity and rejection instead. Perhaps I was just very sensitive, so negative energy, arguments, and harsh words hurt me more than they might have hurt others. I don’t know exactly why the memories I’ve recalled have cut me so deeply, but I do know that they’ve shaped me to be who I am today.

The stories I share with you focus on the negative events that shaped my life for a few reasons. It has always been my experience that the stronger my emotional response to something, the more I remember it, or the more it eventually shapes my thoughts and actions. For some reason, I don’t recall any emotionally charged positive events that shaped me as strongly as the negative ones did. This does not mean that my life has been void of joyful moments; it just means that the stress and hurt that I felt on a daily basis overwhelmed the benefits of any (less frequent) pleasant times. Maybe if I hadn’t enjoyed some happy Christmas mornings, the unconditional love of our family pets, playing tag with siblings as a child, and/or spending quality time with my mom and sister as a young adult, I would have been even more adversely shaped by the negative events in my life. However, I can’t determine that—no one can. My point is simply that the imbalance between stressful and blissful emotions shaped who I am and, likely, the dis-ease that I experienced. That profound (yet simple) realization taught me that it is extremely important to bring balance to life—to emphasize the positive moments so that the negative ones don’t have such an adverse effect on the mind, body, and soul. If only I knew that growing up…

The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest her or his patients in the care of the human frame, in a proper diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease.

— THOMAS A. EDISON (1847 - 1931)

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1|THE EARLY YEARS:

Setting the Stage for Dysfunction

W HEN I WAS GROWING UP, I often heard stories about the misadventures of my three older siblings. As a baby, my oldest sibling, a sister, was known for crying and screaming bloody murder (as my mom would say) when my parents tried to give her a bath or put her to bed. She was so rambunctious that my parents would have to strap her in the car seat and drive around the block for an hour just to get her to fall asleep at night. When she was a toddler, she snuck into my parents’ bedroom while my father was sleeping and drew all over his back with a black permanent marker.

In stark contrast, the next oldest child, a brother, would practically hibernate like a bear. My mother often told stories about how she would have to go into his bedroom and check on him while he slept because he was so quiet and napped for so long that she was afraid that he had smothered himself in his sleep. She even had to wake him up to eat! He was also known for having to wear socks on his hands because he often scratched his little baby face.

My other older brother, who’s between my oldest brother and me in age, was the more rambunctious of the two; he used to jump up and down in his crib like a monkey. If I’m not mistaken, I think he may even have broken a crib or two in his time! But that doesn’t compare to when he was a toddler and set the holiday decorations on fire with a stray cigarette lighter that had been left around the house. In my parents’ defense, they had four kids to keep their eyes on; one was bound to go astray from time to time. But I digress…

My point here is that I never heard baby stories about me. When I was a child and I heard the recollections of these antics, I asked my mom what I was like as a baby and during my toddler years. Her response was as boring as can be—she said I was a good baby. I’d be more descriptive if I could, but that’s essentially the response I got whenever I asked that question. Like I said, boring!

As an adult, however, it’s some validation that I didn’t come out of the womb screwed up. I mean, as a baby I wasn’t high strung, behaving like a depressed person by sleeping through meals, or showing signs of a potential arsonist. That’s a good thing. Through deductive reasoning, I can then infer that any imbalances, trust issues, fears, or other dysfunctional oddities that I exhibited over the years, or express today, are results of how I let my life experiences shape me and not simply innate qualities that I was meant to exhibit. That’s disturbing, yet comforting at the same time.

Additional evidence that suggests I was innately normal as a child comes from one of my earliest memories. When I was around three or four years old, I loved to play dress-up by putting on anything girly that I could find in the house; that included my mom’s jewelry and make-up. Since mom only wore such things for special occasions, like weddings, I got much more use out of her jewelry box and make-up case than she did. I was drawn to anything that sparkled, shimmered, shined, glistened, or felt soft to the touch. Because of my affinity for dressing up like a movie star and being drawn to anything that looked expensive, my parents often referred to me as Zha Zha Gabor. I was a younger, rounder, brunette version of Zha Zha, but I took the complement. After all, what girl wouldn’t want to be compared to a glamorous actress?! My mom has told me that it was also around this time when I said that I loved her so much that I never wanted to leave home.

Such recollections of happily playing dress-up and being so content that I never wanted to leave my mother’s side offer validation that, at my core, I was an easy-going spirit who just wanted