Reaching Out

By Mark Williams

Reaching out is an emotional and honest account of the experience that both Mark and his wife have had of depression. At 30 years of age, Mark didn't understand depression, he was one of the people who dismissed mental health issues. That all changed when Michelle, Marks wife, suffered from severe post natal depression after giving birth to their son. Michelle spiralled into a pit of depression which left Mark in the position of coping with a new born baby, looking after Michelle and running the home. Depression became a part of their lives. Reaching Out gives an insight into what life is like living with depression. When Michelle recovered, Mark himself became depressed. In the end the negative proved to be a positive in his life.

" Sometimes you have to have a negative,to have a positive in life"

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jul 25, 2012
• ISBN: 9781477219126

Mark Williams

Mark S. Williams (PhD, Ateneo de Davao University, Philippines) served in ministry to Muslims for twenty years (1990–2010) with SIM in the Philippines. He published articles in the Journal of Asian Mission and Missiology and was a contributing author in Missionary Methods: Research, Reflections, and Realities (William Carey Library).

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© 2012 by Mark Williams. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 07/21/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4772-1911-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4772-1912-6 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One We are what we are…

Chapter Two The Wedding

Chapter Three Home Sweet Home

Chapter Four Is it Christmas

Chapter Five Another Day

Chapter Six Is There Light

Chapter Seven Supporting

Chapter Eight Back to Work

Chapter Nine Everyone Needs a Break

Chapter Ten No Way

Chapter Eleven Times are Changing

Chapter Twelve So Many People

Chapter Thirteen What Dad

Chapter Fourteen The Light

Chapter Fifteen Treating The Illness

Chapter Sixteen Post Natal Depression

Chapter Seventeen Calming

Chapter Eighteen My Michelle

Chapter Nineteen Going Forward

Chapter Twenty Afterword

Introduction

My name is Mark Williams, and I am happily married to Michelle Williams. I first met Michelle when I came back from a lads’ holiday, and was told we had to go to this particular nightclub in town. That night changed my life. What if we had come home the following day? What if I hadn’t gone to the same club? What if I hadn’t started to talk to this lady? What if I wasn’t so tanned and wearing my fake designer t-shirt from Turkey that wooed her… ?

We all have what-ifs… but I can tell you, if we didn’t have Post Natal Depression, or if I didn’t have mild depression or if we didn’t plan to get married, or if we didn’t have our son Ethan… You know what? I wouldn’t be writing this book.

If we hadn’t gone through what we went through we wouldn’t be able to seek awareness, or start the support groups, or talk on BBC Radio to tell families to look after the partners as well. Or have someone do some research on me, for families in the near future.

It has been down to this horrible illness that I have changed my career for the better, and that in itself has made me and my family much happier. It’s crazy how a situation can actually put you on a different path in life, for me for the better. And would I do it again? Go through this illness to get where I want to go in my time? Maybe not, I would say to you. Has it affected me? Of course it has: in a sense it has stopped us from having more children for our lovely son Ethan to keep company.

There are many ifs and buts in life, and we all know that life is a rollercoaster with many ups and downs. But I will tell you this for free: sometimes if life was simple and plain it would be very boring, wouldn’t it? Life experiences mean so much; they don’t mean living in the South of France on a yacht sunbathing with a glass of champers. No, real life experiences are the struggles and challenges we must face when dealing with daily life, to make us stronger as human beings.

When I look back over many moons and I think back—what I have done in my life, did it help people, was it the way I wanted it to pan out?—I will know that just speaking out about this illness would have helped someone, if not a lot of people, to go through depression.

It has been very challenging writing this book, being as honest as I can without leaving things out due to being in such a daze. But it was really hardest for my wife Michelle, who found it at times very upsetting reliving the days of Post Natal Depression. There were times when just thinking of what happened brought her close to despair.

So I would like to thank my wonderful wife Michelle for letting me share her moments and letting me go ahead and write this book. And also starting up fathersreachingout.com, which I am now pleased to say I’m very proud of. I have had lots of people telling me how great and proud I should be for starting the group, and I am very much humbled to get so many emails from people not just in the United Kingdom but overseas as well. But what makes me proudest is staying with my family at a time when so many would have left.

I am very lucky to be a Father to my Son Ethan. I would honestly, hand-on-heart, die for that boy, even though I didn’t get those feelings that so many people say they do when he was born. It took me weeks before I started to feel the love I have for him now.

Also I would like to say a big thanks to my family who I couldn’t ask for any more from. They have been incredible, not just when we were going through the illness but in life in general. I couldn’t have a better family, and we have shared some wonderful experiences together as well as some bad and hurtful ones.

Also I would like to thank my extended family who I also wouldn’t change, especially my Mother in Law Jan. Without her giving up her work to come to live with us, life could have taken a different path and it may have taken longer for us to get back to normal.

Thanks too to my friends who have been so good to me, even though I shut you out and didn’t talk about what was going on. I wish I had now, as I know it’s the best medication, and I could have got a lot more off my chest. There were times when I was moody and upset with you, but my friends knew my true colours and thankfully accepted what I was going through at the time. Even though we’re all settled down now, and don’t see each other as much, we still keep in contact.

Lastly I hope I did this book justice, as I have been as honest as I possibly can about my experience with Post Natal Depression and the mild depression I had myself. So I hope you enjoy, and please contact me on my site www.fathersreachingout.com to comment (only good ones please).

And remember, whatever you think of the book, and if you are going through this illness of depression, promise me one thing…

Talk today, don’t be afraid . . .

get your feelings out in the open and

Reach Out . . .

Chapter One

We are what we are…

I was born in South Wales in the United Kingdom. The personalities that most people associate with our country are Tom Jones and Shirley Bassey. Both have powerful voices, and I would like to tell you that I have a powerful voice. What I mean is that, due to me talking and telling people about the Mental Health problems in our family, it has the power to help others do the same, which helps.

My Father was a Miner down the Pit until it closed in the 80s, and then he went to the Royal Mail and worked a total of 50 years until he retired. My Mother worked as a trainee Mental Health Nurse, had me, then went back to work as an assistant in a petrol station. I myself left school at 15 and went on the Youth Training Scheme (YTS) for bricklaying after watching Auf Weidersehen Pet, a TV comedy starring Jimmy Nail and Timothy Spall.

After leaving the YTS I worked in a factory for six years until I went to Spain, working for a Timeshare company run by some underworld gangsters. I came home due to fact that I liked my legs too much. I ended up in Sales as a Rep Trainer and Manager for some of the biggest blue-chip companies in the World.

I have had a wonderful life so far: I would say 80% has been really great and amazing, 20% of it has had its share of life problems. I have been a Welsh Champion for three different sports and also a British Champion, which was an amazing feeling. I have been fortunate enough to have backpacked around Europe and Asia and have been on many family holidays and some crazy 18-30 holidays with the lads.

I have raised money for charity by running the London Marathon in 2003 and doing a number of other events, including the 3-Peaks Challenge and so on. I have burned the candle at both ends and have been lucky enough to do everything I set out to do, at 16 years old, by the time I was 37 years of age. I know now why I have been so focused on hitting the targets I dreamed of: it was as a result of a teacher saying I would never amount to anything, and someone else saying I would. That has been the driving force. Some people would have fallen and taken on the negativity, but I wanted to prove to that teacher how wrong he was to tell me that.

I have fantastic Parents who gave me a fantastic childhood, and taught me the basic things in life that are free, like Please and Thank You. I have done voluntary work in the Boys and Girls Club sector and on the committee of some charities. I set up my own business by myself and have supported people with Cerebral Palsy, Autism, Mental Health personality disorders and many more in my profession. I am also a Life Coach and public speaker, which is my next venture.

The reason I have told you about my background is that there are no qualifications here at all. I left school with nothing. But what I have learned is that life experiences are just as