Stop, Look, and Run Like Hell: A Simple Guide for Identifying and Avoiding Unhealthy Relationship and Behaviors

By Donna Kay

Stop, Look, and Run like Hell discusses toxic behaviors in unhealthy human relationships and how these behaviors affect the lives of readers and others around them. The author discusses different personality disorders in simple terms everyone can understand, using the elements of Wind, Fire, Steel, Water, and Wood.

By using elements, well-crafted characters, and interesting scenarios, Kay effectively demonstrates different personality disorders and offers suggestions for ways to correct personal issues. The book includes self-assessments to assist the reader in identifying issues. Also included is a thirty-day meditation log that helps to ground the reader with focus on personal virtues and the enhancement of life experiences.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463439118

Donna Kay

Donna Kay is from Detroit and now lives in Southern Georgia. She has a Masters Degree in Foundations of Education - Psychology. As a Licensed Professional Counselor she has worked with many populations; Inmates in prison, senior citizen, children, adults, families, groups, victims of; PTSD, domestic violence and sexual abuse over the past 10 years. She has a successful private practice seeing clients for psychotherapy as well as life coaching. Donna Kay’s current projects include the completion of five other books; Holding Joy, Girl Please / Boy Please, Exchanges of East and West, Letters from Daddy Drew and The Seed that Knew. Mrs. Kay has been a speaker appearing on radio talk shows broadcasted nationally. Additionally, Mrs. Kay is wrapping up the development of 3 computer/phone application; Karmic Coin (Three parts- Virtues, Temptations and Universal Truths), Christian Character-Daily Dose and Project World –Going green, all created to help improve the quality of human life by elevating the spiritual condition of man.

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© 2011 by Donna Kay. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author or her designee.

First published by AuthorHouse 09/23/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-3913-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-3912-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-3911-8 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011916098

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

DEDICATIONS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

PREFACE

INTRODUCTION

CHAPTER ONE

Fire

CHAPTER TWO

Wind

CHAPTER THREE

Metal

CHAPTER FOUR

Water

CHAPTER FIVE

Wood

CHAPTER SIX

Personal Inventories

CHAPTER SEVEN

Choices

CHAPTER EIGHT

Virtues

CHAPTER NINE

Thirty-day Thought and

Meditation Journal

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

DEDICATIONS

I have been blessed with many wonderful people in my life; for them I am grateful. To the amazing people in my life I dedicate this book: mother Glenda Bard; husband John; sister Tracey Szczesny; daughter Stephanie Grace; son John Gregory; niece Chelsea; nephews Donnie, Matthew and Austin; and best friends Joy Cordio and Alecia Rogers.

All my love,

dk

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

I’d like to thank my father, Donnie Ray Thompson; my sister, April Lynn Thompson; and my brother, Scott Allen Lisiecki. They have each gone on but have left me with much. I am grateful and blessed to have had each of them with me on this journey.

Additionally, a special thanks to Linda Zantop for being the toughest and greatest English teacher I ever had, and to Dr. Charmaine Ramsay-Thomas for being an awesome mentor.

Be blessed,

dk

PREFACE

This book was written to show the connections between our physical and psychological selves. This writing is offered as an explanation for how the people in our lives contribute to our healthy higher selves, or the ways the people we associate with may diminish our reserves, draining us emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

As a licensed professional counselor I have worked with many populations: inmates in prison; senior citizens, children, adults, families, groups; victims of PTSD, domestic violence and sexual abuse; and people suffering with grief and dealing with loss. I have worked with hundreds of people, some so desperate for help that they felt I was their last hope, and others who entertained the idea of change but who later decided it would require work on their part, so they gave up instead.

In order to clarify some points in this book, examples are given of what a session might sound like with each personality type, along with a possible outcome. These are only examples; the scenarios do not represent actual clients.

It is my sincerest hope that this text will assist you to define more clearly for yourself who you are and where you are at this point in your life. This book will provide the most benefit to you if you are able to complete an objective analysis with the personal inventories, checklists, and activities in Chapter Six. You can then decide for yourself if you want or need to make the necessary changes in order to live a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

Most people are not familiar with the DSM-IV, an Axis I diagnosis-psychiatric disorder or Axis II diagnosis-personality disorder. The DSM-IV is the holy grail of psychiatry. People in general will not understand what the consequences for interacting with a person with borderline or narcissistic personality disorder might be. Yet most people understand that being near a potential deadly disaster is probably not a good idea.

I want to caution you against trying to identify the people around you in the characters I have created. Characters are being used for purposes of helping you visualize what is being referenced, and the framework behind the reference.

This is a self-help and inspirational guide for you to identify where you are and to help you decide if you want to make changes in your life. This book is not intended to replace therapy. It is meant to assist you in determining if you could benefit from introducing therapy into your life.

The beginning premise is that you can’t change other people. Most people should be able to identify parts of themselves in each of the elements. The goal here is balance. If, however, you identify that your persona falls or leans heavily or solely in one element, I suspect balance is a scarcity in your life, and change is in order.

Scenario: A woman wakes up to find that her house is on fire. Panic sets in: Okay, get the stuff I really need. Photos, get the photos. Now I need the important papers in the safe. My mother’s ring and the quilt my grandmother made (okay, got all that). I need to set this stuff down. No there is no time to come back in, where is the cat? Here, Muffin, Muffin, where are you? Oh, don’t forget to grab the family bible, okay got it. The albums fall from her hands. Oh, God. The smoke is so thick now. Forget the quilt, I need the pictures, where’s Muffin? Smoke overtakes her and she is found dead clutching her stuff. Muffin ran out the cat door and is now whining and mourning the loss of her owner. How easy was it for you to follow this woman’s reaction to such a devastating event? How often do you allow devastating events to turn into unimaginable tragedies?

This scenario represents what many people do in their lives. They get so bogged down with the stuff of their lives that they are unable to save the most valuable thing they have, themselves. They die clutching their things. The educated, evolved, enlightened species dies for stuff, yet the cat had enough sense to get out of the house.

If you were to read the above synopsis to any child over the age of six, he or she would say something like this: "You are supposed to stop, drop, and roll until you find a door or window you can get out of."

What about calling 911? Why didn’t she reach out for help? Why haven’t you? Many people are running through this life on fire, and it does not even occur to them to ask for help or just get out of the fire, even if they end up somewhat scorched, singed, or burned, and thankful to be alive.

This scenario is a metaphor for the danger that exists within each element. It is not representative of fire only. Its purpose is to serve as a cautionary tale to everyone, showing you that common sense should be employed in all aspects of your life. In a fire you are taught to stop, drop, and roll. If you remember stop, look, and run, it will inevitably save you much heartache and pain. Sometimes you must stop and look around, and if you see yourself in the midst of impending disaster or doom, then run like hell.

INTRODUCTION

The title for this book, Stop, Look, and Run like Hell, is to encourage you to use caution in your life. It is also an invitation offering you the opportunity to examine yourself.

Chapters 1-5 will explain physical elements and their behavioral connections/identifications. If asked, most people will say they do not believe they need to change. Most people will also say they believe their lives would be a lot better if the people around them would change. Therefore, characters and scenarios were created that could assist the reader with self-identification.

Chapter 6 provides some assessments outlining identifications of dysfunction(s) that may be of use to you.

Chapter 7 begins to outline the power of choice and change, to let people know their life has purpose. You are here in this time, space, and place for a reason.

Chapter 8 discusses how to change behaviors by using virtues as a model for change.

Chapter 9 includes a thirty-day meditation journal.

Ultimately, the book shows that people have the power to choose. They can live their lives as elements of destruction or as Mable, a character in this book, did, with no regrets.

Note: This book does not contain any real characters or people. Characters were created for demonstration of different personality types within the context of each element. The information contained within is not to be used as a replacement or substitution for therapy.

CHAPTER ONE

Fire

My mood changes on three

speeds. There is whoa, watch out,

and what the heck just happened.

—dk

Fire

As a therapist for many years, I could not begin to tell you how many fires have walked through my office doors. These were people who were on fire, at the point where they were so overwhelmed with smoke (pain) that they were, at the time of our introduction, dead—spiritually, emotionally, or mentally. In the cases of these wildfires that have swooshed through my doors, most were all of the above.

Fire is one of the five basic elements. Anyone who has ever been near a fire knows that once a fire has started it can and most often does spread very quickly. A fireman once told me that a relatively well built house can be completely engulfed in flames in as little as three to five minutes. Something that starts in an instant can destroy whatever is near it within minutes.

A few years ago in South Georgia there was a fire that started during a storm one evening, when an electrical line fell and set fire to a field of grass. This fire burned so quickly that it took the assistance of the fire departments and firefighters from neighboring states to put it out, and that was weeks later.

That fire affected thousands of people. The smoke was so thick you could hardly see five feet in front of you. The mere act of breathing was difficult and painful. You may have seen fires on this scale reported on the news in other states or countries.

Anyone who has seen how destructive, toxic, deadly, and out of control fires can be does not want to have anything to do with them. Yet many people know they are destructive, hot, or on fire, but they do not seek help for themselves or those around them.

There are many ways fires start inside a person. Not all fires within human beings are five-alarm fires. Some fires are slow, smoldering ones. In a smoldering fire, a person feels or thinks he or she has been treated badly in one fashion or another, and that thought begins to grow. Soon you have a person who is seething inside.

An example of this is a person who is abused in some manner by another person. Whether it was a one-time incident or abuse that continued over weeks, months, even years, the abused person finally just snaps and loses it, badly injuring or killing the person whom he or she felt had committed the abuse, someone else, or themselves.

Obviously, not all people who are abused by others injure or kill another person. These examples illustrate the idea of how destructive or deadly the negative aspect of fire in a person can be.

Within the overall category of fire, there are multiple levels and degrees. First we have the Smoldering Fire, then the Rapidly Moving