Miserably Comfortable

By Bobby Shue

I like a good beer buzz early in the morning Sheryl Crow once said in a song, and who wouldnt when you work a nine-to-five! Bonnie Fletcher is a working class, paycheck-to-paycheck married woman who comes to a midlife crisis, realizing that her life has become nothing more than a day-to-day routine, working for a high end retail store, dealing with the irate and bitching public, coming home to frozen Banquette TV dinners, sitting in front of a television set living her life through reality shows. Bonnie reaches a turning point thanks to the support of her financial struggling co-workers.

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• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Oct 7, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467044080

Bobby Shue

Bobby Shue is the author of “Got Therapy?” a story loosely based off of his family. Bobby lives in Dallas performing at local comedy clubs in the metropolitan area. Bobby’s new novel is another comic tale loosely based on his experience working in the retail world. Bobby had worked as a model and actor for Wilhemina Models in New York City and Tokyo for over 10 years, featured on television in such shows for MTV and ABC Network, as well as featured in Entertainment Weekly.

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© 2011 by Bobby Shue. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 09/28/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4670-4409-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4670-4408-0 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

The Preface, Foreword, Introduction… Whatever you wanna call it!

Routine Misery

Mandatory Meeting

Happy Hour!

Developing Happiness

Boy, Interrupted

A-Wake!

Eat, Pray, Shit!

Happy Birthday, Mr. Harris…

Customer Service… ?

My, Ass!!!

Another Round of Drinks, Please… !

With Jean and Joan

and who knows who…

You’ve got me running and hiding,

all over town…

Change

This book is dedicated to my mom Shelia Shue,

my boyfriend Brian Van, my best friend Valena Brown,

and my sister Jamie Lee Shue.

Also, thank you to Sara Nguyen

And a big thanks to Carren Tew & Lynn Hansen

The Preface, Foreword, Introduction… Whatever you wanna call it!

When I published my first novel Got Therapy? back in the summer of 2010 I was asked by the publishing house to submit a preface. What the hell is that? I asked my partner Brian. He explained to me that it was the introduction of your book, before you start the story.

You know the first 5 to 10 pages of the book you never read, Bobby… ? Brian asked.

"Oh, yeah! The pages that are usually in Roman numerals that I always bypass reading because it has no relevance to the story?" I replied.

Brian laughed hysterically. But, it is true! Who really reads these introductions? I know I don’t! When I had first learned what it detailed after finally finishing my first novel, all I could think was, "Oh, shit!!! I have to write something else!!!"

Now, here I am a year later, and I have finally completed my second novel. I am writing this to you all, I am reminded of that same thought I had a year ago! ANOTHER PREFACE!!! This time writing my introduction is a bit more special to me.

After Got Therapy? hit book stores, I managed to land a stand-up gig at Hyena’s Comedy Club in Dallas and figured I would promote my first book signing with a little stand-up routine.

I cannot express how grateful I am to all the people who came out to see me. Most of the people were co-workers from previous retail places I had worked. I didn’t realize how much support I had; it was amazing to see all of them out there supporting me. On that very night of my performance/book signing, there was a dreadful thunder storm and all the roads were flooded across the city. Despite this, over 50 people came out to watch me perform and sign their copy of Got Therapy?

I want to express that Miserably Comfortable would have never been possible if it had not been for my years of experience in retail and as well as all the people I had met along the way. Regardless of what people might think of us who work in this love/hate industry, we all have a retail horror story we can share at parties, in a group with complete strangers, or with friends at happy hour. The point is we all have a story one we can all relate to.

Two former co-workers of mine inspired two main characters in this book; I want to thank Lynn Hansen for giving me the tools I needed to create such a character as Glenda Page, I also want to thank Carren Tew who inspired Marie Black. If I had never worked with both of you, I probably would have never come up with half the shit that evolved these characters into the ones they are in this story. Thank you for the material!

Lynn and Carren are former associates with whom I used to work part-time at Crate & Barrel. I remember getting out of work one Saturday afternoon and met-up with Lynn for cocktails. We were sitting outside and were getting fairly buzzed from our delicious martinis, and like many co-workers we would shoot the breeze about our day, gossiping and sharing all the dirt about management, associates we hated, and customers we would have killed if only we didn’t need the job. Lynn and I both discussed television shows and if we ever going to make a reality show or a sitcom about where we worked. What would be the plot line? Better yet, what would be the title of the show?

We somehow got on the subject about that old ABC television show Eight Is Enough, which began in March of 1977 and ran until August 29, 1981. The show was about columnist Thomas Braden, a father with eight children, who wrote a book with the same name. Immediately, I had the idea for our new show and what the title would be; I told Lynn while sipping on my third or fourth martini that I had a name for our show Crate Is Enough!" We both had a lot to drink, but we sure as hell got a good laugh out of it, so anytime we would pass by each other at work or had a bad day, we would share our little inside joke would have to say to one another is Crate Is Enough!

This book would have never been possible if it had not been for the long customer service venture I have been on since the age of 16 working for a dry cleaning place. I believe there are consumers out there who purposely like to give hell to those who work in the service industry. At 16 I remember dealing with a lot of bullshit from the general public. These particular customers would bring in their laundry, and when it came time to pick up their dry cleaning, you could tell by the looks on their faces that they wanted to bitch about something… ANYTHING!!!

Why is it so hard for some people to be nice? I realize that sometimes our lives aren’t always what we thought they would be, but there is no reason to take that anger out-on the world. My supervisor at the retail store I work for now said to me one time, Everyone should at least work in retail for a year. Basically saying, customers can be idiots. Customers often come inside a store to shop when a sales associate is cleaning and fluffing the merchandise, and they unfold a shit load of shirts that the associate had just folded… !

ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS!!! When you see associates closing up for the night and the over-head music is no longer playing and the lights are dim, that should be a dead giveaway to get the fuck out! ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS!!! When you purchase an item and you think that you might have a change of heart later and want to return it, READ YOUR RECEIPT DUMB ASS!!! The receipt doesn’t say, Return at your leisure. ATTENTION ALL CUSTOMERS!!! When someone says Hello, how are you? the polite thing to do would be to answer back, and when an associate asks you about your day, it is a question not a compliment! Sometimes, customers will reply back to your question by saying Thank you. or Just looking. BUT THAT IS NOT WHAT THEY ASKED YOU!!!

As a sales associate, we do not care how you are doing, it’s called doing our job! I find it funny how people view others who work in the retail industry… we are neither stupid, nor are we here to rollout the red carpet for you! A lot of us who work in retail have a four-year degree some even have more than that. Some of us actually enjoy our jobs while others have with no other choice. There are no guarantees in the world that says everyone can be whatever they want to be. Because I can tell you that is a bunch of bull-shit!

But, all we can do in this life is try. Again, there are still no guarantees that you will get that six-figure job or have that house with the big swimming pool in the back while living next door to the Joneses. It would be nice! But, realistically it won’t happen for all of us. I strive someday to live next door to the Joneses, but till then, or if that day should never come, you won’t find me miserably comfortable.

Routine Misery

Want a bowl of ice cream, Allen? Bonnie Fletcher asked her husband.

No, that’s alright. My stomach is pretty full from that Salisbury steak BANQUET dinner you heated up for me. Allen replied, while rubbing his pasty-white, pot-belly. "You better get to scooping! Dancing with the Stars is already on… !" he shouted.

I’m scooping; I’m scooping! she replied.

Allen and Bonnie Fletcher have been married for over thirty-some-odd years by now. The couple met through a mutual family friend back in the late 60s. Both were instantly attracted to one another.

Bonnie’s father was a used-car salesman. His name was Hank Clemons and he could sale a banana peel he found off on the side of the street. He had a real knack for sales. Hank came from a dirt poor family from Lafayette, Louisiana. Hank began working as a young child, but he never worked for an employer, just for himself. Hank dropped out of school when he was 13, having to help out his single mother and four sisters.

Hank went every Sunday to church, not to hear the sermon preach or anything like that. No… not Hank! Hank went to church for collateral he went to church to get his inventory for business. Hank was a member of the Lafayette First Baptist Church; he gave the impression that he was there to worship and hear about the word of our alleged Lord and Savior, but it was all a front. Really, he was there to get his hands on the free church calendars that the Lafayette First Baptist Church so eagerly gave away. The calendars were a lucrative tool for the church; it was a way for fellow church members to interact with friends and fellow family members. The Lafayette Church calendars were a tool used to generate more members.

The calendars weren’t the only way to add members to the small Baptist church. Within a year of Hank’s ongoing attendance at the church, he not only sold the free calendars for profit, but he also generated a lot of new members. Not that Hank cared about the church’s profit or anything like that; he simply enjoyed his share of the profit he made from selling them for a dollar a piece. Hank never told a single soul about how he made his money until years later, of course.

And years earlier, when Hank was 20 years old, he got a job working for a used-car dealership. The job was a shit hole, Hank would say, but it allowed him to put his selling skills to work. Albert Fletcher when he was a man in his early twenties, met Hank at a local Mexican pub one afternoon. Albert had been a regular and had seen Hank hanging out at the pub, usually after the five o’clock hour and always from Monday to Friday. Both men had a good relationship with the bartender and Hank was, usually if not always dressed up in a nice business suit. Albert was always curious about what that man did for a living, since he would always crack jokes with Tito the bartender about his childhood and about how poor his family was growing up.

Albert Fletcher II was born into a prominent house hold, having to never do without. Albert’s father was a well-known investment banker. Unlike most spoiled rich kids, Albert wanted to make his own money without help from his father. One afternoon, Albert asked the bartender about the guy dressed in the nice business suites. You know the guy who is always joking about how poor his family is? Albert asked.

Ah, yes, Mr. Hank Clemons is his name. Tito replied.

Do you know what he does? Albert asked.

He is a car salesman… you know that dealership on the corner of Kimble and Pledge?

You mean that small old shack that looks vacant? he asked.

Hey, that’s not just any old shack! That dealership would have folded if it weren’t for Mr. Hank.

Seriously? Albert questioned.

Of course! I’ve known old man Henry who runs that old car place for a long time; he comes here from time to time. Old man Henry was the one who introduced me to Hank. He told me that Hank saved his life… saved his business too.

Really!?! Albert asked with surprise.

Oh, yeah! Old man Henry would have been shutdown long ago if he didn’t hire that young man… You know that Hank sold five cars off that lot in one afternoon. Tito says.

How did he do that?

"I don’t know. Old man Henry thought it was pure luck… Till a month had passed and he realized that Mr. Hank was gold. You know a car salesmen can go for weeks at a time and not sale shit! But, old man Henry is convinced that Mr. Hank has sold more cars in a year, than three of his men combined."

Seriously… ?

"When’s