The Cow: A Mother’S Instinct Kicks In

By Allyson Moore

All women want to be loved by their mothers and then to love them in return.

There should be a special bond created at conception which binds mother and daughter inexorably.

A titian goddess from Allysons childlike perspective, she delighted in sitting in her mothers boudoir while she inhaled the exotic perfumes and fantasized wearing the stylish clothes which filled the closet. It was the only time when she felt close to her. Although she adored her mother, she did not understand why her love was not reciprocated.

At age 12, a pivotal moment changed Allysons life when she finally had the courage to voice her fears and ask her mother if she had wanted her. Her mothers response I did not want you but when you were born, a mothers instinct kicked in forms the basis for the story portrayed through Allysons poignant, often gritty poetry.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Sep 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466949829

Allyson Moore

Allyson Moore is an average, middle-aged woman. In a crowd there is nothing to distinguish her from anyone else, save for her blond hair. A rigid upbringing, an abusive marriage, and an authoritarian religious structure created the desire in her to let her voice be heard. Born during the baby boomer generation, she and her sisters have struggled to find their voices. As hers emerges in this collection of poems about the painful relationship with her mother, the reader may be shocked at the magnitude of secrets that are revealed.

Book preview

© Copyright 2012 Allyson Moore.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4669-4981-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4669-4982-9 (e)

Trafford rev. 08/03/2012

7-Copyright-Trafford_Logo.ai

www.trafford.com

North America & international

toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

phone: [phone] ♦ fax: [phone]

Contents

Disclaimer

Dedication

The Cow Question

Abandoned

Hallway Abandonment

Running Amuck

Anger

Annihilation

Piano Altar

Aunts And Uncles

Cover Exposure

My Bed

Communion

Angry To Death

Bow On Your Knees

Gender Denial

Wedding Suicide

Captivity

Will I Ever Be Rid Of You?

Refuge?

Confession

No Intercept

Couches

The Crime

Culpable

Invisible

Fantasy Design

Diabolic Mind

Trashed

No One Hears

Drunken Stupor

Endure

To Live Or To Experience

Façade

Spanking

Parent

Justice God

Guilty

Almost Homicide

Hatred

Androgyny

Living

Heart

Ulcers

Help Me

The Host

I the Man

Escape

Immolate

Never Could

Incest

Independent Birth

You

Age Inflicted

Murder Undetected

Truth Revealed

Jealous

Killing Set in Motion

It’s My Life

Lost Opportunity

Accursed

Loving Myself

Madison

All Evidence to the Contrary

My Sister

Sacrificial Victim

Menses

Mother Mary

Blow

Murderer

Nietzsche and Kierkegaard

No One Wants the Responsibility

Penalty Box

Princess

Self Centered Drinking

Pleading the Fifth

No One Escapes

My Mind Abandoned Me

Professional Mother

Becoming Real

Sudden Recognition

Repulsed

Lack of Communication

Fingered

Scars

Sham

Alert to Attack

Sister

Reptilian

Standing Up

Weeping Mary

Paranoia

Surrogate Mom

Do Not Talk with Them

The Beating

Nothing More to Expect

The Remains

Signs of Trouble

Vatican Deception

The Whore of Halloween

To All the Addison’s

Toddler Rape

Transparency

Naïve Twit

The Tyrant

Memories

Violation

Inward/Outward

Woods

Choice

Allyson’s Requiem

The Cow

Locking the Gate

A Final Note

Disclaimer

I would like to apologize to anyone who might be offended at the association that I have created between cows and my mother. Although the facts of these poems are true, I intend no maliciousness towards cows. Ultimately these poems serve to prove the supremacy of cows over my mother.

Dedication

To my dearest daughters. I have loved you since the moment that I knew that you existed.

The Cow Question

I first asked her when I was 12

Did you want me?

She looked me straight in the eye and said

No

But when I saw you a mother’s instinct kicked in

I quietly said to her that cows do that

Turned and walked away

I was devastated hearing the truth

That was so obvious from her actions

At 18 I asked her the same question

Did you want me?

No, I did not

But when I saw you a mother’s instinct kicked in

This time I said it a little bit more loudly

Cows do that

Turned and walked away

I was shocked that she had repeated the same answer

That she had given so many years prior

Somehow I had hoped

That I had misheard her

Misunderstood what she had said

Given her time to think

About her response

Then to change it

Or to lie to me

Twenty years later I asked her the same question

In the parking lot following Aunt Mary’s funeral

Did you want me?

No, I did not

But when I saw you a mother’s