There Is Sunshine After the Rain: Making It Through Life's Struggles

By Patricia A. Saunders

As I stare at the sky and wonder why am I here? Why is the world spinning and I feel left out? I have gone through so much losing loved ones, wearing a fake smile to cover up the pain, and as I take one step forward I slip back two . I have gotten up and dusted the dirt off my shoulders and decided I am going to make it. I am determined to see the sunshine. I am on a journey. I am reminded after the rain has washed away my tears that there is always sunshine after the rain

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 30, 2017
• ISBN: 9781543918670

Patricia A. Saunders

Award Winning Author Patricia A. Saunders was born and raised in Connecticut before relocating to the San Francisco Bay Area thirty years ago. After the passing of her mother in 2006,who had Alzheimer’s, Patricia decided if she inherited the ugly disease her words would be her legacy. Pursuing her dream of continuing her education, she received her Master’s in Management from the University of Phoenix in 2011. In 2012, she let the words flow to the pages and released her first book. Her mantra “Letting the words flow until the pen stops” began. Now releasing her seventh book. Her mantra “ Letting the words flow until the pen stops” began. Her work has been featured on a Coast to Coast Book Tour at the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books, Toronto Word On The Street, Sacramento Black Book Fair, Tucson Book Festival, Miami International Festival of Books, AARP Life@50+ Spring Convention, and The Congressional Black Caucus Foundation Annual Convention. Also, she appeared in In the Company of a Poet, Women Owned Business Club Magazine, Alysha Live! Radio Show and Coach Deb Bailey's Secret of Success Talk Radio. She performs locally at spoken word events and Capital Jazz SuperCruise Open Mic with Grammy Award Winner Eric Roberson. She is a monthly blogger of “Blessed & Curvy,” which covers today’s hot topics. She is a certified Motivational Speaker who focuses on women’s issues, women empowerment, and grief. She released her first self-published book, Through the Fire (March 2012), which covered emotions from situations, circumstances, and life lessons that have influenced her over her lifetime. On a mission to complete a book a year in the case she inherits the ugly disease she released her second book Loving Me (2013), and her third, Let It Rain (2014) which is also self-published and covers various topics from love, grief, self-image, self-esteem, bullying, and discovery of self-love. Her fourth book (2016), This Too Shall Pass, was released by AuthorHouse Publishing, and readers have given it a five-star rating. There is Sunshine After The Rain (2018), a memoir, and Four Seasons Of Love (2020). Saunders's seventh book, " Saying Goodbye," is a memoir dedicated to her late sister. Saunders is a proud member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority, Inc. She enjoys traveling, spending time with family, and wine tasting in her spare time.

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© Patricia A. Saunders. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses

permitted by copyright law.

ISBN: 978-1-54391-866-3 (print)

ISBN: 978-1-54391-867-0 (ebook)

Dedication

This book is dedicated to my parents, Rev. Betty L. Saunders and Oscar A. Saunders, Sr., for loving me, teaching me about faith, and showing me that it’s okay to forgive in order to receive my blessings.

To my siblings: who each helped me pick up the pieces when I fell apart. They stepped in to fill the spaces where there was a hole. The daily calls, prayers, and encouragement to continue on when I wanted to quit.

To my nieces and nephews: when I needed to dance, turned up the music. When I felt down and needed a hug, opened their arms. When I traveled bicoastal to stay connected to my roots, shared memories, laughs, and gave me the kiss around my neck.

To my favorite cousin, Shirley McKinnon, who stepped in as my second mother after the passing of my mother. When I needed to vent, she answered the phone and listened. She also sent me pictures from my childhood to remind me that I was always loved, no matter what.

To my teams that keep me motivated and focused. I would be lost without you. Marketing: Ella D. Curry, for hosting my books on tour, posting on social media, and keeping them in front of the readers. Promotional team: LaShaunda Hoffman and Amber Childress, for keeping me up to date with social media and making my job easier. Proofreader: Paulette Nunlee. Web Master: Kenneth Ngai, who rolled up his sleeves and developed my website, made numerous changes until it was perfect, and worked tirelessly before his honeymoon to make sure it was live. Photographer: Eric Gerald Marshall. To my volunteers who assist me at all my book signings, thank you.

Lastly, to my readers: I appreciate your loyal support and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Introduction

And he shall be as the light of the morning, when the sun riseth, even a morning without clouds; as the tender grass springing out of the earth by clear shining after rain.

The funeral service is over, everyone has gone back to their places, and you’re left alone. You were the caregiver, you memorized the medical records, and now you are disorganized. The world has swallowed you up and spit you out.

Sitting there with the pieces of your life around you, there seemed to be a pattern. There was faith, love, deceit, lust, and loss—in that order. You didn’t think you were deserving of love. That is why everything was being taken from you, and you were ready to give up on life.

Through your poetry, faith, and learning from your past, you can rewrite the story. It was after coming through all the experiences and being stronger, you realized there is always a new chapter.

The book will take you on the journey of a young girl growing up in Connecticut, who had to take some stumbles along the way to come into her own and realize instead of tearing herself down for the decisions she made, there is a lesson. Love is greater than anyone can imagine and can warm you like the sunshine after the rain.

You went from the beginning, the journey, the test, and the testimony to say, There Is Sunshine after the Rain.

Contents

Dedication

Introduction

In The Beginning

Grieving You

He Leadeth Me Beside Still Waters

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

I Am Not The Woman I Used To Be

Too Old For Games

Looking For A Mr. Do Right

I’m Staying

Why Jump In The Puddle?

Mister

Penny For Your Thoughts

Blue Cadillac

Eight Years

I Cried For You

Promises Are Meant To Be Broken

I Want To Hurt You

Forgiveness

Roots

Advice To My Daughters

The Womb

If I Had Wings I Could Fly

Another One Bites The Dust

The Stage Is Set

Momma Used To Say

Hold On

Move

Interlude

The Beginning

PART 2

Daddy’s Girl

Bus Stop

Not A Day Goes By

A Mother’s Love

Gone

The Answer

LET GO

It’s Hard Being A Girl

Romeo and Juliet

Turn Back The Hands of Time

Up North

Dreams Do Come True

There Something About You

Like an Onion

Learning to Love Again

The First Meeting

24 Hours

How Deep Is Your Love?

My Gift To You

With This Ring

Interlude

The Journey

Part 3

Take The Hint

I Would Have Freed More If They Only Knew

You Can’t Control A Free Spirit

You Can Wake Me

Where Would I Be?

Time

Glory

Be Somebody

Do You Know What You Want?

Goodbye To The Past

A Shot Rings Out

Momma’s Nightgown

Close Your Eyes

My Letter To Theo

Don’t Forget

Exclamation Point

Appreciate My Thickness

He Will Restore

Weak In The Knees

BABY MOMMA

Feed Me

Strawberries And Cream

Please Me

Interlude

The Test

Part 4

Touch Me

It Was Worth The Wait

Sing Me A Lullaby

Spending Time With You

He Speaks To Me

Knight In Shining Armor

The Will

74 Columbia Boulevard

Yesterday

Guardian Angel

It’s Raining

With My Hands Up

My Body Is Calling

I Smell Her

P.I.M.P.

Dear God

Acceptance

It’s 2 A.M.

Curious

Give Me Strength

A Brighter Day

It’s Back

He Won’t Answer

Interlude

The Testimony

Part 5

You Will One Day Understand

One Wish

I Rise Up

The Message

The Wedding

Love Over Everything

I Made A Mistake

Something for Boom Boom Room

Keep Living

Put Respect on My Name

Sometimes It Hurts

Being Alone

It’s Here

Saving The Cookies

Cabo

Ten Years

Scab

Plus 1

Happy Anniversary

It’s Almost a Year

Another Angel Got Their Wings

Let Me Drink Your Bath Water

Knocking At The Door

Stop Waiting

Bargaining

They Don’t Know

Redbone

Loving Me

Prisoner in My Mind

Texting

Dress Rehearsal

There Is Sunshine After The Rain

Conclusion

Resources

Signs Of Dementia

Steps Of Grieving

Signs that you are dating a married man

Surviving Working In A Hostile Work Environment

Bibliography

About the Author

In The Beginning

Where to begin?

I can remember as a child, laughter

Playing in the backyard

The neighborhood kids would come

We would play tag

Running with not a care in the world

Running to the corner store

Buying penny candy

On hot summer days there was the little plastic pool

Putting on bathing suits and splashing around

I could hear my mother in the house

Pots clanging

Seeing my father on the front porch reading the paper and watching cars going by

Those were the good days

You had to be in the house before dark

Anxious to wash my hands and prepare for dinner

Sitting around the table

Listening to adult conversations

Speaking when spoken to

Watching the Lawrence Welch Show together

We were a family

We were happy

Grieving You

It’s been thirteen years

Secrets

Lovemaking

You’re my best friend

My friends think you’re imaginary

Yet you’re real

You came to my home every week

We talked every day. You’re the first voice I heard and the last one at night.

We made love

We talked about the future

You shared your dreams with me

I told you my thoughts that I couldn’t share with others

I knew what you wanted me to know

This goes on for years

No commitment

I was my married friends’ envy because it’s everything a girl wants

My single friends ask me questions

They want to know what the arrangements are:

Is it fair to not be in a relationship?

How do you know he’s not married?

Have I checked public records?

Is it fair to you?

I say I am fine with it

I lied

No holidays, no weekends, no nights?

Well there were some

It wasn’t until the questions were asked

What about the kids you could have had?

What about the events you could have gone to as a couple?

What about what you want?

I stood there

Lump in my throat and I had to admit

I was settling

So I prayed if it is meant to be…

The phone calls stopped

The visits stopped

I was puzzled and thought if he loved me

Why is he not calling?

Why is he not coming over?

I grieved you

I missed your touch

I missed the love that I thought we shared

I whispered goodbye to the wind, hoping that you would hear

Today I admitted that I grieved you

He Leadeth Me Beside Still Waters

With life being so hectic

I was drawn to the water

I sat there and wept

Not sad tears, but tears of joy

I am blessed to be alive

I had to look at all he has brought me through

I looked at my surroundings

The butterfly touching the flowers

The gecko running in the sand to get to the right hot spot to sun

A light breeze against my skin

God, you brought me here to paradise to hear you talk to me

As your child, I am listening

Always running to catch something

Deadlines to meet

Reservations to respond to…

I had to stop!

I am taking care of myself

I am letting go of the negative

I only have one life to live

I want to smell my flowers

I want to see my sunsets

I want to feel the grass between my toes

Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

Life has created stumbling blocks

They pile up as high as a mountain

On my own I keep trying to climb over each mountain:

Work

Relationships

Family

Friends

As I get to another level of this journey, life piles on another block

I give up

I surrender

At that moment, I feel like I am losing it

Everything that I care about is being taken away

It takes time to heal

I realize that not everything I was holding onto was meant for me

I am free from everything

Everything is clearer

I make a point of wanting to share with my legacy that we come from strong women

Women who put their faith first to make it through everything from segregation, inequality, and colorism.

They believed that a better day was coming and that the struggle would not last.

I can hear them whisper Baby, ain’t no mountain high enough that you can’t climb.

You can do it!

I Am Not The Woman I Used To Be

I am half a century years old

I keep encountering souls who are stuck in the 80s

I have gone through many storms

Not all written, but the scars are still there

I have had people joke about my past

I have had people who I love take out their insecurities on me

I have had people distance themselves because

I am not the woman I used to be

The life of the party doesn’t mean to belittle me

The life of the party means a good life, but not at my expense

When you throw up things from my past and I stare blankly