A Desire so Strong

By Joyce Watford-Montague

How would you rate the level of your intimacy with God? Does your intimate moments with God have you longing for time to stand still so that you'll never have to leave His presence? Does the level of your intimacy with God rouse a constant yearning within to be ever so near to Him, to just hear Him, to always experience Him? Has the level of your intimacy with God affected you so much so that the very sigh of God stimulates you to give more of yourself over to him? If you've answered yes and no then know that this practical yet powerful novel is kindle that will keep the flames burning as well as ignite a flame.

Question Lord, Marie said after coming back to her journal.
Ask Marie.
What are you doing? You've set me up for something. What?
Oh, yes, Marie --I see you're really learning how I work. You're absolutely correct. I want to discuss with you a few verses of the 100th Psalm, and I'd like you to call your reflection Make a Joyful Noise: Cause an Erection!

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 12, 2011
• ISBN: 9781467024297

Joyce Watford-Montague

Joyce Watford Montague has been an ordained Pastor since 2002. Ministry has led her to singing, teaching and preaching the word of God in many local churches throughout the state of Virginia. Ministry for her isn't limited to the four walled building called church but extends into the privacy of homes where she teaches the word of God to hungry souls that bid her to come share with them God's call of love. Being commissioned by the Lord Jesus to go into the hedges and highways to compel men and women to Christ; she can be seen and heard sharing the good news of the Kingdom of God in the market places, street corners and where ever else a soul can be reached. contact information: [e-mail] [e-mail]. [e-mail]

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CHAPTER 1

GOOD MORNING LORD

Dear Lord, where do I begin? Marie stretched and yawned. The consistent ringing of the phone had awakened her out of a deep, needful rest. These telemarketers don’t give a flying fig about time or privacy. She rolled over to look at the clock. Gee, it’s only 9:30 in the morning, and here they are calling back to back. It’s always one call after the other as if I didn’t hear them the first time. If only I could give them a taste of their own annoyance—just a brief encounter with how much of a nuisance I can be, especially on those mornings when they really need to lay in because they’ve worked a ten—or twelve-hour shift the night before. She chuckled as she imagined some with frustrated looks on their faces and laughed hard as she imagined others slamming pillows across their faces to cover their ears and drown out the very perturbing voice she’d use. What made her laugh even harder was the image of phones flying across the rooms of the very same callers who’d call her every morning.

Marie?

Yes Lord, she answered recognizing the familiar voice of her God speaking to her from within.

Are you thinking vindictively this morning? He asked.

Um, I was, um… she said thinking quickly, I was just practicing the golden rule in my thoughts God. You know—the rule that says do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.

She heard the Lord laugh, and she too started laughing. I know God, she said throwing the covers back to get out of bed, I’m as wrong as two left shoes, but you’ve gotta admit that I used the gift of imagination pretty good didn’t I? she asked laughing. Again she heard the Lord laugh.

It was a Wednesday morning and an off day from Carter’s Supercenter where Marie worked. She’d initially planned to just lax and laze all day enjoying the home she wished desperately to spend more quality time in. She would, of course, spend time with her God, maybe play one or two of her favorite games on the computer, and press to finish the book one of her good friends had written. Though she’d only had about a couple hours of sleep, she got out of bed to begin her day.

She’d clocked out of work at five o’clock in the morning and rushed to get her belongings so she wouldn’t miss the few minutes that had become so important to her lately—those few minutes that led her to meeting the attractive man who’d walk her to her car. This morning was no different than any of the other mornings of the last four months, yet it was a time of morning that brought smiles and pleasure. As usual, she’d met him at the entrance doors of the supercenter, and they’d walked out together to her vehicle making small talk. He’d said his farewell and promised to call her later.

Marie lived about a five-minute drive from the supercenter. She’d found herself smiling at the very thought of him as she drove those few minutes home. In her thinking, she became amazed at how vividly in her mind she could see his walk and hear the sound of his voice, remembering practically every word he’d spoken to her.

This is getting serious for me Lord, she said aloud to God. I’m really a little nervous because none of the discomforts which normally come when I’m attracted to someone have greeted me. Hmmm… . Wonder what it means? she asked herself more so than God.

She dismissed the thoughts of Edwin as she pulled into the driveway of her two-story home. As usual, she quickly looked around the neighborhood. She appreciated the fact that most of her neighbors kept porch lights on which aided her ability to see at that time of the morning and check for anything moving. Most of the time a few of the neighbors were either coming out to warm up cars or heading back inside from starting them. They’d often speak or wave to one another, but they’d always keep it moving. This morning was no different than other mornings. As she got out of her truck, Marie waved to her neighbor across the street.

Closing the door to her SUV, Marie smiled as a neighbor’s cat jumped and raced from one of the outdoor chairs on her porch. It must’ve been sleeping pretty soundly not to hear me drive up she thought as she climbed the steps to the porch. Sighing, she unlocked the door to her home. Give this girl a few minutes, and she’ll be just as you were, she said to the cat which she guessed was probably hiding and waiting to resume rest in its place of comfort.

Walking through the door, Marie sniffed for the lingering ocean mist fragrance offered by the potpourri pots scattered about the house. Because she simmered her fragrances so regularly, she still could smell the scent even if nothing was burning now. Though she had a phobia about getting into the waters at beaches, she loved the smell of the ocean. At the beach she’d often just sit enjoying the aroma and listening to the waves beat against the shore as she’d either think, read, write, or do all three.

Tossing one set of keys on the love seat as she walked by, she made her way into the kitchen where she hanged the second set on the brass key rack on the wall. She always took two sets of keys with one set always being locked to the belt loop of her uniform pants. You never know what’ll happen, she said to a co-worker one day who wanted to know why Marie carried two sets of keys. Folks get locked out of their own cars and homes all of the time girl. Shortly after, Marie noticed that the co-worker started carrying an extra set too. She must’ve been one of the ones whose been locked out before, she thought laughing to herself when she saw the two sets.

Marie put her work bag down in the small library sharing her kitchen space. Being a lover of something as simple as a word and being all the more in love with God, she had bibles and inspirational books all over her home. Feeling very tired, she made herself a drink with plenty of ice and headed for her favorite room in the whole house, her bedroom which she shared with her God. She paused at the bottom of the steps looking up at the climb ahead of her. Gee there sure does seem to be a whole lot of these this morning, she said, not really wanting to have to make the journey up. Sighing again, she pressed on her way. At the top of the stairs Marie had lined the walls with four eight-foot mirrors. Looking at her reflection after reaching the top and seeing the weariness on her face, she decided she’d just shower, pray, and lay down. I promise you Lord, I’ll give you all the time you want later today if you allow me to see the rest of the day, she said to God aloud as she entered her bedroom. Now, if you have something pressing on your heart Lord, you know I’ll nod—I mean I’ll hang right on in there with you. Marie laughed.

You said it right the first time Marie, God answered laughing. You will definitely nod on me this morning. Get some rest dear one. I promise you that we’ll reflect together later today.

One of the things she loved most about God was His sense of humor which she thought on as she showered. She and God shared a fellowship unlike any other relationship she’d ever had. She remembered the first time she heard God laugh. It had really startled her. I didn’t know you did that. she said to God over twenty some years ago.

You laugh, don’t you Marie? the Lord asked.

Well yeah, I do but, I didn’t know you did.

If I didn’t know laughter Marie, neither would you. Go back to Genesis. Read where I said, ‘Let us make man in our image, after our likeness,’ and meditate on this, the Lord had instructed.

Doing that very thing all those years ago led Marie to experience a relationship and fellowship with God in a way she’d never thought possible. While she prepared for bed, she thought also on Christ’s invitation to her through one of her siblings. An older sister, who’d accepted God’s plan of salvation, personally shared with Marie the depths of God’s love for the human race. Through the kind, gentle, convicting, and convincing words her sister Ann spoke, Marie accepted Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord of her life. The invitation in Marie’s opinion was a timely one because she’d arrived at a place in her life those years ago where her actions spoke of no love for self and depression was an ever-present friend who often wanted her to contemplate ending life. Retrospectively, she could now clearly see the attempt of the enemy to do away with the plans of God for her life.

Marie’s bed called to her tired body. You’ve brought me from a long way Lord, she said as she briefly thought about how life used to be before her acceptance of Christ. Thank you so much for thinking of me.

Marie knelt down beside her bed to pray. She couldn’t help but to smile as she remembered the many times she’d done the very same thing as a child. I thank you Lord for Momma teaching us to pray and to acknowledge you always before we closed our eyes. I sure wish I knew then the depths of you that I’ve come to know now. I guess the most important thing is the now because I sure can’t change a thing in the back then.

Feeling the presence of her God, she proceeded to pray and thank God for her day and for her loved ones. She thanked Him for His ways and for being who and what He is. She thanked Him for things done and things about to be done by Him in her life. Telling the Lord how much she loved Him, she ended her prayer and climbed between the sheets on her king-sized bed. She glanced over at the clock—it was six forty-five. I should get some good rest Lord, she thought. As her head hit the pillow beneath her, she grabbed another to snuggle with. Ah, this is heaven, she said.

Well Lord, now that I’m up and have been chastened before I could even get out of bed, what would you like to do today? she asked stretching and yawning some more as she made her way into the bathroom. I gave my word earlier about giving you all the time you wanted. I dare not be chastened a second time, especially about not keeping my word. She rolled her eyes playfully looking to the bathroom ceiling. She heard the familiar chuckle of God as she put toothpaste on her toothbrush. Again she remembered the earlier thoughts that took her back to her home town in Ahoskie, North Carolina, where she’d first heard the laughter of God. She began reminiscing over bits and pieces of her life as she ran water in the sink to wash her face.

She’d married at the young age of fifteen. As far back as she could remember she’d wanted nothing more than to be married to a husband she could be wild about and to have children to love and nurture. Marriage wasn’t a union that was taught to be a mandatory thing in life, but for Marie, it was a desire that burned deep within. She’d gotten what she desired as far as having a husband, and she’d also given birth to two children—however, marriage was by far a whole lot different than she’d expected. I guess what I forgot to desire, Lord, was that my husband and me knew you and not just your name. Marie patted her face dry and headed toward her bedroom.

Although Marie had a study and library upstairs, most of the time she and God spent together was in her bedroom. Occasionally they’d fellowship in the kitchen library or in the upstairs study. Today was one of those occasions, and Marie decided she’d sit a spell in His presence in the upstairs study. She made her way to one of the wicker chairs and sat down. She always kept a light burning in the room on the glass top table where she kept a bible. Still entertaining thoughts of the past, she asked herself what she could have been thinking marrying so young. Of course with the wisdom of forty nine years, she readily acknowledged that she hadn’t been thinking at all. She’d simply followed her heart which was too young to know about life or even love for that matter.

Even though the first marriage lasted for only two years, neither the headaches nor the heartaches killed the desire within for marriage. There was always the longing. As a matter of fact, she remarried not once but twice more—again the marriages dissolved. Having a clear heart and mind concerning their dissolution, she still now and again thought on the desire that burned deep within. Neither Dwight, nor Curtis, nor Leonard could take that away from her.

She’d given birth to her first child, a son, now thirty two years old, at the age of sixteen. Her second child came at the age of twenty two—a daughter, now twenty seven. Unfortunately, like many of today’s parents, she found herself having to raise her children alone. Single parenting wasn’t anything she’d wish upon anyone. Now with the children grown and gone, she thanked the Lord often for His help in raising them. Single parenting has never been considered by Marie to be a good idea; however, she has considered it to be one of her greatest teaching experiences. Many biblical truths were given greater insight through that experience. She’d really learned how important it is to be obedient to God. Through the many experiences with her children, she saw the many ways disobedience and wrong attitudes caused her to forfeit some wonderful things from God.

Taking the insights she’d learned from both God and her life experiences, she would share passionately with as many young people who’d give an ear to hear. She never failed to declare the importance of serving God and walking obediently to Him and His Word.

Marie knew first hand that God’s wisdom and knowledge were greater than any earthly education that could be received. Never before had she sat in the presence of a teacher as powerful as her God. The insights He gives through His Spirit are just awesome, she thought.

She picked up her bible from the table next to her and turned to the book of Proverbs and began to read aloud:

These are the proverbs of Solomon, David’s son, king of Israel. The purpose of these proverbs is to teach people wisdom and discipline, and to help them understand wise sayings. Through these proverbs, people will receive instruction in discipline, good conduct, and doing what is right, just and fair. These proverbs will make the simpleminded clever. They will give knowledge and purpose to young people. Let those who are wise listen to these proverbs and become even wiser. And let those who understand receive guidance by exploring the depth of meaning in these proverbs, parables, wise sayings, and riddles. Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge. Only fools despise wisdom and discipline. (Proverbs 1:1-7, NLT)

Laying down her bible, she meditated for a few minutes on what she’d just read. Of course this wasn’t the first time she’d read those words, or the tenth time, nor would it be the last time. Each reading brought forth a new understanding of the wisdom God gave to Solomon.

You know Lord—I’ve been a fool much in my life having despised knowledge and rejected discipline.

Yes, Marie, you have and not only you but all men born in Adam. Rejection and rebellion against wisdom and discipline are results of sin. Every individual on the face of the earth experiences this rejection and rebellion in one form or another. Every individual has been a fool in his or her life and many, truthfully speaking, are still being fools. However, the individual who receives me through the Savior Jesus, he will profit greatly from the benefits that comes with being united with me.

Marie smiled. She knew that the Lord would have more to say on the subject if not now, then at a later time. She looked forward to her times in His presence, and not just being in His presence alone, but also she relished the thought of being able to record her sessions with Him in her journal. To Marie, one of the more amazing things about journaling with God was the fact that she could almost remember word for word the things He’d spoken once she closed the book. Many times in her sharing with others some of the particulars of her session, she would revert back to the journal not wanting to miss or misquote a single word. There were even times where she’d pull excerpts from the journal to share with a listening audience while on a speaking engagement. She really loved her times with the Lord and took great precautions to secure these times.

As always, Marie never rushed to leave the presence of God after He’d spoken. She couldn’t bear the thought of moving on with her day until she had recorded His thoughts and had a few minutes to collect hers. Running off to do other things that could wait wasn’t worth the chance of missing other things the Lord might want to say. She waited patiently, expelling thoughts of the other things she’d planned for the day. She didn’t have to wait long.

Marie, He began, "childhood is a very important and impressionable time in life. All stages of life are important—please understand this. From infancy to the age of five, children are experiencing limited outside influence. These are the years when children, like sponges, absorb. They will believe anything and receive anything. If you tell them the sky is orange and never change the lie, they’ll whole-heartedly accept this. The first stages in the life of a child are the times where parents should begin to teach and train the child. He or she should be taught the reality and existence of me. My laws should be taught. I am the one who made the law of ‘Thou shall not steal.’ A child needs to know that this is my law, and as the parent, you are simply enforcing it. I said, ‘Thou shall not steal, kill, and lie.’ I’m the one who said, ‘Obey your father and mother.’ Again these are my laws, and a child needs to know that these laws came from me. By doing so, it sharpens the child’s awareness of me. A child’s understanding of me is as simple as his understanding of no, stop, go, and bye-bye. You’ve heard from a few of how they’d become Christians at the ages of two and three years old. Some have shared how they’d become Christians at the ages of six and eight. Instilling the knowledge of me in a child means that you plant and water, and I cause the increase. The measures of understanding or comprehension of children increases daily. Making children aware of me brings the teachings of my laws and statutes which all of life should be governed by. With this training and application, men and women, boys and girls, young and old can enjoy happier days and a more prosperous life with prosperity meaning more than monetary and material riches.

Without the knowledge of me in the lives of people, especially during their childhood, many mishaps, problems, mistakes, and heartaches happen once they are older and began to experience life. Often times, who I am and what I am is mistaken, misjudged, and misunderstood. Instead of seeing me as the loving Father and Savior that I am and can be if allowed, I am seen as cruel, hard, uncaring, and unjust. The list goes on and on."

Lord, you know that I’ve sat in the seats with those who’ve mistaken, misjudged, and misunderstood you. I felt this way towards you because I thought I knew you. Momma kept you ever present before my siblings and me growing up. Many failures came in my life because I didn’t abide or stay connected. I wasn’t bearing righteous fruit because I didn’t abide in the vine. Thank you so much for the mercy granted and the grace that sustained during my times of rebellion and ignorance. I know that you’re not unjust, cruel, hard, and uncaring. It isn’t you who are all of these things. The truth be spoken Lord, it is us and the master of sin whom we chose and continue to choose to follow.

This is indeed so Marie, the Lord began. One of the wonderful things about your upbringing is it proves the truths of the words written by King Solomon in Proverbs 22:8 which says, Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

You see, your mother planted seeds that I could cause to bring forth and cause to produce later in your life. Thank you, Marie, for yielding to the hands of this farmer.

Oh Lord, you say some of the sweetest things; and to say thanks to someone as wretched as me—wow!

Marie heard the Lord laugh and say, I do say sweet things, don’t I?

Hearing this, she joined God in laughter. Knowing the session had ended, she closed her journal and meditated on the things He’d shared.

And they brought unto him also infants, that he would touch them: but when his disciples saw it, they rebuked them. But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. Verily I say unto you, Whosoever shall not receive the kingdom of God as a little child shall in no wise enter therein. (Luke 18:15-17)

CHAPTER 2

THE YOUNG CAN REST

Pulling back the curtains to peek outside at the day, Marie saw the cloudy overcast and felt a familiar tingle inside. She loved a cloudy and rainy day. She attributed her love for this kind of day to an experience she’d had when she was ten.

It was a blistering hot summer day thirty nine years ago in the state of North Carolina where she’d lived with her parents and six siblings. Around noon, while outside playing, the sunny sky began to grow dark. She could smell rain and knew that a thunderstorm was brewing. Storms at that time were not something she enjoyed. Marie was actually terrified of them. She’d heeded the call of her mother for her and her siblings to come inside. This is one time Momma won’t have to call me twice, she thought.

One of the most mind boggling things for her during that time was the way most country folk acted before a storm. They’d make the children come inside and put them all into one room. The adults would unplug everything that was plugged into an outlet: TVs, radios refrigerators, freezers, and lamps.

The children weren’t allowed to move around once the storm started even though they were inside. Having often heard the need to be quiet during a storm because God was at work, Marie sat quietly as the rains began to pound the tin roof of the house. Already afraid, the deep voice of the thunder and the crackling of the lightning made her eyes grow big with fright. She’d looked at her siblings who didn’t seem to be as bothered by the storm as she was. In fact, she grew angry with her three younger brothers who were whispering to one another. Momma said for us to be quiet! she’d snapped at them. Of course they’d become quiet for a few minutes and then start whispering again. Marie closed her eyes and leaned against the wall where she sat on the floor anxiously waiting for the storm to pass. Oh God, please let this be over soon, she’d prayed.

Walking around in her memory, Marie couldn’t actually recall how long she’d sat pleading with God to end the storm that day, but she did remember the sudden feelings of loneliness she’d felt inside and how the feelings just continued to intensify. Forgetting her fear of the storm that day, she jumped up from where she sat and ran into the little bedroom she alone shared. She ran to the window. The sky had begun to clear, yet the rains continued to pour. The thunder was softening its voice as the lightning could be seen flashing in a far distance.

God, I know what this rain is, she said to the Lord as she looked at the sky. This rain is your tears. You’re crying ain’t you Lord? Are you lonely God? she’d asked concerned. Where is your mother? Where is your father? How’d you git here any way?

What happened next startled her more than the storm had frightened her.

As long as you live little one, never try to figure out how I came to be—just know that I am.

She became rigid and her hands became all clammy. She really hadn’t expected the Lord to talk to her. What do I do now? she asked herself. A strange calm arrested her. Finally moving, she wiped her wet hands on the shorts she wore. Humbling herself, she held her head down. Okay Lord—I won’t ask no more, she said and hurriedly ran back to join her siblings in waiting out the storm.

Where you been? one of her younger brothers asked. Momma said for us to sit down.

Shut up boy—I was looking at the rain. she snapped.

With the sound of the rain softly drumming the tin roof, Marie and her siblings were released to move around in the house. She ran back to the window in her room a little fearful but anxious to hear the voice of God again. Though He uttered not another word, she became excited about the rainbow that colored the sky. Momma, Momma, I see the rainbow! she yelled, running from her room. Marie and her siblings followed her mother out onto the porch where they stood looking at the rainbow. She felt all warm inside, not only because of the beauty of the rainbow but also because she’d made contact with the maker of the rainbow. Standing admiring the different colors, she thought again on what the Lord had said to her. She realized that the rainbow was a sign of God’s existence.

She’d never told anyone about that day until many years later when she shared with her Sunday school students her first encounter with God and how that encounter helped her to lose her fear of thunderstorms. Actually, she now welcomed every rainy day with a smile no matter how heavy the pour. A rainy day served as a reminder to her of the very reality of her God and also reminded her that in the midst of every storm, God can be found.

Marie smiled as she recalled questioning the Lord one day in regards to what some have said about Him in a storm.

Why is it, God, that as a child the only time I heard about you doing any kind of work was when a storm came?

God laughed with Marie for a few minutes and said, If the only time I work, Marie, is during a literal storm, then I’m a sorry God because it doesn’t storm every day. Rains don’t pour every day. Raging winds don’t blow every day. Thunder doesn’t roar every day; neither does lightning strike everyday—ah, but know that every day there is a mental storm going on and a physical health storm going on. There is a spiritual storm going on as well as a financial storm going on. The storms of life rage every day, and just as I can be found in the midst of a literal storm, I too can be found in the midst of life’s storms.

Lord, you sho’ preached a sister happy that day. she said opening the drapes to the windows in her bedroom. Sighing with joy, she stood a few minutes more looking out at the day. I’m glad that I’m not sleeping this beauty away.

If it happened to be an off day for her, Marie usually planned activities that were appropriate for the coziness of a cloudy or rainy day. Today, she felt especially blessed and decided she’d spend some time enjoying a warm soak surrounded by bubbles from a scented bubble bath. She finished making the bed which was a quick work, seeing as how she’d only messed up one side, and went into the bathroom to start the water for her soak.

I guess I should apologize for being angry with the telemarketers earlier, huh God? she asked. Had they not awakened me, I’d probably slept through the early part of one of my most favorite days."

As Marie soaked in her ocean breeze bath bubbles, she thought on the things the Lord had shared with her earlier. The conversation on youthfulness reminded her of the conversation she had the day before with some of the younger co-workers on her job.

A young adult, she recalled herself saying, is by age a person between eighteen and twenty five, I say. You’re not even considered an adult until you reach eighteen, and in some instances, twenty one. Society makes the horrible mistake of labeling those between the ages of thirteen and seventeen as young adults. Someone who is thirteen to seventeen years old is a teen-ager, she emphasized, not a young adult.

I’ve seen through society’s mistake the terrible errors many teens are making. Through acceptance of a small thing as a label or title, many teens have stepped, and are stepping, out of position and are attempting to assume the roles of an adult. Trust me when I tell you that many and most teens can handle neither the role nor the responsibilities of adulthood. They aren’t fully equipped to take on all that the role entails. Shucks, some of us that are adults aren’t equipped to handle thangs because some of us assumed the role before our time."

Marie always included herself in conversations with people, especially the youth, regardless of what the topic was about. If the topic was on sin, then she was in the conversation regardless the sin. If the topic was on blessings, she was in the conversation too. She knew that whatever the topic, if she wasn’t guilty right then, then somewhere in time she had been and certainly could be again in the future. She’d found that by connecting herself with the topic, it made people, especially the young, know that they weren’t being singled out to be picked on, and by doing so, the listeners became more receptive to what she had to share.

The young people that day had given Marie their full attention as she chatted with them while on break. She only had fifteen minutes, but she’d take it and use it wisely.

I believe, she continued, "Marie, Chapter I, Verses 15-17, that it’s during young adulthood, between the ages of eighteen and twenty five when you should start experiencing life and learning to be successful adults. This new role doesn’t mean we’re supposed to run around and sow wild oats, as they used to say. Sowing wild oats has caused many of us to forfeit some of the greater things meant for us in life.

Being an adult does not imply that we are exempt from rules and instructions, but it does imply that we should willingly subject ourselves all the more because of the role that we’ve assumed. Having become adults doesn’t mean that you’ve fully arrived at having all of the answers and have no need to be taught anything. The old heads that have embarked and travelled this highway many years before us are a great help and can with their many experiences and insights, make our journey a little less challenging. But we have to listen and make applicable the insights given."

The group of five nodded their heads, and one or two of them even smiled. I believe our time to experience life, start careers, meet people, and go places is during young adulthood. It is not the time to be tied down in superficial relationships which sometimes produce baby mommas and baby daddies four or five times over."

Miss Marie, is nineteen too young to be in a serious relationship? Taneisha asked.

That’s a great question, Marie answered wondering to herself what the best answer should be. I was listening, Taneisha, to a motivational speaker on television the other day who was talking about relationships. He said that there are those who are in our lives for a season and others for a lifetime. He explained that one of the biggest errors we make with people is confusing the seasonal with the lifetime. In doing so, we fall in love in the wrong relationship. Many times what we find thereafter are lives filled with misery and hardships. Ten times out of ten, the relationships end disastrously. He said in so many words, Taneisha, that seasonal people are depositors of nuggets or sowers of seeds. They enter your life, deposit insights or experiences, and leave. Many times we’ll try to strap them to our lives for longer than is actually intended and make a big mess of things. We should seek the guidance of God, dear one, regarding every individual we meet and especially seek His guidance concerning the individual who dances on more strings of the heart than others. Because we are limited in our insights of people, God, who is omniscient—which means He knows everything—knows every individual on the face of the entire planet through and through. He knows their intents and motives. He knows when they’re honest and dishonest or shucking and jiving. Because God is a loving God and cares about our well-being, know that He will tell you the truth about people and will instruct you on how far you should go in life with a person.

Marie looked at Taneisha. How many people have you dated prior to… . ?

Sherrod, Taneisha answered. His name is Sherrod, and I’ve only dated one other person before him. That relationship only lasted six months. The boy was a playa.

Oh, well have you sought the face of God concerning Sherrod, Taneisha?

No, I haven’t Miss Marie. I think it’s right because it feels right.

Marie sighed at the dreamy reply. The point I’d like to make young people is this: Being young adults with no children and no great responsibilities as of yet affords you the opportunity to meet so many other people. Now, I didn’t say lay around with other people or play the whore with other people—I said meet and by all means seek the guidance of God concerning the people you meet.

Many of them started laughing. They knew exactly where she was coming from. The one thing Marie didn’t do with the young people was sugar coat anything. Several of them had come to her before sharing personal matters, so she felt comfortable being straight with them. All of them knew they’d get it no other way except straight when she’d talk with them.

Look y’all, we older adults struggle with relationships too just as you younger adults do. Because the perfect union of God was defiled by sin, we’re gonna experience ups and downs, highs and lows in relationships of whatever kind. However, God always has the answers—the solutions to all turmoil, and He provides instructions that’ll protect our hearts and minds through each relationship. There are so many reasons adults divorce: domestic violence, adultery, irresponsibility, laziness, and the lack of mutual respect just to name a few. How many marriages among adults between the ages of eighteen and twenty five would you estimate ends in divorce?

She really wasn’t looking for an answer. She simply wanted the group to embrace the question with meditation and prayer. She’d hoped they’d search themselves with honesty and look to God for guidance before jumping into situations and circumstances that would scar their lives and shatter their dreams.

Oh, this is so good she said drying off in a fluffy bath towel. She blew out the ocean breeze scented candles and went into her bedroom to finish her pampering process. She chose powder and lotion from her White Diamonds collection and sat on the edge of the bed to apply the lotion. She really enjoyed the feel of the lotion against her skin and enjoyed seeing the small specks of glitter left after the lotion was applied.

If only I’d applied some of those things to my own life those years ago, she thought still reminiscing about her talk with her co-workers. I know things would have been much easier. Even with all the messes made, the marriages, and bad relationships, one would think I’d never want marriage or anything resembling it.

Yet deep within her, that hunger remained. The desire to be a godly wife, to love as Sarah loved Abraham, reverencing him and calling him Lord. Marie sighed dreamingly. You know that Abraham sho’’ must have been good to Sarah, she said aloud. She laughed and started dressing for the day.

CHAPTER 3

THE UNFAITHFUL STEWARD

Infidelity goes further than you cheating with someone else, further than you being cautious and of course protecting yourself.

Infidelity like a thief at night takes away another’s joy, leaving that person empty of hope and so much more.

Infidelity, like the pain of death, leaves an awful sting and shows a mental picture that is very tormenting.

It robs the mind of peace and tears to shreds the heart. It breaks the bonds of faith and trust and blows a world apart.

Infidelity cripples the structure that took precious time to build and brings about confusion in the emotions a loved one feels.

The loved one sometimes loses sight of his or her self-worth and at times longs to return to the dust of the earth.

The loved one will question appearance, conversations, and deeds: beginning to down him or herself so much that it would cause your heart to bleed.

They’ll begin to shy away from people thinking everyone else knew, thinking that behind their backs people laughed saying, YOU BIG OLD FOOL, YOU!

The loved one will even begin to wonder if he or she was really loved, or if any kind word was meant, if anything was really true, or if it all was just pretense.

Infidelity violates the secrecy which should be shared between just two. It rapes and robs that sacredness and leaves an open view.

The shame, the pain, the agony that takes place in the soul: Yes, infidelity has a sad story, one of which should never, ever, need to be told.

Marie read again the poem that she’d written some ten years ago, a time when she was single yet dating someone whom she’d loved considerably. She remembered the circumstances that prompted the poem and felt a slight tinge of pain in her heart.

She’d met Jay several years ago at a call center where she’d begun to work. He, to her, was the most attractive man she’d laid eyes on in a long time. He was much older than she was; this she could tell by the little gray here and there in both his head and mustache. Seeing Jay standing at six feet two in the suites he’d wear everyday with the most exquisite silk neck ties, she thought, now this is something I could get used to.

Marie knew that she would never approach him on her own. As outgoing as many thought she was, she wasn’t. She was quite shy actually and battling low self-esteem that stemmed from childhood.

Knowing that she would never approach this distinguished, tasteful gentleman did in no way prohibit her from enjoying the sight of him when she went to work. Through close observation of Jay, Marie learned his off days: Wednesday and Saturday, and his arrival time: the same as hers—6 p.m. Through discreet observation, she noticed that he talked a lot and that people laughed as they talked with him. Marie couldn’t help but think that he must’ve been a very likeable person, and that thought sparked her curiosity of him all the more.

For three months Marie observed Jay. Being new to the job at only six months, she’d made a few friends—but not friends who were close enough to confide in about him.

This is Marie. How may I help you? she spoke into the head set that had buzzed in her ear.

Tel-Com was an inbound telemarketing agency that received calls for products advertised in infomercials all across the United States. The company had call centers set up in Omaha, Texas, and various other states. This site just happened to be in Virginia, where Marie had relocated eleven years before starting work there.

May I have your zip code please? she asked the caller. Marie felt a sudden breeze brush against her.

Would you hold please? she asked the caller.

Placing the caller on hold, Marie looked up at the clock. It was 6:15 p.m. Following the sound of the thump next to her, she glimpsed Jay pulling out the seat next to her cubicle to start working. She nearly choked.

How ya doing? he asked glancing down into her startled face.

Marie waved to him nervously and managed a little smile.

She loved her job. Taking calls from people all around the United States was fun and exciting to her. However, it did bother her sometimes when she’d have to read two, three, even as many as five or six other scripts advertising more products to the customer she had on the line. Many times customers would become frustrated or angered by the reading of these up sales. She could sympathize with them seeing how they only wanted what they’d called for and nothing more. One of the major criteria of the job was that she read every script appearing before her on the computer screen, verbatim.

Thank you for holding, she said before continuing with the order. Trying to talk the customer into buying more products, Marie read what seemed like a thousand up sales. After thoroughly frustrating the customer with them, she completed the order. She’d become somewhat agitated by the customer’s frustration. The customer had nicely declined already additional products offered in three up sales. In the middle of the fourth script he’d said, Ma’am, I thank you kindly for the offers, but as I just said, I only want the product I ordered.

Sensing the rising frustration of the customer, she’d placed a check in the no box on the screen. I sure hope there isn’t another up sale following this, she thought. I’m apt to lose this sale if there is.

She’d’ braced herself, while pressing the enter key on the computer. Another script appeared. Sighing softly she’d proceeded to read the up sale. Before she’d finished the first line the customer interrupted her. I said that I didn’t want anything else! he’d said harshly. Either finish my order or cancel it. You decide.

She’d pressed the enter key quickly knowing the next action decided what happened with the sale. She was relieved to see the ending script that finalized the order. Marie read the script as calmly as she could and thanked the customer for his order. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the customer replied sarcastically before disconnecting.

Marie had experienced countless instances where orders were lost because customers became infuriated by the continual reading of up sales. Oh just forget it! some have said hanging up on her. Cancel my order, others have demanded during the reading of a script, and you’d better not charge my credit card! Click. What are you, stupid or something? a customer once asked. Didn’t you hear me ask you not to offer me another thing? Seeing that you’re too dumb to understand the meaning of the contraction don’t, you’re probably too dumb to charge my credit card correctly, so just cancel my order. What did you say your name is Ma’am, he’d asked or are you too dumb to remember? Click.

She loved not having to call customers to solicit their patronage, but she didn’t enjoy the harsh cruel things some of the customers would say once she’d received their calls. As hard as she tried not to let the cruelty of those customers weigh on her, sometimes she wasn’t as successful as others. With the slight agitation she felt over the rude treatment and the nervousness she felt from having Jay sitting next to her, she decided to take a few minutes to collect herself.

The phones in the call center contained several option buttons. She chose the option marked make busy. This option re-routed her incoming calls to other representatives in the center. This option also showed monitoring quality assurance supervisors and podium supervisors that she was logged onto the phone but in a make busy status. Using the option for an unauthorized period of time would land her in hot water with these supervisors and she definitely didn’t want that to happen.

She held her head in her hands for a few brief seconds and inhaled deeply.

Next to her, Jay had finished his call and peeked around the cubicle to ask her if she was all right.

Lost in the nervousness of the moment, she’d heard him and didn’t hear him.

Marie, he whispered again with genuine concern, are you all right?

Marie looked up surprised that he’d called her name. Yes, I’m fine thank you, she answered.

Good, he said returning to the phones. This is Jonathan. How may I help you?

Marie took her phone off of make busy and waited for an incoming call. She wondered how Jay knew her name. Looking at the name tent on top of her PC, she saw that she’d only written her last name, Whitfield.

A red light flashed in the front of the room where she was working. A podium supervisor announced that the center was going into queue. This meant that an infomercial was being shown nationwide that was expected to send great volumes of calls into the center.

I wonder what the product is, Jay said peeking around the cubicle.

Marie answered with, This is Marie. Thank you for calling for Oxi-Clean. May I have your ZIP Code please?

Marie finished with her last call. Glancing up at the clock, she was surprised to see that it was 9 p.m. She and the other representatives had taken calls back to back for an hour and a half.

I sure hope this Oxi-Clean cleans clothes like taking orders for it has cleaned me out. Jay said.

People around him started laughing as they agreed with him. Marie simply smiled and said nothing.

Things had slowed, and the leads were hurriedly issuing breaks to those who’d missed theirs because they were in queue. Both Jay’s and Marie’s name tents were marked for break, and they both hurried off the floor hoping the red light didn’t come on before they could get away.

Normally on her breaks, Marie would wander outside to catch a breath of fresh air. Every now and then she would go into the break room to get a snack. This time, she headed straight for the rest room. Once inside, she exhaled, went to the mirror, straightened her hair, and refreshed her lipstick. Marie didn’t consider herself a beauty queen nor did she consider herself to be an ugly duckling though many times in years past she’d felt like one. The first time she ever really became aware of her appearance was when she was about twelve years old. She could remember like it was yesterday.

She’d grown up with seven cousins in North Carolina where she was born. She and her sisters played together a lot along with her cousins. Marie’s cousins’ mother, Beatrice, was Marie’s mother’s niece. Beatrice had seven daughters, and the older of the girls ranged in age similar to Marie and one of her older sisters. The cousins were raised quite differently than Marie. They were allowed a more advanced life style than that of Marie and her siblings.

Marie and her sisters were over their cousins’ house one Sunday when some boys came over. They were all sitting around in the living room when Beatrice asked the boys, Between my daughter Diane and Marie, who would you pick to court? Of course back then, that’s what everyone called dating. Some called it taking company, but Marie always thought that sounded funny. And besides, courting sounded so much more romantic.

All four boys pointed to Diane. For some unknown reason, everyone in the room laughed. When the group began to talk about something else, Marie used the change of subject as a way to leave the room without them realizing she was hurting inside. She stepped outside of the house onto the porch battling to hold back tears with every step. When she was safely outside, the tears began to fall. After she had gotten most of it out of her system, she wiped her eyes and fanned them with her hands to erase any evidence before making her way back into the house. She sure didn’t want any to come out looking for her and find her sobbing. As she neared the living room, she heard Beatrice say, Yeah, Marie is the ugliest child her mother has.

Those words tore deeper into Marie’s heart than the rejection of the young boys. Those words confirmed for Marie what she’d assumed: she was ugly.

They didn’t pick me because I’m ugly, she whispered to herself.

Where the courage came from to enter the room and sit as though she’d heard nothing, Marie really wasn’t sure, yet she thanked God anyway. She thought that maybe he’d enabled her to hold the right composure by showing no signs of having been offended.

After a few more minutes of small talk, everyone except Beatrice decided they’d go for a walk on the country road in front of her cousins’ home. Taking walks on country roads was a favorite pastime for the young folk. Though Marie pretended to be having fun while on the walk, inwardly she was deeply troubled by the offense she’d suffered.

After that day, Marie