Our Deepest Longing: Knowing God Through Family Relationships

By Terry Baze

Through his life experiences, author Terry Baze has come to realize the most significant aspect of anyone’s life is how it interacts with and is affected by God. In Our Deepest Longing, he shares parts of his long journey into a deeper, more intimate relationship with God, encouraging other Christians in their efforts to connect with him.

A unique combination of Biblical reflection and therapeutic advice, Baze chronicles the things he’s learned about developing intimacy with God through the dynamics and details of his family relationships. He believes God purposefully designed the family to help explain His person and character and to help reveal the nature of his relationship with Him.

Our Deepest Longing offers insight into Baze’s experiences to help others foster a deeper, closer walk with God and benefit other relationships throughout the journey. It shows how God reveals himself to us through the family unit.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Dec 23, 2021
• ISBN: 9781664251151

Terry Baze

Terry Baze has faithfully served in God’s kingdom more than forty years in Texas, Missouri, Louisiana, Mexico, and Russia. He has been an evangelist, church planter, minister, pastoral counselor, and pastor/elder. Baze earned a bachelor’s degree in New Testament studies and a master’s degree in pastoral counseling and currently is an elder and pastoral counselor at Irving Church, Irving, Texas. He is a husband, father, and grandfather.

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ISBN: 978-1-6642-5116-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-5117-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-6642-5115-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021924029

WestBow Press rev. date: 12/22/2021

Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the New Century Version®. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from The Holy Bible, New International Version® NIV® Copyright © 1973 1978 1984 2011 by Biblica, Inc. TM. Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, a Division of Tyndale House Ministries, Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from the King James Version of the Bible.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

DEDICATION

For my amazing family, whom I so dearly love:

The love of my life, best friend, and soul mate, Becky;

My wonderful children: Drew, Katrina, and Jonathan;

My life-giving, joy-filled grandchildren, whom I

adore: Remi, Benton, Karalyne, Addilyn, Kate, Kora,

Lincoln, and those I hope to meet one day;

My dear mother Carrie;

My son-in-law, Cody;

And my sweet daughter-in-law, Kyndall.

To my life-giving friends:

Luke and Olivia, Kent and Pam, Jon and Pam,

Steve and Tracy, Bruce and Tonya, and Josh and Jordan.

CONTENTS

Foreword

Preface

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Chapter 1 Are We Listening?

Chapter 2 All We Need Is Love

Chapter 3 To Know Jesus Is to Love Him

Chapter 4 Learning to Love

Chapter 5 The Greatest Thing You Can Do in Life

Chapter 6 Broken Together—The Loss of Intimacy

Chapter 7 Intimacy Found

Chapter 8 Experiencing Intimacy with God

Chapter 9 Learning Intimacy with God through Marriage

Chapter 10 Fusion: Two Become One

Chapter 11 Intimacy through Grace

Chapter 12 Learning Intimacy with God through Parenting

Chapter 13 A Flawed Father

Chapter 14 Forgiveness and Intimacy

Chapter 15 Learning Intimacy with God through Grandparenting

Chapter 16 God Things Come to Those Who Trust and Wait

Chapter 17 Intimacy with God through Christ in Us (Going Deeper)

Chapter 18 Intimacy with God in Jesus’s Family

Chapter 19 Intimacy through Spiritual Transformation

Chapter 20 Obstacles to Intimacy

Chapter 21 A Beautiful End: Living with God

Chapter 22 Becoming One Spirit with the Lord

Chapter 23 Living in the Power of the Spirit

Chapter 24 Afterword

References

FOREWORD

Every human being is on a journey either toward or away from God. That is the reality of living in a world God inhabits and loves. If the journey is toward God, it must include learning—who God is, how to relate to Him, and how to relate to others in his world. Terry Baze’s book is the product of a long journey toward God, a vast accumulation of learning through study and experience.

This book is a unique combination of biblical reflection and therapeutic advice. Indeed, Terry seeks to show that one can love God more fully by examining God’s gift of family and that the gift of family can be fully received only as one comes to love God. Along the way, Terry shares his heart for God and family—his journey into the love of God. It is a journey marked by failures and misunderstandings—indeed, Terry’s raw honesty is one of the glowing features of this book—but one that is also marked by grace and redemption. Thus, Terry’s book isn’t just teaching; it is also testimony. It is Terry’s witness to the great love of God, which has found and captured him. This book has the potential of changing your life because it comes from a man whose life has been changed. Read it and journey toward God with him.

Dr. T. Luke Post

Senior Pastor Irving Church

PREFACE

I am growing older. I suppose anyone can say that, but it’s true. I’ve always heard that the older we get, the faster time passes. I couldn’t understand that cliché for many years, but it is all too clear to me now. However, I can’t really say I’m growing older gracefully. Rather, I tend to try to ignore old age, minimize it, reject it, and even fight it at times.

There are many things to deal with as I get older—some that are quite pleasant and others that are certainly not. A frustrating thing for me is that often I fail to see what is right in front of me. It’s not that my eyesight is failing, although I have always been nearsighted; I’m referring to something else. I mean, for example, that I might be looking intently for something specific, like my wallet, and though I’ve searched diligently in every place I could imagine where I might have left it, the hunt is to no avail. Then, upon revealing my frustration to my wife in futility, she walks in and almost immediately finds the wallet, usually in some place right where I had been looking.

In that same vein, I occasionally realize that in a room of people conversing, I am the only person in the room who doesn’t seem to understand what is being said. I am present, I am listening and hearing, but I just don’t get it. It’s like when you are the only one who doesn’t get a joke. Often this sort of thing occurs when I am in a group of young people, who are using terms or discussing subjects I am completely ignorant of.

In both of these types of scenarios, I cannot see what is obvious and plainly seen by others. Perhaps you have had similar experiences and can relate to what I’m talking about.

I have realized for many years in my work as a pastor and counselor that many people have similar experiences when it comes to knowing God and having an intimate relationship with Him. While in Athens, Greece, in the first century, the apostle Paul, while on his second missionary journey (Acts 17), entered a discussion with local philosophers about his Judeo-Christian conviction regarding monotheism, which none of them believed. The Athenian landscape was dotted with statues honoring their many gods and goddesses, and curiously, there was one statue honoring the unknown god. Paul set out to explain to them the one true God, whom they didn’t know. In his explanation to these Athenian philosophers, he referred to God as one who is extremely near and easy to find.

Unfortunately, many people today haven’t found a meaningful relationship with God easy to find. Some have never seriously searched for Him. Some cannot see Him due to focusing so intently on themselves or things like money, fame, or power. Still others don’t particularly want God to exist or don’t believe such a Being could exist. And then many have tried to find Him in some way or another and finally gave up in frustration in much the same way I have done so many times while looking for a phone, a pen, or my wallet.

Then some have found God to some limited degree, but what they found wasn’t what they expected or wanted to find, or perhaps they were disappointed in what they found. Countless people have failed to find or understand God, and sadly, they don’t know how to do so. They have some knowledge and experience of God, but they have never been able to relate to Him in any meaningful, life-changing way. If you are one who has never been close to God, this book is for you.

Being close to God is possible—that is what He desires. Plus, He helps us toward that end in many ways. He has given some obvious hints in our lives as to how we might understand and relate to Him. Some of the most helpful ones are our families. God created family. By closely examining family relationships, we can learn more about God and our relationship with Him than we ever imagined. Let me see if I can help you see what is right in front of you and find what you’ve been looking for in a deep, loving relationship with God, your Father. I think you’ll find that, like the wallet, He was right there all the time.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

A special thanks to my dear wife, Becky, who has been my greatest supporter, encourager, and adviser throughout this calling to write the things God has put before me. I love you with all my heart.

Thank you, Luke, for being such a trusted friend. Were it not for your encouragement and prodding, I may have never completed this endeavor. Your insights, suggestions, and willingness to assist me will never be forgotten. I am deeply indebted to you.

To Amy: I couldn’t have completed this project without you. Perhaps only you know how much in over my head I have been. Thank you for doing the difficult and time-consuming work of editing. I greatly appreciate all you’ve done and your kind, generous spirit.

INTRODUCTION

THE SMOKY MOUNTAIN TRAIL

A few years ago, my wife, Becky, and I took a little trip to the Smoky Mountains in eastern Tennessee after visiting friends in Kentucky. It was October, and the fall foliage was magnificent. The colors were dazzling. The weather was beautiful and cool. It was idyllic. Early one morning at breakfast, we decided it would be great fun to take a three-mile hike up a mountain trail to see a waterfall. The hike that day happened like so many of our choices in life have been—impulsive and without much forethought or preparation. While we have enjoyed hiking occasionally through the years, we were still very much novices. We each carried a water bottle, and that was about it.

The first part of the hike was wonderful. It was exciting to be surrounded by such beauty and so many wonders of God’s creation. It was as if the rays of the sun shined through the thick forest like lights from heaven itself, letting us know God was watching us. The path occasionally led us by a small stream, which had dug out a little gorge among the moss-covered rocks. The sound of the water rushing down the mountain toward the valley below broke through the silence of the forest with incredibly therapeutic and peaceful echoes.

After a while, the wind picked up, clouds rolled in, and it began to rain softly. We didn’t really mind. It wasn’t a downpour, and the sound of the drops was pleasant as they gently pitter-pattered on the bed of leaves covering the forest floor in a kaleidoscope of brilliant colors. The rain persisted, however, and soon we were wet and cold. At about the same time, the trail became much steeper and more challenging than we had anticipated. This was my first attempt at a hike since major foot and ankle surgery, so I had to walk considerably slower as the terrain became more demanding.

The hike was taking quite a bit longer than we expected. The wonder of the glorious scenery around us, the adrenaline of the excursion, and the initial excitement of conquering the trail faded away into work, pain, and concern. At one point we realized we didn’t have enough water with us, so we began carefully rationing what little we had left.

On top of all that, when we finally made it to the top, the waterfall was rather disappointing. We rested for several minutes as we sat in the rain and talked about our lack of preparation. And our conviction that such a strenuous hike should at least result in a breathtaking reward instead of the puny cascade we were looking at.

The trip back down was difficult, treacherous, and not much fun for me since the pain in my ankle only intensified. What had started as an exhilarating outing became demanding and stressful. Once we made it back to the car, we collapsed in exhaustion. On the drive back to our cabin, we discussed what we would do differently on our next spontaneous adventure.

Later, as I reminisced on our little misadventure, it occurred to me that some things in life are like our experiences during that hike in the Smokies. We often start things with exuberance, anticipation, and hope, yet we also may be naïve, unprepared, and ill equipped. As a result, we end up disappointed. It can be that way with relationships as well. Marriage is like that at times. Parenting too. And even friendships. Sadly, in time, many people find their search for a relationship with God to be disappointing, and they stop searching and never find the very One their hearts need and long for.

THE WALK OF THE GODS

A couple of years later, Becky and I were privileged to travel with some of our best friends to Italy. We had ten fantastic days to visit destinations in Italy; we had heard terrific stories about them, seen incredible pictures of them, and dreamed of one day getting to experience these amazing places. One of our stops was the Amalfi Coast, where we stayed a few days at a cliff-side hotel overlooking the gorgeous Mediterranean and the quaint, picturesque town of Amalfi.

The adventure was unbelievably fascinating, and I had never seen such vistas in my life. I had to occasionally pinch myself to check whether I was actually there. One day Becky and I decided to hike the path of the gods we had heard about. Going from Bomerano to Positano, the hike is nearly five miles of resplendent scenery—the steep, rugged Amalfi coastline; the beautiful cliff-side vineyards; and the stunning Mediterranean. There were also snippets of a simple life far removed from tourists, busyness, and chaos. Some of the ancient structures, houses of locals, gardens, vineyards, and other works of men’s hands over centuries revealed remarkable ambition, ingenuity, and resolve. Or perhaps they revealed a sheer determination due to the necessity of being able to live and thrive on the sides of cliffs that overlook undoubtedly one of the most beautiful vistas in the world.

The trek takes about two to three hours, depending on several factors, such as age, health, physical condition, weather, and one’s affinity for stopping and soaking everything in along the way. Parts of the trail are easy to negotiate, but some places are quite rugged, and at times it is more accurate to say you are climbing rather than hiking. The hike can also be dangerous; we saw one man fall and injure himself.

We arrived at the little town of Nocelle after completing the walk of the gods, and we were tired, ready to get a refreshing fruit drink and rest a bit. Foolishly, we ignored the sign to the bus that would take us down to Positano on the beach, where we could catch the ferry back to Amalfi. We came upon another sign that said there were fifteen hundred steps down to the bottom. I regretted not taking the bus to the bottom of the mountain, because my surgically reconstructed foot and ankle from eleven months before almost kept me from making it to the base. After several hundred steps down, the last few hundred were excruciating! And as if that weren’t enough, no one had told us the distance was a mile and a half farther from the bottom of the trail to Positano and the ferry that would take us back to Amalfi. By the time we got to the ferry, I didn’t think I could take another step.

Although the hike was difficult, completing it with Becky was extremely rewarding. We had a wonderful adventure together, and such moments bring you and others closer together. And the truth is, taking the hike was good for my ego since I’m not aging gracefully. But I could still be adventurous. The quest was worth every minute, step, and bit of pain. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

And so it often is with the most important relationships in our lives as well. Intimate relationships with family and friends can be complicated, messy, frustrating, exhausting, and even discouraging at times. Our relationships with God can be similar as well. Yet the trip holds such wonderful adventures and incredible blessings that it is well worth it.

WHAT I LEARNED

The two hikes I have shared with you have some similarities and differences, and they both taught me a few important lessons. Much in life resembles my experiences on those hikes. On both occasions, I set out, eager and enthusiastic, but each journey had many unexpected twists and turns along the way and proved to be quite challenging for me. Such is life. Interspersed with the excitement of adventure, the beauty and joy, and the sense of accomplishment, there have been struggles, pain, doubts, and fears. Although sometimes the journey God has taken me on has been arduous and even surprising, I am supremely glad and thankful God has taken me on the trip.

Some of the most important adventures in life, such as moving from adolescence to adulthood, determining a career path, getting married, becoming a parent, finding your identity, building lasting relationships, and just living life, are like those hikes. The hopes, dreams, and adventures at the beginning of our life relationships and endeavors are often dampened by unforeseen obstacles, unpredictable forces, unexpected and unfortunate surprises, and unmet expectations. Reality sets in and sometimes sets hard. Life is full of good and bad since life is composed of constant changes.

Our life with God can be like this as well. Loving God isn’t always easy when life gets hard. Unfortunately, a deep, intimate, abiding relationship doesn’t describe many Christians’ experiences with God. Often we are left as disappointed as Becky and I were at the end of our hike in the Smoky Mountains. We can become confused and uncertain about what life has brought our way, what is next, and how God truly feels about us.

Thankfully for me, life with God has been more like the Amalfi Coast’s walk of the gods excursion. Although it was long and sometimes grueling, it was well worth the trip because the rewards were great.

Both adventures were fraught with difficulties—dealing with physical pain and fatigue, enduring longer-than-anticipated distances, experiencing unexpected strenuous obstacles, and being ignorant and unprepared for what we needed to make such hikes.

The long, cold, foggy, wet hike in the Smoky Mountains ended in the disappointment of unfulfilled expectations, while despite the length and difficulties of the walk of the gods along the Amalfi coastline in Italy, the journey and end were glorious!

Our experiences differed in part because on the first hike, we missed much of the adventure because our focus turned to our hardships, while in Italy we stayed awestruck, keeping our eyes on the magnificent beauty around us. We often see the same thing as we journey through life. For many people, life becomes a grueling, unfulfilling trip as they obsess over their hardships and disappointments. Others continue to see the good and beauty in what surrounds them, making their lives joy filled and rewarding.

This experience is true when it comes to our relationships with family and friends but especially with our relationship with God. Many live with broken, damaged, toxic relationships that make life hard to bear. Sadly, some don’t know how to have healthy relationships because they’ve never seen them. It is heartbreaking that many don’t know how to live in close intimacy with their heavenly Father. My prayer is that this book will serve to help those who struggle in their relationship with God to find the way to their Father, who loves them so.

LEARNING THROUGH FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

Each meaningful relationship in life is a journey all its own. Experiencing life with others, regardless of the ups and downs, surprises, and outcomes, creates bonds that contribute to healthy, thriving relationships. Being married for over forty years to the love of my life, with three wonderful children and seven beautiful grandchildren (thus far), and serving in ministry for the Lord Jesus Christ in His kingdom during this time, I have worn many hats: husband, father, grandfather, pastor, counselor, preacher, teacher, leader, and so forth. As I have served in each of these roles, I have accumulated years of valuable experiences in human relationships with countless stories to tell. I have learned more than I ever imagined possible. Not just about my relationships with those around me but also, most importantly, about my relationship with God.

I suppose my favorite and most enjoyable role has probably been that of a husband. I cannot help but smile when I reflect on these forty-plus years my wife Becky and I have spent together. The Lord has taken us on quite an adventurous and fulfilling journey. We’ve traveled down roads— literally and figuratively—with curves, bumps, detours, and destinations we never expected. But our Father has brought us to such a satisfying place in life with much to thank and praise Him for. I’ll have much more to say about marriage later.

Perhaps the most challenging, difficult, and yet rewarding role has been that of a dad. When I became a father, I thought I was ready, but I soon found out I was quite unprepared. My children didn’t come with instructions, and I had no