Trouble Don't Last Always

By The Reverend Deacon Shelby M. Friend

Trouble Don't Last Always is the story of an African American Viet Nam Veteran, now a permanent deacon in the Roman Catholic Church, and how through the grace of God and with the support of his family, friends, and church community, he survived the difficulties and hardships that life gave him and his family. This book tells how he weathered the storms and troubled times that war, poverty, sickness, racism, and the death of his father brought into his life. It is a timely story of hope and inspiration for everyone, but especially targets those who feel that they have nowhere to turn in times of trouble.

His journey from Greeneville, Tennessee, to Cleveland, Ohio with a stopover in Vietnam is a story of how troubles and hard times can be diverted or changed when we take responsibility for our actions and let God into our lives.

The Reverend Deacon Friend believes that the words of wisdom from his parents as well as his own sense of enlightenment upon his consecration in the Catholic Church are important words for readers to hear. The Reverend Deacon Friend is a Vietnam veteran who is in a master's degree program at Ursuline College, Pepper Pike, OH, and is a deacon at Holy Spirit Catholic Church in Cleveland, OH.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Sep 16, 2008
• ISBN: 9781468507164

The Reverend Deacon Shelby M. Friend

Deacon Shelby Friend is married to Maxine G. Friend and is the father of three and the grandfather of six.  He is retired from the Veteran's Medical Center where he was employed as a dietary supervisor.  Deacon Friend was ordained in the Diocese of Cleveland, Ohio, in May 1994.  He served in the United States Army and received the Purple Heart.  He is on staff at Holy Spirit Parish in the Southeast District of the Diocese of Cleveland.  In 1998, Deacon Friend organized a retreat called "Strangers No More" to bring men in the diocese together to discuss their faith journeys. He received an Associate's Degree  from Cuyahoga Community College and a Bachelor's Degree in Religious Studies from Ursuline College, where he is currently a graduate student.  

Book preview

Trouble Don’t Last Always

The Reverend Deacon Shelby M. Friend

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AuthorHouse™

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Bloomington, IN 47403

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© 2008 The Reverend Deacon Shelby M. Friend. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 9/8/2008

ISBN: 978-1-4389-0076-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4389-0075-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-0716-4 (ebk)

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Contents

Acknowledgments

Foreword

Introduction

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Epilogue

Acknowledgments

It would be impossible to thank each person individually who accompanied me on my faith journey. In particular, however, I wish to thank my church family and all of those who took the time to give their support to inspire and encourage me by listening to me vent and by being there for me when I needed them most.

I extend a special thanks to my wife, Maxine; my dear friend, Sister Elaine Hart; my friend, Andrea McGovern; and my editor, Alana Andrews, who encouraged me to share my story and edited my words so that they were readable.

Finally, I thank my children, who have supported me in all I do and have been there whenever I needed them.

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Shelby and Sister Elaine Hart

Foreword

Sr. Elaine Hart, RSM

I first met Shelby Friend at an Inquiry class that I was teaching when I was pastoral minister at St. Henry’s Parish in Cleveland, Ohio. He wished to join the Catholic Church because his wife was a member. The RCIA class (Rite for Christian Initiation) was required as preparation for becoming a Catholic. I soon learned that Shelby was not going to be a reticent absorber of the information I was imparting to the group. Students may be able to answer questions on the material taught, but Shelby was a learner who was asking questions. He didn’t hesitate to tell me that I wasn’t following my outline as printed or that I was using terms, such as salvation history and sacramental grace, that the group would not understand because they were not familiar with them. I became a more careful instructor as a result.

The questions Shelby asked made me aware of his intelligence. As I learned more of his background, I realized that if he were given the opportunity for higher education (that he had not had when growing up), he would advance in position and prestige. God had plans for Shelby, and he had taken the first step. The Inquiry class at that time ran for two years, and Shelby and his group became Catholics in 1984.

The men and women who were taking part in the class became involved in church activities (some joined the choir and others helped with events sponsored by St. Henry’s), and were well known, therefore, by the parishioners when they were finally permanent members. Shelby was seen at these events and in church on weekends. At the time, he was working as a chef and could not attend as often as he would have liked. Fortunately, he later found a more regulated job with the Veterans’ Hospital.

I came to know Shelby and Maxine closer, as friends, when I prepared them for the renewal of their marriage vows at St. Henry’s Parish. So, it wasn’t unusual to get a phone call from Shelby, as he always had more questions about the faith or about life as a Catholic. About this same time, because of his excellent management skills, he was offered a higher position at the Veterans’ Hospital. He called me one day and asked what I thought about his accepting a new position in the dietary department. I said, Shelby, with the help of the Holy Spirit, you can do anything. I was to repeat that phrase many times as Shelby advanced to become a food production manager for the two veterans’ hospitals in Cleveland and Brecksville. I was very proud of him and pleased that his true personality and intelligence were being recognized.

I left Cleveland in 1988, but Shelby did not stop calling because I moved back to Michigan. Then, one day the important call came. Sister, I am going to take classes to become a deacon! What do you think? I answered, as always, Shelby, you have the will to become anything you want to be. With the blessings of the Holy Spirit, you will become a deacon. And, Shelby did become a deacon—the only African American deacon in his group of men. I was invited to his ordination and the parish celebration. He had reached his goal, and I was proud to know this man who had succeeded in such a few years from a non-Catholic to a Catholic deacon.

Had he reached his goal? Not Shelby Friend! He had only just begun. Shelby began working on various projects and became a member of the Diocesan Committee on Racism. He introduced the program, Strangers No More, a day of recollection for men of various backgrounds and races to meet face-to-face with other men from the diverse population in and around Cleveland. It was the first time that some white men had sat across the table from black men. It was a successful endeavor. Shelby organizes, preaches, cooks, attends meetings, and assists the bishop in diocesan ceremonies—anything to aid the Holy Spirit in accomplishing a mission. Shelby cooked a meal for a gathering of selected parishioners and the pastor of St. Henry’s for the pastor to come to know the predominantly African American members who attend mass there. This meal was repeated several times; it was found to be successful, giving the pastor an ever-growing understanding of the people of his congregation.

Then I got the call from Shelby that he was going to further his education. He felt that a bachelor’s degree would help him be more qualified for all that he thought the Holy Spirit was calling him to do. This is what drives Shelby in all his activities and in his preaching: his great love and trust in the Holy Spirit. This is what we have in common and what we can discuss at length in our telephone conversations: the work of the Holy Spirit in us.

As you read Shelby’s book about his life, beginning in a small Southern town, taking him to Vietnam, leading him to join the Catholic Church, and hearing the call to be a deacon of that church, you will feel his surprise and astonishment at how God brought him to that point in his life. We both are thrilled when we talk about the Holy Spirit’s action in Shelby’s life, and you will be, too, as you read how this humble child from a poor family in the South was guided by the Holy Spirit to reach the stature that he has attained in his southeast Cleveland parish and in the whole Cleveland Catholic Diocese.

I wish Shelby well with his book, his studies, and his role in the joining together of the three parishes of southeast Cleveland. I pray that all his endeavors have a successful ending as he continually tries to fulfill what the Holy Spirit is asking him to do with his life. My prayers are with you, Shelby.

Sister Elaine Hart, RSM

Fall, 2006

Introduction

Daddy used to say, Hard work and troubled times are a part of the reality of life, and what don’t kill you will only make you stronger.

Someone also once said that the only certainty in our lives is death. But, I believe that there are two other certainties as well: there are troubled times and God’s desire to help all of His children get through both the good and troubled times of their lives. Trouble Don’t Last Always is an affirmation of that belief. This book is not a story about race or some poor black boy who did well. Neither is it a story intending to depict God as some kind of dealmaker who will give us anything we ask if we are willing to worship and follow Him. This is the story of the life of an African American Vietnam veteran, now a permanent deacon in the Roman Catholic Church, and how through the grace of God and with the support of his family, friends, and church community, he survived the difficulties and hardships that life gave him and his family. This is the story of how I, Deacon Shelby M. Friend, weathered the storms of troubled times that war, poverty, sickness, and the death of my father brought into my life. In my book, Trouble Don’t Last Always, I talk about those troubled times. I now believe that surviving the troubled times broadened my faith and made me the strong leader and father that I am today. It was the troubled times that brought about the spiritual transformation that would change my life forever.

Daddy, the Great Communicator: I talk a lot about my mother in this book, so I wanted to give my father due credit for his influence on my