My Favorite Italian Mother-In-Law: A Tribute to Her Wit and Charm

By Steve Bergman

Fact: Many a mother-in-law is either disliked or finds herself the butt of jokes. This was a mother-in-law to be loved and admired.

Question: What type of woman would inspire her son-in-law to accumulate 35 years worth of quotes?

Answer: The inspiration was Julias off-the-wall humor.

My Favorite Italian Mother-In-Law
is a collection of more than 300 zany quotes, arranged by subject matter, such as:

I never saw lightning so loud before.

I dont have to change my socks
because I was in the house all day yesterday and I hardly moved.

I just wrote a letter to a my cousin Margaret in Florida. Im not sure if shes dead or alive.

My neighbor is so good at taking care of me, he shovels my sidewalk before it snows.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Dec 19, 2005
• ISBN: 9781467066853

Steve Bergman

Steve Bergman’s fascination with quotations began in his teenage years and he accumulated a vast collection of quotes from various sources such as friends, family and business associates.  He was born and raised in New York City, is currently employed in the financial services industry and resides on Long Island.

Book preview

My Favorite

Italian

Mother-In-Law

A Tribute To Her Wit And Charm

Steve Bergman

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© 2005 Steve Bergman. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 12/05/05

ISBN: 1-4208-8825-0 (sc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2005908989

Printed in the United States of America

Bloomington, Indiana

Contents

INTRODUCTION

AGING

AIRPLANES

ASPIRIN

ATLANTIC CITY

BATHROOM

BIRTHDAYS

BOSSES

BROOKLYN

BRUSHING TEETH

BUSBOYS

CLOTHING

COOKING

CRIME

CROSSWORD PUZZLES

DENTISTS

DIETING

DOCTORS

DWARFS

DYING

DIRECTIONS

EATING

ELECTION DAY

EXERCISE

EYEGLASSES

FINGERS

FRIENDS

GAYS

GARDEN CITY

GETTING DRESSED

GIANNI VERSACE

GIFTS

GLOVES

HAIR

HALF A LIE

HATS

HEALTH

HEAVY PEOPLE

HOW TO GIVE A COMPLIMENT

IGNORANCE

INSANITY

IRISH

ITALIANS

JEWISH NEW YEAR

JOGGING

JOHN

LAWYERS

LETTER WRITING

LIQUOR

MAFIA

MAKEUP

MARLENE DIETRICH

MARS

MEMORY

MENDING

MY CHILDREN’S NAMES

NEIGHBORS

NEWSPAPERS

NORWEGIAN TENANTS

O. J. SIMPSON

PEACH PITS

PICASSO

POPULATION EXPLOSION

POLITICS

POSTURE

QUOTES

RELATIVES

RELIGION

RESTAURANTS

SCHOOL DAYS

SHOES

SHOPPING

SHORTHAND

SNAKES

SNEEZING

TECHNOLOGY

TELEVISION

TISSUES

TWINS

UNION DELEGATES

VERIZON

WAITING FOR A BUS

WALKING

WEALTH

WEATHER

WINDY DAYS

WORKING

EPILOGUE

About the Author

This book is for Julia

INTRODUCTION

I first met Julia when I was 17 years old, soon after becoming friends with her daughter Laura, who became my wife and closest friend. During the next 36 years, I spent many days with Julia and have tried my best to capture some of the humorous things she said and did. She had her own slant on life. We called it Julia Logic. This book is a celebration of her wit and charm. I said to her on many occasions, You’re my favorite mother-in-law. She quickly responded with a sparkle in her eyes and a chuckle, You’re my only son-in-law, Steve.

On Christmas Eve 2002, speaking to Laura, she said Even though your mother is a pain-in-the neck, she knows you treat her very good.

AGING

Julia often spoke to me about aging. She marveled at how quickly life was passing her by.

At my age, one day we’re sitting on top of the world

and the next day we’re under the world.

The years went fast!

At 84, I’m almost ready to exit to the other world…

the world beyond.

Now I’m 84. I’m on the next step.

Not the step of the Living,