Waiting on Normal

By Sonja L Myburgh

Callie always knew she wasn’t like other teenagers. Even from a young age she noticed this, but never took it too seriously. After being diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 18, she realized that her suspicions were indeed correct. She was different. 
Before long, personal tragedies send her life spiraling out of control, and she plummets down into her own personal Hell, but somehow she manages to overcome them. 
Callie’s journey with bipolar disorder from her teenage years into adulthood is a battle of not only circumstances and decisions, but also with her own mind.
Will her past demons catch up to her and drag her back down, or will she find the strength to stay afloat?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sonja L Myburgh
• Release date: Oct 12, 2017
• ISBN: 9781516939275

Sonja L Myburgh

Sonja L Myburgh lives in Port Elizabeth, South Africa with her husband Mark, and her busy toddler, Aimee. She is the author of romance novels On The Line, A Bullet For You, If You Only Knew, Between Rubies and Opals, and historical fantasy trilogy, Return To Salem.  Her latest release, Waiting On Normal is based on true events and revolves around the diary entries of Callie, a girl with bipolar disorder, documenting her struggles, as well as her accomplishments, with this highly misunderstood disorder. Sonja started writing ever since she could remember, and even from a very young age, she enjoyed writing essays, short stories and enjoyed reading. "I was that kid in class who had their hand up first when it came to oral, and every day I'd pray for an essay assignment. Yeah, I was that kid."  "Writing, to me, is like therapy, which is what all us writers needs! I love writing because it allows me to express myself in words and then ultimately letting others read them." -If a writer of prose knows enough about what he is writing about, he may omit things that he knows and the reader, if the writer is writing truly enough, will have a feeling of those things as strongly as though the writer had stated them. The dignity of movement of an iceberg is due to only one-eighth of it being underwater. - Ernest Hemingway

Book preview

Waiting on Normal

Sonja L  Myburgh

The Beginning

January 2006

Iwould always remember when it happened the first time. There were no warning signs, no symptoms, nothing that would give me a clue as to when and why it happened. It simply happened.

It was a normal Tuesday morning. I was in the bathroom, washing my face, getting ready for school. I don’t remember exactly what happened, but everything started spinning around me, and there was a terrible ringing in my ears. It felt like I was on a rollercoaster that was going too fast. Nausea followed almost immediately and my heart was pounding in my chest. Was I having a stroke, I thought to myself. I leaned over the basin, in case I was going to throw up and dry heaved a couple of times. My throat burned, like someone had just dragged barbed wire through it. It hurt to breath, and it hurt to stay conscious.

A knock on the door blared through my ears and a voice yelled from outside the door. Mom, she’s hogging the bathroom again!

The voice that I hated with my whole being. The hatred and the resentment bubbled up inside me. My eyes met my reflection’s and as I stared at myself in the mirror, a blinding rage filled me up and everything went black.

The next moment, I was in my room, surrounded by chaos. It looked like my room had been hit by a tornado. My study papers were thrown all over and my bed was a mess. What the hell happened? Did I do this? My head was pounding, and my heart was racing, like I had run a marathon. I had no recollection of what had happened.

I caught sight of myself in the mirror and it was like a stranger staring back at me. I looked terrible, not that I was drop dead gorgeous to start out with.

I didn’t consider myself a beautiful girl. As far as I was concerned, I was pretty plain. I had normal green eyes, normal light brown hair, nothing special. All my body parts were in correct proportion with one another, and I had no strange and abnormal markings or anything. I had no freckles, no special moles, or extravagantly long eyelashes. The only thing I do believe was something attracting, was the dimple on my right cheek when I smiled. That’s it.

People normally didn’t even take a second glance at me, I think, and I was completely okay with that. I didn’t like people making a big fuss over me, and I hated being celebrated. I hated surprises and when I wanted something, I wanted it now. As far as the hotness went, I was far from it, regardless of what my friends said. I didn’t feel it was appropriate to tell me I was attractive when I wasn’t, not even to spare my feelings. I knew the truth, but everyone was entitled to their own opinion. But wasn’t that what friends did, tell you you’re beautiful, even if it was only on the inside? Most of my friends would obviously say it was the truth, but they’re my friends. They’re supposed to say things like that, right?

Anyway, the stranger in the mirror stared back at me, and even though I wanted to look away, I couldn’t. Her eyes were eerie, scary even, and brought forth the darkness I kept bottled up inside me. The rage, the self-doubt. The pity. All the things I hated, and all the things I hid away in the deepest part of me. She scared the shit out of me, and eventually, after what felt like a lifetime, I gathered the courage to look away. At that moment it didn’t feel courageous though. I felt like a coward, turning my back on the truth. Turning my back on myself.

I officially scared myself and that was a scary thought in itself. I was too afraid to look into the mirror again, too afraid to face her. The demon inside. Mostly I was afraid she might climb out of her world and into mine.

A shiver ran up my spine, not the good kind, and with no warning, bile rose up in my throat and I puked all over the floor, and myself.

Mom! was the last thing I yelled out before everything went black again.

I slept a lot that day, and my mom phoned my principle to let him know I wouldn’t be coming to school today. I received numerous concerned texts from my friends, and I replied with a simple message that I would see them tomorrow and I simply wasn’t feeling well. My mom checked in on me at regular intervals, apparently, but I was out cold for most of the day.

After a lot of protesting from my mother, I told her I was fine and I didn’t want to go to Dr. Fergus. Most importantly, I didn’t want to miss another day of school, regardless of how shitty I was feeling. She was reluctant at first, but eventually, she let me be.

I never thought that life was going to be easy from that day forward, but I never would have been able to predict the things my life still had in store for me. That was the first day. That day, was the beginning of the end.

A  Worthy Opponent

February 2006

My mind was a universe , and my thoughts were like millions and millions of particles floating around in this infinite space. An infinite galaxy. My infinite galaxy. The magnitude of thoughts that whirled around inside my mind at any moment, were truly uncountable, and unaccountable. I was confident that not even all the stars in the universe could amount to the number of thoughts passing through my mind every single day.

Hour.

Minute.

Second.

I realized this as I was staring out into space in homeroom at the beginning of the first term. I was bored beyond belief, and the school year had only just started.

I was sixteen, in my second last year of high school, and even though everyone said, Time flies when you’re having fun, I was certainly not convinced. Not at all. Fun, and school did not go hand in hand. To me, school was boring and unnecessary. I became bored easily with routine, and sadly, school was all about routine. Periods lasted exactly 45 minutes, every day was exactly the same. The same people, the same uniforms, the same mundane conversations. The only inconsistent thing was the weather.

Plus I had some other stuff going on at home. My older brother Ben – who was five years older than me – decided to jet off to London to join the Metropolitan Police Force. Good for him though, as he had always been the patriotic and heroic type. Ben and I were close, despite our age gap, and I was proud of him for getting out when he did. The reason why, wouldn’t surprize anyone. Our father was a bit of an asshole.

Scrap that, he was an asshole, period. Take this morning for example.

I was eating cereal in the living room, watching my usual lifestyle channel, minding my own business. Mom was in the kitchen, and Drew was somewhere in the house. Then, my father walks down the stairs wearing his usual attire. Black suit, black shirt, his jacket draped over his left forearm, briefcase in the right hand. As soon as he saw me, his whole demeanour changed, and he looked at me with an angry scowl. I wasn’t even doing anything.

There’s a dining room for a reason, use it, he said in his usual snippy way, not even looking me in the eyes and hurried off to the kitchen. A few seconds later, Drew plopped down next to me with a bowl of cereal and started munching away. I looked at him with the same scowl that my father bestowed onto me.

There’s a dining room for a reason, use it, I said to him.

I was talking to you, not to him. My father’s voice echoed off the walls.

What makes him so special that rules don’t apply to him?

If looks could kill, I’d be six foot under the ground in a split second. My father’s eyes bore right through me and gave me a disapproving scowl. Again.

Story of my life.

You know perfectly well why, was his reply.

I knew perfectly well, he was right about that. Ever since I was a little girl, my dad hated my guts. Seriously. On numerous occasions, my dad made it abundantly clear he never wanted a daughter. It hurt, and it still did. I didn’t understand how a father could say that to his own child.

Plus, he was a chauvinist. He believed women were weak and must be controlled. My younger brother, Drew, meant everything to my father. According to my dad, he was the perfect child. Drew was exactly like my father; from his dark hair, to his voice, his personality, and they even thought the same – which was troubling to say the least. As if one of him wasn’t enough to deal with.

Now, I envied Ben more than ever.

Callie Nicholls? My homeroom teacher, Mr. Rixton called out my name, as he did every morning to check attendance, and I absent-mindedly answered with a Present.

I looked over at my best friend Dana Andrews, whom I have known, and been friends with, since I was five years old. It was best-friend love at first sight, as she called it. Dana was chewing absent-mindedly on her breakfast cereal bar, twirling her long dark brown ponytail around her index finger, checking our roster.

Danes?

Hm? she muttered next to me and slowly looked at me.

I don’t grasp the concept of all this.

The puzzled look on her face normally made me smile for a second, but today I was in too much of a mood to do so. School.

You don’t understand the concept of school? When I nodded, she frowned nonchalantly. We’re here to learn things that will get us on the right track for our adult life, I guess.

That’s a bit pretentious, I muttered without thinking.

What do you mean? she asked me as she shoved the last piece of cereal bar into her mouth.

I understand we’re here to gain knowledge of the chosen subjects needed to attend university, which ultimately leads to getting a degree in something that will become our chosen career path.

What else is there to understand?

What about the important things? What about life skills, like changing a tyre, or how to use the sun to navigate if your phone dies? They don’t teach us those things here.

Why would I want to learn how to change a tyre anyway? Dana asked.

"You’re missing the point. They don’t teach us that bad boys are indeed bad for us, or that riding a motorcycle doesn’t necessarily make us badasses. They don’t teach us what to do in an emergency situation, or how to behave when you get mugged. I could see Dana frowning heavily, but still carried on. We aren’t taught how to read body language to figure out whether someone is lying, or whether they have feelings for us. How are we supposed to learn these important and invaluable life skills, if we were all forced to learn about fractions, and pi, and all of those unnecessary things we’ll never use again?"

That’s what the internet is for, Callie.

Once again, I was fighting a losing battle.

Well, it doesn’t make any sense to me, regardless if it’s freely available on the internet.

Maybe you could use that speech the next time the debate team needs some motivation.

I didn’t appreciate being made fun of, especially not about something that I considered important.

Don’t look at me like that, she pouted and I looked at my hands resting on the desk. Anything else you want to share with me?

Actually, there is, I said and caught her rolling her eyes at me. Never mind.

Just tell me.

No, you ruined it.

What I wanted to say, was how were we supposed to attain our individuality, when we were forced to wear uniforms? Basically, we were being forced to conform to society and be completely un-unique, simply blending into the masses and forced into having a sheep mentality, not being the unique beings we were meant to be. How were we supposed to express ourselves creatively, when we were forced to wear uniforms, and look alike?

Callie, you think too much. Seriously.

So you say. She didn’t need to remind me.

You’re in a mood again today.

She knew me too well. Maybe.

What did he say to you?

My gaze dropped automatically, but I shook off the hurt I was feeling inside myself. I should be used to it by now. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Even Dana knew of my domestic situation, but she didn’t press me any further. I was irritated and frustrated already, and didn’t need any more fuel added to my fire of disdain.

The bell eventually rang for first period and I was quite happy. It was Thursday, and that meant English was our first class.

Dana and I walked to English, joined by our other friends, Sue and Tracey. I was the last one to reach my seat, because I was the shortest of my group of friends, having the shortest legs. Either that, or it was because I liked to daydream and move at my own pace, or because I got side-tracked easily. Dana thought it was all of the above actually.

Did you see the new guy? Sue asked, as they settled into their seats in the back row.

No, Dana answered and frowned at me, only reaching my seat at that moment.

Over there. Sue pointed behind her and everyone looked in the direction of the new guy.

I shook my head simply, took the book I was reading from my book bag and sat down in my seat.

Who is he? Dana asked.

I have no idea, but rumour has it, he transferred from another province, Sue whispered.

From Cape Town actually. Craig texted me. He’s in his homeroom class, Tracey whispered.

He looks so mysterious, Sue pouted and raised an intrigued eyebrow.

Well, it is his first day, I stated the obvious and paged through my book. No-one knows anything about him, because he’s new.

Obviously, Callie. Dana rolled her eyes at me and tilted her head to get a better look at him.

He’s rather hot, Sue said and Tracey nodded.

If it was your plan to be conspicuous, good job girls, I whispered, but a little louder to clarify my annoyance and rolled my eyes at their incessant babbling about the newest arrival to our prison for the next two years. The poor guy. He didn’t stand a chance with those three. I didn’t pay them much attention as they carried on whispering like a bunch of, well, teenage girls, which was exactly what they were, as I started reading my book.

A few sentences in, Ms. Wentz, our fabulous English teacher waltzed into the classroom and everyone was quiet, including the babbling trio, Dana, Sue, and Tracey.

Today is a perfect day for an unprepared oral, Ms. Wentz said and made an exaggerated hand movement in the air that resembled something from a Shakespearean play.

The entire class groaned in irritation, except for me, of course, and I smiled happily. I loved unprepared oral, and I could honestly say that I was the queen of unprepared oral. I had a natural disadvantage, always having a million things speeding through my head at any given time. I had my hand up before I could stop myself and she chuckled at me.

I haven’t even given you a topic yet, she said to me.

Of course I knew that, but it didn’t matter if she assigned a topic or not. I was always ready, and I always went first.

What is the topic, then, Ma’am? A voice I had never heard made me look to my left and I shifted my body 90 degrees. The new guy had his hand in the air, and I looked at him, with a mixture of disbelief and awe. Our eyes met for a brief moment and he smiled one of the most gorgeous smiles I had ever seen in my entire life. No, I was not exaggerating.

As the world started spinning around me, I realized I was holding my breath and looked down at my book, taking a few deep breaths.

That is a good question, New Arrival, Ms. Wentz said in her usual excited tone. Your topic this morning will be carte blanche.

Like the TV program, Ma’am? David, one of the smokers, asked.

No, my dearest David. Ms. Wentz shook her head and sat down on her wooden chair in the front corner of the classroom. It has nothing to do with the television program.

Then what is it, Ms. Wentz? Tracey asked.

Do what you always do, Trace. Google it, Dana whispered.

Shut up, Tracey muttered and rolled her eyes.

I watched as the new guy raised his hand again, and Ms. Wentz motioned to him. Yes, New Arrival.

If I may, he asked Ms. Wentz.

Permission granted, Ms. Wentz nodded.

Carte blanche is the complete freedom to act as one wishes, hence the topic is indefinable. So, in this particular instance, the topic of the oral lies with us, giving us the freedom to choose whichever topic we please, he answered. Therefor giving us carte blanche.

My jaw hit the floor and I looked at Dana in complete shock. What the hell...

Dana looked at me, with the same expression of disbelief and she whispered, He sounds just like you, Callie.

I know, I mouthed at her and looked back at the new guy.

At that moment, not sure if he heard me or not, he glanced at me, and I melted. On the inside of course, I had to maintain some form of mystery about myself. His one eyebrow lifted slightly higher than the other one and a grin ran across his face. Breaking our gaze, I let out an exhausted breath and shook my head at myself for being so silly.

May I go first, Ms. Wentz? he asked.

Of course. It is refreshing to have someone else lead the pack, other than Calliope.

Calliope was Ms. Wentz’s ‘term of endearment’ – as she liked to call it - for me. Partly because I always have a notebook with me, like the Greek Muse of epic poetry Calliope, and partly because it was the only name in the literary world that remotely came close to my name. Either that or Callisto, but I preferred Calliope. It was better suited.

I sat in my seat, dumbfounded, as he stood up slowly, and walked to the front of the class. My hand darted into the air and Ms. Wentz looked at me. But Ms. Wentz, I always go first.

If she wants to go first, then she is more than welcome to, the new guy offered and looked at me, but I avoided his eyes.

That’s gracious of you, Ms. Wentz nodded and looked at me.

How dare he insist on going in my place? Even though he’s hot, does not mean he could simply waltz in here and do as he pleased.

I always go first. I nodded at the new guy.

I stood up slowly and walked to the front of the class. I remembered the thoughts in my head of this morning, about how we were conditioned to fit in, and started my oral about sheep mentality. I could go on for hours expressing my views on this subject, but had to cut it a bit short, for obvious reasons. Strangely enough, the book that I was reading had the same symbol in it.

As George S. Patton Junior once said, if everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking. That is sheep mentality. People are too easily influenced by their peers to adopt certain behaviours. To act a certain way, to follow trends. It decentralises your decision making, and makes one look unintelligible. The thing that saddens me the most, is when people, like sheep, are content with themselves, with material desires and social acceptance. Accordingly, they lose the ability to appreciate certain aspects of creation and tend to miss out on many opportunities, because of their limited perspectives. In closing, I pose this question to you all. Why are we so determined to blend in, when we were created to stand out? The perfect ending to a perfect oral presentation.

I did a little curtsy when I was done and Sue, Dana and Tracey cheered. I walked back to my seat and as I passed Dana, she high-fived me.

Then, as I sat down, I looked over at the new guy, who gave me a quick, silent applause, with an impressed smile on his face. Top that, I thought to myself and sat back in my seat.

To my surprize, he stood up from his seat, exuding amazing confidence. He walked to the front of the class and started his oral.

As soon as he opened his mouth and his words danced off his tongue, I was hooked, and surprized beyond belief, causing my jaw to hit the floor and my head shook involuntarily. I was in shock.

Oh my god, Sue whispered. He’s trying to steal Callie’s thunder.

By the look on her face, she doesn’t seem to mind at all, Dana whispered back.

I looked briefly at Dana and turned my attention back to the new guy, still speaking as eloquently as possible.

Honestly, I was enthralled.

He sounded exactly like I did, only better. He had the perfect way of speaking and the way he pronounced his words were unbelievably amazing. It was so elegant, so perfect. So much that I didn’t even pay any attention to my book that was in front of me on my desk, which was a miracle in itself. I was staring like a retarded psychopath at this guy, whose name I didn’t even know. He had me captivated with his voice, and most of all, his words. They were like the arms of a never-forgotten lover, embracing me, healing me, making me whole, giving me hope. Hope that I thought would never come.

Was I being silly and irrational? For sure, but love didn’t always make sense. Most of us knew that.

Of course it was preposterous to think that I could actually be in love with this guy, but his words and his voice made me rethink everything that I have ever known. I was in love, in a literary sense, of course.

By some lucky twist of fate – or whatever – it ended up this guy was in the same Biology class I was in, along with Craig, Tracey’s boyfriend. Another reason to love Biology even more than I already did. Not only was Biology my favourite subject, but Mr. McKinnon, was my favourite teacher of all time.

Life was good.

There was an empty seat to my right and the new guy walked over to me, as I settled into my seat.

Is this seat taken? He motioned over to the empty seat and looked at me with those eyes.

Technically, none of these seats are actually taken, as a different person occupies it every period. In this specific period, however, it remains vacant, as it has been since the beginning of the year, I answered and looked at him.

He looked at me with an amused grin and tilted his head at me. That’s good to know. Thank you for the explanation.

He had the most perfect smile, his teeth perfectly aligned, and he even had a dimple in his left cheek.

Focus Callie.

You’re welcome. I nodded and smiled briefly. I’m Callie. Callie Nicholls.

Terrence Gilmore. Nice to make your acquaintance, he said with a nod.

Likewise.

Do you really always go first?

I frowned at him and crossed my arms. Huh?

Unprepared oral.

Right. I let out a laugh and shook my head in slight embarrassment. I was such an idiot. Yes, I do. I like to get it over and done with. Plus whoever goes after me, theirs won’t live up to mine, being the initial impression. No offence to you, of course. It’s just a personal victory. Yeah, I was also tactlessly blunt.

None taken. He looked at me, his grey eyes sparkling with intrigue. You’re quite the eloquent speaker.

Thank you. I could say the same about you, I said to him, trying to hide my flushing cheeks. Just a word of warning, I’m not a typical teenager.

Don’t worry, neither am I.

Good to know. Was I stuttering? Oh damn.

We should definitely stick together, you and me. Birds of a feather, he said with a smile.

Absolutely.

Mr. McKinnon suddenly appeared at the front of the class, wearing a white lab-coat. That could only mean one thing, it was dissecting time. Either that or his fashion sense was getting worse.

Good morning everyone. I hope you have strong stomachs this morning, Mr. McKinnon announced. I need you all to pair up. We’re going to the lab.

Terrence and I looked at one another and he smiled slightly. You want to be my lab date?

I pouted my lips for a second and nodded. Sure. I have a pretty strong stomach this morning.

I was hoping you’d say that. His crooked smile sent flutters down my spine and a swarm of butterflies started a tornado of ecstasy inside my stomach, which quickly spread to the rest of my body in no time.

And so it began.

Terrence and I became good friends, which was better than nothing actually, but it didn’t stop me from staring at him in Biology, and English, of course. We were lab partners for the rest of the year and became semi-inseparable. I found myself thinking about him during the day, and dreaming about him at night. It was strange to have someone occupy my mind every second of the day. I had to remind myself hourly, that he may not feel the same way about me, and that I had to stop this infatuation with him, before it turned into a full blown obsession. Then again, I wasn’t obsessed; I was simply in love, for the first time.

So It  Began

April 2006

D id he ask you out yet? Tracey asked me about three weeks later and to be honest, I wasn’t surprised. Terrence and I had been spending a lot of time together, so it was only natural that my friends would ask something like that. The only thing that did in fact surprise me, was that he hasn’t asked me out yet.

Obviously, I hid my surprise and answered Tracey with a frown, Why would he do that?

Tracey and Sue exchanged glances and shook their heads at me. Because you are totally in love with each other, Tracey answered.

No, we’re not. I was good at denying things, and most people believed me. We’re just friends.

That’s bull, and you know it, Sue said and crossed her arms.

Honestly. Why would I lie about it?

So, you’re not in love with him?

I didn’t say that.

She’s totally in love with him, Tracey whispered to Sue.

I’m not going to even argue about this. Believe what you want. I shrugged and unscrewed the cap of my water bottle.

So, can I make a move then, seeing as you’re not interested? Sue raised an eyebrow at me.

Don’t you dare. Dana muttered beside me.

You know what, Sue? Do whatever you want. I said to her with a smile.

Dana looked at me as if I had gone completely, insane, but I knew that Terrence wouldn’t be interested. If there was one thing I was sure of in my heart, was that he loved me too.

Terrence and Craig – who became instant best friends – were selected for our school’s first rugby team. First Fifteen they called it.

I somehow persuaded Dana, Sue and Tracey to go along with me. It was their first game after all, and it was against our high school’s biggest and oldest rival. Terrence started off as an offside flanker – which was number 7, my lucky number – and Craig was the centre, number 8. I think.

I didn’t know much about rugby, but would certainly never pass up an opportunity to see Terrence all sweaty, tackling some guy. No way.

Apparently the two of them did an amazing job and our team ended up beating the rival team 35 to 12.

Afterwards, our group decided to go for pizza, as the guys worked up an appetite from running around like a bunch of animals. Spending time with Terrence was one of the easiest and most natural things on this Earth. He was easy to talk to, even though I was one of the few people that fully understood the words he used, I thrived on it. I was hanging on every word he said, but still tried to act as nonchalant as I possibly could. No-one likes an overzealous girl that has ‘desperate for your attention’ tattooed on her forehead. I could listen to him all day, and would never tire of hearing those words flow from his mouth, his deep, soothing voice that caressed my inside in the most seductive way possible.

I sat opposite him at Pizza Guys, our local pizza hangout, just looking at him. He was wearing a green T-shirt with a black hoodie and a pair of black tracksuit pants. His brown hair was still a bit damp and his eyes were bright.

Terrence was the epitome of teenage heartthrobs. Well, to me at least. He reminded me of a young Marlon Brando, and sadly, most people my age didn't even know who the hell he was, but they suck.

Marlon Brando was awesome. So was Terrence. He was far from drop dead gorgeous, but the way he spoke caught my attention. He had a way about him that screamed of cigar lounges and jazz, if that makes any sense at all. He was an old soul, like me, and we understood one another.

I was semi-smitten.

Okay, I was totally smitten. Into the bushes, as Dana always said. Where the hell that saying came from, no one knows. I doubt even Dana knew.

Okay, hang on a minute. Side-tracked, again.

I rested my chin on my knuckles and his eyes met mine. There was a moment between the two of us and after a few seconds he winked at me, sending the million butterflies inside my stomach into a hormonally induced frenzy.

I can’t believe you guys played so well, Dana said suddenly.

Why is that so hard to believe? We kicked ass, right, Terr? Craig frowned and looked at Terrence.

We definitely dominated their defence-

Always with the big words, Terrence, Sue rolled her eyes.

You’re just like Callie. Most of the times none of us have any idea what you two are talking about, Tracey muttered.

You say that like it’s a bad thing, I frowned at Tracey.

It is. You two could be conspiring to kill all of us, and we wouldn’t even know it, Tracey frowned.

You’ll never know, will you? I narrowed my eyes at her and took a bite of pizza.

Terrence let out a laugh and shook his head. You’re all safe, for now. He then looked at me and smiled slightly. Cal and I simply understand one another, right Cal?

Right, and there is nothing wrong with that. I smiled at him and he winked again.

Yeah, so after you’ve gushed all over each other, can we go play pool? Sue rolled her eyes.

After we paid for our pizzas and drinks, we headed across the street to the pool hall. Normally, I loved hanging out in a pool hall, but tonight, something was different. This was the night I truly felt it in full effect. Obviously at that time, I didn’t know exactly what it was, and even though I felt strange, it also felt normal.

I didn’t know what was going on with me. I had never felt like this. I was talking faster than usual, and everything seemed different, in a way I would never be able to explain properly to anyone else. Sure, I was used to talking fast, but the speed I was splurging out words was astronomical. I think I broke the speed of light, for real. Also, my mind was all over the place, it felt like I was channel surfing, constantly changing from one channel to the next. Click, click, click. It was the weirdest thing I had ever experienced in my life. My senses were heightened and everything seemed louder and brighter around me.

As I stood, holding the pool cue, the sound of the balls scattering across the table as Craig took the first shot, was deafening. I winced and looked around me, almost paranoid-like. It felt as if everyone was looking at me. I looked up at the light and squinted my eyes. I looked at Dana, who had a frown on her face and I asked, Is it suddenly bright in here?

No, it’s always like this, she answered nonchalantly.

Are you sure? I asked, slight panic rising in my voice. Why wasn’t she hearing it? Did she not see I was freaking out? Or maybe I wasn’t freaking out, I was only thinking I was.

Dana took a large gulp of her coke and placed it on the counter next to her. Yeah. Why?

The deafening sound of the balls thumping against the padding of the table made me jump and Dana looked at me. Then only did she see the panic in my eyes. It was about damn time too.

Callie? Are you okay? she asked.

I don’t know. Everything is loud and bright, I answered and winced slightly.

Does your head hurt?

A little, I answered and raked my fingers through my hair.

Have some of this, she offered her glass and I took a large mouth-full of fizzy coke.

Eugh. I hated coke actually, it contained way too much sugar for my liking and the fact that it was carbonated also wasn’t ideal. I closed my eyes for a second and took a few deep breaths.

Cal? Terrence’s hand on my shoulder whirled me back and I looked at him, slightly bewildered. What’s going on? Are you okay? he asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but honestly, I didn’t know what to say to him. How could I explain something to him that I myself didn’t even know how to describe? I cringed again and shook my head. I’m fine.

I had to give Terrence credit, he wasn’t stupid, and he was much more observant than most males his age. Are you sure? He looked at me, scanning my face, looking at me tentatively. Your pupils are dilated.

I’m fine, really. I nodded and he put his hand on my shoulder. I flashed him a quick smile and held out the pool cue towards him. I think it’s your turn.

I think I should sit this one out, and so should you. He frowned and turned to Dana. Dana, you’re up.

Dana took the cue from me and walked over to the table. Are we solids, or stripes?

Solids, Terrence answered and stood next to me. I felt a tinge of guilt for lying, but eventually looked up at him.

Are you going to tell me what’s going on, or am I going to have to torture you with more rugby talk? he said after a few minutes.

Oh, please no, anything but rugby, I answered dramatically and he laughed.

His expression quickly changed back to the serious one it was moments before and he sat down on the stool beside me. You know you can tell me anything.

There’s nothing to tell. Probably too much excitement for one day, I suppose, I shrugged.

Terrence smiled slightly and tilted his head at me. You know you don’t have to say you’re okay if you’re not, you know that.

I know, I ... I honestly didn’t know what to say.

What?

Nothing, I frowned and shook my head at him. I watched as Dana lined up her shot and the solid green ball went straight into the side pocket.

Tell me.

I feel strange.

Strange how?

You’re going to think I’m completely insane.

I highly doubt that, but try me.

I took a deep breath and looked at him, those eyes picking me apart. Everything is louder than usual, and brighter than usual. My mind is in such a whirl and I feel...

Overwhelmed?

I nodded and looked at him. Yes, sort of.

He pouted, like he was thinking and I simply stared at him. His lips curled up and I had to look away, or I would not be able to contain this fire inside me.

What? I asked eventually.

I don’t think you’re crazy, Cal, but I do think you were right before. Maybe it was too much excitement for one day.

I nodded, with a slow smile, but then a wave of nausea hit me and there was a revolting taste in my mouth. That coke was definitely a bad idea. Oh my god.

What?

I brought up my hand to my face and goose bumps ran across my skin as my stomach turned violently. I think I might vomit.

Might or definitely will?

Definitely will.

Within an instant, Terrence had his arm around my waist and dragged me off to the bathroom. I heard Dana and Tracey call out after us, but Terrence didn’t say anything to them. He simply took me to the bathroom before I vomited all over the floor, myself, and him. He gently put me down on the floor, in front of the toilet and I vomited my lungs out.

It was horrible. If there was one thing I hated more than crying in public, vomiting was it. The smell, the sound, and especially all the things that happen to your insides when the vomiting took place, was horrendous.

Oh my god, I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to see this, I croaked, my voice hoarse and raw.

Don’t worry about it, Cal. His voice was soft and gentle as his hands brushed my hair out of my face.

For the next ten minutes, he sat there next to me, in a bathroom cubicle, holding my hair as I vomited, and it meant so much to me that I even cried. He whispered, It’s okay, Cal, to me so many times, I lost count, but it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. I guess if he could bear to see me hunched over a toilet, vomiting like a champion, and not be utterly repulsed by me, then there was hope for the two of us after all.

From that night, he was like my knight in shining armour. He was always there when I needed him, and he was always available to talk. Conveniently enough, he only stayed about five minutes from my house.

Of all the guys I had met in my lifetime – albeit short – he had the most incredible manners. He was respectful, tactful, friendly, and he made me feel so comfortable around him, almost too comfortable.

I could talk to him about anything, especially the shit that happened at home. Even though Terrence didn’t have much experience with living with an evil dictator for a father – his parents were as amazing as he was – he always listened, and that was all I needed.

He was all I needed.

Future Endeavours

March 2007

Iwas lying on my bed , adding some finishing touches to my sketch, when my phone buzzed next to me. It was a text from Terrence, and I caught sight of myself in my mirror wearing the

Reviews for Waiting on Normal

[littleauthorsm · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This book was amazing. An emotional rollercoaster to say the least. Well done to the author! Five stars well-deserved.