Dani's Shorts 7

By Dani J Caile

Okay, so Dani’s Shorts 7 is here! I occasionally submitted into an Iron Writer Challenge this year (2017) and won the Spring Equinox Final, and then the Annual Championship! I also couldn’t stop myself from doing the Weekend Quickies, they were just too addictive.
Then there was the Writers Games 2017 but I missed the cut, so I wrote one of the flash fiction pieces, just to see where I’d place. About halfway. I’ve included the short piece here, see what you think.
And another regular short story series started over at one Iron Writer’s Facebook page, and I also decided to join in with that one. So, this little collection of shorts is a combination of all three; challenges, quickies and ‘Quick-E’s.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dani J Caile
• Release date: Oct 24, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370411085

Dani J Caile

I've been writing for years, but now I've found my voice and style. I hope you like it as much as everyone else who has read it. :-)

Book preview

Table of Contents

Preface / Acknowledgement

Challenge 183

Challenge 193: 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament (Prelims)

Challenge 194: 2017 Spring Equinox Tournament Final

Challenge 200

Challenge 202

The 2nd Dani J Caile Invitational (2015/2016)

Challenge 204: The 2017 Summer Solstice Preliminary Round

Challenge 205: The 2017 Summer Solstice Final

Challenge 207

Challenge 209

Challenge 211

Challenge 212: 2017 Autumn Solstice Preliminary Round

Challenge 213: 2017 Autumn Solstice Final

Challenge 214: 2017 Annual Final

The 3rd Dani J Caile Invitational (2017)

April 2017 Flash Fiction

Weekend Quickies

Quick-Es

List of Elements

Biography

Preface / Acknowledgement

Okay, so Dani’s Shorts 6 wasn’t the last. I occasionally submitted into an Iron Writer Challenge this year (2017) and won the Spring Equinox Final, and then the Annual Championship! I also couldn’t stop myself from doing the Weekend Quickies, they were just too addictive.

Then there was the Writers Games 2017 but I missed the cut, so I wrote one of the flash fiction pieces, just to see where I’d place. About halfway. I’ve included the short piece here, see what you think.

And another regular short story series started over at one Iron Writer’s Facebook page, and I also decided to join in with that one. So, this little collection of shorts is a combination of all three; challenges, quickies and ‘Quick-E’s.

I will continue writing flash fiction and perhaps ‘Dani’s Shorts 8’ will appear in the future…sometime. So, I hope you enjoy what you read – because there might not be any more coming in a long time (is that a cheer?). You could always check out my back catalogue… (now I hear a rumble…)

IMPORTANT NOTE: These stories are written by adding the elements shown at the top of each flash fiction story, and by using those words, many being rarely used and unknown in the language, I am not ‘showing off’ in any way, merely doing the task given.

(back to ToC)

Iron Writer Challenges

Challenge 183

Elements – a music stand, a blue feather duster, an antique gold photo frame, a minor catastrophe

A Better Place

The man crouched naked on the music stand with a blue feather duster stuck up his derriere. The wife and the chief of security, Bob, stood some distance away, watching.

So, when did this start? asked Bob. He looked around the refurbished and strikingly golden office. It was amazing, though painful to his eyes and sense of style. How could anyone work in this? An elegant yet large antique golden photo frame sitting on a new gold-plated Bechstein grand piano looked out of place in this room of vulgarity.

I'm not too sure. It could have started with the booby trap over the door when he arrived, but that was just confetti. It didn't do him any harm, just made him jump a little, said the wife, wincing every now and then due the sight of her husband's polka dotted posterior.

Uh-huh. The naked man gave sounds similar to a pigeon as the blue feather duster shook alarmingly.

The remote controls didn't affect him too much, either, said the wife.

The remote controls? asked Bob.

Yes. There weren't any batteries in them. It took us two weeks to finally replace them all. They stood in silence as the naked man flew from the music stand to the large comfortable sofa, landing with a belly flop. And it wasn't the prayer mats. We took them away before he knew they were here. He used one as a towel. And the whoopee cushions...he didn't notice any change.

I see, said Bob. All minor catastrophes. But they've certainly taken their toll, haven't they?

Yes. The five hundred pizzas ordered for the same time went by quite well, too, considering they were all Mexican Green Wave, replied the wife.

Bob noticed the large main desk in the room was sitting on its side, bashed and missing a leg. What happened with that? Bob asked, pointing. He walked over to it, making sure not to disturb the naked man who was now trying to mate with a gold silky-smooth cushion.

Oh, the desk. That could have been the tipping point, though I can't be sure, said the wife. She quickly checked her makeup. One never knows when the next press conference would be.

The desk? What's so special about the desk? asked Bob. Scratch marks were all over the wide, slim drawer. Someone had been trying to open it.

There was a note on it saying 'Secret Muslim agenda'. He spent all morning trying to get that open. I think it's superglued.

Bob grabbed it and had a go. Yes, definitely glued.

Oh...no, I've got it. It was the Wifi, said the wife after a few gasps.

The Wifi?

Yes. No one knows the Wifi code. He hasn't been able to use his Twitter account on his phone for over a week now. The wife, realising the problem, began to cry. This set the naked man off, running around the room with a hop, skip and jump while cawing wildly.

And the world is a better place for it, muttered Bob. I’ll send in the boys.

(back to ToC)

Challenge 193

2017 Spring Equinox Tournament (Prelims)

Elements – a woman in a clothes dryer, menstrual cramps, a hairbrush without bristles, a wooden hanger

Down in Little India, Southall, London

Mrs Hatherwaite! What in hell's name are you doing? said Darshit, walking into his laundromat to see legs dangling from his largest clothes dryer. He knew they were hers from the bulging blue varicose veins. And no one else did their laundry at this time of night, either.

I'm keeping warm, it's lovely and cosy in here, giggled Mrs Hatherwaite.

Get out of there this insta... oh my! The sight froze his blood. Thankfully, not much light could penetrate into the contraption, but from what he saw in the second before he closed his eyes, he could only describe her as completely naked. Mrs Hatherwaite, why are you not wearing anything?

Well, the sign does say 'When finished washing, please remove all clothes', laughed Mrs Hatherwaite.

With some brief glimpses, he saw she was drinking from a wine bottle.

Mrs Hatherwaite! Not only are you naked in one of my clothes dryers, but you are also drinking!

Oh, this? Drinking? It's only my third! Fancy some? She offered the bottle but Darshit refused.

Mrs Hatherwaite, you can't get… ‘drunk naked’ in one of my clothes dryers! What was he to do?

I've got my menstrual cramps, red wine always helps... hey, ‘Darkshit’! Come on in, I'll take you for a spin, laughed Mrs Hatherwaite. She reached out and took his collar, pulling him closer.

Mrs Hatherwaite! Please! Fighting back, his right hand found something on the top of the machine and he brought it down to use against the insane woman. It was a hairbrush... without bristles. He made a mental note to take some time out of his busy schedule to clean the place up a little. An unexpected kick made him drop the useless item and he blindly searched for something else as he struggled on. His hand found a wooden hanger.

Come on, ‘Darkshit’, take a spin with me! She was strong for her age and Darshit couldn't resist for much longer. In a momentary flash of inspiration, he put the wooden hanger into the back of his coat, thus stopping her from taking his shoulders in. She persisted for a few more minutes, but he'd won the battle and she let go. Oh, you're no fun!

At that moment, Darshit's wife walked in. As usual, her phone was clasped to her ear while she rabbited on with her sister, so she didn't notice him pushing Mrs Hatherwaite's blue veined legs into the dryer and closing the door.

Hello dear, said Darshit, trying to look 'normal'. His wife put her phone down for a second. Before she spoke, a noise came from the dryer.

You spin me right round, baby right round...

What is that? asked Darshit's wife.

Err, nothing, dear. Just the radio… in the back room, said Darshit, resting his elbow on the dryer's door.

Oh. Well, don't hang around here all night, I want you back home in ten minutes, she ordered, leaving the way she came, with her phone to her ear.

Darshit knew it would be one crazy ten minutes.

(back to ToC)

Challenge 194

2017 Spring Equinox Tournament Final

Elements – Smokestacks at night, unknown assailant, a maze, a chamber pot overflowing with radioactive candy bars from a parallel universe

The Chase

I had broken our laws.

And now I was living my own personal hell. If anyone knew, the consequences for the Congregation would be disastrous, catastrophic. No one, absolutely no one was to cross the border between our world and theirs without permission from the Ministry of Erudition.

But I had. The urge was too strong, a parallel universe with untold treasures waiting for us beyond the Shards? A chance that had to be taken.

So, today, once reaching the chosen age, I used the briefest of opportunities, travelling there and back, grabbing what I could from the places and shops I happened upon and re-entering within the limits laid down by Doctor Everett so many centuries before. But it all went wrong. I was followed. How could I be so naive to think I could get away with it? A man, an assailant, shouting, verbally assaulting me as I ran from one universe to the other, chasing me through the streets, following me back. I could not lose him!

Stop! Oi! Stop!

At no point should he ever catch me! For the sake of the Congregation, for the sake of myself. But he was still on me, so I ran towards the safety of the city’s great smokestacks, churning out their pollutants into the night sky. Only there, in the maze of pipes and machines inside the factories of our illustrious leaders, would there be an escape. I looked down to check my haul from the raid, a chamber pot overflowing with radioactive candy bars. On the open market they would sell for peanuts but I knew an avid buyer who would pay a handsome sum.

Oi!

He was so close, brandishing something in his hand, threatening me! I tried to weave and dodge through the factory floors, around machines, under pipes, up stairways and down ladders, but I couldn't shake him! With one last effort, I sprinted ahead and for a moment, I was free. But at what cost? I could