Absurdities: A Mature Woman's Diary

By S. Seme

This book is about the absurdities women  go through in life. It's extremely funny. Topics include; Sex Without Nudity, The Mammogram, Younger Man and Older Woman, Impending Womanhood, I'm a Candy Addict, Femininity and much more. All woman can identify with this book. it's hilarious.

• Language: English
• Publisher: S. Seme
• Release date: Oct 12, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386125167

Book preview

Contents

Cellulite

Impending Womanhood

I’m a Candy Addict but I’m Sexy

Seductive in Large Panties?

Sex Without Nudity

Can You Teach Him?

The Gynecologist

No Hot Flashes

Menopause Isn’t Fun

A Contraption that Hurts

Femininity

Even Sex Is Work

The Mammogram

Lust at First Sight

Older Woman and Younger Man

What Friends Say

After the Break-up

What’s Great About Single Life

Absurdities

Conclusion

Books by the Author

Cellulite

I had wanted a big bosom and narrow hips. Instead, I have a small bosom and wide hips. And no matter how much weight I lose, my hips stay the same or get larger.  And my thighs meet with a thumping sound when I walk, which can be embarrassing.  I have a pear-shaped figure and I’m thin except for my hip area. I’d rather have an hour glass figure, but there’s nothing I can do about that.

Worse, I've inherited cellulite from my Y chromosome. I hate that lumpy, dimply skin that stays on my thighs and derriere. Men don’t have one ounce of cellulite; those lucky men. I’ve looked at men in bathing suits and their legs were smooth as marble; not one ounce of cellulite. Testosterone gets rid of it, but women only have a little testosterone to raise their libidos, not nearly enough to get rid of cellulite.

I would never take testosterone because there can be unpleasant side effects such as growing hair where you don’t want it, deepening of the voice, and looking masculine. I thought about taking it when I was the most frustrated with my cellulite, but I was smart enough not to give in to my frustration.

Testosterone is given to transgenders who want to transition from women to men, and I’m glad that it works for them, but it’s not for me.

Getting back to my cellulite; with each succeeding year, the dimply skin thickens and moves in all directions. In my twenties I could hide it with a mini skirt. In my thirties I could hide it with a skirt just below my knees. In my forties I could hide it with a skirt two inches above my ankles. Now I’m forced to wear slacks to hide it. Dressed I look flawless. Nude I'm pretty from the waist up.

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My boyfriend at the time was astonished when he saw me nude. He even had the nerve to remark, You're perfect from the waist up. And that was when I was thirty-five.

Embarrassed, but angry at his tactless remark, I thought, Who is he to pick on my imperfections? He's certainly no Adonis. I was tempted to remind him of his not so firm belly and his bald head, but I was a lady. He had ruined our romantic evening, which was no minor achievement, by reminding me of that ugly, recalcitrant fat.

I asked myself for the umpteenth time, Why won't anything pry it loose? I exercised an hour a day, drank tons of water (which made me bloated), and avoided salty food, but to no avail.

And all the treatments of creams and wraps that are supposed