Zombie! Origins

By Zombie Origin Media

Doctor Sanjay Reddy is on the verge of achieving a lifesaving biomedical breakthrough, but instead finds himself responsible for unleashing the zombie apocalypse from the basement laboratory of a renowned university. The Human Delayed Neuronal Apoptosis Retrovirus had the potential to conquer death by reengineering the human genome to supply oxygenated blood to the brain upon failure of the circulatory system. After years of testing the engineered virus on animal subjects and fine-tuning the genomic sequence, HDNARV is nearly ready for human trials. But chaos erupts when a mutated strain is injected into a dying human and panicking scientists trigger the emergency lockdown system, trapping everyone in a zombie infested laboratory. If Sanjay is to survive, he must learn to work with a slew of imbeciles, including his discombobulated internaroni, a dimwitted billionaire, an inventive mad scientist, a power-crazed alpha male, and a squad of robo nerds. But more importantly, if Sanjay hopes to woo the love of his life, he must avoid the human resources department and vanquish professor booger eater.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zombie Origin Media
• Release date: Oct 8, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370704101

Zombie Origin Media

Zombies! Looking for a zombie story with zombies and humor? Check out Zombie! Origins and Zombie! Haunted Mansion. Brought to you by Zombie Origin Media, a joint authorship of three idiot siblings bringing you all sorts of nonsense. Also available at amazon.com/author/zom. Follow Zombie Origin Media on: Twitter: twitter.com/ZomOriginMedia Instagram: instagram.com/zombieoriginmedia/?hl=en Facebook: facebook.com/Zombie-Origin-Media-1720801831583328/

Book preview

Life and death, warned Doctor Albrecht, looming over the desk in my office.

Life and death? I asked, raising an eyebrow. For who? You? Me?

The children, said Doctor Albrecht. If we lose our funding, this whole lab gets shut down. And all those sick little children? They die.

The whole Lab? I asked, completely confused. I thought Grey Biomedical Research only funded ten percent of our budget?

I’m not talking about Doctor Wacky and the rest of the nonsense that passes for science around this Lab, said Doctor Albrecht. "I’m talking about my work. The work I’ve done my entire life. We need to show GBR progress. Convince them that we’re close to a final genome for human trials. Or else the funding for my entire life’s work at this university gets cut off just as we’re about to make our biomedical breakthrough."

I understand, Doctor, I said, showing him my stack of notes. I’ve been reviewing my notes every day for the past week. I know every gene of the sequence like the back of my hand. Hey, where’d that freckle come from?

That’s the problem, said Doctor Albrecht. Liam Grey isn’t like his father. He doesn’t even have a PhD. His last experience with science was freshman biology back in high school.

And?

He failed, said Doctor Albrecht. Liam Grey is an idiot. A giant dimwitted child. You need to take that entire stack of notes you have there, and dumb it down. Probably to a fifth grade level. Otherwise, our groundbreaking biomedical developments are gonna fly right over Liam’s head. And you know how Doctor Grey thinks his son is some kind of genius. I’m warning you, if you can’t get Liam to relay any of our progress on HDNARV back to Doctor Grey with some level of competency, GBR is gonna conclude we have no idea what we’re doing down here, and they’re gonna cut us loose in a heartbeat. And without a finalized sequence, we don’t have a backup plan when that heartbeat stops.

Do you want me to just call Doctor Grey? I asked. Maybe I can—

No, said Doctor Albrecht. You need to welcome Liam to our Lab like the genius William believes his son to be. And we need to show him respect for the ten years of doctorate training he skipped. If word gets back to Doctor Grey that we think his son is an idiot, we’ll never do business with GBR again.

Okay, I said, going through my desk drawers. I’m sure I can find some crayons in one of the labs. I’ll just draw a couple diagrams and illustrate the whole thing out for the moron.

Perfect, said Doctor Albrecht. Maybe you can even get your intern to help you out?

My intern?

That kid you have following you around everywhere?

No, I said nervously. I’m keeping Raj as far away from this guy as possible. The last thing I need—

Hey, Proffy, whispered Rajaroni, popping just his head into my office.

The last thing? said Doctor Albrecht, asking me to continue, oblivious to the intern peeking into my office.

Sorry, I said, trying to continue.

Yo, Proffy, whispered Rajaroni. You have a minute?

Remember, said Doctor Albrecht. We need this relationship with Grey Biomedical Research. No one else is interested in our work, and no one else has the money to risk on a project of this magnitude.

Proffy, whispered Rajaroni. Do you have my little letteroni?

Oh my god, I cringed, ready to explode as my intern added to my level of anxiety.

Just take a deep breath, said Doctor Albrecht, still oblivious to the intern standing right behind him. You need to be at the top of your game today. The entire HDNARV project is counting on you.

Proffy, you busy? whispered Rajaroni.

Oh my god, Raj, I whined, pulling out my hair.

Proffy?

Yes! I exploded. I am busy! Now will you please get the hell out of my office!

Uh? said Doctor Albrecht in shock.

Sorry, Doctor, I said, trying to calm down.

Did I miss something?

Raj, I said annoyed. What the hell are you doing?

It’s alright, Proffy, said Rajaroni, fully entering my office now that his cover was blown. If you’re busy I’ll come back later.

Remember, said Doctor Albrecht before leaving my office. Top of your game.

Seriously, Raj, I said, now all alone with my intern. What could possibly be so important that you need to interrupt me with Doctor Albrecht?

He really strung you out there, didn’t he? laughed Rajaroni. What’d you do this time to get him so mad?

He wasn’t mad at me!

It’s okay, said Rajaroni. We all mess up once in a while. But the key is to hide the mess so your boss doesn’t find out.

What do you want, Raj? I said, trying to get rid of my intern.

The letteroni.

The what?

You know, said Rajaroni. My little letteroni of recommendation?

Your letter of recommendation?

Yeah, you got it? smiled Rajaroni, looking around my desk. You put a good word in for me, right?

I didn’t do your letter yet, I said. I’ve got other stuff to worry about right now.

Proffy, whined Rajaroni. Come on, Proffy. I need that letteroni to complete my application for the master’s degree program by the end of the week. Your girlfriend already submitted hers. If I don’t get your letteroni in on time, the University won’t let me continue my education at this fine institution. And then who’s gonna be your internaroni next year? I’m irreplaceable. Four weeks of learning on the job, and I’m almost as smart as Doctor Albrecht.

You gotta be kidding me, I said, rolling my eyes. Just ask me tomorrow, Raj. The guy’s coming today, and I need to get him up to speed before the conference tonight.

The conference that’s gonna be upstairs? asked Rajaroni with a big smile. With all the sciencey people and millionaires?

Please tell me you weren’t invited.

Your girlfriend invited me.

And you said no? I asked, praying for a miracle.

Proffy, laughed Rajaroni. They’re having spaghetti. What do you think?

Miwa, I whined, crying into my hands. What were you thinking, Miwa?

You know, you sure do talk to yourself a lot, Proffy.

Out of my office, I said, walking my intern to the door. Go! I gotta get ready. The guy’s gonna be here by ten.

I’m free all day, Proffy, said Rajaroni. Just say the word and I’m at your service.

Please, can’t you just take the day off?

"Shh, hushed Rajaroni as we stood facing each other in the hallway. Your girlfriend’s coming."

Miwa? I gasped, trying not to make it obvious that I was looking over my shoulder. Quick, how do I look?

You gotta fix your hair, said Rajaroni, licking his thumb before reaching out to my forehead. You can’t have your locks hanging all over the place—

"Ugh! I cried, fighting off the intern’s disgusting hands to avoid being touched by his saliva. Get your slimy fingers off of me, you weirdo!"

Quick, whispered Rajaroni with his hands molesting my face. She’s coming.

Raj! I shrieked.

Cat fighting with your intern again? said Miwa Ling, the love of my life.

No, I said, standing up straight to look more manly.

Every time I pass by your office, you’re always physically assaulting your intern. Seriously, did you sleep through harassment training? Or do you just have anger management issues? Because I can call Miss Gropes. Let her know that in addition to sexual harassment, you also seem to have a violence problem you can’t keep under control.

Come on, I smiled, resting one hand on the wall to look cool. You know you love me.

What’d I tell you? warned Miwa.

So, Miwa, I flirted. What are you doing tonight?

Uh, the conference, said Miwa. Duh.

Oh, that’s right, I said, trying to rebound. So what are you doing tomorrow night?

You really don’t get it, do you?

Come on, Miwa, I pleaded. Why won’t you just go on one little date with me?

Sanjay, said Miwa bluntly. Do you want me to file a complaint with HR again?

Again? I gasped. Oh, wait, you’re talking about our little slap incident last year where they couldn’t find enough proof to put anything in my HR file?

No, said Miwa. I’m talking about our little slap incident last night. And this time I have your intern as a witness.

Miwa! I whined. You seriously went to HR again?

I warned you about slapping my—

Miwa, I pleaded, dropping down to my knees. Please, you have to retract the complaint. I’m up for tenure this year. Tenure!

Sorry, said Miwa. Try explaining yourself out of this one with Miss Gropes.

Miss Gropes? I gasped. Miwa, why? Why do you do this to me, Miwa?

Well I gotta get back to work, said Miwa, continuing towards the Animal Testing Lab.

Doctor Ling, I pleaded, chasing Miwa down the hall with a more professional demeanor. So maybe we had a little misunderstanding. You know, the results came back better than expected last night, and we were kind of hitting it off.

So you thought then would be a great time to slap my—

Yes! I cried. I mean no! It was an accident. A reflex. All just one big misunderstanding. Merely an accidental groping. Definitely not to the level of sexual harassment. So maybe you can go ahead and retract that little complaint before anything real bad goes into my file?

Sorry, said Miwa. Miss Gropes said she’d call you in the morning, so you better start thinking about what you’re gonna say.

Miwa, I whined, ditching my professional act. Why do you hate me?

I think I hear your phone ringing, said Miwa, pointing down the hallway.

Oh crap! I gasped, sprinting back to my office. Outta my way!

So how’d it go with your girlfriend? asked Rajaroni, nonchalantly hanging around outside my office.

Move! I warned, diving over my desk to answer the phone.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Miss Gropes! I answered, trying to come up with an explanation fast enough to keep up with the words spewing out of my mouth. Okay, so I just spoke with Doctor Ling. She said the whole thing was just one big misunderstanding, and she wants to retract her sexual harassment complaint—

Doctor Reddy? said Doctor Albrecht.

Doctor Albrecht? I replied. Oh, do you need me for something?

You seemed a bit stressed earlier, said Doctor Albrecht. I thought I’d give you a call just to let you know that you’ve been doing a great job these past few years, and that I really appreciate all your help on this project—

Thank you, Doctor—

But now I can see your level of stress has risen far beyond the point where anything I say could make a difference. So if there comes a time where you think you might need counseling to help get your stress under control, I just want you to know that everyone on our team supports you and we all just want the best for you.

That’s okay, Doctor Albrecht, I laughed, trying to hide my stress. Just a little mix up with all the phone calls I’m getting today. I assure you, I’ve got a handle on everything over here on my end.

That’s good to hear, said Doctor Albrecht. Because not that you need reminding, but I need you to remember that your meeting with Liam Grey today is probably the most important moment of your entire life. Your success or failure today will not only determine the future of your career, but may well put an end to my entire life’s work. Not to mention the countless children who are depending on the biomedical breakthrough we are so close to achieving.

Thanks, Doctor, I said before hanging up the phone.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Miss Gropes! I answered, picking up my next call. Good morning! I just spoke with Doctor Ling—

Sanjay? said Doctor Fetzer.

Doctor Fetzer? I replied. Oh, sorry, Doctor Fetzer. I thought you were someone else.

No, my apologies, said Doctor Fetzer before hanging up. I’ll talk to you later. I know you’re very busy today.

What a day, I said after hanging up the phone. Well, twenty more minutes until game time. And honestly, I don’t know how I’m supposed to do this. Dumb it down? To a fifth grade level? The greatest biomedical development in the entire history of the human race? Do I really need to use crayons?

Hey, Proffy, whispered Rajaroni, popping his head into my office. You busy?

Yes, Raj, I sighed. I’m busy.

You don’t look busy, said Rajaroni, moseying into my office.

How do I not look busy?

You’re just sitting there not doing anything.

I’m waiting for the call from HR, I said. I’m up for tenure at the end of the semester, and I can’t have any sexual harassment episodes documented in my file or else I’m gonna be out on the street.

So you’re just gonna sit here and wait for your phone to ring? asked Rajaroni. Perfect!

How is this perfect?

Now you’ve got time to write up that little letteroni for me.

Raj, I’m not writing your letter of recommendation today, I said, taking a deep breath. My schedule is overloaded. First I gotta talk my way out of a sexual harassment complaint with Miss Gropes. Then I need to explain the greatest biomedical development in the history of mankind to a moron. Then I need to make my presentation tonight to an audience full of business people. And finally, I need to figure out how to get Miwa Ling to fall in love with me.

Don’t forget your Virology 101 class at ten thirty.

Son of a—!

No cursing! warned Rajaroni, pointing his finger to stop me just in time.

Then why are you down here? I asked. Shouldn’t you be getting up to class?

There’s nothing better than lab cheese for breakfast.

You eat the lab cheese?

Not for me, laughed Rajaroni, pulling a rat out of his pocket. For this little guy.

Holy crap! I gasped as Rajaroni let his rat loose on my desk. Dude! Why the hell is your rat so fat?

Hey, you’re a poet and you didn’t even know it.

What?

Let me lay down a beat for you, Proffy, said Rajaroni, starting to beatbox. Why’s yo rat so fat? Because yo mama’s fat! Ho!

Raj, shut up, I said, moving my important papers away from the rat crawling on my desk. You know the whole frick’n Lab can hear you?

Look out, Kanye! shouted Rajaroni. There’s a new rapper in town! Proffy’s got the rhymes! And Proffy didn’t do no time!

Raj, can you get your damn rat off my notes please?

Come on, Giuseppe, said Rajaroni, retrieving his rat. Back into your pocket for now.

Giuseppe? I asked.

Giuseppe Gustavo, said Rajaroni, stroking the rat’s belly. Actually, Doctor Giuseppe Gustavo. Visiting professor from the University of Bologna in Italy. I ordered a couple lab rats with above average intelligence to test my research and get a head start on my dissertation. And together, Giuseppe and I are gonna change the world for the rataroni people!

The who?

And boy does this chubby little guy love spaghetti, said Rajaroni, tickling the rat’s belly. Don’tchya, little buddy?

"Hee! Hee! Hee!" giggled Giuseppe.

Whoa! I gasped. Since when do rats know how to laugh?

Excellent question, Proffy, said Rajaroni, prepared to give an entire presentation. My work on the Rataroni Genus Project began—

Okay, I’ve got stuff to do, I said, getting annoyed. Can I get back to work now please?

Ooh, what are we working on? asked Rajaroni, taking a seat in front of my desk. Reviewing test results? Conducting research? Engaging in hypothetical thought experiments?

I already told you, I’m meeting with Liam Grey from Grey Biomedical Research in like fifteen minutes.

Sounds important.

Yes! I cried. Very important! Do you understand who this guy is?

Okay, I’m gonna guess . . . Gandhi? said Rajaroni. But I think I might be wrong.

What? I snapped. Who the hell told you he was Gandhi?

I don’t know, shrugged Rajaroni. Is he Jesus?

Jesus Christ, Raj!

Really? laughed Rajaroni. The one and only?

No! I cried. I just told you his name is Liam Grey!

Oh, that’s right, Proffy. So this Liam guy . . . ?

His father? Doctor William Grey? Renowned biologist? Founder of Grey Biomedical Research? Sponsor of our retrovirus program? The source of all our funding? Ringing any bells?

"The guy actually rings any bell?"

No! I cried, pulling out my hair. Is this ringing any bells for you!

Should it be? asked Rajaroni.

I told you like three times about today! Liam Grey is coming in like ten minutes. Doctor Albrecht put me in charge of showing Liam around the Lab, and explaining the entire genomic sequence we produced so far on the Human Delayed Neuronal Apoptosis Retrovirus project. And I need to convince him that our results are promising so GBR continues to fund our program so we can finalize a virus for human trials.

It’s coming back to me, said Rajaroni. But just to be sure, you’re talking about the virus that we’ve been working on every day for the past month, right?

Yes! I cried. "I’m talking about the virus! The one I’ve been working on for the past ten years! What the hell else would I be talking about?"

So what do you need me to do, Proffy?

I need you to stay the hell out of my frick’n way!

What about those binders? asked Rajaroni.

What binders? I asked.

The ones you asked me to put together about our little retrovirus thingymabob for the conference tonight?

Those binders? I gasped. "You didn’t finish those binders?"

So should I be doing those binders, or is that no longer necessary?

Yes! I cried. Please, finish the frick’n binders!

Okey dokey, Proffy, said Rajaroni before leaving my office. I’ll get those done lickity split right after class.

This is gonna be a disaster, I sighed, closing my eyes.

Ring! Ring! Ring!

Miss Gropes! I panicked, answering my phone. Good morning—

No, said Miwa. This is Doctor Ling.

Are you with Miss Gropes?

What?

Are you on speaker? I asked. Okay, so let me try to explain myself—

Sanjay, said Miwa. I think your guy’s here.

Liam Grey?

Mike just saw some rich kid pull up with a chauffeur.

I gotta go! I said, racing upstairs to meet the VIP.

2

Hungrysaurus Rex

Are you the scientist? asked Liam Grey, grabbing a student at the front entrance to the Biomedical Center.

No, said Caleb before shrugging away from the jacked millionaire.

Are you the scientist? asked Liam, getting the attention of another student.

Who? said Kimberly.

Scientist? said Liam. Big brainiac guy? Knows stuff?

I’m a girl.

Ooh-ooh aah-aah! laughed Liam, making obnoxious monkey sounds.

"Ahhh!" shrieked Kimberly before running for her life.

Watch it, creep! warned Caleb.

She thinks she’s a gorilla, laughed Liam.

"She said girl, weirdo!"

Watch out, guys, I said, pushing my way through the front entrance as the morning crew of students swarmed into the building.

Are you the scientist? asked Liam, touching every student who passed by. Are you the scientist? Are you the scientist?

Mister Grey? I said, trying to get Liam’s attention. Mister Grey, I’m Doctor—

Kumar! smiled Liam, racing over to greet me with a hug.

Oh crap, I gasped as the jacked bonehead squeezed me with his muscular arms.

I knew I’d find you, sobbed Liam, resting his head on my shoulder. Look everyone! It’s me and my best bud Kumar!

Uh . . . I think we may have a misunderstanding.

I’m just kidding, laughed Liam. Do you get it?

Mister Grey? I asked to make sure I had the right guy.

Kumar? said Liam. "From Harold and Kumar? Because you’re Indian?"

Oh my god, I sighed, realizing this was gonna be way worse than I was warned about. It is an honor to finally meet you, Mister Grey. My name is Doctor Reddy, and I hope you find your visit to the Biomedical Research Laboratory at the Pacific Coast University of Science and Technology—

Doctor? laughed Liam. Don’t tell me you got duped into going to school just for a little title.

Yes, I sighed. I got duped into going to school, and now I am a doctor. If it makes you any more comfortable, you can feel free to just call me Sanjay.

Sanjay boy, smiled Liam, roughing me up on the shoulder. Liam and Sanjay gonna learn some science today.

Would you like to see the Lab? I asked, leading my guest into the lobby of the Biomedical Center.

Should I close my eyes? asked Liam. Make it like a surprise?

Or you can keep your eyes open, I said as Liam blindly followed my voice. So you don’t trip over anything. And so I can give you a tour of the Center, and you can actually see where we’re going.

That’s actually a good idea, said Liam, opening his eyes. They must teach you guys good in doctor school. You know, that must be why daddy’s so smart. By the way, how long does that kind of education take? Something I can do real quick on the weekend maybe? Get another degree under my belt?

Seven years, I said, remembering all my hard work. To become a physician-scientist with an MD and PhD, it took me seven years of strenuous medical and scientific training after university until I was fully admitted as a clinical scientist in the Lab.

Oh, that’s not so bad, said Liam. Only one more year than college.

Where’d you go to college?

Gulden State University! cheered Liam proudly in the middle of the lobby. Full football scholarship! Go! Go! Gulden Warriors! You’re going down by the spicy brown! Up your nose, you’re gonna sneeze! So you better watch out, Grey Poupon! Because if you challenge us, you’re getting pooped on!

Holy crap! I gasped as everyone in the lobby stared in shock. What the hell was that?

Pre-game war cry, said Liam, getting into game stance. I made it up myself. Best six years of my life.

I don’t know what to say.

"You say hoorah!"

Shut up! shouted Caleb from the second floor balcony overlooking the lobby. Some of us are trying to study!

You wanna go! shouted Liam, ready for a fight. I had two dozen eggs for breakfast! Raw!

Let me show you the Lab, I said, leading my guest through the lobby.

Speaking of eggs, I’m kind of getting hungry.

It’s ten o’clock.

You gotta eat every two hours, on the dot, said Liam. Otherwise your muscles wither away, leaving you looking like your average wimp. And I think I’m coming up on a refueling.

Can you wait until ten thirty?

Ten thirty-two, said Liam, checking his digital watch. Exactly. Not a minute sooner or later.

Okay, I said. How about I show you the Lab? Then I’ll bring you up to the cafeteria on the second floor? And then we continue the tour at eleven thirty?

Bingo!

Huh? I said. Okay, so in case you haven’t figured it out yet, we are now in the Biomedical Center.

We are? asked Liam, getting nervous. When did that happen? Where were we before? What’s happening to me!

No, it’s been the Biomedical Center the whole time. I’m just saying—

Gotchya! laughed Liam.

Oh my god, I sighed. We are in the Biomedical Center, Mister Grey. Entrances are at the big glass wall behind you where we came in from. And this is the lobby.

I think I got that, Sanjay.

The sets of stairs on the left and right go up to the second floor. Two separate wings. East and west. And there are elevators straight ahead that you can take all the way up to the sixth floor.

What’s on the sixth floor? asked Liam.

"Classrooms and a