Cat in Charge
By Candy Rae
()
About this ebook
A long time ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have not forgotten this.
Quotes from 'Cat in Charge':
‘However, my human and I are working very well together on this writing fing. I direct and human obeys. I find the best place to oversee is sitting along human shoulders against back of chair. This leaves paws free to correct.’
‘At the top is the top cat, then come all other cats, in strict order of seniority.’
‘Cat in Charge’ is written using British English with a Scottish flavour. There are spelling differences between British English and the English as written and spoken in other parts of our wonderful, diverse world. There are also spelling differences between Human English and Cat English. Where Cat English predominates, cat won the argument.
PLANET WOLF
(1) Wolves and War - (2) Conflict and Courage - (3) Homage and Honour - (4) Dragons and Destiny - (5) Valour and Victory - (6) Ambition and Alavidha - (7) Paws and Planets - (8) Tales and Tails
DRAGON WULF
(1) Journey and Jeopardy - (2) Gossamer and Grass - (3) Flames and Freedom
FLYING COLOURS
(1) Rascals and Renegades - (2) Outlaws and Overlords - (3) Sparkles and Sphinxes (forthcoming)
T’QUEL MAGIC
(1) Ephemeral Boundary - (2) Enduring Barrier - (3) Eternal Bulwark
MULTIVERSE MUDDLE (forthcoming)
(1) Vampyre Crypt - (2) Faie Castle - (3) Shadow Cave - (4) Demon Citadel
SAMMY THE CAT
(1) Cat in Charge - (2) Cat at Christmas - (3) Dog not in Charge
KILL BY CURE
Candy Rae
Candy Rae has been an avid reader since childhood, with fantasy and science fiction appearing on her bookshelf in her first year of university when a friend introduced her to talking dragons. All her life, she has wanted to write, but it wasn’t until Christmas Day in 2003 that she sat down and started planning the book that, after many revisions, became the first book in the Planet Wolf series: Wolves and War.As a former accountant, Candy was notorious among her family for elongating her commute home by parking in a safe space and starting to write, having got into the habit of carrying a notebook with her wherever she went, a habit she continues to this day. When she’s not writing, her hobbies include knitting, tapestry, and trying to figure out ‘whodunnit’ in murder mysteries.Candy lives in Ayrshire, Scotland, with her large black cat, Sammy, and her Labrador-Corgi cross, Alex. She writes her books in British English with a Scottish flavour.
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Cat in Charge - Candy Rae
CAT IN CHARGE
* * * * *
‘Written’ by Samson (Sammy) the Cat
and
Candy Rae
* * * * *
SMASHWORDS EDITION
* * * * *
Cat in Charge
Copyright © 2017 Candy Rae
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead; is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the author.
Smashwords Edition, License Notes
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only; then please return to smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
* * * * *
BOOKS BY CANDY RAE
Planet Wolf Series
Wolves and War - Conflict and Courage - Homage and Honour - Dragons and Destiny - Valour and Victory - Ambition and Alavidha - Paws and Planets - Tales and Tails.
Dragon Wulf Trilogy
Journey and Jeopardy - Gossamer and Grass - Flames and Freedom.
Flying Colours Trilogy
Rascals and Renegades* - Outlaws and Overlords* - Lind and Larg*.
T’Quel Magic Trilogy
Ephemeral Boundary - Enduring Barrier - Eternal Bulwark.
The Multiverse Muddle
Faie Castle* - Shadow Crypt* - Demon Citadel*.
Stand Alone Books
Kill by Cure - Cat in Charge - Cat at Christmas - Dog not in Charge*.
* Forthcoming (as of Cat in Charge Publication Date).
* * * * *
‘Cat in Charge’ is dedicated to all cats, big and small, but especially one, in remembrance of a beautiful and feisty, black and white cat called Delilah, the sister of Samson.
Also, we wish to say great big thank you to our readers, Fiona, Nancy, James, Daniel, Mae, Whitepaw, Blackpaw and Toots.
* * * * *
Cover and artwork by Harri Crawford.
* * * * *
AUTHOR’S NOTE
‘Cat in Charge’ is written using British English with a Scottish flavour. There are spelling differences between British English and the English as written and spoken in other parts of our wonderful, diverse world. There are also spelling differences between Human English and Cat English. Where Cat English predominates, cat won the argument.
* * * * *
TABLE OF CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
CHAPTER 1 - MUM
CHAPTER 2 - HOUSE
CHAPTER 3 - FINGS
CHAPTER 4 - MORE FINGS
CHAPTER 5 - CATNIP
CHAPTER 6 - NEW HOUSE
OTHER STUFF
* * * * *
INTRODUCTION
Just so you know, the reason why my name, Samson the Cat, is not on the cover as the writer of this book is because in this world we live in, we cats can’t set up internet accounts or enter into publishing. That is the one and only reason. I don’t want to get into an argument about what cats are capable of and what they are not. I am the author. Deal wif it.
In addition to this, and before we begin, I need to make a few points.
The idea that cats can’t read and write is ridiculous. It is a rumour instigated by a dog-inspired conspiracy a long time ago when dogs must have been cleverer than they are now. I know this for a fact.
What do you fink we are doing when you leave your computer and come back to see us lying in front of, or on, the keyboard?
Why do you fink we sit on your lap when you are reading?
What really happens when you are encouraged to put down your newspaper so you can tickle us?
Why is it that every time you come back to your armchair to read you find us sitting on it, paper or book by our side?
We are getting an education, that’s what we are doing.
Back to the writing problem …
The reason is everyfing to do wif anatomy. What is specifically unfortunate is my lack of opposable thumbs. The tapping of the keys on keyboards takes a lot of time and is full of errors. My human however, wif a lot of help from me, is able to decipher which letters make up words and which do not.
So, I suppose writing is not so much of a problem after all.
Also, the screen is a huge distraction. I can concentrate on the keyboard, type the word, but when I look at the screen to check the spelling it is so interesting, I often forget what I have been doing.
If I try to type and screen watch at the same time, disaster!
My paw goes straight to the word on the screen and would you know it? As I press forward to see better, lots more letters appear!
It’s a cat fing and I know that those perfidious mice and birds have somefing to do wif it.
However, my human and I are working very well together on this writing fing. I direct and human obeys. I find the best place to oversee is sitting along human shoulders against back of chair. This leaves paws free to correct.
This correction of errors might not be a simple swat. It means me using claws on its paws to indicate when human has made a mistake. This happens more often than you would fink.
And regarding those perfidious mice; there must be a conspiracy. There just has to be.
This conspiracy is not between my human and the mice. My human is terrified of the little fings wif tails that scurry along the ground. I can’t understand it, but … therein lies the difference between cats and humans.
They are frightened of such silly fings.
Therefore …
Someone inside the house must become the fearless leader.
Dogs? Certainly not! I fink their bravery is questionable and a great big bluff. May I also say that we all know that a great big bluff is the same fing as a great big lie? Dogs are also really, really stupid. I will talk more about this stupidity later, but I ask you, what animal in its right mind would roll around in fox poop?
As the only ones capable of commanding a house, we cats must step in.
This is why we cats are in charge.
This is why I am in charge.
* * * * *
CHAPTER 1
MUM
To say a cat doesn’t remember everyfing is stupid!
We remember everyfing. Every good deed, every slight, everybody.
I remember when I was very small I couldn’t see anyfing. Of course this was long before my human took me to its house and I learned that kittens are born wif their eyes shut.
The same went for the hearing bit. I can’t remember what came first, the hearing or the sight but it must have been at around the same time. I fink we will say it was