Dog Not in Charge

By Candy Rae

Names and locations have been changed in order to protect the identities and integrities of all dogs mentioned in this book.

After many discussions between Candy Rae, Alex the Dog and Sammy the Cat, it was decided to take some literary liberties concerning the abilities possessed by dogs to make of this book one that both a non-canine and a non-feline might enjoy. We also decided that the abilities of cats should be included in this resolution. Sammy the Cat wasn’t very happy about liberties being taken but calmed down when Alex the Dog threatened to pull out of the project.

Quotes from 'Dog not in Charge':

"Despite what they might say to the contrary, it is easy to get a cat to play, no matter what age. All you need to do is to swing a play mouse in front of their face. A little ball of leftover wool is just as efficient and is cheaper. They cannot resist." (Alex the Dog)

"Don’t try to trick me. I can add and subtract. Everycat knows that half of two is one and three-quarters." (Sammy the Cat)

Alex the Dog apologises for the repeated words. The other week Sammy the Cat learned everything there is to know about ‘copy and paste’. Attempts to remove duplicate text proved futile.

DOG NOT IN CHARGE is written using the language that is known as British English but with a Scottish flavour. In some cases, we use Lowland Scots because that is My Lady Human/Mummy’s native tongue. There are spelling differences between Lowland Scots and the different dialects and versions of English as written and spoken in other parts of our wonderful, diverse world.

Sammy the Cat’s native tongue is Cat. There are spelling differences between Human English and Cat English. Where Cat English predominates, cat won the argument.
Alex the Dog’s native tongue is Dog. There are no differences between Human English and Dog English except in pronunciation and the occasional letter mix-ups.

PLANET WOLF
(1) Wolves and War - (2) Conflict and Courage - (3) Homage and Honour - (4) Dragons and Destiny - (5) Valour and Victory - (6) Ambition and Alavidha - (7) Paws and Planets - (8) Tales and Tails

DRAGON WULF
(1) Journey and Jeopardy - (2) Gossamer and Grass - (3) Flames and Freedom

FLYING COLOURS
(1) Rascals and Renegades - (2) Outlaws and Overlords - (3) Sparkles and Sphinxes (forthcoming)

T’QUEL MAGIC
(1) Ephemeral Boundary - (2) Enduring Barrier - (3) Eternal Bulwark

MULTIVERSE MUDDLE (forthcoming)
(1) Vampyre Crypt - (2) Faie Castle - (3) Shadow Cave - (4) Demon Citadel

SAMMY THE CAT
(1) Cat in Charge - (2) Cat at Christmas - (3) Dog not in Charge

KILL BY CURE

• Language: English
• Publisher: Candy Rae
• Release date: Jul 19, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463340905

Candy Rae

Candy Rae has been an avid reader since childhood, with fantasy and science fiction appearing on her bookshelf in her first year of university when a friend introduced her to talking dragons. All her life, she has wanted to write, but it wasn’t until Christmas Day in 2003 that she sat down and started planning the book that, after many revisions, became the first book in the Planet Wolf series: Wolves and War.As a former accountant, Candy was notorious among her family for elongating her commute home by parking in a safe space and starting to write, having got into the habit of carrying a notebook with her wherever she went, a habit she continues to this day. When she’s not writing, her hobbies include knitting, tapestry, and trying to figure out ‘whodunnit’ in murder mysteries.Candy lives in Ayrshire, Scotland, with her large black cat, Sammy, and her Labrador-Corgi cross, Alex. She writes her books in British English with a Scottish flavour.

Book preview

DOG NOT IN CHARGE

* * * * *

‘Written’ by Alexander Cornelius Constantine Rae

Alex the Dog

with/wif lots of ‘paw-help’ from

Mleeip

Samson (Sammy) the Cat

and

lots of ‘hand-help’ from

Candy Rae

Mummy/The Lady Human

* * * * *

SMASHWORDS EDITION

* * * * *

DOG NOT IN CHARGE

Copyright © 2018 Candy Rae

All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead; is purely coincidental.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the author.

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only; then please return to smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

* * * * *

BOOKS BY CANDY RAE

Planet Wolf Series: Wolves and War - Conflict and Courage - Homage and Honour - Dragons and Destiny - Valour and Victory - Ambition and Alavidha - Paws and Planets - Tales and Tails.

Dragon Wulf Trilogy: Journey and Jeopardy - Gossamer and Grass - Flames and Freedom.

Flying Colours Trilogy: Rascals and Renegades - Outlaws and Overlords - Sparkles and Sphinxes (December 2018).

T’Quel Magic Trilogy: Ephemeral Boundary - Enduring Barrier - Eternal Bulwark.

Stand Alone Books: Kill by Cure - Cat in Charge - Cat at Christmas - Dog not in Charge.

* * * * *

DOG NOT IN CHARGE is dedicated to all dogs, big and small, old and young, beautiful and not so beautiful, especially those who are living in shelters. May you all find loving and forever homes.

Also, we wish to say great big thank you to our readers, Fiona, Isobel, Maureen, Whitepaw, Blackpaw, Scratcher, Giggles and Toots.

* * * * *

Cover and interior artwork by Harri Crawford.

* * * * *

NOTES FROM THE AUTHORS

DOG NOT IN CHARGE is written using the language that is known as British English but with a Scottish flavour. In some cases, we use Lowland Scots because that is My Lady Human/Mummy’s native tongue. There are spelling differences between Lowland Scots and the different dialects and versions of English as written and spoken in other parts of our wonderful, diverse world.

Sammy the Cat’s native tongue is Cat.

There are spelling differences between Human English and Cat English. Where Cat English predominates, cat won the argument.

Alex the Dog apologises for the repeated words. The other week Sammy the Cat learned everything there is to know about ‘copy and paste’. Attempts to remove duplicate text proved futile.

Alex the Dog’s native tongue is Dog.

There are no differences between Human English and Dog English except in pronunciation and the occasional letter mix-ups.

Names and locations have been changed in order to protect the identities and integrities of all dogs mentioned in this book.

After many discussions between Candy Rae, Alex the Dog and Sammy the Cat, it was decided to take some literary liberties concerning the abilities possessed by dogs to make of this book one that both a non-canine and a non-feline might enjoy. We also decided that the abilities of cats should be included in this resolution. Sammy the Cat wasn’t very happy about liberties being taken but calmed down when Alex the Dog threatened to pull out of the project.

* * * * *

TABLE OF CONTENTS

BEGINNING

CHAPTER 1 - I AM RESCUED!

CHAPTER 2 - MY HOME AND FAMILY

CHAPTER 3 - INTERESTING THINGS

CHAPTER 4 - MY FRIENDS

CHAPTER 5 - MORE INTERESTING THINGS

CHAPTER 6 - UNDERSTANDING HUMANS

CHAPTER 7 - EXTRA MORE INTERESTING THINGS

CHAPTER 8 - DOGS V. CATS

CHAPTER 9 - MY LEGACY

ENDING

* * * * *

BEGINNING

Hello!

I am Mummy to Alex the Dog and Lady Human to Sammy the Cat.

Who is in charge?

Sammy thinks he is in charge but I think I am probably in charge, at least for most of the time and I don’t believe Alex fully understands what being in charge is all about.

Perhaps this book will throw some light on the matter, or perhaps it will only make it more confusing than it already is.

We shall see …

The dog’s narrative is in normal text and the cat’s narrative is in italics.

I don’t have a special text because as I only helped Alex and Samson when they got stuck for a word or a phrase and it was decided that another special text was unnecessary.

Woof!

My name is Alexander Cornelius Constantine Rae. I am known as Alex. I am a dog.

I live in my house with a Sammy and a Mummy.

Sammy SAYS he can read and write.

Mummy can DEFINITELY read and write.

The person in charge of the house is Mummy. I am also in charge.

Sammy the Cat tells me that my choice of the words ‘in charge’ is not entirely accurate. He has promised to explain what being ‘in charge’ means later. He has not told me when the ‘later’ will occur. I have a suspicion that Sammy’s ‘later’ and my ‘later’ mean different things.

I can neither read nor write but do not tell the cat. He thinks that when I am in the room with the computer and the door is closed I am typing. When we are all at the computer Mummy types the words so the cat will not realise that I cannot.

Back to the book …

I am going to speak the words, Sammy the Cat says it is called disctation and my Mummy or perhaps Sammy will write them down. If I were a betting dog (and I am not), my meaty cruckles would be on Mummy.

Woof!

Miaow!

My name is Samson the Cat, Sammy for short. In cat language I am called Mleeip but names are not that important to us cats (more about this later). The dog disagrees wif this. It finks names are important. I mean … Alexander Cornelius Constantine Rae. How egotistical is that? Need I say any more?

It is very important that the reader understands that despite what the dog is implying, I CAN read and write. It finks I do not know it cannot. I am not going to tell it. Knowing that I know and it thinking I don’t know gives me a superior feeling inside. I like feeling superior. All cats in charge are superior and I am no exception.

My Lady Human asked the dog if it would like to write a book. I fink this was because I have written two books and it didn’t want the dog to feel left out. My books are called ‘Cat in Charge’ and ‘Cat at Christmas’.

On a personal note, I was actually quite happy the dog was being left out.

Would you believe that when My Lady Human asked the dog barked in an excited manner and when My Lady Human departed, asked me what a book was?

I ask you! There is stupid and very stupid, and I know EXACTLY where the dog stands on this one.

The dog is going to need a lot of help.

But do not worry!

I am a cat. I have told it I will come to the rescue as long as I can add some bits.

The dog agreed at once.

My Lady Human agreed after receiving some educational scratches.

This book, although the dog finks it is its book is really another book for me to write! It will be a written confirmation that I am in charge!

Miaow!

* * * * *

CHAPTER 1

I AM RESCUED!

This book is not going to be about the first half of my life. I have chosen to forget a lot about what life was like back then.

Chosen to forget? I fink that is not the case. The dog has just forgotten. The memory of a dog is the exact opposite to the memory of a cat. We forget nofing except for a few selective fings. Dogs forget everyfing except for a few selective fings.

Despite what the cat thinks …

Is finks, not thinks …

If we are going to argue about spelling all of the time I don’t think we should continue with this project.

I promise not to argue about spelling.

I DO remember some things from the early years.

They are the things that relate to why I act as I do.

I remember my Mummypaws. I remember my brothers and sisters. Mummypaws sometimes licked me all over.

After I left Maummypaws I went with some humans to a house. They played with me and I got food to eat and water to drink. I don’t remember much else about that time, probably because there was not much else happening to remember.

I remember I was scared of the sky.

When the green uniforms came in their van to take me away from the house, I was absolutely terrified. This was because I didn’t get out much. My owners didn’t get out much either. At the time I thought it was normal. Boy was I wrong!

When I got to the shelter the man in the green uniform took me to have a pee before I was taken to somewhere called quarentsine.

It means qwarentine. Readers! Please forgive it! It is a dog wifout an analytical brain and its spelling is terrible!

What did I say about spelling? You promised me you wouldn’t complain about my spelling.

I did promise, didn’t I?

Do you know what a promise really is?

It is when I say I will do somefing.

And do you?

No. I am a cat.

I give up.

Precisely. You will always lose any argument wif me. This is because I am in charge.

We shall see …

In the shelter garden, I remember being nervous of putting my paws on the green stuff, I found out later it was called grass. The green uniform people didn’t call it a garden.