Tandem

By Troim Kryzl

Sequel to Plugger Site One and Witch Hunt. A new life under a new name in a new location, finding new friends. And enemies.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Troim Kryzl
• Release date: May 20, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370243501

Troim Kryzl

Not providing a photograph and writing under a pen name for professional reasons. Please refer to my website and LinkedIn profile for as many details as can be made available under my current career circumstances.Mastodon: @[e-mail]

Book preview

Tandem

Published by Troim Kryzl at Smashwords

Copyright 2016 Troim Kryzl

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be given away or resold to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

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Chapter 1

All new same old

Such a lot of intricate detail. This is an amazing picture for a... Wait. Wrong. Not a hotel room. Home. And this super high resolution ultra close up image of what makes a crystal a crystal is not a miraculous stroke of extravagant genius suddenly hitting one of the notoriously uninventive guys decorating hotel rooms with the implicitly obvious intention never to distract guests from any worries they brought along. This picture got here courtesy of a bright mind with a craving for beautiful stuff.

I'm in pretty good mental shape. For an alien only just landed in Sandjay and still coming to grips with the details of a deep undercover existence in a major US city.

Managed to recall both my current location and name in less than - fives minutes? Maximum. More like two or three minutes. Not bad. Not bad at all. Not sure if I would have managed to cope if I had woken up to the Star Wars interior I by now remember visiting yesterday night. But the boss couple should be fine in this madness of a place. Saph and Rush never freak out. Otherwise they wouldn't be shepherding me for a living.

BDT is having one of its tantrums down below the basement. Yes, Bloody Death Trap, I know you want to be brought up and find out more about this place and it's million non-pluggers. No, you won't be brought up now. Shut up, or I'll come shouting at you.

Will probably log into the bloody nuisance today. Wonder where we'll do it. But will have to load up on calories first. Thinking of which. My stomach suddenly insists it's high time for breakfast oriented action. We've been awake for ten minutes, and still no food nowhere in sight. Need to find the bathroom, now, and get things going.

Decide the new life asks for a change of clothes. Rummage through the luggage full of still pretty unfamiliar outfits for something very casual. No need to dress up for a job interview yet. Saph asked for patience. He's entitled to patience. He will get it. Sort of. Some.

Hope we'll do sightseeing today. Wonder if I'll be allowed outside on my own. There are bound to be more restrictions than on Plugger Site One. Would like to be allowed outside on my own. I'm all grown up and careful. Will fight for it. If I need to. After breakfast.

Find Stan in the kitchen: Kermit, this place is great. And I do love it even better smelling of coffee. And there are bagels, too? Cool. How the hell did all this food get here? We didn't do any shopping. This doesn't look like two years old. Miracle?.

Good mood nerd, nearly no twitch on my approach. Even get a playful answer: Hey, sleepy, glad to see you up. Was starting to worry you might be sick, not shouting starvation that late in the morning. But no, no miracle to report. Only your middle of the road app magic. Welcome to geek capital mores, Gloria. There is nothing transportable you can't order for bring along in this city. Groceries delivery is basic basics. And this posh castle offers an all inclusive concierge service. Combine bring along groceries and concierge, and you never ever need to venture outside of this particular golden cage..

They wouldn't, wouldn't they?! Confine me to just one apartment?! For years?!?

Easy, Gloria. Joke? Sorry? No cage, no dungeon. As very much promised by the lead tchekist. Very many times. As also very obvious because you call all the a-word shots and can make anyone of us dance to your tune. Joke? Sorry?.

He's honestly apologetic, didn't expect me to take the threat seriously. Mental note to learn to approach this kind of situation more confidently.

No problem, Kermit, I'm the idiot here. Bit jumpy, because this is all so new. And no idea what I'll be allowed to do. Do you? Did Saph mention any rules? For here? You know, like on the road? There it was driving yes, but only outside agglomerations, and never at night. What's the corresponding for here? Leaving the apartment yes, but...?.

Here we go again. Know the face. You can change the location, but this won't alter the shy nerd. He'd very much prefer me to raise this particular issue with our boss.

Ok, ok, forget it. Forget it, Kermit. Let's have coffee and enjoy the bagels. Bet I'll get told the rules by the enforcer in charge of my virtual containment soon enough. No worry..

Grateful smile. Wonder if this means the news are bad. Surprised to see him take out his phone. He's calling someone? Now I'm seriously worried. The news are bound to be bad.

What he says is not reassuring: Boss, I win. And you better join us for breakfast. I told you she'd ask right away. Now you come up and explain your fabulous plan..

Don't hear the answer, but it's not hard to guess. The call is over immediately, meaning Saph is going to join us any second. Need to check something, quickly, before he takes over: You've been betting I would ask about the rules for leaving home, Kermit? And the charmer-in-chief bet against? This makes no sense. He's perfectly aware I'm very keen on this type of information. What's going on, Kermit, what's wrong?.

Very tentative smile: He's still wrestling with the rest of the core team over some details and asked me to try to stay away from the roaming range topic for the moment. I told him this would be the first thing you'd ask, whatever else I might try to talk about..

Ok, this makes sense. And the news isn't outright bad. 'Wrestling over details' sounds like I'll be allowed outside. There are bound to be limits. That's acceptable. In principle. As long as they don't overdo it. Hope I don't need to fight.

The door buzzer comes as a surprise. Jump up and go find the apartment door to let in my forever grinning hope and nemesis: Come in, boss, come in. How comes you don't have no keys? No longer trampling all around my life like owning it? Don't believe it..

This gets me more grin and a hug: You're looking gorgeous, cheeky little witch, very much like that. And I would never dream of awarding myself a key. This is your place. I'm a visitor, and I'll behave like one. You might be pretty good friends with your personal fitness coach and invite him over for breakfast, but you wouldn't want him to have keys to your apartment. He might intrude on something private. Can't have that....

He doesn't get to finish the sentence. A suddenly courageous Stan jumps in: Stop it, bloody tchekist, enough of that legend. That's how you'll hopefully behave most of the time. But as you are you and this is nowadays we both happen to know you already hacked the smart card playing at keys and can make this door click open if you need to..

Full shark grin: Agent anarchist, no need to clamber on the barricades and reach for the Molotov cocktails. Calm down, Stan, ok? I would have established full transparency regarding this potential access aspect in the due course of our upcoming comprehensive 'rules and regulations' conversation. On a lighter note: Can I get some coffee, please?.

Of course he can. Seeing him all zen, helping himself to coffee and some of the pinapple, I'm starting to get mad. My life. He has to tell me. Now. Instead of just grinning.

Easy, glorious little witch. You're really itching to roam, aren't you? You can calm down. I'm in process of declaring the whole region the new Plugger Site One. Afraid it's only going to be downtown Sandjay for the first couple of days, though. Couple of days to a few weeks, at most. Some core team members are big fans of crime statistics and haggle for the exclusion of every single district with a slightly above average assault incidence. I'm trying to convince them that this is neither viable nor making any sense, but they need time to get used to the new setup. So it's going to be downtown Sandjay for the moment. Any chance to get you to accept salami tactics?.

This sounds great. Would they really let me go outside, all alone? Sounds too good to be true. Need to be careful now: Boss, doesn't sound too bad. Might be acceptable. But can we please clarify the middle part? I can leave the apartment, and the building, and wander around downtown Sandjay? All on my own? Just me? Like for example walking to the bakery and getting some more bagels?.

Amused shark: "Surprised the news are that good, are you? You better watch this face of yours if ever you bump into Alan, glorious little witch, or he'll develop the notion you might accept less range. Now let me explain how my fabulous plan is supposed to work. You actually provided the perfect example. Yes for getting more bagels. If you want bagels, you can go out and buy them. The bakery is in the Safeway's just round the corner.

We know you well, Gloria. You're careful and have healthy habits. Even the core team skeptics had to concede as much. Letting you roam on your own will in practice mean a couple of route routines centered around work, exercise and food. You never did much else on your own on Plugger Site One and always actively requested company for more sensitive leisure activities, like going for a hop in the disco. Fine to keep your lifestyle exactly like that. We trust you to behave sensibly, Gloria, and expect you to refrain from any activities that might be dangerous. Buying bagels alone yes. Exploring the metropolitan club scene alone no. You need to ask Rush, Stan or me to join you for this type of expedition. Deal?".

Wow. This is indeed much better than expected. No way to hide my joy. It's of course utterly true. I'm a sissy. Never have been a risk taker. Can't help admire Saph's courage anyway. To trust me to keep myself safe all by myself even though I'm currently vitally irreplaceable for this planet's wellbeing shows really big faith in me. This must have been one hell of a fight in the core team: Deal, boss, definitely. And thanks, thanks a lot!.

Satisfied shark: "Excellent. I was hoping you'd immediately identify the upsides of this approach. In practice I'd prefer you to start light and easy. A couple of people will be glued to the tracker each and every time you venture out on your own. Try not to get lost, ok?

For the first couple of days I'd suggest you let Stan introduce you to the neighborhood. You identify where to get the few groceries you need, and your beloved lunch junk. You find yourself a gym and get your daily life organized.

The two of you should also plan some sightseeing. Gloria, I want you familiar with both the city and the wider area, and to be able to move around confidently, both by public transport and in the Tesla Stan will let you drive after one more safety training.".

Will he? Can't help looking questioningly at motor nerd. Surprised his nod is unambiguous.

Saph explains: "The Tesla indeed it will be, glorious little witch. Know what you're thinking. Thought along exactly the same lines and proposed to leave the Mustang at your disposal. Stan won't have it. He's worried his virtual high-tech eco-warrior buddies might misinterpret him moving around in a conventional car a de-endorsement of e-mobility. You're joining the ranks of a still pretty exclusive community and we are both in for a steep learning curve concerning the range and infrastructure aspects involved in this type of locomotion.

The two of you are encouraged to do sightseeing by day on your own. We don't want to seem too close, for confidentiality and cover story viability purposes. Sandjay by night is different, you're stuck with Rush and/or me for any good nights out you might fancy. And we would in any case like to welcome the two of you for dinner, to make sure you don't forget who you're really working for. Ok so far? Excellent.

Talking of jobs: I know you want to work, glorious little witch. Can do, but with a couple of caveats. Part time worked pretty well and I'd like to keep it that way. Ok? Excellent. No, please let me continue, Gloria. I know what you're worried about. Yes, you're officially an illegal immigrant from somewhere down south and you've got no CV, no diplomas, no social security number. Minor details, no problem. I can bake you a number of jobs, no problem. The question is the type of job you'd like me to bake. The science circuit doesn't work without CV and diplomas, and I wonder where to put you instead.".

This sounds pretty good, too. I'm perfectly aware I'll never go back to physics. My Ph.D. Is with someone else now. That's life. On balance pretty good riddance. Never been that talented anyway. Can Saph really 'bake' jobs?

Amused and relieved shark: Glad to see you envisage a career switch so calmly, glorious little witch. Am I right in assuming that no hissing at this stage means I've got permission to explore vocational alternatives?.

Shit. This nod was probably a bit too enthusiastic. Mental note to learn better self control.

Very amused shark: Excellent. As you're so receptive I'd like to mention a couple of options I'm exploring, to check if any of these might work for you..

Try to nod calmly. Pretty sure the enthusiasm shows anyway. He's proceeding carefully. Would he consider some job in a hotel, like Linda's? You can get these without papers. And I know I can do it. Worked at my uncle's hotel. The cleaning isn't too bad. In most rooms. Some people are pigs. You also need to stay well clear of groping clients.

Ok, here we go. Now let me explain some considerations first: I want you in a safe environment, meaning no outbound jobs, and preferably with face-to-face contact restricted to a small group. We are talking some sort of office or class room job here. Ok?.

Wow. Doesn't sound like I'll be cleaning hotel rooms, or serving breakfast. How the hell can he get me into an office or a teaching job without references? Very curious now.

I really like your positive attitude, Gloria. Excellent. Option one would be a programmer job in one of the small boutiques. On the job training, and you spend you mornings updating web interfaces, or upgrading apps, or whatever. Not my favorite option, but very safe and we can make it absolutely stress free. Probably too stress free. Options two or three might have better long term potential, they're less boring..

Wow. Option one sounds pretty cool already. Even a boring low level programmer job here is beyond the wildest dreams of most people from my hometown down over in Sicily. If this really is the least attractive option I'm very keen to hear what could top it.

"Options two and three build on your Spanish language skills and are a bit more dynamic.

Option two would be some sort of phone help desk job for customers struggling with English and ever so pleased to be able to discuss whatever issues in their native lingo. Very safe, because interaction happens by phone. Pretty dynamic, because there is an infinite supply of idiots coming up with ever weirder issues. But it can be a bit stressful. Verbally aggressive customers, high frequency of them.

Option three is more rewarding. Some bright kids out there first struggled at school for lack of English and subsequently got themselves into trouble for lack of perspectives. A second chance project offering clever young offenders a scholarship and a fast side track into university science courses needs a bilingual physics and maths teacher also providing a role model for viable alternatives to gangs and crime. Because of their turbulent biographies these kids don't sound like particularly safe company, but the right selection in the right setup is bound to be both charming and fiercely loyal. Very safe indeed.".

Yes. Yes. Yes! Scenario three is cool. Definitely. Teaching has always been an option. My physics Ph.D. involved no plan, happened more by default. And giving a legs up to disadvantaged Latino kids is cool. Option three makes loads of sense.

Full guardian shark grin achieved: Excellent. Guessed you might warm to option three. That's actually the reason I'm bringing the job topic up so early. Alan is no big fan of this scenario, but I happen to like it best. It's safe. You'll be real busy, doing something that is both useful and societally acceptable. The whole project including your job is easy to bake from scratch. We get new kids every year, no long term relationships, very sustainable. Last not least this option brilliantly resolves any potential commute safety issues. Stan has selected the perfect residential neighborhood including a university that will be ever so willing to let our considerable budget happen on site..

Cool. This is so cool. And I suddenly become aware of my part at this stage: Boss, absolutely with you. It's definitely scenario three. Alan has to understand. I used to be a scientist and can only identify with teaching. I want option three. I insist on the university scenario. No call center. No cubicle farm. Option three.... Hope I'm sounding firm.

Stop short because both Stan and Saph are ROFLing. Mental note to work on my 'mighty alien demands' posturing before administering it to a less receptive audience.

This is so embarrassing. Time for a quick exit, and to call a potential bluff: You think about that, boss, while I go fetch more bagels..

And he really lets me go. All on my own. Fetch my purse. And my phone. And my key card. Check there is sufficient cash in the purse. And the battery status of the phone. And here I go. Don't really recall the directions Saph provided. The bakery was supposed to be somewhere close. I will manage to locate it. I won't ask them for more directions. Action.

Downstairs there is a new guy at the counter. Tentatively smile at mister morning shift. Hope he won't think I'm an intruder. Get ready to show my key card. But he just gives me a big smile and greets me: Good morning, miss Costa. Have a nice day..

Wow. This place is seriously organized. There is photo ID, and staff have to learn the faces and recognize residents from day one. Impressive. Small wonder Saph loves the place. And this guy might help me not to get lost on my first excursion: Good morning to you, too! Just hopping to the bakery. There is one nearby, right?.

Glad I asked. The bakery is inside a shop. And it's very close nearby indeed, just round the corner. Both the shop and the bakery offer nice choice. Everything is pretty expensive, though. Stan was right when he said you don't want to try living on a minimum wage in Sandjay.

Done in a blink and wonder how to proceed. Prudence suggests I should go right back up, to prove I deserve Saph's trust. Curiosity favors walking around the block. Just a glimpse of the neighborhood. He's got a tracker. My phone is on. In case he doesn't approve, he can call me. Just one little peak around the next corner.

Wow. Now I understand what he meant when he mentioned the easy commute to the university. The next block is the university. Cool. Curiosity satisfied. No furious call yet. Time to get back home and have more breakfast.

Stan and Saph casually acknowledge my triumphant return. Did they even check on the tracker if I went and came back straight? No way to tell. So far, so cool. I am allowed outside. Like any grown up should. Roaming alien. Cool.

Now for the next worry on my list: Boss, we are going to do BDT today, right? Would rather proceed sooner than later, if it's the same to you, please? The bloody gadget is having fits. It's all restless because there's such a lot of non-pluggers around. How's it going to work, the gadget bit, in Sandjay? Some specific place, like the hangar? Or do we keep using the mobile taming unit and switch places?.

Enthusiastic shark: "Glorious little witch, did I ever mention how much I appreciate your impeccable work ethic? I do. I really do.

Plan a would be to station the formerly mobile taming unit in a hangar already rented for this purpose. You'll get there with Stan, under the pretext of some yet to be established leisure routine. There's a park in the vicinity, and a café doing brisk happy hour business. The two of you will fit in nicely.

Plan b would relocate the taming unit to the basement of Rush's new workplace. Bit more tricky to durably hide our a-business there, bit difficult to explain why you'd end up in this particular neighborhood three times a week, but feasible. Advantage would of course be the direct access to a full blown medical facility. What do you think?".

Cool. I get asked. My preferences will be considered, before the plan is finalized:

Boss, good progress. Really like the new approach, like being asked before you decide. Plan a sounds fine to me. I'm getting pretty good at basic taming. Don't expect to need the medical section of the taming unit, never mind a real hospital. Would rather opt for the solution with the best confidentiality potential. I hope I'll manage to assign the new location as BDT's default residence and would rather not change these settings more often than strictly necessary, to avoid the bugger noticing I'm operating at the limit of my know how. Finding a place we can keep permanently is my priority..

Like the way he's listening. Attentively. Not pushing. Letting me finish my sentences. Even though I hesitate, thinking it through as I talk and trying to select the words conveying the right impression. I'm ambivalent concerning the attempt to assign a default residence. Not sure I'll succeed. But Claude's shared skills make it feel easy and safe enough. And it would be nice to park BDT. Don't like it to watch my every move.

I won't try assigning a residence yet. Think it might be good to get more of a feel for Sandjay first, to make it easier to explain the perimeter of the stationary mode in device terms. Idea would be to have it follow me around for a couple of days. It will notice we're no longer traveling, will hopefully expect to get parked and resign itself more easily once this actually happens. Don't think there's a chance to escape a fight. But it's easier for me to act tough if I can point out it's the obvious course of action..

Yep, this was bound to happen. My status is progressing, but not that fast or far. At least I can trust my guardian shark to wrap his reservations into nice language and spare me a blush: Easy, glorious little witch. Please don't rush this. You're doing a great job. Perfectly understand you want BDT parked. It's a nuisance to have this nosy device forever frolicking along. But please, Gloria, do take your time. If it really days to get ready, ok. If it takes two weeks, fine too. If it takes two months, no problem either. Ok?.

How the hell can he always tell when I'm scared? It's true. He's right, too. And as he didn't make explicit the embarrassing bit he deserves a friendly answer: Ok boss, point taken. Won't push for speed. Won't try the parking stunt before I'm sure I can pull it off safely. Where are we going to do BDT today? Can we do it early, please?.

This is one especially nice and friendly grin. Saph knows he closely escaped a bout of defensive hissing: Of course we can, glorious little witch. Bet Rush won't mind. She's got lots of details for her new job to organize. Chauffeur nerd, I'm just sending you the address. Ok to meet there at 11:00? Should be feasible, what do you think?.

Stan is no less relieved than our boss that a safety first agreement was reached without a fight and enthusiastically confirms the timeline. Here we go again.

Past Stan antics

So this is it, the famous Tesla. Cool car. Stan interprets Saphs e-mobility remark as an assignment to comprehensively lecture me on the special features. Try to listen. But there is a lot of Sandjay unfolding outside. And I will be allowed to roam it.

Yesterday I was too curious to find out about my new home to care for details of the city. Now I try to make lots of mental notes of places I want to visit. Surprised to see plenty of buses, and even pretty flashy trams. It says 'Alum Rock' on one. Recall that name, that's where many Latinos live. Would this count as downtown?

Stan is still trying to talk batteries. Need to stop him. Doesn't feel right not to listen to all this enthusiasm: Kermit? Can you do me a favor, please? I'm really keen to learn about this cool car, and all this wonderful technology. I really am. But I'm afraid I'm a lousy listener at this stage. There is so much Sandjay outside, total sightseeing mode. Sorry..

Hope he can take it. Sounds very much like criticism, even if it's not at all meant to be. Wouldn't be fair to let him lecture on without listening. Shit?

Really surprised he LOLs and switches topics immediately: Sorry, Gloria, I'm a complete idiot. Totally forgotten you're new to this place, sorry. Of course you want to know about it. Now here for example, on the right....

That's more like it! Why can't he always be so relaxed? And he knows this city extremely well. Must have been all over and across. He stays in tour guide mode, and I learn a lot about the neighborhoods outside, with a special focus on assorted tech firms. An awful lot. Need to ask: Kermit, this is amazing. Sounds very much like a professional tour. You've been visiting all these companies? How did that happen?.

Have taken great care not to ask the obvious explicitly, how such an extremely shy and reclusive guy managed to trek through all these headquarters, ventures, subsidiaries, labs and whatsoevers. He LOLs again and answers straight: "Me, going there, inside, with all the people inside?! Never, of course not. I can't hold on to one showing-up job for more than a couple of months, at best, never mind doing the HQ rounds. Never been inside.

It know all this because I got myself sacked. Was looking for the next job. Very low spirits. The first interview I actually managed to attend was going badly. Team skills topic. Until this headhunter guy suddenly stopped asking stuff and proposed to set up a kind of consultancy. He would do all the people parts and provide me with problems to solve. I would work from home. Without ever meeting anyone. Just focusing on the problem solving. And getting half of the cash anyway!

Agreed at once, of course. And it worked full total perfect, right away. He sent problems. I did my thinking thing and sent him the results. I got floods of cash in return. Just like that! He always provided tons of scanned paperwork, too, for financial transparency. About our clients, the exorbitant rates we were charging, any patents that were filed and if we would get a share of the returns, that kind of stuff. Didn't bother reading it properly. He wouldn't cheat on me. He's not like that. But I did create a map of all the companies. Thought the good times would end soon enough, and that this map might prove that I'm not useless, just a pretty weird mess and hopeless at people.".

Here we go again. He's not getting away with this, never: Stop it, Kermit. Not again. You're not weird. You lost our weirdness contest, remember? By a mile. And you will please refrain from reminding me that I'm the weird one. This is not gallant. This headhunter guy who has been exploiting your skills, he still around?.

Proud of myself. Managed not to ask if they are still in contact, which is the unwelcome kind of question. Asking obliquely provides the best chance to find out more.

Oh yes. Roger is always around, virtually. He sends me a message, every other week, to check if I'm available for work. I answer no, like for the last three years, or yes, like next Wednesday. And he's not exploiting. If this was exploiting, people would queue for it..

Let's try the pause. Being nosy doesn't work with Stan. The more he gets asked, the faster he shuts up. But sometimes he'll go on telling stuff, even personal stuff, if you stay quiet an give him the chance. No, today is not one of these rare occasions. Pity.

This should be it, the café. And the BDT taming unit will be sitting behind one of these doors, over where the truck is parked. Looks like some type of storage center. Makes sense. You can rent a bay, and never many people around. Very hip to show off your empty apartment while secretly keeping loads of stuff in backup storage. And people don't want to be seen accessing their storage bay. Worse than getting caught buying porn. We've still got more than half an hour. Coffee and something, what do you think?.

We're really in the outskirts now, closer to the mountains. There is actual countryside beyond this last line of buildings. Not a residential area. Some low rise office blocks, some buildings that might or might not hide workshops or labs. The few names and logos on display don't ring no bell. The buildings, the road, the whole café, outside and inside, everything looks new. Bet this area was pretty recently developed. Ten years ago this spot would have been in the middle of some field type nowhere.

The café might have a busy happy hour, but now we're alone except for two guys furiously hacking away at their laptops at opposite ends of the room. Probably supposed to be living whichever dream haunts your globe trekking geek. Looking none too happy to me. More like stressed out. And espresso won't help with the dark shadows hinting at lack of sleep. They look all funny, old worn faces above young rest of guy.

Everything on the menu is pretty expensive, once again. Mental note to raid a Walmart on the way back. Eating out is not the option of choice in Sandjay.

Stan, they do have normal discount stores in nerd county, do they? Or is it healthy food in small expensive portions only? Can we do some grocery shopping, please?.

Outrageous, the prices, aren't they? Don't worry, there are some normal people making ends meet, and bring along or dining out is not for the faint walleted. Everything is fucking expensive pretty much anywhere in the valley. You probably won't believe it, yet, but people from Saneff consider Sandjay rents and restaurants a bargain. Total mad, isn't? I was terrified at first, thought I'd never manage and would end up under a bridge..

Wow. This is very personal information, and provided proactively. Careful now, not to make this a bad experience for him: Hence the map, an anti bridge lodge precaution?.

He's definitely in an exuberant mood, LOLing again: Yes, exactly. When I arrived here, I was made to stay in a boarding house, courtesy of my employer. Nice little Kermit hole, but ludicrously expensive. When they sacked me I couldn't help doing the sums and found out I'd last maximum six months on my savings. Total panic mode. Had to play boom boom for three days straight and eat ten bags of marshmallows to calm myself down enough even to think about ways to find a new job. My former bosses had come to me, as you will sure have guessed. They brought me over, doing all the Green card paperwork. And next there I was, jobless and clueless, all ready to get penniless and homeless on top..

The funny thing about Stan is the combination of a great sense of mostly self deprecating humor with an awful lot of shyness. The latter makes him shut up most of the time. But if you manage to get him started, he's often hilarious.

But you pulled yourself together and went job hunting, and it all turned out perfect. Very much admire you, Stan. On my own I'd be totally lost here..

That's more ROFL than LOL: "Me, job hunting right away? You should know me better. No, of course not. I only ventured out to buy a backpack full of jumbo discount jars of hazelnut spread, to binge on it by the spoonful. Only valuable outcome at this stage was that the marshmallow overdose had accidentally cured my previously rampant addiction.

What happened next is a bit fuzzy. Not sure I remember all of it, or in the right order. You can soak marshmallows in vodka, for a lightly inebriating sedative effect, you know? Tastes as disgusting as it sounds, but I had this phase where I just loved it. Hazelnut spread is different. It wants to be paired with strong coffee. This combination on top of three days of more vodka marshmallows than sleep sent me on a bad high. I flooded lots of forums with answers, and very rude comments concerning stupid questions by useless people wasting my time. Not sure what the idea was. Probably something like 'better to end up in jail, or in one more nuthouse, than under a bridge'. They got to feed you, and to make sure you don't freeze to death, in both the jail and the nuthouse, you know? In principle. Not so sure this always works so well in practice. You wouldn't risk much freezing in California, though. The equivalent here might perhaps be heat strokes.".

Rush says cracking ribs from laughing too much is one of the nicest accidents you can have. Hope my ribs can take it. Nearly pissing pants by now. Stan is incredibly funny, telling this story in his best, always slightly laborious English, searching for words, frowning in his effort to systematically recollect and explain what the hell happened. The girl at counter is hypnotized. One of the laptop jockeys is taking a break from his next unicorn project to learn about how to be a seriously extravagant nerd. Vodka marshmallows...

"I went on and on and on. Most questions were peanuts, just had to to write the answers. Others were for thinking about. These would have been fun, but for the jobless issue. I just went on, not knowing what else to do. Until someone came to my door. Didn't answer at first, of course not. Put on the headphones and turned up the music real loud. Could still hear the commotion at the door, and my ears were hurting, too. This wasn't good, not at all sustainable, of course not. But I was too freaked out to do anything else than writing more answers to more questions. And then I could feel the door opening. Not like breaking open, firefighter axe or the like, just normal opening. They had got someone with a master key.

It wasn't the police, nice surprise of the day. It wasn't ambulance staff, either. It was a casual meat pack of a huge guy and a small guy in a suit. I was so exhausted, just sat there, with the headphones on. Couldn't hear what they were telling me, because of the loud music. I wanted to get it over with, the imminent fainting, the waking up on the floor, the fainting again, my whole fucking routine of being a mess. Very much recall sitting there, 'New Divide' from 'Linkin Park' practically blowing my head off, waiting for one of them to please approach me close enough to allow me to collapse and get a break.".

That's the 'Transformers' song, right? That's a good one. Hope you still like it?. If you want Stan to keep going, it's helpful to ignore the more unusual parts of his stories and make encouraging small talk noises about the innocuous bits. And smile.

Oh yes, nothing wrong with the song. Nor the situation. I mean, I was just stuck, nothing bad happened. They were standing there, waiting. I was sitting there, waiting. When the song was over - once again, it was set to endless repeat - I managed to unlock myself enough to hit the stop button and take the headphones off. The song went on resonating in my ears anyway at first, pretty frightening. But then my ears noticed there was no more noise hitting them, and the echo stopped. Before it was too loud, next it was too quiet. I was getting angry, because this was all taking so long. Stupid country. Same scenario in Russia, I would have gotten my break right away. Not here. You act mad enough, you get chased by headhunters. Genius assumption. Fucking nuisance that..

Careful now. Facial control to maximum poker game mode. Stan isn't mad at all, just extremely shy, but this can make him act strange. And he definitely happens to be a genius: They were headhunters, the two guys who persuaded someone to unlock your boarding house apartment? No kidding? And they hired you?.

Headhunters? No, no, the headhunters came later. I mean, there were already lots of messages arriving, because of my Q&A frenzy, asking me to join whichever marvelous teams, but the headhunters were not coming over in person, not yet. The guys in my room were NSA. I mean, they didn't say and I don't know for sure, but Roger says so..

'Clang' goes the glass the girl behind the counter finally managed to drop. That should teach her not to listen in on client conversations.

The small guy was still trying to talk to me, and I finally managed to listen. It didn't make that much sense, because he was speaking too fast, and my ears where still ringing, and I was so exhausted, and still hoping to faint, against accumulating evidence. Apparently, some of the forum questions I managed to answer were part of an NSA recruitment plot. The small guy kept saying 'Dr. Konoralev, wouldn't you like to become a US citizen...?'. They wanted to hire me, to break into something, or to guard something, or both. Come to think of it, they were very much like headhunters. But tchekist headhunters are still mostly tchekists, the headhunter bit is not the important feature, right?.

Now I need to ask, even if this risks to make him shut up: You were doing your Q&A frenzy under your real name, with your real professional contact details?.

Surprised nerd: Yes, of course. This was no dark stuff. I mean, the whole idea, in the beginning, was to prove to the world that I'm quite good at some tasks, like maths and physics and code. Of course I did it all open..

Need to bite my tongue hard to avoid pointing out that insulting people is not something you usually do under your real name. Shouldn't have bothered:

This was of course a very stupid thing to do, because I also couldn't bring myself to refrain from commenting. Some people do have a very precarious grasp, if any grasp at at all, of their so called area of expertise, you know? I managed to get myself loathed by at least two hundred more or less prominent experts in a matter of hours. By conventional means this would have taken years. Computers are so great to fuck up real big real fast..

The second guest has also given up whatever he had been trying to do. He's staring in the rough direction of his laptop screen but won't fool me. This is the air he's not watching. His brain is fully engaged with his first and probably only first hand Stan Connor experience.

Of course sent the tchekists packing, once it was evident that they would not touch me and allow me to faint and get some rest. They really left. Had a shower and went to bed in a fresh set of clothes, to be all ready for when they would be back to drag me along..

Recalling this nightmare doesn't seem to hurt him. He's not embarrassed, tells it like he would describe the setup for an experiment.

"They didn't come back. I mean, they did try to contact me lots and lots of times, for a while, but never broke into my place again. When I woke up, I found stacks of 'hey, you should join our team' messages. Bad joke. I mean, 'team', me?! They thought I was joking, or stoned, or pissed, or whatever, when I wrote the rude bits. No clue, total