Penny Dreadful Pastimes

By E. J. Cownley

Curious about the weird and unusual things that go on behind closed doors? Steal a glance at the gunky underbelly of society and indulge in some dark humour with laughs from a genre long since dead: the penny dreadful.

Socialite werewolves, evil twins, twisted obsession and the perils of expired cough syrup. Grab some short, sharp scares with this weird, funny and unusually gross anthology.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 12, 2014
• ISBN: 9781291808636

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Penny Dreadful Pastimes

Penny Dreadful Pastimes

E. J. Cownley

Penny Dreadful Pastimes

First edition

Copyright 2014 E. J. Cownley

All rights reserved.

ISBN #: 978-1-291-80863-6

This work is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. To view a copy of this license, visit http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/4.0/.

Officer Nutbag, Special Forces

Training to be an undercover agent is really hard, but not in the way you might think. Of course there are boot camps, training sessions and hundreds of exams, but that’s the easy part. If you’re made for the job, then those parts are easy because they come naturally.

The difficult part of the job comes when you have to go undercover. Leaving friends and family behind for an unknown length of time, cutting all ties and immersing yourself in your new identity. Being offered a post in the undercover surveillance team is a dream come true, but like everything, it comes with its downside.

I’m looking at the standard issue kit in front of me and I’m trying to decide how I’m going to make this work day to day. There is a large duffle bag filled with my new clothes; ancient shell-suits from the 80s, tatty and filled with holes, covered with what looks like white paint. Stained, old t-shirts from charity shops, odd sets of trainers, grubby and missing laces. There are soiled bobble hats and an assortment of very old carrier bags. I’m told in the guidebook that the bags are essential, I’m not to go out in public without one and it’s recommended that I carry at least two cans of store brand baked beans or spaghetti hoops in it at any given time. The cans can also be beer, but this has to be a cheap, budget brand, and if you choose to use this substitution, you must have an open one to hand at all times.

The rules also state that I may deviate to a wheel-a-long cart with covered bag, like the kind elderly ladies use, but that I must still have a minimum of one carrier bag with me.

There’s a guide to grooming included with all my paperwork; showering only once a week, and only at night, and you must sleep in your clothes.

If you are of the male gender (which I am) you are to stop shaving and to allow your beard to