Blue Rose: Cousins & Friends, #4

By Clotilde Martinez

  Growing up, Holly Nicole O'Malley was fully aware of what others thought of her. She was the fun loving romantic one. Her sister Julia was the sensitive one while cousin Febronia Roca took on the role of the soldier. None of the girls ever complained about the roles that were entrusted to them.

    But like life, the roles are changing. Some for the better but some like in Holly's case, her role was changed for the worst. Oh, the others still see her as the romantic nut. To be perfectly honest, Holly is not in a hurry to let others know who she really is.

 A complete Failure. Make that a complete and heartbroken Failure.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Aranga2Cee
• Release date: Mar 18, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386130222

Clotilde Martinez

For those who are curious to know about me. Here’s a few tidbits. This Jersey girl comes from a large super close Galician family. My siblings and cousins were the first to rallied around me when I was diagnosed with both ovarian and uterine cancer. After working overnight, my brother drove to the hospital where I was getting my surgery. My sister held my hand when I went to my first chemo treatment. My other brother drove me back and forth to my treatments. Cancer for me has been a blessing. It sounds weird saying that but it’s the truth. I have so many people praying for me, sending me positive thoughts, that it gave me the strength to deal with the aftermath of the treatments. When I lost hair, I couldn’t stop staring at myself in mirror. Which I could explained how powerful and how fucking beautiful I felt in my bald head stage. The hair has grown back. It’s curly. The color’s now salt and pepper. I’m rocking it.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

Growing up, Holly Nicole O’Malley was fully aware of what others thought of her. She was the fun loving romantic one. Her sister Julia was the sensitive one while cousin Febronia Roca took on the role of the soldier. None of the girls ever complained about the roles that were entrusted to them.

But like life, the roles are changing. Some for the better but some like in Holly’s case, her role was changed for the worst. Oh, the others still see her as the romantic nut. To be perfectly honest, Holly is not in a hurry to let others know who she really is.

A complete Failure. Make that a complete and heartbroken Failure.

CHAPTER 1

This was our time together .  Harry’s and mine’s.  Every now and then, her dad- the man who still has the key to my heart -will join us. It was not too often that he did so. But to be perfectly honest, it did not matter to me the amount of time he spent with us. As long as I was with Harry, the whole world can break into a million pieces. Whatever Harry want to do, I did so without question or hesitation.  How can you argue with those bright blue eyes just like her father’s staring back at you? And that smile of Harry’s that can melt the heart of the toughest motorcycle gang member. These precious moments that I have with Harry I savored.

It didn’t matter how many hours, minutes, and seconds that I spent sitting by Harry’s side just watching and counting the stars. How my little girl loves those luminous celestial bodies of the skies. Everything was it should have been.

Perfect.

Even if it was for a little while. Slowly but surely the moment I dreaded and hated more than anything in this world crashes in.  My sweet adorable Harry will point to the blue rose with the letter H and tear drop in it that I had tattoo on my right breast for her.  I knew that once Harry touches the tattoo, our time together will end. The results are always the same thing.

Don’t go, baby girl. I will tell her as I desperately tried to keep her in my arms. I’m in your heart, Mama.  My little Harriet will tell me as she kisses me on my cheek for one final time. You’re in mine, baby girl. I kept repeating. Repeatedly. My angel girl vanished from my sight once I started to wake up. Once again, I must endure the harsh reality of breathing and living in this cruel world without Harry.

My beautiful baby girl! My Harry!

The reality of a bitter truth that no mother should ever endured. My sweet Harry died in my womb five years ago.  The reality that I will never get the chance to brushed that beautiful golden mane of hers.  The reality that I will never get the chance to dress her up as a princess or a Celtic warrior. The reality that I will never get the chance to teach her how to play the cello, softball, or take her to an outdoor concert. 

The reality that I will never get a chance to play jump rope with my Harry. The reality is the open wound in my heart will never truly heal. Whoever said that time heals all wounds is a fucking liar.  Here I am five years later, and I ached for the daughter I cherished above all others. I would gladly give up my life just to hold her in my arms. Even if it was just one second. I never got the chance to hold my precious baby girl.

The daughter I miscarried.

I never knew that I was pregnant until the cramps became so severe that I have no choice but to go to the hospital to find out what was wrong with me.  None of the medicine I was taking helped. I thought that the cramps might have been the result of the trial, verdict, and Neil’s decision to leave.  A decision that he made himself without consulting me. I can still remember being rushed into surgery once the doctor discovered what was wrong with me. I was on the verge of dying but my baby girl pushed me back into the light.

Holding a blue rose in her hand, she said Not yet, Mama. Not your turn.  The staff at the hospital were good to me. They asked me if I wanted to contact any of my family or friends to let them know that I was here. I shook my head no. This was my pain to carried alone. Besides at that time, Febronia was making plans to looked at open houses with the idiotic boyfriend of hers- Patrick. Julia was slaving herself at the store she was manager of. Mom was doing her road trips and Neil was...

Neil was gone.

I did get a text from him when he landed in Africa. Letting me know that he arrived safety. But what was the point of me keeping in touch with Neil. I was not that important to him to stay here with me. I let him go without even telling him of our daughter. I had to learned how to survive in this waking world without the two people who matter most to me. But once the nighttime settles in, I smiled. For I know, I will be seeing my Harry again.

C’mon sleepyhead, rise and shine. The road is calling our name.

No! No! No! Damn it all to hell! Go away Nathan!  I woke up from the most beautiful dream. Well, they are all beautiful where Harry is concerned.

About time, you woke up, Holly. C’mon daylight is a wasting. I need to take more photographs for the blog. said Nathan fidgeting with his digital camera or should I said cameras. It was just my luck that I team up with a photograph blogger for this trip of mine. My sister Julia told me about a journey that her fiancée Arturo did when he was younger. She told me that the Walk did Arturo a world of good.

During my break at work, I looked into the Camino. At first, I try to ignore my inner voice that told me to go the Walk.  I have responsibilities. Obligations! Gee, I was starting to sound a lot like my cousin Febronia before she threw all caution into the wind and said yes to the unknown. What was the excuse she used? I believe it was something among the lines of I can’t just pack up and leave.

Here I sit. Repeating the exact same words that Febronia once said before she took her own step into the unknown. The before Harry Holly would have jumped at the chance of being adventurous. But now, it was a whole different story. I didn’t want to jump. The inner voice grew stronger as the day progressed. Somewhere between the piles of paperwork, my bosses’ demands that I started cutting staff at the stores, and the stores begging for extra help, I snapped. Enough was enough.

Mama, go.  My inner voice was sounding a lot like Harry’s voice. Sweet and musical to my ears.  Mama, go.  There she was again. Urging me to go. Are you sure, baby girl? Yes, Mama.  The decision was made. Much to my sister’s dismay and my cousin’s delight, I handed in my resignation. Well, Julia and Febronia didn’t know about it until a week later when I informed them of my decision during our weekly Skype calls.

There was no turning back after I made my announcement. Besides, I had no job to go back to. Mom was busy getting the house ready for sale. She was moving to Florida to be closer to her sister-the one we called Roja. I don’t know Roja’s real name.  We are so used to calling her Roja.  Both Febronia and Julia are currently living in Ardura.  It came as no surprise when Febronia finally broke up with that no good cheating bastard. Clearly, you can see that I was not a big fan of that asshole.

After learning that her great aunt the one she was named after left her lands, Febronia went to Ardura to check the lands out. It was there that Febronia learned to love again. She married her raven hair fool as she affectionately calls her husband Constantino. Febronia is now a proud mother of a precious little boy named Derrick after our cousin Derrick and she is currently pregnant with her second child. 

Julia was depressed when she went to Ardura. She had recently lost her job as store manager and was unsure what to do with her life. Febronia invited her to Ardura for a visit. Perhaps hoping that the visit would do Julia some good. There my sister went to work at the local café and fell in love with one of the co-owners. I know what you are thinking. What kind of person goes to work while on vacation? Seriously, talk about your oxymoron. My sister happens to be one of those people that need to work, or their brains will explode. 

A Julia meltdown was something that Febronia was trying to avoid. However, Julia’s meltdown did happen when neither she nor Febronia were least expecting. Mom cried for days when she learned of what happened to Julia. It goes without saying that as far as Mom is concerned both Febronia and Derrick will always have a place to stay whenever they decide to visit. As for Julia, she is now engaged to Arturo, the co-owner of Listo’s and is pregnant with their first child. Yes, life has been good to my sister and my cousin.

I booked the airline tickets for Paris, France.  It was ironic that Paris would be the starting point of my adventure. Neil and I once talked about places we like to visit, and Paris was on top of our list.  From Paris, my next destination was Bayonne. No. Not Bayonne, New Jersey. Sheesh, if that was the case. I could have saved myself the trouble of booking a flight and drove from my house to Bayonne.  The Bayonne I was going to-famous for introducing the world to chocolate- is in France.  Next time I came back to Bayonne, I’m stopping by one of Chocolatiers shops and indulge myself in chocolate.

Then from Bayonne, I hopped the train to St. Jean Pied de Port.  It was here at this French market town huddled at the foot hills of the Pyrenees mountains where I was given my pilgrim’s passport. Stopping by the local pilgrim’s office to picked up the list of the local hostels that I first bumped head to head with six foot four inches reddish blonde Viking with piercing aquamarine eyes.

CHAPTER 2

It was an accident . Honestly! I tripped and literary bumped my head with Nathan who was also picking up his pilgrim passport and other essentials that he needed for the walk. The first words out of his mouth were Good Moses Almighty! I didn’t know that they still fashion heads out of cannonballs.  I couldn’t help but laughed at his remark. I have you know that this head was fashioned in the fires of Saturn.  Now, Nathan was laughing at my silly remark.  I’m Nathan Halle. said my new traveling companion. Holly O’Malley was my remark.

Where are you from, Holly? asked Nathan as he and I exchanged handshakes. I answered, Jersey and you? Nathan replied Montana. It didn’t surprise me at all that Nathan was from Montana. He seemed to me to be a country boy at heart.  We talked as we started our journey from St Jean Pied de Port to Roncesvalles. There were two routes that we could take.

The Napoleon Route which I heard is the most difficult route to take or the Valcarlos Route. We went with the Valcarlos. It took us seven hours to reach our destination.  My feet were begging for mercy. As we rested, I took off one of my walking sneakers to massage my aching foot. Nathan snapped a picture of me doing so. He informed me that he was photo blogging his journey then he asked me if it was ok for him to take pictures of me on the journey. I said Sure, why not.

It was Harry who urged me to said yes. Besides, it was easier for both Febronia and Julia to know how my journey was going.  I was now Nathan’s muse. He claimed I was a natural for the camera. The only thing that I would not allowed Nathan to do was photograph me with my blue rose tattoo showing.  A bit of my tattoo appeared in one of Nathan’s photograph. No, I was not posing topless for Nathan. Get your minds out of the gutter. It just happened that the top I was wearing did not covered up the whole tattoo. So, you can see just a smidge of the tattoo.

But a smidge is all that it will take for my sister and cousin to start asking questions. Questions that I did not want to answer. My tattoo is my secret that no one can ever know. I explained all of this to Nathan who respected my wishes by not publishing the said photographs. I haven’t told him about my miscarriage. Didn’t need him to start treating me differently. Nathan was able to take some specular photographs of the Pyrenees mountains. Climbing that mountain pass was brutal and painful.

Just the pain that I need to take my mind off my heartbreak. Nathan and I took our time as neither of us were in a hurry to finish our walk quickly. Nathan informed me that he was currently on a Sabbath from his job as a news reporter. Here I was thinking that he was a cowboy but in reality, Nathan was a hard nose news reporter who wanted more in life.

Strange, I uttered those same words to Julia and Febronia a while back. Nice to meet someone else who is yearning for more. Nathan was thrilled when he photographed the 14th century Gothic cross known also as the cross of Pilgrims. I was just ecstatic that I did not have to climb up any more steep hills. We stopped for a water break and for Nathan to take even more photographs of the countryside.

After seven and a half hours-alright closer to eight hours, we arrived at Larrasoana. We found our hostel.  After we ate and drank, I went to find my bed to sleep. Nathan decided to take advantage of the wi-fi and uploaded his photo blog.

My baby girl was happy when I greeted her. She is so enjoying the journey with me.  Daylight came too quickly, and I must now say that dread word goodbye to my little angel. But before I leave, she shows me her walking shoes and her stick. I smiled because I know my