The Cats and the Cradle

By Jane McBride

Comfort zones are a thing of the past when a stranger knocks on the door of new parents Ann and Kyle Mendez and turns Ann's world upside down. Join Ann, Kyle, Henry, Aunt Gertrude, Aunt Leona and the rest of the gang as they absorb devastating news and, together, try to figure out how to turn it into a blessing in the third book of the Ann and Henry series.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jane McBride
• Release date: Nov 30, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310773167

Jane McBride

Jane McBride was born in Rochester, New York and grew up in a small town called Medina in Western New York in an old farm house. The house, barn and yard allowed for a constant flow and supply of all kinds of different animals who were cherished and loved to the elderly ends of their long lives. She joined The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1986 and served a mission to Oregon from 1990-1991. She met her husband during that time and they now live in Taylorsville, UT with their two little boys and a whole bunch of animals. She is the author of A Little Hair of the Dog, Reigning Cats and Dogs, The Cats and the Cradle and Cat's Got His Tongue in The Ann and Henry series, as well as Down Ballantyne Road and Asylum song in the Alice and Porkbelly series.

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Praise for Jane McBride and The Cats and the Cradle

Ms. McBride really knows how to have me laughing one minute and wiping tears from my eyes the next. Each character plays an important role, making for a plot that doesn't quit because there is always something going on, and the author's descriptions make you feel as if you're right in the midst of whatever calamity it might be. Anyone looking for a good clean story that provides plenty of laughs, a few somber moments, and a well rounded if sometimes wacky cast of characters that make you feel as if you are a part of their family, then you're in for a treat with The Cats and the Cradle.

-Readers' Favorite

I really enjoy McBride's simple style of writing that makes me feel like I'm sitting down having coffee with old friends. She turns the every day ordinary into an adventure I never want to end. The Cats and the Cradle was my favorite and I look forward to see what's in store next for Ann and Henry and all the new friends we met in this book.

-The IEMommy

I really hope this author makes a movie one day, because I want to watch Ann, Kyle, all their friends, and Henry on the big screen! If you want a good clean, hilarious story you need to read this one! I’m looking forward to more works from this fun author!

-Reviewer

This is my new favorite author. You find it all in one book. Her sense of humor is delightful. You can't go wrong reading this series.

-Reviewer

Also by Jane McBride

The Ann and Henry novels

A Little Hair of the Dog

Reigning Cats and Dogs

The Cats and the Cradle

Cat's Got His Tongue

The Alice and Porkbelly novels

Down Ballantyne Road

Asylum Song

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The Cats and the Cradle

Jane McBride

C

opyright 2013 Jane McBride

Smashwords edition copyright 2016

All rights reserved.

ISBN: 9781310773167

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are the product of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales is entirely coincidental.

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Dedicated in loving memory of my Aunt Jane

Acknowledgments

Heartfelt thanks are going out to Sheryl Vesel and her big boy, Apollo. Thank you, Sheryl for letting me know what Apollo thought about stuff, and especially what he thought was and was not appropriate Dane behavior. His advice has been invaluable and here’s to you for being such a good Mom to him and so many others.

Thanks to beta readers Rachel Joseph and Sheryl Vesel. I just love people who think I’m funny. Thank you Cindy Christiansen for your valuable advice on what is too much and what probably isn’t. I’m a little paranoid.

Thank you to my friend Jeannie Beeby for the beautiful cover photo of the Erie Canal.

Thank you to all those strangers who didn’t know I was watching them while writing down all of their little oddities in the notebook I keep in my head.

Chapter 1

Here Comes Trouble

She’s got that look on her face, like she’s about to drop boiling hot oil on me! Yes she does! Yes, she’s gonna tell me something, yes she is! What is it? What is it? Is it gonna make me mad? Is it? My husband, Kyle, was holding the baby, Melanie, in front of his eyes, saying all of this to her in a high pitched goo-goo voice, making her giggle and wiggle all over the place.

I don’t think it’ll make you mad, I said a little defensively, which of course put him on guard even more and he looked over at me. Well, it’s about Aunt Leona.

What, she die?

No, she didn’t die! She fell.

She all right?

Well, basically, she is. She broke her arm.

He still looked wary and said, Well, okay, glad that’s all it is-but I still fail to see how it affects me.

Well, see, she usually has home help come in twice a day to help her, but she doesn’t want one of them taking care of her all the time. She’s 89! It’s hard for her to do stuff with her cast on and…

Now wait just a minute, Ann. She want you to go there for what, like six weeks or somethin’ ‘til she gets the cast off? Aw, no way! Come on. You’d have to take the baby with ya! Nah, not fer weeks like that. That’s too long. Tell her to find someone else, he said with finality. His grammar and diction always hit the skids when he was agitated. Aunt Leona lived in Syracuse, and it was just far enough away to make a commute unreasonable.

Ah, well, actually, that is what she wanted me to do, but I already told her no, that I wouldn’t be able to go there for that long.

He gaped at me open mouthed for a few seconds and I smiled sheepishly at him. Ah, ho ho ho, no way, he began. He put the baby up on his shoulder and started pacing around, gesturing wildly with his free hand. She put a hand up to the back of his head and started to tug at the curly black hair that was exactly like hers. Ow! Nah-ah-ah, no, no. She ain’t comin’ here to stay, is she? Last time I seen her, she called me a spic! She comes here, I’m movin’ in with Ray. I’ll come home for dinners and to see the baby. And you, he added in an aside. He was only a quarter Puerto Rican, but his skin was just brown enough to notice, and she had noticed-right in the middle of our wedding reception. She had made a loud, general, ill-advised announcement regarding his ethnicity.

Oh, well isn’t that big of you! I really can’t believe some of the things he says to me sometimes. I am her only family now! How can I tell her that I won’t help her? Besides. Aunt Gertrude and Relief Driver Penelope Hogwaller will be here at the same time, you knew that, they’re flying in tomorrow anyway, and they will be staying with Raymond and Kell. They’ll leave in a day or so to get her. We can get this downstairs room ready for Aunt Leona and I promise, she won’t bother you. I’ll get Vera to manage the shop most of the time while she’s here, and I’m sure Aunt Gert and Penelope can help out with her here when I do have to go in. And I have talked to her about the way she talks to people, and I’ll talk to her again.

He closed his eyes in exasperation and groaned. My cousin, Raymond Showers was renting out Kyle’s old house and was married to my best friend, Kell. My Aunt Gertrude and her best friend Penelope were flying in to be here for Thanksgiving and she had told me already that she would go and pick up Leona for me within a day after she arrived. I belatedly realized that Kyle would think I had deliberately headed off all of his protests before he could even make them. My brain didn’t operate that way, but now I could see what he was thinking.

And that’s another thing-Thanksgiving is almost two months away! Ah-ha! He made another realization. Six weeks with the cast, it’ll be almost Thanksgiving by the time her cast comes off, she’ll be here for Thanksgiving, right, with my best friend who is black, his girlfriend who is Chicana, your best friend who is half black and is married to a white guy, my uncle, a full blooded spic, oh, and then there’s Diesel, who might show up at the door in an enormous but lovely cocktail dress. She’ll have a field day! And, besides, before you ever told me about all this, you had it all arranged, told everyone else, and fixed it all up, with yer aunt, way out in Oregon, and her buddy, way out in Oregon too, and they all knew all this before me?

I didn’t do that on purpose! I actually tried to call you first. Didn’t you see the missed call? He looked a little guilty and I could see that he had. After I tried to call you, Aunt Gert called me and I told her what was going on. She volunteered herself, and Penelope too, to go and get Her Majesty, as Aunt Gertrude calls her, when they get here. That was not my idea. I was kinda dreading telling you, but I did not deliberately tell everyone else first. And you know Gertrude hasn’t seen Raymond and Kell, and all of us in a long time. She wants to stay and visit for a while. Henry, our Great Dane, had been watching us, his head bobbing back and forth as if watching a ping pong match, and seemed to really be wondering how all of this was going to play out.

Kyle flopped down on the couch with the baby and started talking to me through her, as he often did. Ah, Little Mellie Girl, I am a man without a country. Exceptin’ fer you, I am all alone here. I could see that he was admitting defeat and sitting down next to them, I moved quickly in through the opening that made.

It’ll be all right, I promise.

He looked seriously at me. "First time she calls somebody

somethin’, first time…"

I promise, I said. I will be standing by at all times with a gag.

Chapter 2

Henry Catches His Train

I cannot believe how much she looks like Kyle, she looks just exactly like him, she doesn’t look like you at all, Ann! Diesel was just saying last night, can you believe how that baby looks like Kyle and not like Ann at all? And Diesel is probably at your house right now, but he isn’t answering his phone so I don’t know.

I was with my friend and employee, Vera Cotter, in my pet shop and sometimes a conversation with her was like watching a tennis match being played by one person. Well, believe me, she may not look like me, but she is mine, because I was there, and why would he be at my house?

Kyle asked him to stop in and look at that downstairs shower, to see about fixing it before your aunt gets here.

Well, how is he getting in? I asked, still a little confused. I was actually not scheduled to work today and Melanie and I were out running our errands. I’d had no idea Kyle was going to have Diesel come over. His communication skills had a long way to go.

Oh, he said Kyle gave him the key and the code to the front door. Diesel was her boyfriend, so I figured she would know what he was doing. Mellie and I had been out running around town for about two hours and my pet store was our last stop. I was feeling uneasy, thinking about two things. I had left Henry in the house. Henry was 180 pounds and had never been totally comfortable with Diesel. Henry always tensed up around him and I could swear he tackled Diesel a little harder than he did anyone else when we played football.

Um, well, I think I’ll be getting home now, and I hurried out.

David Diesel Taylor is a plumber. He’s also a former high school football star and ex-rival of my husband, who is also a former high school football star. Diesel is one of the nicest guys I have ever met. He’s 6’6" tall, and on one memorable occasion I had walked in on him in the Sears changing rooms while he was trying on a dress.

When we got home, Diesel’s truck was in the driveway. Henry didn’t meet me at the front door like he usually did and I called out. Henry? Diesel?

I could hear Henry’s toenails clacking around on the kitchen floor and I put the baby in the playpen, just inside the parlor. Henry? I called out, walking toward the kitchen. This time, I got an answer.

Ann? Ann, geez!

Diesel? Where are you? I found Henry in the kitchen, literally standing guard in front of the basement door. The door opened a little crack and Henry lunged at it. The door slammed quickly.

Diesel? Are you in there?

Yes! I been in here all morning!

Hang on, I’ll put him out. I let Henry out the back and opened the basement door.

Diesel practically fell out on top of me. Are you all right? His face was smudged, he had cobwebs in his hair and a wild look in his eye.

Did you know you got no lights down there?

I gasped. You been stuck down there in the dark all morning? The last bulb blew last night. I held out the bag in my hand, an offering. Light bulbs for the basement.

What is that dog’s problem? I thought he liked me!

Guess again, I thought. Oh, Diesel, I’m so sorry. He didn’t do anything to you did he? I led him to a kitchen chair and helped him sit down. That would have looked comical to anyone watching, considering his size and that he was built like a grizzly bear.

"He tried to bite me in the a—I mean, the rear end. I came in, he let me in! He followed me, no problems, into the bathroom, watched me even. I went to the basement to shut off the water main. I left all my stuff in the bathroom. My phone, all my tools, my flashlight, everything, I figured yis had a light down there! He followed me to the kitchen, and when I stepped into the basement, I think he pushed me! I nearly fell down them steps, and he jumps up and slams the door on me!

I says, Hey, hey, I says! What’re ya doin’? I tried t’open the door t’get out, and he’s there, right in that crack, growlin’ at me. I’m thinkin’, geez, he’s gonna kill me if I come out that door! I couldn’t get out! I couldn’t call nobody! Then I hit the light switch, and nothin’! I’m thinkin’, geez, he’s out there, and I’m down here, in the dark!" He said all that at 90 miles an hour.

I was horrified. Henry had never done such a thing. Well, not to a friend, anyway. I’m so sorry! He must have thought it was wrong for you to come into the house when no one was here. I started to cry. I couldn’t help it. Diesel was a good friend, and Henry could have hurt him badly. He stood up, and over me, and awkwardly put his arms around me.

Hey, it’s all right, no harm done, I guess, and it’s really sort a funny. Now.

I was weeping in his arms when Kyle walked into the kitchen. Diesel let go and pushed me away as fast as was humanly possible to do without hurting me. Kyle was standing there, knitted brow, mouth hanging open. I wiped the tears from my face and said, Henry locked Diesel in the basement!

What? Clearly, what I was saying just didn’t compute.

Then I said, What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be home right now. A moment late, my usual timing, I realized how that sounded. His eyes shot to Diesel and back to me. I rolled my eyes. Oh, come on! Besides, I didn’t even know he was here, you did, and you didn’t tell me.

Diesel took issue with my attitude, because he said, What a ya mean, ‘Oh, come on’? You could have an affair with me, couldn’t ya?

As old high school rivals, Kyle and Diesel used to be enemies. But recently, they had become friends. Sort of. Diesel loved Kyle like a brother and Kyle just barely put up with him.

What’d you just say? Kyle yelled.

OPE OPE OPE! hollered Henry, from the other side of the back door.

Diesel put his hands up in a defensive gesture. I mean, not that I would! Don’t let ‘im in! He clutched the light bulbs to his chest, shot one last hunted look at Kyle, and escaped back to his former prison to change the bulbs and do whatever he had been going to do down there.

Okay, so what happened? Kyle asked me.

By the time I had finished the story he was helpless with laughter and I was trying to be mad and not laugh too. He went out the back door and I followed him. On the back porch, he grabbed Henry around his neck. Who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy?

I petted Henry too, but said, He could have hurt him! He pushed him down the steps! Kyle sat down and put his face in his hands. His shoulders were shaking like he was never going to be able to stop laughing. What are you doing here, anyway?

He wiped his eyes on his hand. Eh, Vera called me. Said you thought something was wrong here and you had rushed home. I tried to call you, no answer. So I came back to check and eat somethin’. Sorry, honest, I had no idea Henry would bother him. I meant to tell ya he was comin’, but I forgot. I never knew nothin’ was wrong ‘til she said it.

Vera, who was into crystals and candles and whatnot, was weirdly perceptive. I thought I had hidden my worry and I hadn’t said anything about what I thought. I patted my pocket. Oh. I left my phone in the van.

He said he was going to get the baby out of the play pen and we went back inside-leaving Henry in the yard, to his disappointment. I went into the spare bedroom to look for myself at the shower, wondering if Diesel’d had time to do anything at all to it before being trapped. I went into the bathroom and threw open the shower curtain.

The force of