Drunk Cooking, Healthy Cooking

By Dr. Hanzer

Drunk Cooking, Healthy Cooking is a hilarious cookbook which will take you on a culinary adventure into kitchen experimentation while intoxicated! It features some classic recipes with a twist as well as a few brand new dishes born of Dr. Hanzer's drunken escapades.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dr. Hanzer
• Release date: Feb 22, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370291526

Dr. Hanzer

Dr. Hanzer is a family man with a wife, kid and a cat. He loves cooking and drinking and especially cooking while drinking. He is not a real doctor but he plays one in his written works. If you'd like to know more about him or like his book here, or didn’t like it, or just want to tell Dr. Hanzer a joke or insult him, please feel free to get in touch at: [e-mail]

Book preview

Drunk Cooking,

Healthy Cooking

by

Dr.

Hanzer

Copyright 2017 Dr. Hanzer

Published by Dr. Hanzer at Smashwords

Smashwords Edition License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

For Katya, who puts up with my cooking and drinking

Contents

Introduction, Disclaimers and Notes

Breakfast/Brunch

Slaughtered British Scrambled Eggs

Ripped Stuffed Peppers

Sauced Egg in the Hole

Off Yer Face Eggs Benedict

Feeling No Pain Bacon, Egg and Cheese Hash

Lunch

Under the Table Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Tanked Up Light Lunch Omelet

Predicting Earthquakes Cheese and Chicken Quesadilla

Toddy Stricken BLACT (Bacon, Lettuce, Avocado, Cheese & Tomato)

Stuck like Chuck Spinach & Tuna Salad

Dinner

Irrigated Spanish Omelet

Schmammered Chicken Breast – Three Ways

Hunting Bear with a Switch Meatballs

Angeschickert Poached Salmon

Fit-Shaced Meaty Mac’n’Cheese

Appetizers/Sides

Hellafied Deviled Eggs

Merle Haggard Steamed Veggies

Bombed Guacamole

Yopparau Sweet Potato Smash

Legless Jalapeño Poppers

Bonus

Totaled Mayonnaise

Index/Glossary

About the Author

I exercise strong self-control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast. – W.C. Fields

Alcohol makes other people less tedious and food less bland. – Christopher Hitchens

Alcohol is a misunderstood vitamin. – P. G. Wodehouse

Introduction, Disclaimers and Notes

Who this Book is For

I don’t want to be some kind of kitchen totalitarian. Some people need a little hand holding when cooking something new. They’ll try it once and that’ll be it. That’s not who this book is for. It’s for those drunken kitchen experimenters. Trying to tell one of these scientists or even a professional kitchen engineer the exact measurements they should use for a dish never makes anyone happy. If someone likes a little extra garlic or jalapeño in their creations, they’re going to stick it in there. And they might feel a little resentful for the insinuation it shouldn’t have been added by someone whose only claim to fame is that they wrote whatever recipe that aspiring culinary champion happens to be reading.

This goes double for someone who’s drunk. If they have their piss artist ass settled on adding butter, extra cheese and deep-fried pickles to their taco, no one’s going to stand in their way. Nor should they. That’s my philosophy. It’s a doctrine born of decades of personal experience in drunken nourishment concoction. So I’m not going to preach to you or dictate to you about how much of something you should put in there. I’ll only give suggestions and you can use your best half in the bag judgment. Recipe for disaster? I think not. How about a recipe for awesome!

We of the drinking classes know that we usually don’t plan to do some good cooking and then plan what we’ll drink around that. We’re usually raiding the pantry and refrigerator and throwing something in the microwave or on the stove in a faded haze. It’s cool if you want to do that, but ideally, this book is for those who have only a light buzz on when they start, or who start drinking while preparing food, because drink enhances the experience of creation and devourage.

Also, I’m sorry if you were looking for some low-cal desserts or something else healthy to satiate your sweet tooth and to gorge on while drunk. I’m not really into sweets, especially when I’m drunk. I’m more of a savory food kinda guy. So this book is not for someone who’s looking for desserts.

How to Eat Real Healthy

The easiest way to eat healthily when drunk is to have only healthy food in the kitchen. Then you won’t have to worry about self-control when cooking, but you will have to when shopping. And trust me, I know this is hard. It takes a bit of practice and total zen control over your mind. No easy task. But I promise you, once you start