God's Country 3 The Legend of Carrie Camden: Lawyer Elite: God's Country, #3

By charles fisher

Carrie returns, and splits her time between the west and St. Louis. She is coming to grips with her law career, while struggling with her love for the mountains. Adult language and subject matter.

• Language: English
• Publisher: charles fisher
• Release date: Feb 16, 2017
• ISBN: 9781386320234

Book preview

God’s Country 3

The  Legend of Carrie Camden

Lawyer Elite

Barrett Trading Post

The Kansas River

October, 1832

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What the hell........... Carrie sighed as she rode up to the post. She went inside, and everybody applauded her.

She done come back! Right Hand hooted. Carrie ran over and hugged the old trapper, then Jake, then Fat. She skipped Dan, who stood there with his arms sticking out. She went over to Becky, who was at the brand new bar in her brand new building.

Carrie! Becky yelled, and ran over to give her a hug. Sit down and have some rum.

Where’s corn dog? Carrie said.

He’s in the Rockies. He wants to show Ann your claim.

Uh, I noticed a new name outside. Barrett Trading. What’s up with that?

"Pay Up or Die was already taken," Becky shrugged.

So, uh, this post isn’t Choteau’s any more?

You could say that, Becky grinned.

You buy him out?

Not exactly.

Stop ducking the question. It’s me you’re talking to.

He’s dead.

Snow Star came over and gave Carrie her silly grin.

I see. I wonder who did it. She took out her Black, cut off some twist, and stuck it in her cheek. Snow Star stuck out her hand. You chaw, too? She handed Snow Star the tobacco. Take it, she said. I got more.

So, how’s it feel to be a lawyer? Becky said.

It feels better not to be one, Carrie said. It’s too much for me. I don’t know if I can go back to that. It just grinds you into the ground. The pressure never ends.

That’s an awful lot of time and effort to  put into something just to decide you don’t want to do it.

I still want to do it, just not full time. I think you had the right idea. I may be a lawyer in the winter, and an arm rasslin’ killer in the summer. So, what did Auguste do that he met his end? You ruined all my fun.

Oh, the usual. He tried to have us killed one time too many, and I was having my period and got all cranky and killed all his men. Then Dan blew up the post with powder barrels, and the kid stuck a Black through Choteau’s head. Just another happy day in Becky’s world. So, what have you been doing?

Beating the shit out of lawyers in court, and trying to get used to saying yes, Your Honor, instead of go fuck yourself, Slick."

Yeah, I hear that. They don’t like it when you swear at the judge. That’s why I live here now, she said. Meet the judge. She took out her Black and stuck it in the bar.

I only wish that I could do that in court one time and get away with it.

Moon Cloud came out, her arms folded across her chest. She stared at Carrie without saying anything. She walked around her, eyeing her up and down. Still have stupid hair, she giggled, and ran for the back.

Excuse me, Carrie said as she put her cup down. Be right back. I have to get back in touch with my mountain girl instincts.

She went into the back and a great commotion ensued, complete with yelling, screaming, crying, crashing furniture, the sounds of pots and pans hitting the floor, and gagging noises. Carrie came back out and sat down, adjusting her new tan beaver hat.

That should fix her for a while, she said.

Moon Cloud then limped from the back, holding a cloth over her bleeding eyebrow. There was a huge expanse of her skull exposed in the front, where Carrie had cut off her hair with her Black. Becky took one look at Moon Cloud and ran for the three holer.

Noooooooo! she shrieked. No more. She looks like Bald Ass Banforth. I can’t take this. I peed myself.

You die soon, Moon Cloud hissed, pointing at Carrie. I fix you for do this to me.

I thought it looked rather nice on you, considering the size of your nose. Ever have stuffed cabbage? Carrie said curiously. I had it yesterday.

What is this you talk about? Moon Cloud said.

Food. Here, I’ll show you. She grabbed what was left of Moon Cloud’s hair and pulled her face down next to her butt. Snow Star came out to watch. Carrie ripped a tremendous cabbage fart, and Moon Cloud started to dry heave. She ran for the door. Snow Star laughed so hard she fell down. Moon Cloud came back in a few minutes later and sat down at a table in the back. Snow Star went over to her, tears of mirth streaming down her face.

What you do now, tough guy? she keened. Stupid Piegan get ass beating every time from this girl. Look at you. All beat to shit, have eye like Raccoon, bleed a lot, have bad leg, and fart in face. And have stupid hair, she giggled, scampering off to the back.

She be right, Jake sighed as he eyed Moon Cloud. You be one ugly bastard now with half yer hair shaved off. You wasn’t that hot to look at in the first place. Best shut yer mouth from now on.

Shut up, Stanton! Moon Cloud yelled. You never like me, always take sides with stupid Pawnee.

I take sides with the winner, Jake grinned. You ain’t it.

She be right, Doc, Dan called out. You is always takin’ sides with that damn dirty Injun over there what sucks Becky’s titty, and the other dummy with the braids. I ain’t never thought I’d see a mountain man be so one sided.

That’s because you ain’t never thought, period, Johnson said. You ain’t got what it takes to think.

The hell you say, Dan said. He went back to his drink, and felt a tap on his shoulder. He looked up to see Carrie. Git lost, you, he said. You ain’t even got the decency to say hello to me.

Hello, Carrie giggled, and slammed her frying pan into Dan’s forehead. His eyes crossed, and he fell over backwards onto the floor. Dummy with braids, huh? Take that, asshole.

She done it again! Johnson cackled. Stupid Danny boy don’t never learn.

Carrie bowed and raised her frying pan. Oh, I got one for you. Listen to this. A hush fell over the bar. There was a young woman named Luna, who reminded her boyfriend of tuna. He said this smells like my poochie, there's something wrong with your cootchie, please wash it, not later, but sooner.

The bar erupted into hysterics. Wait, I got one more. This for the dearly departed piece of shit Auguste Choteau. There was a young lady from France, who had to go home from  a dance. She had gas from the start and attempted to fart, but squeezed one and shit in her pants.

Jesus! Coal Oil Smith yelled. That be the funniest thing I done heard since Danny McNeil made a fryin’ pan out of wood.

Can’t top that one, Carrie said. She went back to the bar and sat down. Moon Cloud came over and glared at her. Snow Star came back out and tried not to laugh, but couldn’t help herself.

You stupid Piegan, she keened. Look at you. Get big time ass beating, hair all cut off, look like asshole. Even stupid drunk Piegan man no want you. Pawnee better than Piegan, she said. More smart, more pretty, better fighter. Piegan girl is shit. Even Pawnee dog no want Piegan girl.

You shut big mouth! Moon Cloud yelled. Pawnee girl lick horse dick. I see this, she smirked. Go out at night when think nobody see you. Even skunk run away from Pawnee because have bad smell. Pussy have maggots, too, she giggled, and ran for the back, Snow Star not far behind.

Cripes, Becky sighed. What have I done to myself. One of them is going to die.

Never, Carrie said. They love each other. Can’t you see that? I know it’s hard with all the fighting and insults, but I see this.

I don’t know, Becky said. Sometimes it just overwhelms me, you know? I have enough shit to worry about without taking on these two. You do it, she said eagerly.

No. They have to find their  own way. We all do. It’s just a game with them. Take those two and put them against a common enemy, and see what happens. There’s Barry! Carrie suddenly exclaimed. Thirteen year old blonde  Barry Barclay  ran into the bar, her braids flying, a Black in her hand. She was chasing a tow headed boy, who ran for his life.

Get back here, you cock sucker! Barry yelled. I’ll fucking kill you!

Girl after my own heart, Becky said. See what you got here? She came here from Bretton’s.

I remember her, Carrie laughed. Still tough  as ever. Maybe more.

Just what I need, Becky said. Here she comes.

Barry came over to the bar and curtsied. She ordered a rum and looked at Carrie. I remember you, she said. Sisters of the  Immaculate Concepcion. You killed my step father.

Right. I went off to law school, now I’m back. You stink, she said. What’s that about?

That fucker did this to me, Barry scowled. Wait until he goes to sleep tonight. He won’t wake up tomorrow.

Hold on there, Sport, Carrie said. Tell us what he did.

I fancied him, she shrugged. He’s not a bad looking boy, considering the trash you see around here, she said, eyeing Jake, who flexed his biceps and gave her the finger. There you go. Look at that asshole Stanton with his beard and his big arms. He thinks he’s hot shit.  There’s your ideal man.

Stick to the boy. Never mind Jake. He likes to make jokes. What did the boy do?

Nothing. It was his mother. Big fat sweaty woman with no shoes, looks like she should be pulling a plow. I told her I fancied her son, who can’t possibly be related to her giant piggy ass, and she looked at me like I was garbage. She said I needed to use toilet water to make me smell good. That was supposed to make him like me more.

Did you do this? Becky said.

Yes. I went into the three holer and took a dipper. I got two scoops of toilet water and poured it on myself. You see what happened.

Jesus, Becky squealed, covering her mouth with her hand. You got screwed. Not the way you would want to be, but screwed.

Watch it, Carrie said. This is a clear cut case of fraudulent misrepresentation.

Only in your world, lawyer girl, Becky said. You forget about mountain justice?

No. You were lied to, Carrie said to Barry. Go take a bath. You know what to do about this, don’t you?

I do, Barry said. This will never happen again. Close your windows tonight.

Uh oh, Becky said. Looks like I’m going to be short a couple of customers tomorrow.

She’ll do the right thing, Carrie said. She’s just like me, whatever that is. See you tomorrow.

That night, screams of agony washed over the post. Nobody went to investigate. The next morning, everybody came to breakfast.

Where are my sweet rolls? Becky said. And my bacon sandwiches.

Have two platters for you, Missy, the cook said. Want more? Make ass bigger.

Get lost, you bastard, Becky laughed. So, what happened to the boy and his parents last night? I need to know so I can make out their bill.

You don’t have to make out a bill, Barry said. They died. I sent them for a moonlight swim in the lake.

You know about that? Becky said.

Yup. Some big fish ate them.

Fish have braids? Snow Star said.

Shut up, Indian girl, Barry snapped.

Whoa, Carrie said. Knock it off. You guys are supposed to be friends.

We’ll be friends as long as she keeps her big Injun mouth shut, Barry said.

Not again, Becky sighed. Snow Star looked at Becky with that please let me kill her look.

Go ahead, Becky sighed. Just don’t hurt her too badly.

Snow Star came over to Barry and bumped into her hard, her face inches away from her intended victim’s.

Watch it, Sacajawea, Barry said. Don’t push your luck. You want some of me? Go dig the hole.

Snow Star shoved Barry hard in the chest and knocked her off her chair. Before Barry  could get up, Snow Star was on her. Barry found herself in a weird choke hold that defied escape. She started gagging as Snow Star ramped up the pressure.

Give up, Snow Star whispered. Or I kill you. Hit floor with hand.

Barry tapped out, and Snow Star let up on the pressure. She took out her Black and chopped off one of Barry’s braids close to the scalp.

Cripes, Becky giggled. Not more haircuts.

Look like mountain goat now, Snow Star giggled as Barry ran crying into the back.

You made her cry, Carrie said. That’s not nice.

Too bad. Next time I make her bleed, Snow Star said. I no take shit from anybody. You too, tough guy. I can get you any time I want. Day, night, no difference, she shrugged as she sheathed her Black.

Do it, Carrie shrugged. We’re going to have this fight eventually, let’s get it over with.

You want fight me? Snow Star giggled. You big dummy, like Piegan. You like ass beating?

Don’t know, Carrie shrugged. Never took one. I just give them out. Tell you what. Do you know how to arm rassle?

I know about this, Snow Star smirked. Stupid game. Push arm down. You weak girl, she said. I can tell. You soft, live in city long time. No tough like me. I fuck you over big time you do this game with me. Stanton like this game. Him  big asshole too, like you.

Jake flexed his 28 inch arms and emitted a roaring belch to the cheers of the tavern.

Husband material, Becky sighed. Him and his drunk  on their ass friends.

I heard that, Jake slurred. You be jealous because ain’t nobody been on your ass lately. Prob’ly too damn big to find the hole, he giggled.

Shit on you, Stanton, Becky laughed. You’re no carnival prize.

You want do this with me? Snow Star said. I do. You lose big time. How much gold you have?

A lot. But I don’t want your money. I will bet this, she said, and put a five pound gold ingot on the bar; Snow Star stared in disbelief.

Now you did it, Becky said. If there’s anything the kid likes better than beating the shit out of people, it’s gold.

True? Snow Star said, pointing at the ingot. This real gold?

It’s real. Sixteen  hundred dollars’ worth. You like? Carrie grinned.

Me love gold, Snow Star swooned. We do game.

Wait a minute, Carrie said. We have to see what you are willing to gamble to win my gold.

Anything you want, Snow Star said, her eyes riveted to the ingot.

Okay, I want this. She leaned over and whispered into Snow Star’s ear.

You crazy, Snow Star laughed. I do. I give you ass beating and take your gold.

Dead girl walking, Becky said, getting to her feet. Place yer bets, boys. Snow Star against Carrie. Arm rasslin’ contest.

Jesus, Right Hand said. Can’t miss  out on this ‘un. He took out his poke and threw it on the table. Two thousand on Carrie.  Guaranteed  money."

The men who had never seen Carrie bet on Snow Star. They went to a table, and Carrie explained the rules.  Snow Star looked around and beamed confidence. She rolled up her sleeve and put up her arm.

Do now, white girl, she grinned. I fix you good. You no use arm any more after this.

Carrie locked hands with Snow Star, her foot on top of that of her opponent. Becky yelled go, and Snow Star leaned into Carrie’s hand with all she had. Nothing happened as Carrie adjusted the pressure of the foot nerve block. Snow Star pushed even harder, sweat pouring off her. Carrie’s arm never wavered an inch. She continued to stare at Snow Star. To add insult to injury, she picked up her cup with her free hand and had some rum.

Are you going to start soon? Carrie said as she sipped her drink.

Snow Star looked around, panic setting in. She redoubled her efforts, pushing mightily against the immovable object in her hand.

Let me show you how it’s done, Carrie said. She pushed a little harder on the nerve block and slowly pushed Snow Star’s hand over. When it was an inch from the table, she let up. What do you think now? she grinned. With more leverage than she needed, she slammed Snow Star’s hand into the table.

Winner! Carrie yelled, throwing her hands over her head. Come with me, she said, dragging Snow Star off by her hair. Time to pay up, big mouth.

Becky! Snow Star cried. Help me!

You asked for it, you eat it, Becky shrugged. Bye bye.

Carrie dragged Snow Star into the three holer. There was screaming and yelling, then gurgling and sounds of vomiting, followed by crying. Carrie came back out and sat down at the bar.

"That