Basics of Marriage Management

By Walter E Vieira

Marriage is the one Institution that needs more management than any other. And what could be better than having the world famous Marketing guru - Walter Vieira- showing us how to make it work? Too much about marriage is taken for granted. There is little preparation for marriage (except for the celebration part) and very little -is being done to keep a marriage going successfully. Many marriages cease to be enjoyable —- they become routine, boring, monotonous. - This book is an attempt to provide guidelines for success in marriage —to make it more enjoyable and more rewarding. Written in a racy, simple style with cartoons and case studies, this will be a valuable book for those intending to get married, recently married and, for those already married. Every aspect of marriage is considered: The all-important Sexual Part; Expectations in Marriages; Why Marriages go wrong; Marital Conflicts; Living in Marriages; The Boredom of Marriage; Proximity and Marriage; Dealing with in-laws; How to Choose the Right Partner; Predicting Success in Marriage. And, most important of all — How to make this most ancient of Institutions work in the modern world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Frontier India
• Release date: Oct 7, 2016
• ISBN: 9781536505078

Book preview

Basics Of Marriage Management

Walter E. Vieira

Copyright © 2014 Walter E. Vieira

ISBN 13: 978-81930055-1-4 ISBN 10: 81-930055-1-1

All rights reserved.

Published by

Frontier India Technology

No 22, 4th Floor, MK Joshi Building, Devi Chowk, Shastri Nagar,

Dombivli West, Maharashtra, India. 421202

http://frontierindia.biz

The views expressed in this book are those of the author and not at all of the publisher. The publisher is not responsible for the views of the author and authenticity of the data, in any way whatsoever. Cataloging / listing of this book for re-sale purpose can be done, only by the authorised companies.  Cataloging /listing or sale by unauthorized distributors / bookshops /booksellers etc., is strictly prohibited and will be legally prosecuted.  All disputes are subject to Thane, Maharashtra jurisdiction only.

DEDICATION

––––––––

This book is dedicated to all those intending to marry, and those already married,

looking for a formula for that nebulous

IDEAL MARRIAGE

which seldom, if never, happens !!!

the glory is in the striving , never in the attaining

CONTENTS

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

This book is the result of reading many tomes on marriage, written by psychologists, counsellors, therapists and others; and converting all this material into simple, easy to read format. It was written over 20 years ago in the attractive Parkinson-Rustomji-Vieira style - and this is sought to be continued .

The theory is then embellished by examples from real life , so that theory is matched with practice , to the extent possible !

MARRIAGE IS HERE TO STAY

There’s no denying it. Human beings have come a long way since the days of the cave man. Men have ceased to drag their wives home by their hair (we hope) and to throw chicken bones over their shoulders. Then there are all those mind boggling scientific discoveries to think about. The juggling with physics and chemistry that has taken us to the moon not to mention other equally uninhabitable places.

Still some things don’t change. The mystery of our life cycle for example. We are born, we grow, we reach maturity. We procreate, we get old; we die. It has been this way since Adam and Eve. So too has the essence of marriage, the special institution that evolved so that the human species could grow and develop.

Mind you, there have been different types of marriages. Monogamous marriages, polygamous marriages, remarriages, open marriages, or anything else- you name it. But most of the time the spotlight has been on the figures of the married couple — one man, one woman.  Husband and wife. A mutually supportive team.  Most of us have had at some time, however reluctantly, to leave the thought of the wild pleasures of a ‘free society’ and to come down to the earthly reality of marriage.

Whether couples take their vows in a religious or a civil ceremony, their aim, by and large is to forge a life-long bond. Divorce, whether caused by social, cultural or economic problems has never exactly been welcome. Sociologists see it as a stain in the social structure. In fact, the divorce rate is often used as an indicator of social decline.

Research in the U.K. has shown that people who are divorced, actively aim to remarry, despite the unhappy experience of their previous marriage. In fact what divorce, open marriages and other life styles do, is to make us perceive marriage in a new light, and encourage us to find answers to ‘problems posed by a new environment.

Previously, marriage was regarded as a practical way to meet needs for sex, emotional support, financial support and domestic services.

It is now being increasingly accepted as a unit of love and companionship. True love has always been an essential ingredient of folk stories, ballads and novels and continues to hold the popular imagination.

Now companionship too has been added to the concept of marriage. Families which have plenty of both are the happiest. When everything else goes topsy turvy, they provide their members with a firm anchor.

As Kenneth Keniston the well-known writer says, ‘Each family is an island. and because of its protected isolation, able to function as a haven against the demands of the rest of society.’

The family provides escape from work, on  which we all feed; and makes it possible for people to return to their jobs with a renewed spirit. Unless we can devise an acceptable alternative, we have to take it that marriage is here to stay.

CHANGING EXPECTATIONS

Our parents and grandparents expected one thing from marriage. We expect another. Marriage today differs in respect of its style, its benefits and even its duration.

In the last hundred years society has seen many changes – which includes factories, congested towns ; and squalid, unhygienic conditions. People have had to move frequently from one city to another. Relationships are neither as close nor permanent the way they once used to be.

There has been a change in attitudes about women. Liberation from the household routine and their entry into the workforce has given them more economic freedom than before. It has also led to changes in man-woman relationships. Contraception has led to changes in outlook on sex. And all this has made the family more democratic than it ever was.

From Patriarchy To Democracy

In the old days the father was the head of the house and the mother took care of the household chores and the children. In return for this unselfish devotion, the children ‘honoured and obeyed’ their parents . Today, the accent is increasingly, on mutual affection, companionship and understanding. Individual capabilities are recognised and the development of each member of the family, whether father, mother or child, is considered.

Many other changes in lifestyle, including the arrival of T.V; the fast pace of life; and all the tensions of modern business, have affected people’s view of marriage.

For one thing, whereas formerly it was considered essential, marriage for many today, is a voluntary act. Fewer people enter marriage because they must or because it is expected of them. Men and women these days marry only if they feel they really want to.

They also expect more companionship and emotional satisfaction from a marriage than before. This means that people have to work harder to make their marriage work. They need to explore more alternatives and take less for granted. The modern marriage concerns the growth of two people with shared responsibilities and with the scope to move independently within the unit.

The couple then takes the path which it has chosen to meet its goal. There are no final