The Imaginary Invasion

By Ubiquitous Bubba

What happens to imaginary friends once they've been forgotten? Do they know that they're imaginary? How would they spend their time? When the Earth is invaded by extra-dimensional beings, a few imaginary friends may be humanity's only hope.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ubiquitous Bubba
• Release date: Jul 25, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311818249

Ubiquitous Bubba

Ubiquitous Bubba (if that's his real name) spends a significant amount of time surrounded by imaginary characters from bizarre universes. He's been known to hold conversations with animals, inanimate objects, and food. These discussions frequently diverge into philosophy, speculations on Reality/Unreality, and the proper role of cheese in society.  Growing up in Texas, he studied the lore of the Storyteller, the mysterious art of the tall tale, and the pervasive universal existence of Bubbas. They're everywhere. As he wandered universes, he discovered that there's always a Bubba around when you need one.  Ubiquitous is also a drummer, who has somewhat narrow and specialized musical tastes. A fan of progressive and hard rock styles, he's also known to incorporate some funk just to keep himself entertained.  Ubiquitous Bubba enjoys relaxing at home with his wife and kids. He enjoys telling stories, eating pizza, and holding the recliner down. It hasn't gotten away yet, but one can't be too careful.

Book preview

ONE

Ned loved the Department of Motor Vehicles. At least, it felt like home. In this place, no one was special. No one received preferential treatment and everyone was ignored equally. Ned really liked that.

Elsewhere, Ned was accustomed to being invisible. He hated fast food joints because they never listened to his order. In staff meetings, other people talked over him as if he wasn’t even there. No one ever laughed at his jokes, listened to his stories, or paid any attention to him at all. Except for Grendel, of course.

Ned shifted in the hard plastic chair, in a futile attempt to get comfortable. His shoes scuffed aimlessly on the dirty grey tile. A thin veil of dust hung suspended in the shafts of sunlight which violated the filthy windows. Ned’s backpack kicked and he heard a low growl. Quiet! he whispered. If I let you out, you’ll just cause trouble again.

If you don’t let me out, snapped a muffled high voice. I’ll do much worse!"

Reluctantly, Ned unzipped the bag and the head of a small black and brown dog shot up through the opening. Large eyes glared at Ned. I mean it, Ned warned. Last time, you tried to bite George’s ankle.

He had it coming! argued Grendel. His upper lip curled slightly, revealing small white teeth. I gave him a proper beg, and he didn’t deliver! There’s a system here. The dog begs and the human drops food. If the stupid human doesn’t deliver, the whole thing breaks down. Society crumbles, Anarchy prevails. Is that what you want? Anarchy? Is it? Is it?

There are a few cinnamon rolls in the break room, Ned said. See if that will restore order in the universe. Grendel launched out of the backpack with a high pitched bark and raced for the break room, toenails skidding wildly on the tile floor. Ned smiled as the little dog slid sideways through the doorway. He closed his backpack and shook his head. At least you talk to me, he said. I think you’re the only one who has for at least a decade.

It hadn’t always been that way, of course. When he was very young, he and his friend Boomer played together all the time. Boomer was his mother’s nickname for Brandon. Only she and Ned ever called him by that name. That’s funny, Ned said to himself. I haven’t thought about Boomer in years.

The DMV faded away as Ned remembered the high points of his childhood. He smiled as visions of a pair of superheros in capes made of towels raced through the trees. The image changed to show two bikes speeding along a sidewalk, desperate to avoid the bigger kids. A fog cleared, and now he rode down a grassy hill towards a pond where Boomer waited. With a scream, he leapt off, seized a rope hanging down from an old oak tree, and flew out into the middle of the pond. When he came up to the surface, the scene had shifted again.

They were at school. Ned hated these memories. This was where it started to go wrong. Slowly, over a period of a few short years, Boomer made some new friends. Ned found himself gradually sidelined.

The other kids ignored him. Ned would start to tell a joke or pull a prank, and they would act like he didn’t exist. Boomer knew, though. Ned would catch his eye, and