What You Won't Miss ... When You Leave Your Job!

By D Underhill

Heraclitus of Ephesos (c. 500 BC) “The only thing that is constant is change”

Change is indeed all around and one such change, typically resulting in significant consequences or outcomes is when leaving a job.

A collective examination of the workplace, from an everyday real-life viewpoint, this books’ focus on events, observations and statistics is the perfect backdrop for sharing and highlighting the numerous reasons for a large and growing trend of dissatisfaction in the workplace.

Satire is abundantly evident as an expressive form for lighter moments, whilst a reverential stance is adopted for the more somewhat serious elements.

This is however, not about work bashing. Productive, enjoyable working has its place in society. But arguable for everything good work has to offer, it is not without those little (and big) things we find ourselves constantly moaning about on the commute home, around the water cooler, in clandestine e-mails and texts or dominating conversations at a leavers lunch.

• Language: English
• Publisher: D Underhill
• Release date: Jul 10, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311100467

D Underhill

About D UnderhillThe alter-ego author persona of a 36 year employment veteran, D Underhill has gained valuable insights and perspectives of modern organisations from numerous vantage points, be that through the in-tray of a junior/entry level clerk, or conversations with the Chief Executive/Officer over a five year strategic plan.Bounce back from five redundancies and having held fourteen positions in six organisations, personal experience is set to use in raising the consciousness of the other wise unconscious - what really would you not miss if you left your job tomorrow?.Motivation for writing comes from a desire in sharing, in a mutually beneficial cathartic way, conversations taking place across a broad range of settings... in crowded trains, over adjacent dinner tables, in empty ‘late at night’ offices, at the leaving do, in lift shafts. All having in common a universally understood theme..... ‘Things not to miss when leaving a job’.

Book preview

WHAT YOU WON’T MISS …. WHEN YOU LEAVE YOUR JOB

FIRST EDITION

D. Underhill © 2016

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the author, nor be otherwise circulated in any form of binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the purchaser. Although this is a work of non-fiction some names have been changed by the author. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. It may not be re-sold or given away to other person. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you’d like to share it with. Thank you for respecting the work of this author.

CONTENTS

Applying for jobs

Job Interviews

Job Offer or Rejection

Internal Job Applications

Journey To Work - Commuting

The New Job

Meetings

ICT & The ICT Department

Restructures

Organisation Structures and Roles

The People

Equality & Fairness

Pay and Reward

The Cost Of Working

Learning and Development

HR Department

Performance Appraisals

The Boss

Being A Temp

The Work

The Workshy

Feeling Stuck In The Job

E-Mails

Odd Behaviour and Annoying Personal Habits

Physical and Psychological Effects

Politricks

Embarrassing Moments

Office Rituals

Work Environment

Off Sick and Medical Appointments

Promotion … or lack of

Everything Else! – The Random Stuff

Leaving The Job

MESSAGE FROM THE AUTHOR

Parkinson’s Law Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion.

Heraclitus of Ephesos (c. 500 BC). "The only thing that is constant is change

Parkinson’s Law effectively means tasks somehow become increasingly complex and daunting the more time we allocate to them.

Heraclitus, aka the ‘dark’ philosopher, so called because his writings were so difficult to understand. Picture this. A straw poll of people leaving their place of work for the final time. If they were asked to sum up their feeling in one word, would it be that much of a surprise to hear the word ‘freedom’? To my knowledge no such study has taken place. Yet. But I’d place a wager that freedom would feature in the top ten of answers. I certainly know that’s how I felt following being made redundant back in 2012 having spent 25 years with the same organisation my immediate thoughts included:

"Thank God, I no longer have to be in the presence of ____________ (the incompetent manager appointed by his Godfather’s friend) followed quickly by ‘And of course no more having to sacrifice yet another lunch hour attending yet another ‘urgent’ meeting’! The 30 minute drive home was filled with a long and curious list of things not to be missed – the truly insanely absurd, alongside those potent enough to be considered a modern day form of Chinese water torture.

Some maybe not even leaving a job but wishing they were. Contemplating but seldom discussing publicly (apart from within the safety of a protective and trusted circle) non-essentials, unimportant, ineffectual, unhelpful, comical, perplexing and embarrassing facets of their job.

Be absolutely clear though. This not about work bashing. Employment has its value. It is a means through which we derive achievement, freedom, choice, security, independence, fulfilment, belonging, status, growth, mobility, etc. Work is central to individual identity, social roles and social status. Plenty to be thankful for. It is certainly a privilege and very flattering that someone considers you possess a set of skills or experience they need to achieve their organisations aims. To be clear also, work is a wonderful place to meet life-long friends, sometimes even long lasting relationships spawn from paid employment. A boss that has your back, supporting you through all of your mistakes, personal triumphs and shortcomings – truly they are hard to find and reason alone for the antithesis to this book.

It’s just when you’re expected to carry other team members, ‘manage up’ or having to go through a restructure every six months you question the true value, purpose and benefit of work.

By the way, at work, on average you’re distracted every 11 minutes after which it takes a further 25 minutes to fully re-focus. .

I accept the subject matter being a bit unusual and many will want to pidgeon hole this in the self improvement category. Which should please me as this genre grosses around $15 billion per annum in the USA alone. But I have issue with self hep books in general. You see when last did you see any studies, which test the efficacy of self help books, CDs, guides, etc.? Or was the measure of success merely that the reader feel better about themselves as opposed to discovering and practicing the secret to happiness? You can keep all exercises, techniques, 5-step plans, daily mantras and such like elusive and magical path to enlightenment and betterment. . Just chuckle when reflecting on those bad, annoying frustrating times we’ve all experienced during employment. Like on your first day, being given the company’s 400 page employee handbook ‘To read' until someone arrives (3 days later) to induct you.

I guarantee in reading this you will form an opinion that a lot of the content has no relevance nor does it resonate with your situation or experience. That’s intentional. It was never the approach to appeal to a single group claiming employee status (be they active, seeking work or retired) because people leave, or want to leave jobs for different reasons and crucially the forward path may mean not ever having another job. So whilst the book, from cover to cover can easily be accused of being contradictory in sentences, paragraphs and chunks it presents valid observations and points of view that will accord with your situation, views and feelings at a particular moment in time or from a particular point of view. Smoking is a good example, tobacco or the e-cig type. The non-smokers will be concerned that so much ‘break time’ is allowed to take a drag. Smokers, obviously not so enamoured with the scrutiny. Just one of numerous examples where legitimately opposing views sit side by side. There is no logical start and end point. This is neither a novel nor a biography. So feel free to randomly dive in or follow the lead of any of the chapter descriptions which takes your fancy.

As a last word anyone who thinks of themselves as ‘too professional’ not to dwell on such negatives, the challenge is, on the way home from work, on that crowded train full of lawyers, solicitors and doctors I urge you to eavesdrop the conversation taking place next to you. I pretty much guarantee someone in that carriage is bitching about work. Job titles cannot and will never disguise dissatisfaction.. We, the working community – yes, you too Miss High Flyer -spend as much time moaning about work when away from it as we probably do whilst sat in front of the screen.

I have built an armoury of documented examples, personal anecdotes, observations and experiences confidantes share every day during (often clandestine) exchanges around water coolers, over the dinner table, in a text, on the journey to work, on blogs, in confessionals, etc. Without actually realising, your everyday conversation is at some point punctuated with the vagaries of work and a subconscious aggregation of ‘What you really wouldn’t miss if you left your job?’

The easy option would be to slip this piece of work under the radar and into the aforementioned self-help genre. But, may I ask, Instead this book approaches that ‘feel better factor’ by realising, however temporary, one day perhaps, you’ll not have to concoct and remember the slight ‘exaggerations of the truth’ when throwing a sickie. Nor experience the walk of shame from the manager’s office to your cubicle, after being told you were unsuccessful in interviewing for you own job.

I chuckled, frowned, sighed, regretted, reminisced, scorned and rejoiced throughout the writing of this book. Too many emotions were at play to list them all, but on reflection, I recall laughing a hell of a lot thinking of some of the truly comical experiences. Like the IT guys taking themselves and their work, way too seriously and talking in a language no-one but their nerdy peers can understand. It was so therapeutic and such a blast!

Writing it was never a chore. I’m super excited having taken it largely out of my head and into print (or the electronic equivalent) eagerly anticipating the reaction. I sincerely hope it helps you ‘think out loud’ on a subject that may be considered by some as non-conforming in not being ‘the professional way of meeting and managing career and employment challenges ’.

This is where the subtext emerges. Don’t be apologetic for opposing a view of a job being all wonderful and that you must strive to be a great success and be completely fulfilled through the conformity of badly organised and manged work. No organisation can claim perfection and being devoid of harmful irritants. If there has to be a message it is this. What tends to happen when your job immerses you in the pointless, boring, tedious, dull and predictable is you too eventually become pointless, boring, tedious, dull and predictable. Yes. You slowly but surely become your job and not the person you’re capable of being!

Adios for now.

Applying for jobs

Understandably, you’d be thinking How is applying for a job, something you won’t miss … Surely having just left a job, you’d be looking for another and expected therefore to go through the application process once more. Yes, very true. For a moment though imagine you’re one of the envied 10% or so fortunate enough to be imminently entering retirement, benefitting from a large inheritance or a jackpot lottery win. Indulge yourself in a non-work dependent world for a moment, one devoid of navigating the whole job application process. Grin, chuckle and laugh at the drudgery of what is the job search.

# When it all gets too much – usually every January – remember at least half of the workforce are thinking the same It’s time I got out of this rut. Your chances of doing exactly that are significantly reduced with 'like-minded' move hungry workers, swamping the labour pool all at once. Just saying.

# You see the greatest job ever just after the lunch break – but the submission deadline is 17.00 that very day!

# Closing dates

With the current trend toward on-line applications, many organisations will state closing dates for applications. Many though fail to provide a cut off time e.g. 12 noon, 5 pm, 23:59. So you figure in the absence of a specified time, 23:59 should be good. Right? Wrong! Of course they’re going to expect it by close of business (5 or 6 pm) never mind they won’t be doing anything with them until the start of the following working day! You only realise this upon enquiring as to why your perfect submission was not shortlisted only then to be told the application was received after the deadline!

# Having to keep looking for a new job strictly to yourself.

# Feeling ‘edgy’ when you think your current employer knows you’re interviewing for other jobs. Does she? Doesn’t she? Does she?

# Being mortified when you realise your current employer knows you’re interviewing for other jobs.

# The person creating job postings has no idea of what the job requires.

This affects you in what way? Well, it’s a waste of everyone’s time actually. Miscommunication can lead to reading far more into the job and trying to 'persuade' yourself you have what it takes. The reality is however the job is quite a match away from your skillsets ending only in disappointment all round.

# Job Descriptions with seventy five points

You’ve seen them before. Some sadistic HR professional has endorsed this knowing the level of suffering and pain this is going to cause. If you have fifty two points on a Job Description, quite frankly you should be in the running for the president of the U.S. of A.

# Incomplete processes when trying to apply for jobs. Here we mean no hyper-link to the mentioned on-line application form.

# Never ending application forms

Why do you need to complete an application form?? You’re on page 7 of 25 and you’ve only just completed your personal details. Worse is yet to come. The shortlisting criterion contains 47 points each of which you’re expected to address on one side of A4. Maybe the long application form is a deterrent or part of the assessment to see if applicants have the requisite stamina and mental fortitude.

# The seemingly enormous and anxious wait between submitting an application and being informed of the outcome – anyone top a wait of 8 months?

# Having to speak to several different people over several days to find out you haven’t been shortlisted.

# Sorry… we never received your application

Back to on-line applications here. After slaving for a couple of days writing the perfect application for the perfect job, you hear nothing four weeks after the closing date. Upon enquiring with HR you’re told the application was never received and nothing can be done about it now. Suggestion. It is always good practice to follow up with a phone call (or e-mail) to confirm the application was received. Regardless whether or not an automatic response has been issued.

# Things recruiters are looking for when hiring, but they didn’t let you know.

These are the qualities omitted from the job specification or ad board, which had you realised you might not have wasted everyone’s time or given a bit more thought to how to approach the recruitment process.

Getting Results. These types with a determination to succeed and who care about the impact of their work, rather than appearances will always be favoured. Tenacious and persistent when facing roadblocks, more so than the average person. Standing up and holding themselves accountable, scrutinizing ideas to make sure they get every ounce of a good outcome that they can.

Decency. Treating others with the respect and courtesy they’d require themselves. Someone who is not rude, arrogant or dismissive to clients or colleagues. Able to give others the benefit of the doubt, respect the opinions of others where they may differ and can handle disagreement in a civil and adult manner.

Striving to improve. A driven desire to succeed meaning constantly identifying ways their performance could be improved. People with this trait are generally open about their flaws and pretty obsessive about learning from experience so they can incorporate those lessons into practice and be as effective as possible.

Communicative. You’ll know why this one is important if you’ve ever worked with someone who never shared problems or made themselves unapproachable around work issues. When everyone operates in a transparent manner, the path to collaboration is a smooth one. Colleagues who bury and hide problems hoping no-one will notice are about as useful as a fur coat in summer. Or, worse still hold on to the belief that had you asked, I would have told you what the position was!

A sense of possibility. Start off, within reason, that anything is possible, rather than believing ‘that can’t be done’. Obviously, that can’t be done is the right answer in some instances, but you shouldn’t use that as the defacto starting position. This approach is more likely to build a team that embraces rather than avoids challenges and persists in the face of setbacks rather than throwing in the towel too easily.

‘Purple Squirrels’. Recruitment speak for the perfect, ‘star’ candidate, so unique they’ll transform the organisation infecting others with their adventurous and innovative spirit. Trouble is requirements are so great there never is one person able to know and do all that is required.

Someone exactly like them. They’ll never acknowledge it, but subconsciously they’re looking for someone similar to themselves in terms of leisure activities, experiences and social standing.

# According to a study by New College of the Humanities, employers spend on average 3 mins and 14 seconds, looking at CVs and Resumes. They also get ‘angry’ with CVs containing spelling or grammatical errors, are casual in tone and feature overused phrases such as ‘team player’ and ‘a hard worker’.

# Four is the lucky number

When there is a substantially higher than anticipated response to a vacancy, believe it or not, some recruiters’ employer the very scientific approach of taking every fourth application for further reading. So all the number ones, twos and threes are automatically consigned to the waste bin. In this instance being number 1 is definitely a disadvantage.

# Funny job advert number 726 – Do you enjoy working unsociable hours?

Job Interviews

# Manager not wanting to give time off for an interview

Jealous %&*@$! Because they’re unable to move beyond the position they’ve held for the last 18 years, you too should be denied opportunities to progress. They concoct all sorts of excuses ranging from them not being notified the mandatory 8