Overcoming Stress and Trauma: The Journey of Discoveries

By Minister Gary Tate

We can at times ask the questions such as, why did this happen or why me or perhaps where God was as this developed? This book may not be an answer to all these questions, but I believe this document may help anyone start or continue the process to recovery.
There is much that has not been written within this, and this includes many circumstances of my youth and up to Vietnam, since I am unable to recall them completely or not at all. I believe that my mind was blocking these thoughts and actions at times, because I hurt those who loved me by my reactions and decisions, as well, along with some occurrences where I fully did not understand nor relate to my surroundings and relationships due to my immaturity.

However, more yet I have learned that some things need to not be ever mentioned, but be forgotten. This can be especially true if there were negative feelings, actions or thoughts that could prevent us from moving on towards wholeness. It has been said, "Best to forgive and move on" and that is what I believe we all need to strive for. That is because otherwise, the past can continue to control and hold us. This truly has become my progression, and my goal not to let what was given to me in Vietnam is forgotten nor wasted by my lack of effort or decisions. It was my new starting place, another opportunity I had to begin again to enjoy life, one I never want to waste away.
I want to dedicate this to all those who have served or are serving our country, including their family and friends, especially those who may have a loved one who give their life for our freedom. And to those who have shared in the somewhat similar and various effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.), through abuse in any form, physically, mentally or spiritually, as well, abandonment, as I experienced this, and looking for hope to overcome it and wanting to enjoy life fully!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Minister Gary Tate
• Release date: Jul 7, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311215413

Minister Gary Tate

I am a Christian father of four grown adults; I have seen God's grace and mercy in my life. I will be happily married for 45 years this year (2016), to my wife, Anne. She is a woman of great faith and love, whom I share this life with. We overcame the statistics for marriages of Vietnam veterans, as my wife has told me. We have done this all while loving and caring for our severely and profoundly disabled daughter, which the stress alone could have added so many complications to our lives if we allowed it. We have raised four children into four grown adults. Our first born, Rebecca, has her B.A. in education and is a teacher. Our second child, Robert, works as a Supervisor for a cleaning company and was a coach with special needs children, and has a girlfriend named Natalie. Our third child, Mariel, has received her B.S.R.N., in Nursing, and was married in 2007 to Ronell. They have a son, Nadir, who turned 17 this year (2013). They have another sibling named Levi born into this world in 2010 and then Micah, conceived in 2012 and are expecting their third boy by the first week of September, 2014. Ronell and Mariel have a church now in the south suburbs of Chicago, Chicago/Dallas - Jesus Center. Finally, our youngest, Gayle, who, as I often say, "I believe I would not be the person I am today without her." I have a ministry named: Veterans Outreach/Marksman Ministry that is a sole-propriety ministry that I started in 2012. I have received my Associate degree in August of 2006 and my license as a minister, September 16, 2012 from God Carriers International Ministries.

Book preview

Overcoming Stress and`Trauma:

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The Journey of Discoveries

Original Copyright © 2011 (updated 12/2023)

Author – Gary Tate

Editor – Nicholas Tate

Facebook: Veterans Outreach/Marksman Ministry

Ministry website: http://veteransoutreach.weebly.com

DEDICATION

To those who have shared in the somewhat similar and various effects of post-traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.) received through abuse in any form be it physical, mental or spiritual. The journey from personal destruction to Hope and Wholeness is possible. You too, can enjoy life fully just as I am doing!

Editors Notes

Of the earliest and most constant lessons from my childhood was the unique importance of family. I remember regular family gatherings with cousins, aunts and uncles and those specifically significant individuals that walked their way into our lives, and through their good nature and character, were welcomed as brother or sister. Having personally suffered several seemingly endless struggles and tragedies, I feel that the uniting force behind the strength of our family has been earned through these experiences. I have immense pride at this realization, though tinged with sorrow for all of those who have come before me and struggled with me; as the pain, we all will feel in, life seems so unfair as to be immoral at times.

The next logical question, however, must be whether or not we would be capable of developing the personal qualities forged in the times of our most stressful moments, which can only be understood from the perspectives of hours, days and years. I realize that in my life, I have been blessed, perhaps unfairly, by a vast number of exceptional people, all of whom know suffering and struggle intimately. I feel that I am attracted to them for this reason, maybe as a means to help and in so doing, distance myself from my particular problems, or possibly as a means to understand my personal problems.

This idea of choosing your family and surrounding yourself with them is a thread pulled from the fabric my grandparents wove. Robert and Genevieve Tate couldn’t conceive children of their own, but instead of becoming bitter about their circumstance, they choose to adopt. My grandparents were two of the most direct and stubborn people I have ever met, but the love they conveyed to their children, and the many grandchildren who followed were incredible. They were as tough as nails in the truest sense, but from every description of growing up in the Tate household I have ever been told from my uncle, aunt and father, it was always understood that each one of us was chosen and loved. Each one of them was their child, and I am sure they were held to the highest standard, as I know each one of us, grandchildren were by our parents.

Since childhood, I have been imprinted by my parents whom my Uncle Gary and his family are among these great people. My mother was particular about this point, having married within the family, but knowing Gary before and loving him as a brother. Since her high school years, while dating my father, she quickly became attached to Gary. And I would say that she admired him for his strength, courage and his struggles as well as hers. You see, what we gain from people through sharing in their troubles and in the giving of ours, are an understanding of our own from a new perspective.

We realize we are not alone, but more significantly that we are not so notable that we can be allowed to excuse ourselves from personal connections with others based on the complications of our own lives. When I was very young, I remember being curious and probably even a bit afraid of my cousin Gayle, who has a severe mental disability. I always pitied her for her condition, but my parents would never let me off that easy. From a young age, my brothers and I spent a lot of time with our cousins, and our parents, aunts and uncles together taught us to talk to Gayle. At first, it felt silly to talk to someone whom you were sure couldn’t understand you and couldn’t speak back, but as I watched Gayle with my Uncle Gary and Aunt Anne and her sisters and brother, I quickly learned that she knew exactly what was being said to her. She spoke too. This was all amazing to me, but what was amazement at first.

Over time this blossomed into the highest admiration and respect, as it was Gary and Anne, who raised their children to know what is right in life that helped them to develop the patience and compassion to understand Gayle and to appreciate the irreplaceable imprint she has left in the lives of that family and their friends. To hear is only to listen. I personally owe a great debt to them and my family for teaching me the detriment and injustice of impulsive pity and the value of personal investment in someone’s life.

I recall my mother or father sitting with Gayle so my aunt and uncle could eat some food at the various parties. I also recall my parents not giving Gayle back to them when they were done eating. That’s the effect Gayle has on you.

My mother adored Gayle, and I know that when my mother became ill, losing a great deal of weight, one of the things she missed most at these family celebrations was not being able to sit or walk with Gayle. She simply didn’t have the strength, and she missed it a great deal, instead having to talk with her from across the room. To this day, every time we see my Uncle Gary’s family, my father says to me, If you ever doubt the existence of angels, look into her eyes, pointing to Gayle as he speaks.

I have spent many hours reading over this book, through a devotion and need to share in my uncle’s life, and I have learned of so many horrible details of what he faced through his years. Because of this, I have learned again from him, this time that we heal by sharing, by engaging and by facing. I hope that if nothing else, you take this with you after reading this book, because I believe the existence of this book stands as testimony of this very wisdom. After reading and discovering so much about a man I thought I knew, a man that was always upbeat and positive, and now to learn what a struggle that attitude came with, I know that this book could not have been written without the love and understanding of my Aunt Anne and their children.

When you look upon my Uncle Gary and Aunt Anne, no matter how exhausted they are or how busy they are, there is a light in their eyes, an energy, vivacity and enthusiasm that comes from an interest in personal investment in you.

If you ask, they will tell you about themselves briefly, but they want to