Just For Today

By Charles Henry

A real life story about family, happiness, sadness, and the passing of time. The past, present, and future all come together in one man’s struggle to live each day like there is no tomorrow.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Charles Henry
• Release date: Mar 22, 2016
• ISBN: 9781311751607

Book preview

Just For Today

By Charles Henry

Copyright 2016 Charles Henry

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to your favorite ebook retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Chapter 1

The man sat on the edge of his bed and leaned forward with his hands together and his face resting in them. He was alone in his bedroom and, in fact, he was alone in his house. His wife had stopped on her way home at the grocery store to pick up some things for the evening. He was expecting she would get home soon. It was just the man and his wife at home nowadays as none of his children lived at home any longer. They were all grown up and living outside of the house with their own families. At the moment, the house was quiet, totally quiet. No televisions were turned on and the air conditioning wasn’t running at the moment. Even the neighborhood was quiet. It seemed like he was alone in the world, but that was how the man wanted it for now. He wanted to just sit there quietly like no one else existed but him. He wanted to forget that anything else was even happening in the world, except for what he was doing at that very moment. He wanted time to freeze and just stop, leaving him there by himself on his bed with his face in his hands.

Actually, he wasn’t totally alone. His little dog was there with him, sitting right there on the floor in front of him looking up at him, wondering why his master was just sitting there quietly doing nothing. Wanting to help, but with no clue how to help. So he just sat there quietly, too. Waiting. Watching.

The man had come home at 4:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday, much earlier than normal. Most days he would still be either at his office or at a client’s office working away. It was the slowest time of the year at work, not necessarily slow relative to most other jobs, but just slower relative to the rest of his job’s work year. But even so, he would generally never be home this early on a regular work day. Most days he would be home by 5:30 or 6:00, unless there was something special going on that he needed to attend to. There had been a day when his children were younger and living at home, before marriages and grandchildren, when they were involved in baseball or football or dance or band or some other activity and he would come home early to attend or maybe even coach those events or one of the countless practices that went along with the activities. Those had been busy times, very busy times.

The man thought about them as he sat there quietly on the bed. He remembered just how busy those activities had kept things around the house. The long practices, the countless games, the late nights, the frustrations, the discussions, just everything that went along with the commitments. Work was busy back then as well, but he had done his best to juggle the work and the commitments to the other activities. It had been hard and had taken a lot out of him. It had required much energy and probably even aged him a little. But he had been determined to do it. He had come to the realization early on that some adult was going to be spending all of that time with his children and he had resolved that it would be he himself spending it, rather than someone else.

He remembered how he used to think to himself back in those days about how nice it would be when the children were older and those commitments would be long over and he would have more time on his hands to relax and maybe even pick up an old hobby like golf. Well, that day has come, he thought to himself. And I really don’t like it too much. I wish we were on the ball field right now taking ground balls or working on tackling drills. I’d even take a dance recital over this. Then he remembered something his father had told him years ago that his own father had told him when he was a young man. The man’s grandfather, whom he never met personally as he died before the man was even born, had said The best days of your life are when your children are around your knees. His father had told him about that when he was a young man. It didn’t mean much to him then, but he sure understood it now. I wish we could go back, the man thought to himself. I would go back. Just for today even.

The man was home early because he had been at a doctor’s appointment earlier in the afternoon. Actually, another doctor’s appointment. In fact, today’s appointment was just one of many that he had been to over the past several months. He had been optimistic this morning. He woke up around 6:00 as usual, after a good night’s rest, which wasn’t so usual. He woke up feeling refreshed, energetic, and overall just pretty good about his whole situation. His plan was to go to work for the morning before he headed over to the doctor for the 1:00 appointment. He had actually been feeling pretty good for the past several weeks, which was why he woke up so optimistic this morning. Although still a bit nervous and anxious, he was in some ways looking forward to today’s appointment because he was fully expecting good news.

The morning had gone good. Work had been uneventful. His coworkers that knew of his situation and of the afternoon appointment had been encouraging. He couldn’t eat or drink anything before the appointment except for water and black coffee, which was okay with him anyway. He wasn’t a big eater and his liquid diet pretty much consisted of only black coffee and water. He had arrived at his appointment early, about twenty minutes. That was the anxious part kicking in. He had learned that although he generally did get to doctor appointments early that did not translate to the nurse calling you back early. So twenty minutes after he got there, the clock struck 1:00 and he was still sitting there in the waiting room, waiting. His wife arrived and met him there, right at 1:00.

Nothing much was going to go on at today’s appointment, although blood would be taken. Other tests however had been conducted last week, so today was results day. The doctor would have results from last week and also from the blood work today. At 1:05, a middle aged woman came out and called his name. This was the nurse. He got up, along with his wife, and followed her back to the patient rooms. She asked him his date of birth and then stopped and weighed him on the way, all as usual, and then she put them in a room and went through the normal questions about why are you here, have you had anything to eat or drink, is anything new bothering you. Just all of the usual stuff. Required by law he assumed.

As the nurse finished up entering all of the answers and information into the computer, she commented that they would take some blood. He said that was fine but he reminded her that he preferred to have it done lying down, rather than sitting in a chair in the lab. There had been an incident once several years ago involving a momentary fainting spell that he did not ever want to repeat. He and needles weren’t exactly best friends. The nurse understood and said that she would send someone from the lab in. With that, she jumped up and left the room and headed out for the next patient.

Now came more waiting, the man and his wife in the room. Someone from the lab would come in next. The man and his wife sat there, mainly in silence. Waiting in a doctor’s office will do that to you. It is undoubtedly one of the most somber and melancholy atmospheres that exist in this world.

Ten minutes later the lab tech arrived, knocked, and entered the room. The tech was a young, black woman. She was carrying a basket of goodies, needles and vials and such. She asked the man to lie down on the bed and roll up his sleeve, which he did. She moved over the bed with her basket of goodies and prepared for the bloodletting. She swabbed his arm and then warned of a small prick. Then it came. She was right. It was small. He barely even felt it. A minute later and she was done. It seemed like she siphoned off about a hundred vials of blood, but in reality it was only two. The procedure reminded him of the gassing up that goes on in the pit at a NASCAR race, just in reverse. High speed suction. She put a small cotton bandage on his arm and advised him to lay there until he was sure he was okay to get up. He obeyed, but about two minutes later he decided he had waited long enough. So he heaved himself up and down off of the bed and sat back in his chair, across the room from his wife. She had been there the whole time, quiet, busying with something on her iPhone and so she hadn’t uttered a word since the tech had arrived.

Now came more waiting, The tech would take the man’s blood back to the lab and they would do that voodoo or whatever, and then the doctor would come in with those results plus the results from last week’s tests. The man was still anxious and nervous and a little bit tense, but also still optimistic. It had to be good news. It just had to be. He was due for some good news. It had been mostly bad news lately.

Twenty more mainly quiet minutes passed and then came another knock at the door followed immediately by its opening to reveal the doctor. The man thought to himself, Why do they even knock? They just walk right in anyway without waiting for a response. Courtesy maybe.

The usual pleasantries were exchanged and then the doctor came on in and sat down in his chair in front of the computer. The man hadn’t even known this doctor existed before just a few months ago, but now they were like long lost friends. They had seen a lot of each other. At this point, nothing was evident from the doctor’s words or his demeanor. The facts were coming though.

The doctor continued the chit chat but did begin reading through the reports in front of him on the computer screen. The blood work from today looked good. Counts were good. Enzymes, cholesterol, nothing unusual. This was probably the doctor’s first look at the blood work so they were all hearing this for the first time.

At about that moment, there was another knock at the door. Who was this? The man asked himself. He looked over at his wife. She shrugged as if to say she didn’t know. This knock was different. No one opened the door and came on in as normal in a doctor’s office. Apparently this person was actually waiting for a response. The man looked at the doctor as if to say What’s going on?

The doctor didn’t answer but just looked away and spoke up. Come on in.

All six eyes turned back toward the door as it opened and in walked the man’s three children, two daughters and a son. The man looked at them, then at his wife, and then back at the doctor. His children all had fake smiles on their faces but he could see the somberness and concern that was hidden beneath. He looked over at his wife and she had the same look. Nothing was said. The man’s son was last in line and shut the door behind him as he came in and they all eased over and stood in the corner beside the door.

Ok, Doctor, the man started, That blood report is all good, but let’s get to the other stuff. Everyone is here now so I’m guessing this was planned. What are you seeing from last week’s tests? I’m guessing you’ve probably already seen them anyway, so no stalling. Good or bad, I want to hear it. Let’s have the truth. Not telling me doesn’t change it.

The doctor looked at the man and then began, The test results weren’t what we were expecting or hoping for. Let’s face it, they weren’t good. I know we were all, me included, hoping for and even expecting good results and I definitely wanted to give you good news today, but I don’t have it. I just don’t have it. There’s no way to sugar coat it. The cancer has spread. There was some lessening maybe in the original site in the liver, but the tests now show traces of it in the pancreas, the left lung, and the stomach lining. Although the treatments have been some successful in shrinking the original occurrence, they have not been successful at preventing the spread. The doctor then stopped speaking and just looked back at the man.

The man looked at the doctor and then asked, Well, is that it?

The doctor continued. Well, no, actually that is not it. The tests show that the cancer at the new sites is a fast growing, rapidly spreading type. For it to show up in this many new places all at the same time all the while we were doing treatments to stop it, it has to be fast growing and rapidly spreading. There is no other explanation. We need to do some more tests and consider other treatments as soon as possible. I’m sorry.

The man looked away, up at his wife, then over at his children, then down at the floor. Then he spoke. No. Nothing more. At least not for a couple of days or so. I need to go home, forget about all of this for a bit, and act like I’m normal again for a change. I’m worn out Doctor. I’m tired. I need a break.

Everyone else had been quiet up to now, but now his oldest spoke up. But Dad, you can’t give up. You have to keep trying. Maybe the next round of treatments will work. She said this with tears in her eyes. She was the most emotional of the three. The man looked at all three of them. The other two did not speak, but he could tell they were thinking the same thing, just needing to be quiet at the moment.

He looked over at his wife. Well, what do you think?

I think a couple of days off will be okay. But only a couple of days. You heard what the doctor said. The disease is now fast spreading and fast growing. You don’t want to miss a window of opportunity with it.

He nodded and looked back at the doctor and asked. What do you think?

The doctor glanced around the room at all five of them and then back in the man. I can’t lie to you, or tell you what to do. You’re at a dangerous spot. We’ve lost this battle, but I’m not ready to give up the war. There are other options for you that we need to consider and consider quickly. But, a couple of days won’t hurt. Go home. Wake up tomorrow like nothing is wrong. Let’s make an appointment for you to come back on Friday and we’ll tackle the next phase together then. Okay?

Sounds like a plan, the man said. We’ll see you Friday. Thanks.

Don’t thank me. I actually feel like the villain in this deal. I didn’t expect us to be at this point today. But we’ll keep trying. And we’ll figure out something.

The man nodded at the doctor and then looked over at his family. Okay then, let’s go. And then he got up, shook the doctor’s hand, and herded them all out the door. On the way out they stopped at the desk and made an appointment for Friday. 10:00 in the morning. Until then he would try and forget what he was facing, forget all of the treatments and tests, forget the reality of what he, they, were facing, and just look ahead to tomorrow like nothing was going on. Friday was still three days away which meant three nights of sleep in between. That was something to look forward to. Out of the pain and misery that had come over the recent months, an amazing, incredible thing had occurred as well.

It all started eight months ago on the occasion of his first treatment. Since it was the first treatment, they had put him in a semi state of sleep or drowsiness while they inserted a permanent port into his upper chest area. While asleep he had dreamed a dream of his childhood, of a totally happy time in his life when he was young, and healthy, and full of dreams and hopes. And cancer free. His parents were still young and vibrant with long lives ahead of them. In fact, everyone he had ever loved was still alive. He had not even experienced the pain and grief of friends and family dying around you. The dream was more real than any other dream he had ever experienced. It was as if he was completely reliving the past events, as if he were there all over again, like he had gone back in time even.

The man had always been fascinated by time travel, the science he had read of it and the movies he had watched about it. He had often thought how cool it would be to go back to his childhood, not to start over and live through it all again, because of course there were parts that weren’t so pleasant, but most of those were long forgotten anyway. He just wished he could go back and experience the grandest moments again, when his parents were young and so alive, when the world was simpler, when there were no bills to pay, and when tomorrow was just another day to enjoy life as a child. Everyone always says you can never go back, and of course the man knew that was true, but just for today, actually several todays, his wish had come true and he had indeed been able to go back.

He had experienced just that while asleep during that first treatment. When he woke up, if not for his wife standing by his bedside explaining to him who she was and what was going on, he would have sworn that he had literally gone back in time and was a child at home with his parents and sister again. It had been like the best present at Christmas, the one that you thought would make the rest of your life happy because you wanted it so badly. But even better still than that dream, were the series of dreams that followed, at every treatment where he was put to sleep and on many normal nights of sleep as well. For the last eight months he had relived his childhood, teenage, and early adult years. It was glorious. It had allowed him to escape the reality of what he and his family were facing. And that was what he again looked forward to over the next three nights.

So, there he was though now, still on the side of his bed, leaning over with his head still in his hands. The facts of his situation were also still there. The facts of science don’t lie. He pulled his face up out of his hands and looked to see his little dog still there in front of him. Waiting. Watching. He reached out and patted the dog’s head and then stroked him on his front shoulder. The dog was still a relatively new addition to the family. The man had always liked dogs, but only outside dogs. He had never had an inside dog before and in fact had once vowed that they would never have an inside dog in his house. But, never say never. When his oldest daughter had gotten married several years ago, the man and his wife had both gone through a bit of mid-life, mourning crisis. It wasn’t an easy time and the crisis was unexpected. She had faced it by going out and finding a new puppy to keep her company. The man resisted at first but ended up agreeing to it. He understood how his wife felt. As it turned out now several years later, the man and the dog were best friends. They were inseparable. The dog watched him leave every morning and was there waiting every evening. He took every step the man took around the house, sometimes a little ahead, sometimes a little behind, and sometimes literally right under the man’s steps, but the dog never got out of step. The dog was even allowed to sleep in the bed with the man and his wife. The man hated to admit it, but he had been wrong. An inside dog can be a good thing. What would my mother think? The man asked himself.

Chapter 2

Eight months earlier had been a day that appeared to be just like any other normal day in the man’s life. The only thing unusual about this day was that he did have his routine, annual physical and check up with his doctor at 8:00 that morning. He hated appointments like this, doctor visits and dentist visits and he wasn’t even that fond of haircuts. He had been this way as far back as he could remember. Doctor visits meant needles and poking and prodding and other unspeakable moments. Dentist visits meant the sadistic cleaning and flossing and polishing and scraping and yanking. And haircuts? Well, he just didn’t like those too much either. They were dangerous. A person with sharp scissors and blades buzzing around his face and neck just kinda gave him the creeps. A guy could lose an ear.

But, just like all of these visits, today’s visit would come and go. He would survive and by 9:00 he would be headed to work and the rest of the day would start and indeed be totally normal. However, everything had changed at about 8:40 on this particular day. The normal tests had been performed and the doctor was in the patient room with the man looking over everything. The doctor was chatting with the man as normal as he read through the lab results from the blood tests when suddenly, he stopped talking. Mid-sentence. Silence in the room. The man noticed this and then watched as the doctor leaned closer to his computer screen and read something a bit more intently.

The doctor then said, Hmm. That’s a bit odd.

What’s that? The man asked.

Well, the usual things that we look at in your blood related to your cholesterol and PSA look normal, fine. But we also look at a couple of enzyme levels as well just out of routine. And one of those looks a bit funny. It’s higher than normal. In fact, it’s much higher than normal and much higher than yours has ever been before and even more than six months ago when you were last here.

The doctor finished this thought and was then silent while he pecked through the notes on his computer screen and continued to read. The man spoke up, Well, what does that mean? Does it have something to do with my medicines? Do we need to change them?

No, this wouldn’t have anything to do with that. I’ll have to admit that I wasn’t expecting this and really don’t see this too often. We need to look into this.

You mean I should come back in a week or so and have it checked it again?

No, the doctor answered as he now turned and looked right at the man, very intently. As in I need to send you to a specialist and have him look at these results with you. This heightened enzyme level could be something temporary but it could also be the signal of something else. We need to let a specialist think this through and find out what’s going on?

What do you mean? The man asked. By something else.

Well, I hate to speculate or guess, but generally when I see this there is something more serious going on that will need to be treated.

Something more? Like something you can treat with medicine?

No. Something more like, and I’m just being completely honest with you about this, something more like cancer. This almost always is a first sign of some kind of cancer. I’m sorry.

The man was quiet as he just let those words sink in without responding. Cancer. Maybe the single most dreaded word