Ridiculous, and the True Word

By D. N. Stearne

This book is about a family of hillbillies that live way up in the backwoods of Kentucky. They are so much so, hillbillies, that they do not even know their real names. The father calls himself Papie, and the mother calls herself Mamie. They have a little boy about ten years old, and his name is Jick. They live in a two room shack, with dirt floors. These people are growing, and producing just about everything that you can think of. They are also raising plenty of animals. They are really self-sufficient. Papie becomes the most intelligent man on the planet. He also becomes one of the richest men in the world. Some of the things that this book is about are ants, bears, gold, space aliens, mountain lions, tyrannosaurus rex eggs hatching, rides into deep space, raiding raccoons, an advanced brain enhancer machine, the air evaporation to water electron element converter machine, the science expeditions with rose, and eggy, drone worker robots that fly, invading star fighters attack the earth, first idea of an alternate fuel to replace oil & gas, Papie feeds, and then houses thousands of homeless people, Mamie comes down gravely ill, Annie, and Rose fight over Jick when he grows up, many children are born, secret super-lab downstairs, spotting the aliens before they crash, the building of the new space craft, the contents of Papies ground cellar. Papie goes to Shane McCall's Flight School. This book will take you to places that you have never even imagined that existed. Your brain will be massaged in such a way that has never been done before. I tell you, this book is hot off the tracks. You need to hurry up, and get this. Don't wait, you'll be late. Author d. n. stearne

• Language: English
• Publisher: D. N. Stearne
• Release date: Jan 18, 2016
• ISBN: 9780692624333

D. N. Stearne

I grew up in San Francisco, California. The districts that I grew up in were Double rock, near Third Street. This was close to Hunters Point District, back in the day when all the fast muscle cars would race them for the pink slip, every Friday night. I also grew up in theBay view district, which was also not far from the Hunters Point District. I visited the Point very often, which was what they used to callHunters Point. I was also raised in the Fillmore District, Ingleside, Lakeview, South Park, and a few others. I was one of the little kids,that used to stand outside of Do City on Fillmore Street, in the Fillmore District back in the day when Fillmore Slim used to get his hairlaid (processed). We used to watch the Barbarians, caravan thru the Fillmore riding six deep. Hundreds of them in the gang. Trojans,riding deep, thru the town. Hundreds of them gang bangers riding deep thru the Fillmore. This was in the day right before the FillmoreWest on Geary Street, and the Winterland Entertainment Center in the Fillmore. I come out of that day, way back when. Old School.

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RIDICULOUS, and the TRUE WORD

by D. N. Stearne

Copyright © 2008 D. N. Stearne

All rights reserved.

Distributed by Smashwords

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

ISBN: 978-0-692-56481-3

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

Acknowledgements

This here book was started around late 2003, and completed in 2006. It was turned in to the United States Copyright Offices around late 2007. The Certification of Registration for Copyright was returned to me on November 6, 2008. Then the edit of the material many, many times around. Then, proof reads many, many times around. Writers block also stopped me multiple times around the block. The passing of my brother, Curtis James Stearne, on August 17, 2012 held me up from the finishing of the book. Then I started back into it, and things were going on again.

Then the passing of my mother, Ruby Lee Jones Stearne, on February 3, 2013 held me up from the finishing of the book. Then I started back into it, and things were going on again. I finished the book on October 23, 2015. Much appreciation, and thanks to my good friend, Cameron Richards, who helped me out with technical support at the finish line, which was a very crucial time for me. I ultimately dedicate this book to my wife Rose, whom has stuck with me thru thick, and thin.

However, for over twenty years, I have been mentored by the greatest man alive today. My best friend on this Earth, whom I could always confide in, that helped me enormously with this book. Without his help, I could not have completed this book. I give thanks, and honor to the man, Dr. David Kiteley, who also supplied me the tools that I needed to complete this book. It is my hope that you really enjoy the book. It has been thirteen years in the making.

Contents

Chapter 1: Jick Finds Gold, Ants, And The Bears

Chapter 2: Papie Spots The Aliens, Before They Crash Land

Chapter 3: The Mountain Lions

Chapter 4: The Eggs Hatch

Chapter 5: The Raccoons Make A Raid

Chapter 6: Papie Goes On A Ride, Into Deep Space

Chapter 7: The Advanced Brain Enhancer Machine

Chapter 8: The Science Expedition, Rose, And Eggy Arrive

Chapter 9: The Air Evaporation To Water Electron Element Converter Machine

Chapter 10: Rakenon Debuneyars, Drone Worker Robots

Chapter 11: Invading Starfighters, Attack The Earth

Chapter 12: Papie Goes To Shane McCall’s Flight School

Chapter 13: Papie Fly’s To The Tenderland, Alone

Chapter 14: Papie Feeds, Houses, Thousands Of Homeless People

Chapter 15: First Idea Of An Alternate Fuel, To Replace Oil & Gas

Chapter 16: Mamie Comes Down Gravely Ill

Chapter 17: Rose Returns, And Everything Breaks Loose

Chapter 18: The True Word

Chapter 1

Jick Finds Gold, Ants, And The Bears.

This is a real story about a young man named Jick. This story goes all the way back to Kentucky, the blue grass country where Jick, his mother, and his father lived way back up in the mountains of Kentucky. I mean in the backwoods, far, far, far removed from all of civilization. They were about as far removed, and country as you can get. I mean country with two c’s. Jick never knew his mother, or father’s real name. He called them Mamie, and Papie. They had a small shack with two rooms, a fireplace in the larger room, which was Mamie, and Papies room. Jick’s room was the smaller one. The place that they lived at was sort of like a farm, but a little bit different. They had chickens, pigs, goats, geese, and pigeons. Also horses, cows, and an assortment of different vegetables that Papie was growing in this exotic place. So it was. Papie was growing corn, onions, tomatoes, gum trees, melons, peppers, grapes, greens, cucumbers, wheat, hay, carrots, bananas, tobacco, mango trees, olives, sugar cane, apples, plums, peaches, pumpkins, potatoes, and two bee hives where he got all the honey that he needed. Papie was growing some of everything. He seemed unlimited in what he could grow, and produce there. It was amazing to see it.

Jick’s Mamie was quite busy herself, all the time. Shucks, Mamie was growing quite an assortment of different spices that she used for seasoning food. She made all their clothes from cotton that she grew herself. How she ever found out about the medicinal use of the coca leaf, I’ll never know. However, Mamie was growing coca leaf for deadening pain. She probably found out about the properties of this strange leaf, when she had to pull one of Jick’s teeth. Jick kept on having this bad tooth ache, and Mamie thought that she could take his mind off of it by putting something in his mouth. Mamie told Jick to put a few of these leaves in his mouth. When Jick did it he said, Why Mamie, I don’t feel any more pain in my tooth. I guess that’s how she found out about the coca leaf, and its properties. She soon began to use this coca leaf for many other medicinal purposes. Shucks, Mamie had learned how to refine this here coca leaf. She had turned it into some type of liquid, in which she used to give Papie an operation, while he was awake. Papie had this big knot that popped up on his stomach, and it just kept on growing. Mamie knew it wasn’t natural, and that something had to be done. Mamie said, Papie, I’m agonna fix that for you. That very same night, Mamie gave Papie some of this here refined coca liquid, and told Papie to lie down on the table. She heated up the knife, and cut that thing off, while Papie looked at it. Shucks, Papie never felt a thing. After that, Papie was as good as new. He got on back to tending his animals, and vegetables in about two weeks. Mamie was so happy with her success, doctoring on Papie. Mamie got a bad tooth ache herself, so she used her medicine, and pulled her own tooth. That Mamie was really some kind of a woman. Meanwhile, back in the jungle, Jick was just having an extremely good life. Every day, Jick was just having a ball. He would wake up in the morning about three o’clock. Then he would get his clothes on, go feed the chickens, pigs, goats, horses, and all of the animals on the farm. Then he could go fishing, swimming, hunting, horseback riding, or whatever he felt like doing. One day while Jick was going out to fish, he found this great big yellow rock the size of a boulder. It looked like the mountain just split open, to reveal this giant yellow piece of the mountain. It looked like it just broke away from the main body of gold. The thing was covered by some bushes that had grown over it. It was a couple of tons of pure gold. But you see, they were estranged hillbillies, and didn’t know what this was. Jick just went on to fish, and didn’t pay any more attention to this humongous boulder of pure gold, for the time being. If Jick only knew how much money this thing was really worth, ya heard me.

Well now, Jick was a loner. He went everywhere alone, and did everything alone. I tell you, Jick caught a whole mess of catfish that day. But he just did not realize what he had really found yet, when he found that humongous pure gold boulder. It took Mamie, Papie, and Jick to clean all the catfish that Jick had caught. After they had dipped the fish in egg batter, and covered it with homemade corn meal. They deep fried it in some olive oil that they got from olives off of their own olive trees. Man that was some good ole fish. Mamie, Papie, and Jick tore that fish up. They ate that fish for hours. Now later on that night, Papie went to the ground cellar that he had built for storing all of his products. Papie took a jug of corn liquor, and began to drink it. Soon enough, Papie was drunk as a skunk. Mamie, and Jick had to go over to the cellar to get him. They helped him on back up to the house. Papie really had a wonderful time that night, whooping on up a storm.

The next day they all got up, and resumed their chores. Papie went to put fertilizer on all the vegetables, and plants to feed them. Then Papie went to feed the horses some hay that he had stored away. Mamie had begun to sew some clothes that she had been working on, while preparing some food at the same time for them. Jick had gone on to work on his chores, feeding the animals, and such. Mamie called Jick, and Papie to come eat vittles that she had prepared. Vittles were eggs, excellent smoked bacon, fresh picked corn on the cob with fresh churned butter, biscuits, soppin gravy, and fresh milk from one of the milk cows. They really enjoyed eating all that good food. Jick used to always eat quite a bit. His Mamie, and Papie never understood why Jick ate until it was sometimes uncontrollable. But I tell you, he had some type of pituitary glandular problem, something like that. They did not know at that time what it was, but it would surface later on in life what exactly the problem was. I tell you he had to be feeding some abnormal dysfunctional organ in his body. We will go into that later. Jick grabbed his fishing pole, and went fishing. When he went to go fish, he noticed that a little ways over to his left, about fifteen to twenty feet, there was a dead animal. He stopped to walk over to see what it was. It was a small deer. Ants had killed it, and were eating it, soldier ants on the march. Jick realized that there were just too many ants. Thousands, maybe even millions of them. He sensed that he had to get back, and warn Papie of the oncoming soldier ants on the march. Jick started running, and the soldier ants started after him. Jick ran down to the pond of water that he was going to fish in, because he was now trying to get away from the ants. As they were stalking him to kill him, Jick just jumped into the pond, and started swimming across it. Believe it or not, the ants cut down some leaves from the trees, and used them to cross the pond after Jick. The ants were hot on the tracks of Jick. He got across the pond, stood up, and started running. Jick ran about a half of a mile, then he accidently put his foot into a pothole, and broke it. However, he grabbed a large thick stick, and kept on dragging himself along, but slowly.

Jick dragged himself on home, and warned them of what was coming, the oncoming soldier ants on the march. Papie said, Jick, I’m gonna get some horses ready, because I want you to show me where you seen them there ants. Papie went on, and got the horses ready. While Papie got the horses ready, Mamie told Jick to get up on the table for some doctoring. Mamie poured some very warm water over Jick’s foot, and cleaned it. She then poured some liquid refined coca leaf on his foot, and let it soak in. Afterwards, she gave Jick some coca leaves to suck on. Soon enough, Jick didn’t feel a thing. Mamie set the bone, and braced it with some thick sticks, then tied it together with some of Papies thick rope that he had always made from the rope plants. Papie came around in front of the house, and asked Jick if he was ready to travel. Jick replied to Papie, I sho nuff is Papie, let’s go. They rode off, Jick, and Papie. They rode for miles, and finally Jick said, Over there on that mountain, is where the ants are Papie. Papie said, Let’s tie up the horses, and walk from here. They walked a ways, and Jick told Papie his foot was starting to hurt. Jick was using a thick support stick to help him walk, but the medicine was beginning to wear off, and he was hurting bad.

Jick pointed the way, and Papie walked on by himself. Papie got close enough to see the ants covering the whole mountain. So it seemed that the main body of ants were on the mountain. Papie had got a brainstorm. He thought that he better hurry up, and kill all these ants. Certainly they would reach all of his crops, and animals to destroy everything in their path. Of course, Papie was right. They would destroy everything in their path. Papie went to get Jick from where he had left him, and returned home to begin to put together his plan of attack. After Papie, and Jick had got back home, Papie told Mamie that there were millions of soldier ants on the march, and that they were headed right straight their way. Papie said, Them there ants has got to be stopped, or they’s agonna kill us for sure. Papie said, I have an idea, I want us to start removing all the corn liquor that I have stored in the ground cell. Papie had so much corn liquor, and grape wine stored in his ground cell that it was pathetic. I mean he must have had a ton of corn liquor stored in huge barrels. Probably another ton of grape wine, aged. They removed all of the corn liquor, and had it sitting in the front of the cell. The next day they loaded corn liquor onto the wagon, carried it back, and forth to the mountain all day long. They had placed the corn liquor in strategic points, all the way around the mountain at the bottom. In the evening they lit a fire a ways off, and carried the flame to the first placement of the corn liquor, and lit it. Man, you should have seen that great big flame jump. That flame jumped all the way around the mountain, it had surrounded, and engulfed those ants.

The ants began to retreat back up the mountain, running up, up, and away. They had nowhere to go. The flame was actually whipping the mountains tail, and the ants as well. You could hear the ant’s screech with some type eerie noise, as they were being burnt up. The fire burned straight up the mountain evenly, all the way around, and there was absolutely nowhere for them there ants to go. They were trapped, and the idea Papie had of killing them all was working. The operation was an absolute success. It burned for hours, and hours until there was not a sound, or another ant left. Jick picked up one of the ants, and chewed it.

Jick said, You know Papie these ants ain’t half bad, taste one of them Papie. Papie tasted one, and said, Um um good, let’s take some of them home for Mamie. Papie took off his shirt, and piled it up with ants to take them to Mamie. When they got home Papie told Mamie to taste the ants, and Mamie did. Mamie liked the ants too. Mamie said, Papie, you need to go, and get some more of these ants. A whole lot more of these good little babies. The next day Papie, and Jick returned back to where they had killed all the ants to get some more of them. They brought big sacks with them to load up. But, as they approached the site, there were many bears already eating them. Papie, and Jick had to go to the other side of the mountain to get their ants. They did not want any trouble out of the bears. There were plenty of ants to go around, millions, and millions of them. Man, these were some good ole eating ants. They filled their sacks with ants, and returned home. Mamie took them ants, and told Papie to go get some honey, from his bee hives. Papie did just that. When Papie gave Mamie the honey, Mamie soaked the ants in honey, and they ate off those ants for months. They were a very good, and wonderful nutritious snack. Now, as it was, things pretty much returned to normal around there, except for one thing. Papie had to use all of his corn liquor stocks in reserve. You know what that meant, he had to build his stock back up. Papie issued the order in the morning, we all are gonna be picking corn. The night had passed on so beautifully, with no more threats from the ants. When the morning came, Mamie cooked up some breakfast. It was corn fritters, smoked ham, eggs, potatoes, red eye gravy, fresh milk, and fresh churned butter. For desert, they had some more of them there honey ants. You know, Papie had a smoke house full of smoked meats, about twenty feet from the house. They also had a chicken house not far away from their house, where they got the eggs. The fresh milk, and freshly churned butter came from the cows. Mamie made corn bread from some of the corn meal that they had stored up, from some the corn that they had growing in the fields. Everything that they ate was fresh.

When they finished eating, they went down into the corn fields, and began to pick the corn. They picked it all day long, and afterwards they were very tired. They went back to their house, washed up, and Mamie began to cook some dinner. She cooked fried chicken, biscuits, collard greens, fried sweet potatoes, and corn pudding. Mamie also put some smoked ham shanks, and fat back in the greens, ou ou wee, that Mamie could cook.

After they ate dinner, Papie went to his storage cell in back of the house, to get some aged grape wine. He commenced to drinking it, and it began to affect him. Papie got broke off (drunk) real smooth by that aged grape wine. It was about three years old, and very, very powerful. Papie got drunk as a skunk. Mamie, and Jick had to go help Papie back to the house, to put him to bed. In the morning they got up, and ate some breakfast. It was corn fritters, eggs, smoked ham, and tomato soup.

Papie began to boil the corn in his still, located behind the house about fifty feet, and into the trees. It was hidden. Papie cooked, and bottled that corn liquor from Sun up to Sun down, for about seven weeks. Finally, I think Papie had made enough corn liquor to restock his storage cell in the ground. He had jugs, and more jugs of the stuff. He had plenty of barrels of the stuff stored up, also. Papie had stored so much of the stuff, that it wasn’t any room in the cellar to put anything else, I mean he could hardly close the door to the cell. Papie wanted to sample the stuff, so he took a swiggle off it, and it made his hair stand straight up on his head. Papie took two more swiggles, and he fell down on the ground. He got up, took one more swiggle, and he was on the ground out cold. They had to carry him back to the house, and put him in bed once again. Shucks, Jick, and Mamie were scared to touch the corn liquor. It was some kind of mean stuff, I mean tuff stuff, maybe 200 proofs. It must have been that fresh, pure cane sugar that he used in it. You know they grew their own sugar cane, as well as many other things. Not to mention the sugar content, and absolute superior quality of the corn that Papie had grown. The corn was yellow, but it had purple lines all thru it, which were the sugar content itself. It was as sweet as can be, to begin with. Well now, Papie slept pretty late the next day. When Papie got up, Mamie gave him some tomato juice that she had made that morning, to kind of help out with the way Papie was feeling. He was really hung over. Then Mamie began to cook some breakfast for Papie, and Jick. She cooked up some potatoes, blackbone gravy, scrambled eggs, smoked bacon, and corn fritters. Once Mamie got thru fixing the food, she called Papie, and Jick. They sat down to have vittles. Once they finished eating, Papie headed on down to the fields to tend to the crops. As he was walking into the fields, he saw some bears, and plenty of them. The bears were eating his corn, and sugar cane. They were going to town on that corn, and sugar cane. Just eating it up, like there was no tomorrow coming. It looked like to Papie, that these were some of the same bears that he had seen previously up on the mountain. They were eating those roasted soldier ants. Papie ran back to tell Mamie, and Jick what he had just seen. Papie told Mamie, and Jick that he was going to have to figure this one out. Papie just sat down in the front of the house the rest of the day, trying to figure out what he was going to do about these bothersome bears.

Around evening time, Papie got another idea on how to get rid of the bears. He knew that they would be back, day after day, as long as there was food. The rest might come after Papie, and his family for revenge if he killed one of them. For there were many bears down in the fields, and Papie knew he could not kill these bears. It had to be something else he could do. Mamie, and Jick were there, and Papie said, Once again, we is agonna use this here corn liquor to rid ourselves of the bears. Night time came, and it was very dark. The bears had filled up on the corn, and cane sugar, then left. Papie told Mamie, and Jick, Let’s start bringing a few bottles of corn liquor down here into the fields for the bears. They brought about ten, or twelve jugs down into the fields that night. They popped the cork on the jugs, and left them there. That next day the bears returned to eat some more, but they found the stash of corn liquor, and began to drink of it. They got very drunk, and passed out. Once they passed out, Papie snuck up on them. He saw them there on the ground passed out sleeping hard, snoring. It was not winter either. It was the hard hitting corn liquor effect. Papie said, Jick, get some rope, and let’s go get the horses. That is what they done, got the horses, some rope, and tied up the bear’s feet one at a time. After they were all tied up, Papie, and Jick began to drag them off down the road on their bottoms. As they dragged the bears off, the bear’s bottoms got all skint up. It took all the hairs, and some skin off their rear ends, from being dragged on their bottoms.

Well now, Papie, and Jick had completed the job of getting all the bears out of the fields. It was beginning to get dark, and the bears were starting to wake up. They had dragged the bears all the way on down by the water. Once all of the bears were awake, and aware. One bear said Ouu my bear butt hurts so badly. He started roaring in pain. Once he roared in pain, all the bears started roaring in pain. After that, the second bear said, Ouu my bear butt hurts so badly too. Then the third bear roared, and said, Ouu my bear butt hurts so badly too. After that, all of the bears roared in unison, and ran for the water. Once they reached the water, all of the bears sat their rear ends down to get cooled off. They sat there for quite some time. Soon they became somewhat relieved, then they got up, and headed on out of the territory. So it seemed that the bears were out of the way, and the problem solved.

Well now, Papie, and Jick started heading for home. When they got home, they told Mamie what had happened. She was happy that the bears were gone, and the problem solved. They sat down, and had some vittles. They ate some ham, fried corn fritters, with a tomato, and lettuce salad. They also enjoyed a very tart lemon juice drink. They retired after that, and slept comfortably through the night. I think that once you have eaten Mamie’s vittles, you kind of get hooked. Anticipation was high for more vittles. Everybody could not hardly stop thinking about anything else, once you have indulged.

Chapter 2

Papie Spots The Aliens, Before They Crash Land.

That next morning they woke up, and ate their breakfast, then began their chores. As Papie was getting a horse ready to ride, he was saddling up the horse. Just so happens that he was the most, high strung horse that they had. He was very high spirited, and ready to go. Anyway, the horse reared up, and accidently stomped on Papies foot. He yelled, loud! Papie made his way back on into the house, and he started calling Mamie. He didn’t know if the foot was broken or not. All he knew to do, was to call Mamie, and get some doctoring done. Mamie came to Papie very quickly, when she heard him yelling. She asked Papie, what was wrong, and what happened. Papie said, That big horse stomped on my foot accidently. Mamie went to work, and examined Papies foot. She took his foot into her hands, to see if it was broken. Fortunately for Papie, his foot was not broken. Mamie put some medicine on Papies foot, then wrapped it up very good. Next, she elevated Papies foot, and he rested. Papie was well in a few days, it was just a little swoll.

One night Papie was out in front of the house, just relaxing, and a strange object shot across the sky with multiple colors on it. He wiped his eyes. The strange object shot through the sky again. Papie just started laughing very hard. Mamie, and Jick came out front to see what he was laughing so hard about. They asked him, and he said that there were some strange lights going through the air. They thought he was just mistaken, ok. Mamie looked up, that same strange object shot across the sky again, and they all saw it. All of a sudden, the thing that they thought Papie was laughing about, soon became a very serious issue, and one to be addressed.

Mamie said, "What in the world could