Hysterically Historical: March I

By Daniel Paul Davis

Researched + documented history with a generous ladeling of mockery sauce to help choke down those annoyingly dry details. This is the sort of thing a high school teacher could shove at a clutch of students and get away with (since this project is a G-rated operation.) Easy-to-read, discete incidents in world history make it the ideal bathroom book . . . especially if you piss yourself laughing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daniel Paul Davis
• Release date: Aug 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311472304

Daniel Paul Davis

2 earned degrees + 3 teaching credentials (I won't call those "earned") = knowing more than I should about a sizeable clutch of useless stuff. However, after 25 years in education, I know 2 things about education: 1) How to teach. 2) No principal wants me to actually teach. Bonus 3) They want students indoctrinated. Thus, I write. "Do you have a degree in ___________?" Nope. I have 2 degrees in English, which means I know 2 things: 1) How to read. 2) How to research. Bonus 3) I remember what I read (why do you think I majored in English?!) Thus, the work I have here presented: researching the history was not that difficult, nor was winnowing out the frou-frou. Especially easy is seeing what is frou-frou. Gossip: Married; 3 daughters, all adult; 1 grandchild; 1 worthless, illegal alien, lying ex-son-in-law; empty bank account; full belly. If I ever have a full bank account, I plan to fast.

Book preview

Hysterically Historical

March

Table of Contents

March 1

In Denmark, spring begins on March 1 [Not caring what the sun says about it]

In Australia, autumn begins on March 1 [Okay then, three weeks early for everyone]

Meteorological spring in the Northern Hemisphere also begins on March 1 [Made it official, eh?]

Meteorological autumn in the Southern Hemisphere also begins on March 1 [It’s a conspiracy!]

March 1 is considered to be the beginning of the Roman 'work year' [This is seen in the numerical Latin names of later months: September was the 7th (not 9th) month; this was 1st but March doesn’t mean the soldiers’ work; it’s named after their favorite god, Mars.]

Roman Empire’s New Year’s Day [The sacred fire of Rome’s Vestal Virgins is renewed]

Feriae Marti in honor of Mars [Or March in this case]

Matronalia in honor of Juno [The woman always has to get in there and clean up his cave]

Saint David's Day (National Holiday of Wales) [One has the first name of David or the last name of Davis or Davies—it’s a rule]

Self-Injury Awareness Day [That is, be aware of not doing it (careful with that axe, Eugene)]

World Civil Defense Day [Commemorates the 1972 International Civil Defense Organization—defense from natural and man-made disasters (Irwin Allen points the way)]

Iceland’s Beer Day [The day in 1989 when beer is allowed again (and Olaf is aloud again)]

Labour day in Western Australia [It is about 9 months after Father’s Day . . .]

Korea’s Independence Movement Day [Do your dance (that’s enough independent movement)]

Independence Day in Bosnia and Herzegovina [See 1992]

March 1, 86 BC

Lucius Cornelius Sulla and his Roman Republic army enter Athens. [They proceed to remove the tyrant Aristion and his supporting Mithridates VI of Pontus’ troops. He only ordered that 80,000 Romans be executed. He be rollin’ they be hatin’. Rome does not forgive but avenge. My way or the highway takes on Roman meaning when Rome lines the highway with crucifictions.]

March 1, 286

(Others say April 1) Roman Emperor Diocletian promotes Maximian to the rank of Caesar. [Until 305. He ruled but spent most of his time wiping out the Alamannic (German) peoples. He’s said to be the military brawn to Diocletian’s brain: the original master/blaster.]

March 1, 293

Roman Emperors Diocletian and Maximian appoint Constantius Chlorus and Galerius as Caesars, thus beginning the Tetrarchy. [The buck stops here and there and there and here. Constantius Chlorus defeats Allectus’ attempt to usurp power, then hands it to his son, Constantine the Great. Galerius is possibly promoted May 21 instead, but is over the Eastern Empire and doesn’t return here where the action is, so it doesn’t matter. He also lives to 305, validating his decision to stay out of the way of everyone else’s power grabbing.]

March 1, 317

Roman Emperor Constantine I makes his sons Crispus and Constantine II Caesars along with Licinius iunior, son of Emperor Licinius. [Romans like doing these things on the 1st of the year, huh? Maybe it gets the blessing of Ol’ Mars when they do it that way. Constantine II is ~month old here. Constantine I becomes a grandfather, but we’ve no idea what happens to the kid. Dynasty? What dynasty? Crispus is very successful militarily (oh, that dynasty!)]

March 1, 1445

Painter (Ales)Sandro (di Mariano di Vanni Filipepi) Botticelli is born in Florence, Italy (d. 05/17/1510.) [Painted the famous Birth of Venus, starring Amerigo Vespucci’s sister. Like much of Florence, Botticelli had come under the sway of Savonarola and his art had transformed from the decorative to the deeply devout (The Mystical Nativity) despite all the pagan deities. He keeps the pagan deities so he’ll be popular in 600 years with all the neopagans, too.]

March 1, 1457

The Unitas Fratrum (United Brethren) is established in Kunvald on the Bohemian-Moravian border. [And becomes the Moravian Church. It’s the 2nd oldest Protestant denomination, arriving 60 years before Martin Luther nails his 95 accusations against the Roman Catholic Church to Wittenburg Cathedral’s door. Motto: Our Lamb has conquered, let us follow Him. According to that motto, they can’t lose, no matter what battles Roman Catholics win. Positive attitude.]

March 1, 1492

Vasco de Gama lands @ the Horn of Africa (Mozambique) on his way to India. [He does 2 things: verify that this is a very good port for Portuguese ships to use on the way to India, and antagonize the Sultan with his cheap trinkets. Rebuffed for bringing ghetto to Africa, Vasco de Gama does the only reasonable thing: he opens fire on the town with ship cannons. Did I mention the useful port?]

March 1, 1562

(See May 6, 1576) French Roman Catholics massacre 1,000+ Huguenots in Wassy, France. [Thus begins the French Wars of Religion. See February 27, 1594 for how long they must wait. Catherine de Medici had supported religious toleration with the Edict of Saint-Germain (1562), which allowed the Huguenots to worship publicly outside of towns and privately in towns. Today, a Guise-led faction attacks a Huguenot service at Wassy-sur-Blaise in Champagne: massacre of the innocents worshiping there. Edict revoked. +200 years and no one feels any pity for the Roman Catholics, either.]

March 1, 1565

Portuguese colonists begin building São Sebastião do Rio de Janeiro. [City’s name shortens to Rio de Janeiro and becomes the 2nd-largest metropolis in Brazil, 3rd-largest in South America (~1,760 miles² and 12,387,000 people.) Of course, all that is immaterial compared to how many movies have been named after and/or located here. Influence or license?]

March 1, 1628

England’s Charles I’s ship tax is due. [To raise money so he can do what he wants as sovereign monarch, he decrees a ship tax on every town in every county in England . . . whether or not they’re a seaport town. This is one of many reasons why he’s so unpopular that he’s removed and executed 145 years before No taxation without representation.]

March 1, 1633

Samuel de Champlain returns as commander of New France on behalf of Cardinal Richelieu. [The Scottish Kirke Brothers were bluffed about Champlain’s Quebec supplies, noticed the re-supply, learned the truth, and took over. Then France sends reinforcements. This is why les Quebeçois speak incomprehensible French instead of incomprehensible Scottish.]

March 1, 1642

Georgeana, MA is the 1st city in the U.S./British colonies incorporating. [Even tho Kittery is older. It’s in the extreme northeast pocket of the state, so it ends up becoming York, ME. York County has the highest real-estate values in Maine and the City of York has the highest property values. The folks killed in the Indian Wars would be comforted to know they died for something, at least.]

March 1, 1665

Samuel Pepys writes in his diary, Mr. Hooke read a second very curious lecture about the late Comett; among other things proving very probably that this is the very same Comett that appeared before in the year 1618, and that in such a time probably it will appear again. [This would be astronomer Edmund Halley’s opinion, tho a different comet. Meanwhile, we learn that a comet appeared to warn London about the coming bubonic plague. Thanks, God.]

March 1, 1692

The Salem witch trials began in Salem Village, Massachusetts Bay Colony. [Martha Corey, Dorothy Good, Rebecca Nurse, and Rachel Clinton are the 1st charged. Whether a vindictive brat or hallucinogenic ergot isn’t known. Later, application of scientific principles changes how we apply the morality of protecting life and property, but the morality itself never changed. Oh, and civil trials now say silly things like, Prove it.]

March 1, 1700

Sweden introduces its own Swedish calendar. [Attempting to reform the Gregorian calendar, they revert to Julian 03/01/1712, then introduce the Gregorian Calendar 03/01/1753. But really, no one likes the compromiser nor the vacillator. No wonder Russia won.]

March 1, 1781

The Continental Congress adopts the Articles of Confederation since Maryland ratified them. [4½ years after they’re created (11/15/1777.) They’re in time for the treaty-approving and signing to end the Revolutionary War, but how is it conducted and enforced for all states? Ah well, folks don’t act like we have a Constitution now, either.]

March 1, 1790

The U.S. Congress authorizes the 1st U.S. census. [It says so in the Constitution. You must be counted because you must be represented, whether or not you want to actually vote. So suck it up and answer the questions, already.]

March 1, 1803

Ohio is admitted to the Union. [#17 in a series. Since Congress never actually puts forward the bill accepting Ohio (President Jefferson merely signs off on it), Congress must fix that. August 7, 1953 Ohio is formally admitted, with this date as the official date. Okay, then. So if my mom was born in Ohio, then I’m a 2nd generation illegal alien?]

March 1, 1805

The U.S. Senate ends Justice Samuel Chase’s impeachment trial with acquittal. [6 articles of impeachment initially, 2 added later, all because of political bias (as if some folks have none?) The politically-biased are always obsessed with the chase.]

March 1, 1810

Composer and pianist Frédéric François Chopin is born in the Duchy of Warsaw, Poland (d. 10/17/1849.) [To Nicolas Chopin of Lorraine, France, who considers himself Polish in spite of what his mom and dad say. F.F. Chopin has a 10 year relationship with Amantine Lucile Aurore Dupin (George Sand.) Chopin’s instructions for burial: As this earth will suffocate me, I implore you to have my body opened so that I will not be buried alive. I.e., be sure I’m dead, even if you must kill me yourself.]

March 1, 1811

Egyptian ruler Mohammed Ali massacres the Mameluke dynasty leaders. [Mameluke = slave soldier, a caste acquiring considerable power. Mohammed Ali = founder of modern Egypt (much like Ataturk for Turkey.) Massacre = Moslem killing other Moslems on purpose (as opposed to what the original Mohammed promised us.) Apparently, we’re not allowed to disagree with a Moslem, even if we’re Moslem. Who knew?]

March 1, 1815

Napoleon returns to France from his banishment on Elba. [Next stop, St. Helena.]

In the 1st U.S. obscenity trial, Pennsylvanian Jesse Sharpless is convicted of exhibiting a certain lewd, wicked, scandalous, infamous and obscene painting, representing a man in an obscene, impudent and indecent posture with a woman in his own house. [Own house is irrelevant because the 14th Amendment doesn’t exist yet. He (and customers) are convicted on confession. Quelle domage: the painting itself isn’t identified in court proceedings (did jurors get a look?]

March 1, 1821

Thomas L. Jennings receives his patent for his dry scouring (dry cleaning) of clothes in New York, NY. [Controversy: The master is the owner of the fruits of the labor of the slave both manual and intellectual (1793 U.S. patent law.) But Mr. Jennings is a free man, so he owns his intellectual fruit, too. He is the 1st darker-skinned American to be given a patent. How much controversy? Congress must pass a law 40 years later including slaves in patent rights (for another 4 years.) I saw Larry Fine scouring pants, but it wasn’t dry, so he ruined them.]

March 1, 1845

President Tyler signs the congressional resolution offering the Republic of Texas terms of annexation. [Texas accepts December 29. 2 days later, Tyler signs the legislation admitting Florida into the Union, which is why Florida is the 27th state and Texas is 28th. See March 3, 1845. On the other hand, Jackson’s so happy he tells people to leave Tyler alone, now.]

March 1, 1854

German psychologist Friedrich Eduard Beneke disappears (b. 02/17/1798.) [2 years later, his remains are found in a canal near Charlottenburg. He’s suspected of suiciding in a fit of mental depression . . . which would be ironic for a psychologist; that, or a disgruntled patient (didn’t accept your insanity plea, eh?)]

March 1, 1862

Prussia formally recognizes the Kingdom of Italy. [I.e., you’re no threat. + 80 years: you’re no ally, either. Sheesh, guys, get your act together; Ethiopia’s nothing to boast about.]

March 1, 1864

Louis Arthur Ducos du Hauron patents a machine for taking and projecting motion pictures. [His machine’s never built. This is one of the reasons the patent office wants a working prototype. He also develops red and blue lenses to achieve a 3-D effect. Some few of his color photographs also remain, but his name is obscure for a reason. Next time, build that thing before patenting.]

March 1, 1867

Nebraska joins the Union. [#37 in a series.) Lancaster, Nebraska is renamed Lincoln to be state capital (better naming it after a U.S. President than after a U.K. monarch.) Territorial governor J. Sterling Morton starts Arbor Day in Nebraska City (that is so last month!)]

March 1, 1869

Postage stamps are 1st issued with scenes. [Now they don’t put any number on the thing at all, only this silly word, forever. But it’s not like that forever; the leaves fall off.]

Congress votes $50,000 19th century dollars to deepen approaches to Pearl Harbor in Hawaii. [It’s simple, ya see? After we pay to improve the place, we can claim an ownership of the place via our improvements. Never mind whether or not Hawaiians want us being able to visit; we’ll give ‘em trinkets (we’ll even buy their pineapple.)]

March 1, 1872

Yellowstone National Park becomes the world's 1st national park. [The people who first see the place are awed. Some who visit the Western U.S. are still awed, if only by the huge wide open spaces of nothing, no one. President Roosevelt (Mt. Rushmore) does well enough, but President Grant ($50 bill) is responsible for this deed (but don’t go visit and take it for Granted.)]

March 1, 1873

E. Remington and Sons of Ilion, NY, begin manufacturing the 1st practical typewriter. [Practical = keys don’t stick. We are virtually stuck with QWERTY because that arrangement adequately separates the commonly-used keys with the infrequently-used keys so that one can type 80 wpm without stopping to unjam the system. Folks 140 years later are calling for better. Better exists; the real problem is re-learning a new keyboard (and The Secretary is on now.)]

March 1, 1879

The Honolulu Library and Reading Room Association is established and organized. [They’re not a library but a group tasked to Establish and maintain in some convenient location in Honolulu, a public library and reading room; and: Second, to provide such other means for mental, social, and artistic culture. King Kalakaua, Queen Kapiolani, Queen Emma, Princess Bernice Pauahi Bishop, Sanford B. Dole, and James Campbell attend. They have a royal charter June 24; the books come later. Is this why Hawaiians are smarter than we are?]

March 1, 1890

Literary Digest is 1st available. [In the 20th century, its subscriptions = 1,000,000+, but by 1938, it folds after an unfortunate merger. Time magazine (of all periodicals) buys its subscriber list. It’s too smart for the 20th century (but then, so is the 20th century.)]

March 1, 1896

At the Battle of Adowa, an Ethiopian army defeats outnumbered Italian troops. [The 1st Italo-Abyssinian War ends (but they don’t forget.) Italy would prefer the loss of 2,000 or 3,000 men to a dishonorable retreat. Dishonorable = loss to darker-skinned soldiers? Be careful what you ask for. The commanding officer knew exactly what to do so he was overruled, of course.]

Henri Becquerel, Marie Skłodowska-Curie, and Pierre Curie work together to discover radioactivity. [Thus, all 3 win the 1903 Nobel Prize in physics. Fascinating is how little this discovered thing is understood. Oh, the health claims on that one! (If I’m emitting alpha particles, can I be said to be generous?) (No, but it means you can spell.)]

March 1, 1904

U.S. bandleader and commissioned Captain Glenn Miller is born in Clarinda, IA (died or missing in action 12/15/1944.) [Serving in the Air Force, conducting the Air Force band, he’s on his way to Paris to entertain the troops who had recently liberated the city when a stray Nazi plane shoots his down. Or was it a stray Nazi plane? Was he shot down? Storm? No body ever recovered.]

March 1, 1907

The Salvation Army opens an anti-suicide bureau in New York, NY. [Which is groundbreaking to even think about the issue. This is merely 1 of (very) many things the Salvation Army does in New York that year (coal distributed to the poor? Who says they should be warm?)]

March 1, 1912

Captain Albert Berry 1st parachute jumps from a moving airplane. [Either him or Grant Morton, who late last year jumped from a Wright Flyer Model B. Berry picks a Benoit pusher biplane @ 1,500’. Then there’s Joseph Kittinger setting the bar @ 102,800’ (see August 16, 1960), only to later counsel Felix Baumgartner on his jump from 128,100’ (see October 15, 2012.) Captain Berry merely proves that if your chute opens, then gravity doesn’t kill you.]

March 1, 1914

The Republic of China joins the Universal Postal Union. [Established October 9, 1874 in Bern, the UPU is now a UN facility (official language: French; will talk to you in English si vous insistez.) The purpose is cohering postal rates and policies (and keep employees from robbing letters?)]

Writer Ralph Waldo Ellison is born in Oklahoma, OK (d. 04/16/1994.) [He’s named after Ralph Waldo Emerson. He writes The Invisible Man, meets Richard Wright (yea!), and the Communist Party (?!) On the other hand, they actively work to treat him as an equal (unlike other clubs.) This should have shamed us into correcting our mistakes (what is this shame you speak of?)]

March 1, 1917

The U.S. government publishes the Zimmermann Telegram. [P.R. before entering WWI. Both credulity & incredulity result. Germans and Irish think it’s a British hoax, so Mr. Zimmerman gives a March 29 speech about it all being more than true. Germany spending this month meanwhile on unrestricted submarine warfare only helps convince Americans Germany = evil (German toast becomes French toast.) 20 months later, the Germans are toast.]

March 1, 1918

German submarine U-19 sinks HMS Calgarian off Rathlin Island. [49 dead. The initial hit’s contained, so the boat comes around to hit it again . . . with 4 torpedoes. Those other ships around it are no use, whatsoever. They probably would’ve given it more cover if it were an Australian city instead of a Canadian city no one can even find on a map.]

March 1, 1919

Korea’s March 1st Movement begins. [Early agitation for independence of Korea, held during Japanese rule. A.k.a., Manse Demonstrations. The Japanese panic, bring in the military; they freely used their typical non-Geneva Convention brutality. Later, shared Communist enemies makes these 2 enemies into friends (Michael Jackson’s popular there because he sang Leave Me Alone.]

March 1, 1923

Greece shifts from Julian to Gregorian calendars. [See December 26, 1925: when Turkey jumps, at least they do it on the new calendar’s 1st day of the year. March is the Julian 1st day. Someone isn’t reading his text books (the history of calendars is all Greek to me.)]

March 1, 1924

The Nixon Nitration Works explodes. [An explosion in the building used for processing ammonium nitrate goes up, thus touching off fires in surrounding buildings containing other flammable materials. 20 dead; 40 buildings destroyed; Nixon, NJ demolished. 1 mile², all burning . . . then the winds shift towards the artillery shells. Eggs in 1 basket? Efficient!]

March 1, 1932

22-month-old Charles Lindbergh, Jr. (son of Charles and Anne Lindbergh) is kidnapped. [The poor kid’s found dead in May. See February 13, 1935. As noted in both versions of Ransom, the safe thing for the kidnapper to do is to collect the ransom, then kill the witness (hostage.) Oh, and not being caught is also safe. Richard Bruno Hauptmann sees April 3, 1936. Telling a kid it’s time for his nap takes on a whole new meaning.]

March 1, 1936

Hoover Dam’s completed. [Project begun by Republican President Hoover, concluded by Democrat Roosevelt, who changed the name to Boulder Dam (the location.) Seeing the bias, others later change it back to Hoover Dam because it vacuums up all the water.]

March 1, 1937

Myron C. Taylor and John L. Lewis announce that U.S. Steel has acknowledged (accepted?) the Association of Iron, Tin, and Steel Workers of North America and raised workers’ wages to $5 a day. [To compete with Henry Ford? See March 15, 1934. Lamont also sees how the efforts to unionize had stopped GM completely; no one wants to steel that.]

March 1, 1941

Bulgaria signs the Tripartite Pact. [Thus, it joins the soon-to-lose Axis powers. A quaint Japanese propaganda poster shows children dancing (parading?) with member flags . . . kids carrying swastikas proudly is a tad creepy, now. What did it mean for them then? Future happiness? Thru war? It’s not like accidentally burning the toast.]

FM Radio begins in Nashville, TN when station W47NV begins operating. [It goes 10 years. The National Life and Accident Insurance Company dislikes owning an FM station (they realize (almost) no one owns an FM radio.) They give this back to the FCC, keeping their WSM-TV (WSMV) station. Some time later, 1st doing market research becomes a rule.]

March 1, 1943

The Battle of Bismarck Sea begins. [The U.S. and Australian air forces attack a Japanese troop convoy. The Japanese lose very many soldiers in this one, all the way to March 3. Putting all your eggs in 1 basket again, I see. Tell me again where your general trained.]

March 1, 1944

The Who's singer Roger Harry Daltrey is born in London, England. [Thanks to losing a kidney in 1937, mom Irene isn’t supposed to have any children at all. Instead, she goes into labor . . . during an air raid. If this sounds like the opening to Tommy, that wouldn’t be a coincidence. He currently supports Countryside Alliance, the Labour Party, and the Queen (realizing the new boss is the same as the old boss, he figures he might as well back the old boss.)]

March 1, 1947

The International Monetary Fund begins operating. [It works like an ATM, right?]

Communist Chinese Premier Soong Tse-ven/Soong Tzu-wen resigns. [Power vacuum created (like Lenin’s death), the one the vacuum sucks in is a Mao Tse Tung. He proceeds to act like a Stalin, too. On the other hand, Mr. Soong dies 04/26/1971 at 76 years old, not assassinated by Mao. Punchline: 1 of his 3 brothers-in-law is Chiang Kai-shek (did he ever call sis?)]

March 1, 1949

Indonesia seizes Yogyakarta from the Dutch. [Not the same as Jakarta. The Republican troops (independence agitators) hold the city 6 hours before Dutch Reformed Reinforcements appear. This engenders so much condemnation that the U.S. almost cancels ALL aid. Churches, NGO’s, even our own Republican Party all favor Indonesian independence (so they get it, of course.) Let it go, Will, Let it go.]

Joe Louis says he’s retiring from boxing as world heavyweight boxing champion. [If you quit at the top, they might let you enjoy the view a bit longer, take pictures. Of course, he has the title 140 consecutive months, for 27 bouts defending his title: he’s earned the rest of his rest.]

March 1, 1950

Klaus Emil Julius Fuchs is convicted of giving the U.S.S.R. U.S. atomic secrets. [He believes they have a right to know what England and the U.S. know . . . about nuclear stuff. After he’s released, he moves to the GDR, marries, researches, and dies there. Some retirement package.]

March 1, 1953

Joseph Stalin collapses. [All that vodka and he gets the expected stroke. He was up all night drinking and Partying (ha ha ha) and talking, comes home, goes to bed, doesn’t get up: his right side is paralyzed. And he’d just worked up a purge, pogrom, and persecution of all Jews in Russia, beginning with the doctors, too. More than coincidence?]

March 1, 1954

Our U.S. government tells us it ran a hydrogen bomb test on the Pacific Ocean’s Bikini Atoll. [And it is THAT which the bikini is named after. Unfortunately, tho the hydrogen (fusion) bomb explodes with 100x more power than the atomic (fission) bomb tested there in 1946, no islanders are evacuated this time. ~300 people play guinea pig on radiation exposure. Within 1 second, it forms a fireball 4.5 miles diameter. Because of a theoretical misunderstanding of what lithium does in these things, the actual explosion is 2.5 times what scientists expect. Oops. Sorry. But now we know. Thanks for helping science (signed Castle Bravo.)]

4 Puerto Rican nationalists open fire from the U.S. House of Representatives’ Ladies Gallery. [5 U.S. congressmen wounded. 4 Puerto Ricans arrested, convicted, + jailed for 70 years (i.e., life.) See 1971.]

Actor, director, + producer Ronald William Howard is born in Duncan, OK. [It takes quite the talent to compellingly tell a tale everyone knows the end to. He wants to be a director, but no one trusts him with the job, so he does the only logical thing: trading his fame with Roger Corman for help with the gig. It works (Grand Theft Auto.)]

March 1, 1956

The International Air Transport Association finalizes a draft of the Radiotelephony spelling alphabet for the International Civil Aviation Organization. [A.k.a. the NATO phonetic alphabet: AALPHA BBRAVO CCHARLIE DDELTA EECHO FFOXTROT GGOLF HHOTEL IINDIA JJULIET KKILO LLIMA MMIKE NNOVEMBER OOSCAR PPAPA QQUEBEC RROMEO SSIERRA TTANGO UUNIFORM VVICTOR WWHISKY XXRAY YYANKEE ZZULU. The Viet Cong were the VC or Victor Charlie or Charlie, the guy who don’t surf.]

March 1, 1957

Chuck Berry releases his School Days on Chess Records. [Covered by many, from Neil Young to The Simpsons, it includes the oft-repeated line, Hail, hail, rock and roll! (so he’s technically saluting sex?]

March 1, 1961

President Kennedy establishes the Peace Corps. [With a current budget of $374,250,000, it’s probably the most effective government program we have. Do this instead of the military? (Less risk--maybe--with fewer retirement perks and much less guilt. Choose wisely.]

Uganda becomes self-governing, holds its 1st elections. [Benedicto Kiwanuka of the Democratic Party wins and administers . . . for a while, anyway. Next year, independence and new elections, so brush up on spelling Milton Obote.]

March 1, 1966

The Venera 3 probe crashes on Venus. [Launched 11/16/1965. It’s the 1st spacecraft on another planet's surface (the moon isn’t a planet.) However, a surface temperature of 860˚F. melts solder readily. Crash into the planet is all a scientist can arrange, then (at least it doesn’t miss.)]

Ghana orders all Soviet, East German, and Chinese technicians out of Ghana. [09/21/1957 they joined the IMF. This was enough to cause the British PM to seriously consider recognizing the country’s government. Meanwhile, is there competent help running things like the missile launchers?]

Chancellor of the Exchequer James Callaghan confirms the historic and momentous decision to change over to decimal coinage in 1971. [Nice idea. It takes them 5 years to implement it. The public is rather pencive about it.]

March 1, 1968

Johnny Cash and June Carter marry. [He dies 4 months after she does. Roseanne Cash is from his 1st marriage. These 2 have only 1 child: John Carter Cash (didn’t he go to Mars?)]

March 1, 1969

Miami Police arrest the Doors’ Jim Morrison. [The official charge is lewd and lascivious behavior, indecent behavior, open profanity, and public drunkenness. Sentenced, Morrison appeals, dies during the appeal. No autopsy, but the testimony is that Morrison dies of drunkenness and/or lascivious behavior. Profanity was probably his instinctive reaction to realizing he was dead.]

March 1, 1967

Accused of misconduct, Representative Adam Clayton Powell (New York, NY, no relation to the U2 bass guitarist) is denied his seat in the 90th Congress. [Seniority has Powell become chairman of the 1961 House Committee on Education and Labor. He plans President Johnson's Great Society, steering through Congress the greatest body of social legislation in U.S. history: federal aid to higher education, training for the unemployed and handicapped, and the Civil Rights Act of 1964. His committee produces 60 major bills in 5 years--all passed by the U.S. Congress (think on that one for a moment.) Did I mention his skin color? Detractors detracted; some fellow darker-skinned representatives notice unnecessary risks. Then there’s the lavish living, flaunted power, being seen in public with different women of varied ethnicity (paler skin included.) Sic transit mundi potestatem.]

March 1, 1971

A bomb explodes in a Senate wing restroom in the U.S. Capitol. [0 injuries. Weather Underground radicals, protesting the Vietnam War, claim responsibility. [This, after an intensive search of the building coughs nothing up. No one’s ever convicted, so both sides weather that underground storm.]

Pakistani President Yahya Khan indefinitely postponed the pending national assembly session. [Folks in East Pakistan react with immediate strikes, demonstrations, and civil disobedience until their open revolt turns East Pakistan into Bangladesh (take away our voice, will ya? We’ll take away your country!)]

100,000’s of British workers participate in an unofficial protest day against the government's new Industrial Relations Bill. [Car plants, newspapers, shipyards . . . 1 law to regulate them all, and by the government tax them.]

March 1, 1972

John Lennon gets an extension on his American work visa. [In thanks for being permitted to stick around long enough to be assassinated, he begins recording Sometime in New York City (this one bombs.) Seems without that other guy attenuating his excesses, he’s not that great a songwriter. George Harrison seemed to work well on his own.]

March 1, 1973

Black September terrorists storm the Saudi embassy in Khartoum, Sudan. [They perpetrate the Khartoum diplomatic assassinations. 8 Moslems take 10 hostages; President Nixon says the U.S. will not pay blackmail. Cleo A. Noel, Jr., George Curtis Moore, Guy Eid are tortured and assassinated. Then the terrorists demand transport . . . to the U.S.(?!)]

Pink Floyd releases Dark Side of the Moon in the U.S. [Oh, that’s why they want to come here! They change 1970’s music. Oddly, it’s not released in the U.K. until March 24. One entertaining task would be to compare this longest-time-on-the Billboard Magazine top 200 with the previous record holder, Carol King’s Tapestry. What in such very different albums so appealed to record buyers?]

March 1, 1974

7 are indicted for the break-in at the Watergate Hotel. [Charged with conspiring to obstruct justice. Curiously, trespassing is never an issue. Also curiously missing is E. Howard Hunt, a.k.a., Eduardo, who’d worked (under that alias) on the Bay of Pigs fiasco. Apparently, this is the only gig that bad of a failure could get.]

Queen begins their 1st headlining England tour. [Folks don’t realize that Bohemian Rhapsody is not their 1st song. Procession, Father to Son, Ogre Battle, White Queen (As It Began), Great King Rat, Hangman, Doing All Right, Son and Daughter, Keep Yourself Alive, Liar, Jailhouse Rock, Shake Rattle and Roll, Stupid Cupid, Jailhouse Rock, Big Spender (I’ve no idea what you’re talking about.) Not bad for a Zanzibaran.]

March 1, 1976

William Bradford Bishop, Jr. bludgeons his mother, spouse, + 3 children to death and is still uncaptured. [Like President Bush, Bishop has a B.A. in history from Yale University. Unlike Bush, he’s on an anti-depressant and doesn’t get the expected promotion. Speaking 5 languages and having a foreign service passport, he gets a week’s head start to be anywhere else on the planet (so don’t bother searching the moon.) 04/10/2014 he goes onto the 10 Most Wanted list; 06/27/2018 he exits the list @ 81-years old. Probably suicided.]

March 1, 1978

Charlie Chaplin's coffin is stolen from a Swiss cemetery. [And held for ransom(!?) 2 months later it’s recovered. He’d died 12/25/1977. This is a very badly-planned money-making scheme: if Mrs. Chaplin wants her hubbie(‘s body) back, $600,000. Non. Okay, $250,000? Lausanne, Switzerland police merely watch every payphone in the city until they return. How many bottles of booze were harmed in this operation?]

March 1, 1979

Officers in charge of the Seattle, WA naval correctional facility implement Alexander Schauss’ interpretations of Max Lüscher. [Herr Lüscher posits color preferences indicate personality. Mr. Schauss finds staring at colors changes the physical state: makes one weaker or stronger, calmer or agitated. They work up Baker-Miller Pink for the prison cells. Since the initiation of this procedure . . . there have been no incidents of erratic or hostile behavior during the initial phase of confinement. If you still feel agitated, we can put on a Lawrence Welk disc for you.]

March 1, 1981

Irish Republican Army member Bobby Sands starts his Maze Prison, Northern Ireland hunger strike. [65 days later = suicide = he really means it. His demands: the right not to wear a prison uniform (so he can escape?); the right not to do prison work (free room & board?); the right of free association with other prisoners (to plan the escape?), and to organize educational and recreational pursuits (capture the flag?); the right to 1 visit, 1 letter + 1 parcel per week (what’s in the visit, letter, parcel?); full restoration of remission lost thru the protest (okay, we’ll give you no retaliation.) Blind, trickster, or P.O.W.?]

March 1, 1982

Jimmy Page releases his 1st solo LP. [The soundtrack to Death Wish II?!]

March 1, 1983

Swatch introduces their 1st timepieces. [In Zürich, Switzerland, home of the guys who passed up on the Japanese invention of digital, quartz clocks. This almost redeems them.]

March 1, 1984

Actor John Leslie Jackie Coogan dies (b. 10/26/1914) [The Kid with Charlie Chaplin and Uncle Fester on The Addams Family. He gets the Coogan Act passed after he asks his mom for his $4,000,000 (his dad had died) and his mom says, No. He sues, and (huh?) he has no rights to the money; as a minor child, he worked for his parents. Courts gave him $126,000.]

March 1, 1985

A Beatles song is 1st used in a U.S. TV commercial. [Lincoln-Mercury pays Michael Jackson to use HELP! We can only hope that since he bought high, the heirs sell low.]

March 1, 1987

S&H Green Stamps became S&H Green Seals. [Like Greenpeace wanted to do? The stamps were introduced 90 years ago. December 7, 2006, San Francisco’s Pay By Touch buys S&H Solutions for $100,000,000. By 2008, Pay By Touch closes, ceases to exist, no more, customers not even warned. Whose money was that? Later, investors sue UBS for (among other things) not telling them about founder John P. Rogers’ criminal history (oh, their money!)]

March 1, 1988

Soviet troops enter Azerbaijan to stifle ethnic riots between Armenians and Azerbaijanis. [The Sumgait Massacre/Pogrom selects Armenians for abuse; police officers won’t stop groups attacking Armenians (everywhere.) Martial law, curfew, and the military are required to end it all. One suspects Azerbaijanis really thought they’d get away with it.]

March 1, 1989

Washington, D.C. Mayor Barry + City council imposed a curfew on minors. [weekdays: 23:00; weekends: 0:00. This is a temporary fix. Apparently, this means there was no curfew before (which would explain a lot) for minors. Obviously D.C. never had a permanent fix. No wonder this is where all the space aliens want to land.]

The U.S. becomes a member of the Berne Convention copyright treaty. [Because Berne, Switzerland is where it’s first approved in 1886. Does this mean the U.S. government can’t steal copyrighted stuff or that U.S. citizens can’t steal copyrighted stuff?]

March 1, 1990

The Electronic Frontier Foundation begins when the Secret Service raids Steve Jackson Games. [Steve Jackson Games produced RP, board, and card games. The raid is probably (none will say exactly) part of a nationwide investigation of computer crime; however, Operation Sundevil is based in Arizona and the Steve Jackson Raid is coordinated out of Chicago. A manuscript for GURPS Cyberpunk (a role playing game) is confiscated, tho this is not the actual purpose of the raid. 3+ years later, a federal court awards damages of $50,000 and attorneys' fees of $250,000 to SJ Games because the raid is 1) carelessly executed, 2) illegal, and 3) unjustified. Cyberpunk author Bruce Sterling discusses the fiasco in The Hacker Crackdown: Law and Disorder on the Electronic Frontier. The case also helps spawn a new game, Hacker. No revenge like success.]

The Seabrook, NH, nuclear power plant wins federal permission to go on line after 2 decades of protests and legal hassles. [The $6,500,000,000 plant is only finished 4 years ago. The struggles continue as it’s only @ 15% capacity. Now it has concrete degradation questions. It’s always something with these guys (don’t ask which ones.) Oh, and Unit 2 is canceled, sold off. Heh heh, nuclear is still safer than coal, kills fewer people; the smart realize our government wants us dead (governing us is too much work?)]

March 1, 1991

Edwin Land dies (b. 05/07/1909.) [He works up the optics and chemistry for the 1st instant camera, later called Polaroid not Land (see February 21, 1947.) Then he works up the optics that make the U2 spyplane able to take clear pictures of Soviet air bases from out of reach of their SAM’s. Unconfirmed rumors he’s working on improved beer goggles at his death.]

March 1, 1992

King Fahd of Saudi Arabia announces major political reforms ceding some powers after 10 years of disciplinarydisciplined rule. [Beginning of the end? He sets up a 60-member Consultative Council called Majlis ash-Shura (but replaceable at the king’s pleasure.) Still no fix for that Bin Laden cousin who hates all of us, hope we all DIAF (and is working on starting the fire.)]

Bosnian Moslems and Croats vote to secede from the Yugoslavia SFR. [In honor of the occasion, Bosnian Serb snipers fire on civilians (give ‘em what they want and they still aren’t happy.) Don’t mispronounce Bosnia + Herzegovina or they’ll aim at you, too.]

Sen. Brock Adams (D-WA) abandons his re-election campaign after 8 women take the occasion of a Seattle Times report of sexual abuse and harassment to accuse him of those things. [He puts another Democrat in the slot instead of losing to a Republican. He dies 12 years later of Parkinson's disease (pobre peposito.)]

March 1, 1993

The U.S. government tells us the quantity of food stamp recipients is at a record 26,600,000. [That’s only ~10% of the U.S. population. But at least they’re eating, right?]

March 1, 1994

Seattle grunge band Nirvana plays their last show in Munich, Germany. [Munich can have that effect on people. The band starts with a cover of the Cars’ My Best Friend’s Girl. Sheesh, but they aren’t trying to break this funk at all.]

Israel releases ~500 Arab prisoners in an effort to placate Palestinians over the Hebron massacre. [It doesn’t work. Now if they’d killed 500 Palestinian prisoners, and made painfully clear they’d kill another 500 if the men weren’t returned alive within 24 hours, they might’ve been heard. Just sayin’, when one is talking with a bully, one must talk the bully’s language.]

March 1, 1995

Yahoo! is incorporated. [Hooray! This is news as this is an Internet portal. Incorporation says these things actually could make some money if handled right (or lose if handled wrong.)]

The European Parliament rejects legislation that would have allowed biotechnology companies to patent new life forms. [Not that they aren’t being worked on; they simply wouldn’t be overtly profited from (but some prankster is gonna work up a clone who looks like an alien Gray.)]

Polish Prime Minister Waldemar Pawlak resigns from parliament and is replaced by ex-communist Józef Oleksy. [He lasts 1 year. Waldemar Pawlak is now Deputy PM. Oleksy had some tapes reveal what others really thought of him (What’s worse than being Communist? How about working for a Communist spy?) Suspicion is all. Okay, how about theft + bribery?]

Bill Berry of R.E.M suffers a brain aneurysm while performing on stage in Switzerland. [R.E.M. continues as a 3-man band after Berry (in 1997) decides he’s tired of it all. Losing one’s drive is still vastly preferable to losing one’s life (which is what aneurysms usually do.) He still has some fun with the reunions, tho (like high school, only less boasting, more toasting.)]

Moscow gunmen assassinate Russian anti-corruption journalist Vladislav Listyev (b. 05/10/1956.) [Corruption makes money, some of which is spent trying to keep that money. His murder’s never prosecuted. But look at all the interesting movies the Russia mafia has given us!]

March 1, 1998

Titanic grosses $1,000,000,000+ worldwide. [It’s the 1st film to do so, auguring big things for its director James Cameron (besides the 14 nominations, 11 wins for Oscars©, I mean.) That he actually re-constructed the Titanic in Baja California (so extras could plunge into the water for multiple takes and still swim away) only helped with his cinema verité that earns such success. No, the full-frontal nudity had nothing to do with ticket sales. Nothing, hear?]

March 1, 1999

The Lusaka, Zambia Angolan Embassy explodes. [4 other bombs explode elsewhere in the capital from the same UNITA civil war: peace talks collapse (you know how those build-a-house-with-cards games are.) Oh, and the UN took off, too. Asking for it?]

Meanwhile, elsewhere on the continent, machete-wielding Rwandan Hutus murder 8 tourists at Uganda’s Buhoma Homestead. [2 Intel executives among them. They’re in Uganda to visit wild mountain gorillas. Dian Fossey all over again.]

March 1, 2000

Finland rewrites its Constitution. [They amend it exactly 12 years later. Meanwhile, it designates their PM (Prime Minister, not post-meridian) as the nation’s most powerful politician. But anyone can run for the office (if he thinks he has the chops, so to speak.)]

Sweden’s Hans Blix assumes the position of Executive Chairman of UNMOVIC. [United Nations Monitoring, Verification and Inspection Commission: he lasts 3⅓ years (which is long enough to leave the U.S. with a scandal that outlasts him.) Good move, dude. Maybe you should run the UN itself, for a while.]

March 1, 2002

Operation Anaconda of the U.S. invasion of Afghanistan begins in eastern Afghanistan. [The plan is to encircle and strangle the Al Qaeda in Shahi-Kot Valley and Arma Mountains. As we know now, not only does it not work, but it spawns imitators who’d never have left their backwater village but for the fight with the great Satan this operation offers.]

Spain dumps its centuries-long Peseta (₧) for the euro (€.) [Yesterday, the Peseta was valuable; today, it’s a piece of paper with no value for another few centuries (antique.)]

Prosecutorial pressure has the Boston Archdiocese agree to turn over the names of people who claim to be molested by priests. [This starts with the John Geoghan sins, crimes, accusations, etc., in which everyone learns (public documents, etc.) that the diocese always knew about the problem and merely moved the culprit elsewhere to keep getting free labor out of him while denying justice to the victims. Next question: how many others have they done this with?!]

March 1, 2003

A $250,000 Salvador Dali sketch was stolen from a display case in the lobby at Rikers Island, NY jail. [June 17, 2003 came the announcement that 4 corrections officers had surrendered and pled innocent to the theft. Why valuable art—or anything valuable—was displayed at a jail was unavailable for comment at this time.]

~180,000 personnel from 22 different organizations in the U.S. government become part of the Department of Homeland Security. [The largest government reorganization since the beginning of the Cold War, speaking of which, we’ll need a new label for this war with Moslems we have crammed ourselves into. This includes the U.S. Customs Service and the U.S. Secret Service. How aboutMohammed’s War?]

CIA and Pakistani agents capture Khalid Shaikh Mohammed. [For example. This Mohammed is suspected of masterminding the September 11, 2001 attacks. Of course, the question is that if he’s put on trial, what law did he break? If he’s not put on trial, how long do we hold enemy combatants in our new Mohammed’s War? That last Cold War went ~45 years.]

The 1st International Symposium on Taiwan Sign Language Linguistics is held at Chung Cheng University. [Thru to tomorrow. The sign language has existed since 1895 . . . as long as we’ve had X-Rays. That’s long for science, weirdly short for a language. They must figure out what brow raising and furrowing, frowning, head shaking and nodding, leaning and shifting the torso all mean (for me, it means my back hurts.)]

March 1, 2004

Terry Nichols is convicted of state murder charges and being an accomplice to Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. [He only had 8 aliases, so he gets life w/o parole when the jury deadlocked on the death penalty (9 aliases would’ve been certain death.)]

Mohammed Bahr al-Uloum becomes President of Iraq. [Notably, he’s an Ayatollah, a Shi’ite, and prominent Twelver (someone looking for the 12th Iman as Islam’s own version of Jesus’ 2nd coming.) In Iraq. Next door to Iran. More than coincidence (much more, most believe.)]

March 1, 2005

President Hamid Karzai is appointed Chief of Staff to the Commander in Chief. [See April 18, 1992. This was, apparently, how he obtained the cachet to be the U.S.’s favorite for taking over after the dust settles: previous experience.]

The U.S. Supreme Court decides Roper v. Simmons that both the 8th + 14th Amendments to the U.S. Constitution prohibit executing a minor. [Oh, well, now that’s just great. And if we get another Billy the Kid, what, wait for him to pull another jail break and shoot some guards on the way out? You guys have no idea of law enforcement, I tell ya.]

March 1, 2006

Queen Elizabeth II officially opens the new debating chamber for the National Assembly for Wales in Cardiff. [The Senedd House heats with an Earth Heat Exchange system, rainwater from the roof flushes toilets and cleans windows, and the roof has a wind cowl to focus natural light and air into the debating chamber. So get back to work.]

A dead swan on Lake Geneva is Switzerland’s 1st confirmed case of H5N1 bird flu virus. [They get a 2nd on Lake Constance, 1 in Greece, and 1 in Quebec. And that’s only today. ♫There’s always tomorrow♫.]

English-language Wikipedia reaches its 1,000,000th article, Jordanhill railway station. [Now up to 5,837,730 in English (articles in a zillion other languages, too.)]

English actor Jack Wild dies (b. 09/30/1952) [After H.R. Puffnstuff and some albums, he ditched into alcohol. After recovery, the cancer the alcohol caused killed him.]

March 1, 2007

Denmark’s Ungdomshuset (Youth House) begins being cleared of live bodies. [The building had hosted poor, young, unemployed, or merely social folk, fueling an underground scene (more like a 1 or 2 act play than merely 1 scene.) This fact conflicted with Copenhagen’s municipal government AND neighbors. Clear ‘em out. Protests happen—peacefully. Nevertheless, Copenhagen police respond with tear gas + 436 arrests. Pickin’ a fight, eh?]

March 1, 2014

Communist China hosts the 2014 Kunming Attack (you mean they’ve done this before?!) [4 perps dead; 29 civilians dead; 143 injured. No one admits responsibility, but everyone assumes it’s a Xingjiang Separatist effort (or Uyghur Moslems, quien sabe?) Tear Gas doesn’t work, but a SWAT team appears and the guy with a machine gun takes out 5 of them. Arrested leader Abdurehim Kurban said they were aiming at jihad (yeah yeah, who isn’t these days?)]

March 2

Texas Independence Day [See 1836]

Church of England’s Saint Chad's Day [During the 2000 US Presidential Election, some suggested that St Chad is the patron saint of botched elections; while there is no patron saint of elections, Thomas More is the patron saint of politicians; the Venerable Bede told us about him; we should have sent all those ballots to some randomly-selected African nation]

March 2, 1127

Count of Flanders Charles I (Blessed Charles the Good) gets multiple broadsword wounds while praying—kneeling—in church of St. Donatian (b. a day in 1084.) [The Erembald family knights assassins wait until their prey is in the most awkward self-defense position available because they have a famine and Count Chuck le Bon was taking out the trash: no hoarding, price gauging, or profiteering . . . which the Erembalds were doing. Everyone gangs up on Erembalds (even French King Louis VI) and tortures ‘em for it. Not whether you can get; can you keep? Not whether you get vengeance, but who’s your new enemy?]

March 2, 1699

Pierre Le Moyne d'Iberville 1661-1706 builds Fort Maurepas on the Gulf of Mexico; French control now extends all the way down the Mississippi River. [The French plan (dream) is to bottle England into the East Coast and leave them there, strangled. The only problem is Spain’s unused claim on the Gulf Coast. That must be dealt with here. See 1836: France is 1 of the 6 Flags Over Texas (after Spain.) Se habla Inglés.]

March 2, 1717

John Weaver presents his Loves of Mars and Venus to British audiences. [As they are enamored of Italian mime, that’s what this is. It’s the 1st ballet performed in England. The whole story intelligently told by mute narration of gesture only. We only quibble with one of those words.]

March 2, 1729

King Louis XV authorizes a new issue of playing card money in New France (Canada.) [Insufficient bills are printed to pay the troops, so the Governor at Quebec is allowed to sign playing cards as specie. This is how to not be popular. On the other hand, this limits imports.]

March 2, 1791

A semaphore machine speeds long-distance communication when revealed in Paris. [Claude Chappe’s 556 stations are used until the 1850’s. Their advantage is being faster than a horse. Their disadvantage is being appreciably slower than a telegraph signal and very unprivate. Then there’s that scene in the movie where a message is inserted mid-station for ₣₣. A person should expect that the more humans who are involved, the more likely corrupt humans are involved.]

March 2, 1793

President of the Republic of Texas Sam Houston is born in Shenandoah Valley, VA (d. 07/26/1863.) [He builds the 1st school in Tennessee and ends up as governor of Tennessee as a Jacksonian. This is a fair indication of where he’ll be directing Texas (perhaps why they’re big on D.I.Y. there.)]

March 2, 1807

The U.S. Congress prohibit(s) the importation of slaves into any port or place within the jurisdiction of the United States... from any foreign kingdom, place, or country. [For another 58 years, they must make do with whom they have and their descendants. No, the owners don’t start breeding them for specific work like animals. The owners treat them worse than animals.]

March 2, 1815

Having marched into the City of Kandy with no resistance, British troops arrange for the Sri Lankans to sign the Kandyan Convention. [The King of England becomes their king and they become a British protectorate. The last Sri Lankan King, Sri Vikrama Rajasinha (and claimants, hangers-on, etc.) are exiled to the Indian coast. Britain now can sail on to its Ceylon tea supply.]

March 2, 1836

Texas declares its independence from Mexico and an ad interim government forms. [1) Spain, 2) France, and Mexico is flag #3. This independent republic is flag #4. Only 2 more to go before we can have a decent roller coaster in this humongous state.]

March 2, 1855

Alexander II becomes Tsar of Russia. [Emperor of Russia, King of Poland, and Grand Prince of Finland:.assassinated in 1881. Did he ask for it by giving himself 3 separate targets? Until his accession, few imagined he could be a great reformer. Irony: dad Nicholas I was the ruler the Narodnaya Volya wanted to assassinate. They wanted to keep this guy. See 1861.]

March 2, 1861

The Nevada and Dakota Territories are organized as political divisions within the United States. [10/31/1864, Nevada Territory becomes the State of Nevada (Battle Born.) Dakota Territory goes until 11/02/1889 when it becomes North + South Dakota. If it’s far, go.]

Tsar Alexander II signs the emancipation reform into law, abolishing Russian serfdom. [Previously, they really were treated as slaves; nobility could (and did) give them to another nobility, at which point, each serf given (or sold) had to pack up and go wherever. Help? Yeah, you’re gonna help move my stuff. You mean help you move? Don’t be absurd. For the next 56 years, Get to stay put becomes So what?!]

March 2, 1866

Excelsior Needle Company begins making sewing machine needles. [As it’s based in Torrington, CT, it becomes the Torrington Company. Then it’s sold to Ingersoll-Rand, which Timken then buys. The good inventions cause other businesses to also appear (share the profit), which then creates capital other companies want to buy. Later, the company goes Bye, leaving an empty building folks won’t go by.]

March 2, 1867

Congress passes the Military Reconstruction Act. [Among other things, it requires that all Confederate states enfranchise (allow to vote) the darker-skinned males who previously had been enslaved (it says nothing about the females, a point immediately noticed by half the U.S. population. Conversely, women don’t become targets, either.) Irony 1: the 7 states grudgingly complying may seat their representatives in Congress while most of the Northern and all of the Border States still deny suffrage (voting rights) to the darker-skinned residents. This is why the 14th Amendment to the Constitution is needed. Irony 2: the 14th Amendment begins All persons born or naturalized in the United States . . .. No enforcement of this law ever says that women are persons born here. Hmmmm . . ..]

March 2, 1876

Eugenio Maria Giuseppe Giovanni Pacelli (Pope Pius XII) is born in Rome, Italy (d. 10/09/1958.) [See 1939. He’s the one who works up the Reichskonkordat with Nazi Germany. Roman Catholic cooperates with the pagans after cribbing rituals from the pagans. See 1939.]

March 2, 1877

The U.S. Congress formally declares Rutherford Birchard Hayes winner of the 1876 presidential election. [Samuel J. Tilden had won the popular vote on November 7, 1876. A possibility is that the Temperance Party’s instrumental in this election, playing the role of swing votes as Mr. & Mrs. Hayes are notorious teetotalers. Later visitors are served lemonade or water. Milk, maybe.]

March 2, 1897

President Cleveland vetoes legislation requiring a literacy test for immigrants before entering the country. [As if they’re gonna learn English over there?]

March 2, 1899

Mount Rainier National Park is established in Washington State. [This #5 in a series straddles 2 counties and includes all of the strato-volcano Mt. Ranier (site of the 1st flying saucer photos.) There are many trails, if you’re ready to walk (but beware having the nearest flying craft suddenly dragging you on board because you're not the usual deer they keep getting.)]

President McKinley signs a measure creating the rank of Admiral for the U.S. Navy. [They give the 1st admiral to George Dewey. He isn’t