Hysterically Historical: May

By Daniel Paul Davis

Chronologically-organized and well-researched events in recorded history that you should know . . . because you always wanted to know how foolish humans can really be. Event is described, then mocked or satirized. All humans are fair game and all history is open season. Grow your crocodile skin and read along with the losers, loosers, winners, and whiners. Enough with the dry ol' dates: that's merely where we start (so you can find your way around history.) What we really care about is the disconnect between what the movers + shakers of history wanted and the "What were they thinking?!"
Short answer: they weren't.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Daniel Paul Davis
• Release date: May 4, 2019

Daniel Paul Davis

2 earned degrees + 3 teaching credentials (I won't call those "earned") = knowing more than I should about a sizeable clutch of useless stuff. However, after 25 years in education, I know 2 things about education: 1) How to teach. 2) No principal wants me to actually teach. Bonus 3) They want students indoctrinated. Thus, I write. "Do you have a degree in ___________?" Nope. I have 2 degrees in English, which means I know 2 things: 1) How to read. 2) How to research. Bonus 3) I remember what I read (why do you think I majored in English?!) Thus, the work I have here presented: researching the history was not that difficult, nor was winnowing out the frou-frou. Especially easy is seeing what is frou-frou. Gossip: Married; 3 daughters, all adult; 1 grandchild; 1 worthless, illegal alien, lying ex-son-in-law; empty bank account; full belly. If I ever have a full bank account, I plan to fast.

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Hysterically Historical

May

May 1

May Day, Labor Day, Workers' Day, Day of the International Solidarity of Workers [See 1886]

Italy’s national holiday (Giorno dei Lavoratori.)

Switzerland’s official feast of Spring.

Czech Republic’s National Love Day [Couples go to the memorial of the poet Karel Hynek Mácha in Prague and kiss (ah, love amidst death!)]

Hawaii‘s Lei Day [A holiday for that flower necklace]

Beltane, Lá Bealtaine. [The Celtic 1st day of Summer, still observed in Ireland, as well as among neopagans and Wiccans]

Northern Europe’s Walpurgis Night [i.e., Beltane night]

Roman Empire—all-female festival in honor of Bona Dea [The good goddess . . . there are bad ones? She’s associated with chastity, fertility, and healing (one of these things just doesn’t belong here)]

United States’ Law Day and Loyalty Day [This used to be the U.S. Labor Day, but it became an answer to the Communist’s Labor Day instead]

Malta’s L-Ewwel ta Mejju, Malta, Jum il-haddiem (Worker's Day)

Maharashtra Divas (Maharashtra Day) in the state of Maharastra, India [See 1960]

May 1, 305

Diocletian and Maximian retire from the office of Roman Emperor. [They’re supposed to become senior emperors but Constantine restarts the civil wars . . . and wins. Diocletian and Maximian retiring enable that. See February 27, 272. He retires because he’s sick. He lives what’s left of his life at his villa (that becomes the city of Split) tending vegetables (which is probably why he gets another 6 years.)]

May 1, 408

Theodosius II assumes Constantinople’s throne. [He’s only 7-years old, but he has been Augustus for the past 6, so it’s not as if he hasn’t experience. He works up Codex Theodosianus, collecting and harmonizing various laws of previous rulers. Finally, an emperor doing his job instead of sitting around partying and going to war. He reigns until 450, then is replaced by his sister (the other contender was a eunuch.) Decisions, decisions.]

May 1, 1308

Nephew Duke John assassinates German King Albert I. [Parricide John makes up for Albert refusing his inheritance (Habsburg lands.) Albert + Elizabeth have 12 children, of whom only Leopold I is alive, married, with children, starting some kind of dynasty. Life was short, brutal, and unpredictable then, if you ever wondered why kings always seem to be eating dessert.]

May 1, 1328

England’s Parliament ratifies the Treaty of Edinburgh–Northampton. [This ends the 1st War of Scottish Independence; they go at it again 4 years later. Meanwhile, England recognizes Scottish independence. For now. See 1707.]

May 1, 1555

Pope Marcellus II (Marcello Cervini degli Spannochi) dies (b. 05/06/1501) [Put into the priesthood because his horoscope presaged high ecclesiastical honours. Now that we know the entrance policy . . .. Oddly, the horoscope doesn’t mean mere, puny cardinal.]

May 1, 1576

Reigning Transylvanian Prince Stefan Batory marries Anna Jagiellon and they become the co-rulers of the Polish-Lithuanian Commonwealth. [See February 13, 1689. The importance is that Ms. Jagiellon is the unmarried sister of the deceased king: she’s it. They try for some progeny, and go to Transylvania for it. He’s their best elected king of Poland. He considers an alliance with Russia to oppose the Ottomans, but then he dies.]

May 1, 1707

The Act of Union joins England and Scotland to form the Kingdom of Great Britain. [See 1328. 104 years ago, Scotland’s King James VI became England’s King James I. Since then, 1 monarch wore 2 crowns. A century later, 1 monarch, 1 crown: United Kingdom (or Great Britain.) Celts? What’s a Celt? Oh, you mean those loser Welsh? They’re part of England—says so right here. Next up, Ireland!]

May 1, 1751

Americans 1st get to watch a cricket match. [It’s somewhat like baseball, but not. This is to say the game was probably played before, but the earliest writing records a game between 11 Londoners and 11 New Yorkers. New Yorkers win (so that damn Yankee thing goes way back.) Benjamin Franklin later takes over management of the Young America cricket club. There’s a vivid thought.]

May 1, 1753

Laurentius Salvius publishes Carl Linnaeus’ Species Plantarum. [This is when formal plant taxonomy starts. Now there’s an International Code of Botanical Nomenclature. This also begins all those trees of evolutionary descent as scientists try to figure out who’s related to whom. Maybe they should try a grass model instead.]

May 1, 1776

Adam Weishaupt founds the Bavarian Illuminati. [He’s Brother Spartacus (after the famous leader of Rome’s slave revolt.) Thus, this secret society seeks mind control as one of its methods to overthrow organized religion and bring equality to society (they must even control the global economy.) Your disbelief only shows how well their plan is working. Irony: the club itself is very dictatorial, much like they imagine Christianity to be.]

May 1, 1778

The American Revolution’s Battle of Crooked Billet begins in Hatboro, PA. [Major John Graves Simcoe’s surprise attack (the colonists were asleep) turns into a rout so bad that General Washington relieves Brigadier General John Lacey of his command. Even I know about posting sentries; can’t think what his problem was.]

May 1, 1786

Vienna’s Burgtheater hosts Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s opera The Marriage of Figaro‘s opening night. [Bugs Bunny’s not in the audience that night. It goes only 9 performances, but they get 5 encores (yes, wanted to hear it again.) Haydn later says this thing showed up in his dreams, he liked it so much. The original haunting music.]

May 1, 1830

The date labor activist Mother Mary Harris Jones claims she was born (for obvious reasons) in Cork City, County Cork, Ireland (d. 11/30/1930.) [She starts off married, raising 4 children. Then all 5 die of yellow fever and her business burns down. That sort of thing will make anyone cranky. Her success with organizing workers makes her the most dangerous woman to mine owners. Thinking she should be dead already can do that to a person.]

May 1, 1840

The Penny Black postage stamp is valid for use in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland. [It is the 1st stamp providing its own adhesive. Stick it where you want, when you want. No more going to the post office for them to stamp your letter. How novel (but if you write one, it’ll cost you more than 1 of these.)]

May 1, 1849

Henry Jones (no relation) receives his U.S. patent for his self-rising flour. [He’d already introduced it and patented it in Britain, doing so well that Queen Victoria gives him a royal appointment. Then there’s convincing Her Majesty’s Navy to change centuries of tradition and go with fresh bread over pre-baked hard-tack (literally.) Not until Florence Nightingale says so (really.)]

May 1, 1851

Queen Victoria opens the Great Exhibition in London. [14,000 exhibitors, 6,000,000+ people, and £21,000,000 ($34,000,000) in profit. From Samuel Colt’s prototype to bottled leeches as Tempest Prognosticator, it celebrates technological advancement (or the imitation.) The profit buys the Victoria and Albert Museum, the Science Museum, and the Natural History Museum. It sets the model. Oh, and even tho everyone’s invited, Great Britain really did triumph o’er all.]

May 1, 1852

Wild West performer Martha Calamity Jane Cannary Burke is born in Princeton, MO (d. 08/01/1903.) [She’s named Calamity by her scouting captain when she saves his life from an ambush (there for calamities, not causing them!) Some thanks, huh? Another says she’s, simply a notorious character, dissolute and devilish, but possessed a generous streak which made her popular. Your choice. Choose wisely (because she’s as likely as not to respond to your choice.)]

May 1, 1862

Brigadier General Benjamin Butler, with Admiral David Farragut’s help, captures New Orleans, LA. [One of his 1st orders as commander of the occupying forces is his Woman Order (Butler's General Order No. 28) that directs his Union soldiers to treat as a whore any woman who insults a union soldier. He did bring ‘em food. They should at least have said thanks for that much. But, yeah, he caught heck from everyone else for this one. Of course, ladies hold their tongues. If they insult you, insult them back . . . with the worst insult on the planet.]

May 1, 1863

The Confederate Congress decrees that captured Negro soldiers from the Union Army are to be executed based on their already having incited servile insurrection. [The telling part is that the folks writing this law are so hated that the negroes volunteer for the opportunity to shoot at them, anyway—whatever the risk. Who’s the patriot, now?]

May 1, 1867

Reconstruction in the South begins with registering darker-skinned voters. [The worst kind of insurrection is handing a whole swath of the population political participation.]

May 1, 1877

U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes orders all Federal troops exit the South. [Thus ends Reconstruction. The Department of the Gulf shifts from the Military Division of Missouri to the Military Division of the Atlantic. This 1 change is seen by many to nail down the coffin that is Reconstruction: failure. It’s all because Hayes becomes President by 1 electoral vote (much like President George W. Bush’s election.) No clout, no pull, no influence, so he gets out while the getting is good. Seeing 1867 makes it easy to remember. No laws enforced.]

May 1, 1883

William F. Cody (Buffalo Bill) opens his 1st Buffalo Bill's Wild West. [Show was never part of the title, so stop trying to shove that word in there. This same year, 3 of his children die. He tours the U.S. and Europe. 10 years later, it’s Buffalo Bill's Wild West and Congress of Rough Riders of the World. They’re not putting on a show. They’re doing history.]

May 1, 1884

While the Knights of Labor has agitated for this for years, the AFL-precursor Federation of Organized Trades and Labor Unions proclaims its demand for a U.S. 8-hour workday. [And this still doesn’t apply to entertainers nor truck drivers. +2 more years of this and see May 4, 1886. Of course, does an entertainer really work?]

The 1st 10-story building in the U.S. begins in Chicago, IL. [The Home Insurance Building is possible because of an unrelated invention called elevator. Elisha Graves Otis solved that 31 years ago, so up, up, and away. 1st steel frame building. The World Trade Center was aluminum.] We scrape the sky, the sky recoils, we build a taller building, and scrape it again. Repeat.

May 1, 1886

The start of the general strike that eventually obtains a U.S. 8-hour workday. [Except that see May 4, 1886 for the fiasco this turns into, encouraged by anarchists in attendance. See April 30, 2012 for the modern example of what anarchists do (they’re like the arsonist whose thrill is watching it burn down.) Sense of urgency or sense of emergency?]

May 1, 1889

May 1 becomes International Workers Day, partly to commemorate Chicago's Haymarket riots (see 1886.) [This new holiday actually appropriates the (banned) Beltane (or, Day of Fire.) That May Day was celebrated by beautiful, fertile, virgins wrapping a phallic symbol (maypole.) Left to us is to decide how much this is an improvement (parade blocks traffic.)]

May 1, 1893

The World's Fair: Columbian Exposition opens in Chicago. [Wasn’t that In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue? A.k.a. World's Columbian Exposition or Chicago World’s Fair. Burnham and Olsted follow Beaux Art principles to work up what they think a city should look like (you mean, not Chicago?) The dedication’s 10/21/1892; they really do wait 6 months. For some reason, neo-classical + beaux arts get the attention (current popularity?)]

May 1, 1898

During the recently started Spanish-American War, the Battle of Manila Bay occurs. [The U.S. Navy destroys the Spanish Pacific fleet in the 1st battle of the war, and the one where Admiral Dewey famously said, You may fire when ready, Gridley. How do you say sitting ducks in Spanish? See April 21, 1898. Ah, here it is: patos sentados. That or incompetente.]

May 1, 1900

The Scofield mine disaster occurs near Scofield, UT. [200-246 dead; 107 widows; 5 days figuring out how to bury the dead; 75 caskets rushed from Denver, CO. The (now) fifth-worst mining accident in United States history (isn’t it great how technology improves everything?)]

May 1, 1901

The Pan-American Exposition opens in Buffalo, NY. [Their logo is North + South American as people shaking hands: South America looks quite unconcerned about it. If it sounds familiar, that’s because this is one where Leon Czolgosz assassinates President McKinley. They also introduced X-Ray machines at this fair, which doctors are unwilling to use because of unknown side effects (Dead of cancer later? Dead of bullet now? What to do? What to do?)]

May 1, 1905

Radium’s tested as a cancer cure. [They pick New York, NY for this because they’re more gullible for this pseudo-science thingie there. It doesn’t work, so let’s go across the river and see whether it cures cancer in New Jersey. Much of science still works this way; thus, much of the work amounts to shooting blanks in the dark. Occasionally, as here, the pistol’s loaded.]

May 1, 1909

Singer Kathryn Elizabeth Kate Smith is born (d. 06/17/1986.) [The first lady of radio tries to make America, the Beautiful the national anthem with her superior voice; it doesn’t take. We are thus stuck with an unsingable, violent poem set to a pagan song’s music. Later, a minority group who believe America isn’t beautiful lay into her history, try to steal her thunder (That makes you look fat and ugly.)]

May 1, 1912

A statue of Peter Pan appears in London's Kensington Gardens. [James Barrie sneaks it in there overnight; it appears to have magically appeared in the park. It is this statue that Robin Williams wakes up under at the end of Hook.]

May 1, 1914

Lawyer Job Harriman officially opens Llano del Rio Colony (Plain/Simple/Even/Smooth of the River) @ the southern edge of the Mojave Desert in Antelope Valley. [1) Socialist; 2) capitalist; 3) whites only. Big Rock Creek supplies water; local rocks supply building material; a failed L.A. Mayor candidacy supplies ideology. It lasts 4 years because 1,100 people is too many for 1 spot in the Mojave Desert. Oh, and failed socialist economy: a potential job is hairy, man. Check ‘em out in New Llano, LA. ]

May 1, 1915

German U-Boat U-30 sinks the U.S. ship Gulflight. [Trouble brewing. German government 1) apologizes for damaging (3 dead) a neutral ship; 2) refuses to change its policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. The notable 3) is so angering the U.S. that they help whoop Germany.] Speaking of which, RMS Lusitania leaves New York, NY on her 202nd (and last) Atlantic crossing. [See May 7, 1915. Your brew is boiling.]

May 1, 1916

Actor Gwyllyn Samuel Newton Glenn Ford is born in Quebec, Canada (d. 08/30/2006.) [See April 12, 1954 for why he is here. Tho he’s born in Canada, he volunteers during WWII for the United States Marine Corps and makes sergeant. What a guy.]

May 1, 1921

The Quebec government assumes control of selling booze in the province. [04/10/1919 they had a referendum about whether beer, wine, and cider should be sold there: 78+% vote oui and only distilled (high proof) alcohol is prohibited while the U.S. to the south is banning everything. Quebec becomes the only 'wet' jurisdiction on the continent for a time. [Hence, illegal alcohol is smuggled from Canada (but if you want moonshine, it’s in the opposite direction.)]

April 30, 1922

Chicago White Sox Charlie Robertson pitches a perfect no-hit, no-run game against the Detroit Tigers, getting the Sox a 3-0 win. [It’s also the 1st perfect game on the road. Tigers such as Ty Cobb whine about a doctored ball. How about Johnny Mostil’s superior fielding skill, babies? Not for 46 years did baseball see the next such perfect game.]

May 1, 1923

Novelist Joseph Heller is born in Brooklyn, NY (d. 12/12/1999.) [Whose novel, Catch 22, is weird and popular enough to have added the title to American English. So read Something Happened (his next novel, 13 years later.) Don’t like that one? Fine. Go see the ’67 Casino Royale with David Niven and Woody Allen (uncredited screen writer.) That explains scenes.]

May 1, 1925

The All-China Federation of Trade Unions is officially imposed. [Currently the largest trade union in the world, with 134,000,000 members. When they celebrate May 1 as Labor Day, it kinda makes May 1 the de facto Labor Day. Take that, September Americans.]

(See July 18,1921) Other Mercury 7 crew member Malcolm Scott Carpenter is born in Boulder, CO (d. 10/10/2013 in Denver, CO.) [In between, he was moved to New Yawk City (moving back to Colorado makes much sense.) His work on the Mercury was the, mission the most successful to date; everything had gone perfectly except for some overexpenditure of fuel, which was actually from an occasionally working pitch horizon scanner. Despite blame, he manually guided his capsule with his learned skill because who needs tools when you know what you’re doing?]

May 1, 1927

The Clou concert hall hosts Adolf Hitler’s 1st speech to a Nazi meeting in Berlin. [Joseph Goebbels had been sent in last year to clean up the group and increase the base support in the reddest (most Communist) city in Europe after Moscow (Goebbels.) He isn’t running a labor union nor holding a labor rally. He specifically means to observe Beltain, @ Nuremberg.]

The first cooked meals on a scheduled flight are introduced on an Imperial Airways flight from London to Paris. [1) Imperial becomes British Airways; 2) food on London – Paris says how slow the planes are. The 3) is later booze helps with fear of flying (= more customers.)]

May 1, 1930

Dwarf planet Pluto is officially named. [The alternative was the Norse goddess of the underworld: Hel. But then, folks at NASA would have been very confused about the latest probe, especially if it returns (it went to Hel and back ha ha ha ha ha.) 11-year old Venetia Burney picks the name, but we suspect she’s putting on the dog.]

May 1, 1931

The Empire State Building in New York is dedicated and opened. [All 102 stories of it: the tallest building in the world at the time (which is why King Kong climbed it.) See April 7, 1930. President Hoover pushes a button in the White House in D.C. and the lights go on in this tallest building in New York. Then there was that B-25.]

May 1, 1934

The Philippine legislature accepts the Tydings-McDuffie Law/Act. [U.S. (Senator Millard Tydings + Representative John McDuffie) propose independence for the Philippines in 10 years. Curiously, that’s when WWII ends (how did they know?) They try the same thing for Puerto Rico but influential Luis Muñoz Marín nixes the notion. 1 for 2.]

May 1, 1937

U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signs an act of neutrality, keeping the U.S. out of WWII. [For now. Japan’s woeful error was actually racist: they assumed the Americans would do what the Europeans did and offer concessions (like PM Chamberlain did) instead of nuclear horror (see September 29, 1938.) But the timing, FDR? See July 7, 1937.]

May 1, 1939

Folk singer Judith Marjorie Collins is born in Seattle, WA. [Oddly, one of her best albums was Wildflowers, when she shifts from folk to some hauntingly orchestrated Leonard Cohen songs scored by the same guy responsible for PDQ Bach. In other words, she has a powerfully versatile voice and can make almost any song seem important, even showing up in a David Crosby tune.]

May 1, 1940

WWII cancels the 1940 Summer Olympics. [Duh. They’re supposed to be in Tokyo. Then there’s the question of whether the Japanese thought all those Europeans would show up anyway because they promised.]

May 1, 1941

Orson Welles's Citizen Kane premieres in New York, NY. [It costs $839,727, and earns $1,585,634. Meanwhile, it tops every list of best-movies-ever-made. Thus, it becomes one of those things film students must watch and you see this movie in all the other movies you watch. Then there’s the question of who is in the room to even hear him say, Rosebud?]

Rommel‘s troops attack Tobruk. [In Libya, a city the British hold and which is geologically very difficult to take from whomever is parked there (deep, protected harbor, cliffs and scarps as walls, etc.) The British take it from the Italians January 22. Australian troops lose 2½ companies repelling Rommel, so he comes back next year to try again because foxes don’t give up.]

May 1, 1942

The 215th hanging is the last hanging at San Quentin maximum security prison (in California.) [After this, executions use the gas chamber, and later, lethal injection if inmate so chooses. How about old age? Okay, you got it—if you can muster sufficient appeals. Prisoners now may ask, How’s it hangin’?]

May 1, 1945

Private secretary to Adolf Hitler Martin Bormann escapes from the Fuehrerbunker with Ludwig Stumpfegger, Artur Axmann, and pilot Hans Baur as the U.S.S.R.’s Army encircles Berlin. [Hitler? Yeah, I heard of him; never met him, tho. Why d’ya ask? They’re specifically trying to escape the noose tightening around the city, which is why May 2 is given as his death date.]

(See April 30, 1945) Per Hitler’s last orders, Admiral Karl Doenitz succeeds Hitler as leader of the Third Reich. [He heads the Flensburg government because that city is all they have left. As there was also no possibility of effecting any improvement in Germany's overall position by political means, the only conclusion to which I, as head of state, could come was that the war must be brought to an end as quickly as possible in order to prevent further bloodshed.]

As the U.S. has the raising of the Stars and Stripes on Iwo Jima, the U.S.S.R. has the raising of the Hammer and Sickle on German headquarters: Soviet troops raise the Soviet Flag over the Reichstag, in Berlin. [Both are equally dangerous and symbolic. Sure enough, the U.S.S.R. runs Germany (their part) the next few decades while the U.S. runs Japan.]

Nazi Minister of Propaganda Joseph Goebbels suicides (b. 10/29/1897.) [1st, he and wife Magda tell their 6 children they are about to receive inoculations; they’re actually poison. Both parents exit the Fuhrerbunker and wait for the SS officer to shoot them in the back of the head (too much the coward to even do it himself.)]

May 1, 1946

800+ Aboriginal pastoral workers walk off the job in in Pilbara, Australia. [Arguing for equal treatment and fair wages, they stay off the job until 08/1949: 1 of the longest strikes in history. Some aboriginal Australians never return to work for European descendants. Human rights are only 1 of their demands (but an important demand.) Later, Australians apologize by putting aborigines in their movies.]

May 1, 1948

Kim Il Sung establishes the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (North Korea) with himself as Great Leader and perpetual president. [He sets up both a personality cult centered on him and his autocratic power (exactly like the Sunday school lessons had taught him Jesus did) and Juche, the idea that North Koreans should produce everything North Koreans use. While son, Kim Jong Il has obviously not followed this (to obtain nuclear weapons), it is why North Korea is one of the most insular nations on the planet. Google a night view of the nation and see whether you can spot the capital. It’s definitely a guns, not butter place.]

May 1, 1950

Guam is organized as a United States commonwealth. [Its 2nd biggest source of income is U.S. military; its 1st biggest source of income is tourism—of Japanese. Irony rules.]

Gwendolyn Brooks is the 1st darker-skinned American winning the Pulitzer Prize for her book of poetry, Annie Allen. [1 of the 3 parts is the Anniad about a lover who goes to war, etc. (much like the Iliad.) She illustrates U.S. race relations in 1949, which makes the Pulitzer part appropriate. Your assignment is to compare her poetry to U.S. 2009 race relations and describe improvements, if any. 500 words, due next coffee break conversation.]

May 1, 1951

Iran’s PM Mohammed Mosaddegh nationalizes its oil reserves and steals the assets of the foreign oil companies (mainly the U.K.’s British Petroleum.) [They negotiate for a bigger slice of the oil pie; BP balks. This is their trump card (their only trump card.) Britain says, Pull it out of the ground yourself (oh, and don’t spill.)]

May 1, 1956

A Japanese doctor reports an epidemic of an unknown disease of the central nervous system. [Minamata disease is 1st officially described: severe mercury poisoning. The irony is that vaccinations, and then anti-biotics, lead doctors to suppose they’ll soon eradicate all diseases. Suddenly, we find we’re making up our own. In this case, the Chisso plant’s wastewater dumps into the same bay the families pull food from. The government helps Chisso Plant lie to the people so it can continue dumbingdumping duping people. A filter is installed that does nothing, people think it’s safe, then it reroutes its wastewater to toxify other bays and harbors. Disease continues, and a lawsuit is not won until 1973.]

May 1, 1958

James Van Allen reports that 2 radiation belts circle Earth. [The beauty of science is finding out how things work; they’ve been working like that for eons or millennia, but now we know. So the next thing he does is work with the military to send nukes aloft to explode them. Science question: do nukes disrupt these radiation belts? Law of unintended consequences? What’s that?]

May 1, 1960

Gujarat + Maharashtra are born as Bombay State goes into mitosis. [Maharashtra only spends 105 human lives getting this. Previously (1956), they were forcibly added to Bombay State. No, they did not like a bilingual state (ultimately, 1 language ends up preferred.) Gujarat has 660 die, but waits until 1969 for those riots (interest on their investment?)]

The U.S.S.R. brings down Francis Gary Powers' U-2. [No, the plane, not the rock band. As a plane able to fly @ 70,000’, it was able to fly above their SAM’s. Not any more (we got a deal on the new ‘n’ improved version.) Captain Powers has both a self-destruct button on the U2 and a cyanide capsule (literal self-destruct.) He uses neither; he’s taken prisoner. (says he doesn’t know why he didn’t take it; at least 1 man is glad he didn’t. See February 10, 1962.]

May 1, 1961

Fidel Castro says there’ll be no more elections in Cuba. [How does one find the representatives for the Republic of Cuba? A revolution expressing the will of the people is an election everyday (Today’s speech.) Those who disagree want to see the mind-reading mechanism.]

May 1, 1967

Anastasio Somoza Debayle becomes president of Nicaragua. [Francisco Urcuyo Maliaños, vice president. Sr. Debayle is a member of a ~30-year old dynasty he’s re-elected December 1, 1974, remains at his post until the Sandinista National Liberation Front evicts him to Paraguay in 1979. Being such a hard-working, always-there public servant, he naturally acquires some enemies (he’s later assassinated in Paraguay.)]

Elvis Presley and Priscilla Ann Wagner Beaulieu are married. [They remain a couple until 1973. Priscilla finds out in childhood that the only dad she ever knew, Monsieur Beaulieu, is actually her stepdad and her biological father James Wagner died in WWII a few months after he marries mom and she’s born. @14, she meets Elvis because both are in Germany for U.S. Army reasons. He woos her while he’s wooing co-stars (oh, oops.) Irony: Beaulieu = Good place. She ends up in charge of Elvis Presley’s mansion, Graceland (Good Place.)]

May 1, 1969

Leonard Hyman Tose buys the NFL's Philadelphia Eagles for $16,155,000. [See January 24, 1964 for part of the reason. While buying a football team seems like a gamble, this one pays off very well—so well, that Mr. Tose devolves into spending the rest of his wealth on other gambles (if 1 succeeds, by definition, all the others will fail. Keep your winnings and leave.) His dad started as an immigrant with a pack on his back. The circle of life is complete.]

May 1, 1970

Kent State University students riot in downtown Kent, OH. [They’re protesting something—oh, here it is: the U.S. invaded Cambodia (see April 29 + 30, 1970 and April 17, 1975.) They should be protesting that they’re only finding out about it now, instead of when U.S. personnel actually began to be there. They should also be protesting the presence of weapons at their protest against the use of weapons.]

May 1, 1971

The National Railroad Passenger Corporation (Amtrak) begins service. [The U.S. Congress sets it up to operate intercity passenger railroads. The name is technically American Track except politicians can’t spell, either. ~30 years later, folks (So Cal) realize this isn’t working and solve it themselves with their own, profitable system (at least the Sunset Limited still runs.)]

May 1, 1978

Travelling by dog sled (malamutes), Japan's Naomi Uemura is the 1st to reach the North Pole alone. [Well, not entirely: he has the Canadian air force dropping him food (very handy when a polar bear steals what food he has.) He later decides he really should carry his own food. He also later decides to raft the Amazon alone and climb Mt. McKinley alone. Doesn’t like company? Well, he did shoot the bear when it returned.]

A Digital Equipment Corporation marketing rep sends the first unsolicited bulk commercial e-mail (a.k.a., spam) to every ARPANET address on the U.S. West Coast. [Y’all are welcome to come look at our new DEC-20. We have coffee mugs and everything.]

The May Day Bank Holiday is introduced across England. [Banks need more holidays? Logically, if the Communists are out in force, the capitalists would want to stay home and hide.]

May 1, 1979

Elton John is the 1st pop music star to perform in Israel. [Why not? His fame is waning at this point so he might as well go where he’s still appreciated. He opens with Your Song and closes by covering the Beatles’ Back in the U.S.S.R. That’s at the end so he can’t hear the Oy vey.]

(See October 1, 1968) Guyana’s Action Radio becomes the Guyana Broadcasting Corporation. [Deciding to do it the Brits’ way, after all, eh? Seeing as how Action Radio is a failed NBC- Radio drama series pilot (and by failed, we mean it wasn’t even produced), we can see how that well is already poisoned. Heh, this way, we know what to expect (propaganda.)]

May 1, 1982

The Knoxville International Energy Exposition (1982 World's Fair) opens in Knoxville, TN. [Knoxville? See 1901 + 1893. They take over the Louiville + Nashville Railroad yard, scrape clean the yard, and turn the depot into a restaurant. Then they add a 266’ steel tower topped with a 5-story gold globe (what a great idea for a movie award!) Hey, if Spokane can, anyone can.]

May 1, 1983

Greek composer Mikis Theodorakis gets the Lenin Peace Prize. [He scores both Zorba the Greek and Serpico. Ironically, he has left leaning views, but opposes oppressive governments. Restart the debate on whether the ones giving him the Lenin Peace Prize come under which category. A dause might be that his 2nd, 3rd, 4th, + 7th symphonies are performed in the German Democratic Republic (i.e., Communist Germany.) That’s the peace prize, not the piece prize!]

May 1, 1986

The Tass News Agency admits the Chernobyl nuclear power plant accident. [Now that you can’t do anything about it and if you accidentally drove thru the area, or well!]

Bill Elliott sets the stock car speed record of 212.229 mph. [He uses a Ford Thunderbird to do this in Talladega, AL. Tho that seems not so fast nowadays, he did need to make some turns.]

May 1, 1989

Greenland’s coat of arms is adopted. [All of my coats have arms, especially in Greenland. They mean that now that they’re separate from Denmark, they can be different: Denmark’s polar bear has the right paw raised, but every Inuit knows polar bears are left-handed, so on Greenland’s shield the left paw is raised.]

May 1, 1993

(See July 13, 1983 and July 5, 1987) A Tamil Tiger suicides by bombing a May Day rally. [He takes Sri Lankan president Ranasinghe Premadasa (b. 06/23/1924) + his bodyguards to the next level with him. Turns out the assassinated president gave these terrorist some of their weapons when they tried to get an Indian peace-keeping force to leave. He dies by what he lived by. Meanwhile, we now know one shouldn’t expect gratitude from murderers.]

May 1, 1997

Sportscaster Frank Gifford (husband of family friendly Kathie Lee Gifford) is videotaped en flagrante delecto with TWA flight attendant Suzen Johnson at the New York Regency Hotel. [A tabloid had paid Johnson $75,000 to get the famous man into this compromising position; she later poses in Playboy for some amount that has 6 digits (you know they’re good for it.)]

May 1, 1998

Arrow Air gets fined $5,000,000 for using spare parts lacking FAA approval. [Time flies like an arrow (careful where you point that thing!) The idea is that if you can’t afford to do it right, YOU SHOULDN’T BE FLYING! Get down here on the freeways with the rest of the flakes.]

May 1, 1999

U.S. mountain climbers discover George Mallory’s body on Mount Everest. [He died in June of 1924 while trying to be the 1st person @ the summit of Everest. When discovered, folks don’t even know whether or not Mallory reached the summit. Tho he doesn’t remember saying it, he has since been credited with 1st saying, Because it is there. He did promise to leave a photo of wife Ruth up there, and it wasn’t in his pocket (they found him to be Ruthless.)]

May 1, 2000

The Barbie for President doll is released in stores. [Complete with propagandacampaign platform: (I)t’s time we take a stand to care for Mother Earth. Clean air, clean water, and a clean environment are vital to our health. Barbie knows our playgrounds, our parks and our neighborhoods will be more kid-safe and kid-friendly if we keep them clean. Heh, my mother was named Davis, not Earth. I want someone to add how many Barbie dolls comprise the North Pacific Gyre plastic garbage patch/island.]

May 1, 2001

Thomas Blanton, Jr. is the 2nd ex-Ku Klux Klansman convicted of the 1963 16th Street Baptist Church bombing. [Birmingham, AL hosts a clutch of racists who believe the way to deal with their inferiority complex is killing 4 girls. Ooh, what a victory over the darker-skinned.]

President Bush commits the U.S. to building a ballistic missile shield. [Not that missiles exactly form a shield. The problem is that missiles are all we have right now. An actual (force) field shield waits for us to 1st solve the puzzle of fusion energy. Until then, we poke with a sword multiple times exactly because we have no shield.]

FBI Director Louis Freeh announces his retirement. [Freehing up slot for someone else to fill next month. Thomas J. Pickard takes over because no one could feel happier than Mark Felt.]

May 1, 2003

Commander in Chief George Walker Bush rides shotgun aboard a Navy S-3B Viking jet and lands on the USS Abraham Lincoln. [The 1st time a President boards an aircraft carrier by plane. Beneath the Mission Accomplished sign, he says major combat operations in Iraq ended. Thus, the Mission Accomplished speech, since mocked because they had not yet begun to fight. You mean he didn’t fly that plane himself?]

May 1, 2004

Cyprus, Czech Republic, Estonia, Hungary, Latvia, Lithuania, Malta, Poland, Slovakia, and Slovenia join the European Union, celebrating at the residence of the Irish President in Dublin. [Let’s all see how many economies we can crashsave. Actually, Estonia has quite the boomtime economy because of its computer hacking.]

May 1, 2005

Angry at others commemorating the dead, someone leaves a car bomb at a Kurdish official's funeral in Tal Afar, Iraq. [~25 dead; 50+ wounded. Now taking bets on Islamic denomination of perpetrator (you don’t really think he’s a Buddhist, do you?)]

Chinese computer maker Lenovo finally buys finalizes finishes the paperwork for buying IBM's personal computer division. [The damage is done; IBM can back out of the scene and let someone else take the consequences.]

May 1, 2006

The Puerto Rican government runs a little short this month. [1,536 schools close, 95,762 employees furloughed—and that’s merely the Dept. of Education. 42 other agencies are also Enroned. They solved this May 10 with new agreements on taxation (corporations operating in this territory sent their profits back to the states, not here where the profits are made.)]

May 1, 2007

President Bush rejects legislation to pull U.S. troops out of Iraq. [In what amounts to a showdown, the President vetoes for only the 2nd time. Congressional folk think the war should end; President wants it to win, so he wishes an escalate. We could compromise and go for elevate and have aerial bombing runs, only since SAM’s are a weapon Al Qaeda lacks.]

1,000’s around the country demand a path to citizenship for ~12,000,000 folk illegally present in the U.S. [The usual thing to do with criminals is arrest and jail ‘em. 1/10 of 1% want to reward them. Let’s ask the other 99.9% what they think.]

May 1, 2010

Scads of tourists and theater patrons evacuate New York, NY's Times Square for 8+ hours as police disarm a malfunctioned bomb found in an SUV parked at the curb, motor running, smoke pouring from rear vents. [Bomb disarmed, tragedy avoided, bullet dodged. One of the nice effects of whacking Al Qaeda leadership is that the underlings get bad (or no) training in bomb construction. Where’d you learn how build this thing, the Internet? No, Gemco.]

May 1, 2011

Architect of the 09/11/2001 terrorist attack on the U.S + founder of al-Qaida Osama bin Laden is killed in a U.S. midnight commando raid on his compound hideout near the Pakistani capital (b. 03/10/1957.) [More to the point, he’s hiding in plain sight, down the road from a military base of one of our allies. More than coincidence? Uncoincidental is the cache of pornography found in his home (most of his wives are divorced from him, one annulled.) So now the face of global terrorism is a skull and crossbones. His death leaves 20-26 children, almost all in Iran: Sunni Moslems safer in a Shi’ite Moslem nation—go figure.]

May 1, 2015

Thailand’s Khao-Kaew Mountain Range hosts a Thai police-military assault on a refugee camp. [It has refugees, but one couldn’t say they are camping. Armed guards, minimal food, less water, and beatings say kidnap victims. They imagined they were going to Thailand for employment (as sex workers, maybe.) For extra baht, their relatives have been told to pay a ransom or lose the family member. Authorities find ~100 kidnappees . . . + 52 graves. See July 19, 2017 for the trial because Thais have had it with their corrupt military (and a dying king usually means a military junta, so time for a well-planned offensive.)]

May 1, 2016

@ ~16:00 hours, Fort McMurray, Alberta, Canada notices yet another forest fire started. [This one is different enough to end up being called, The Beast (an apocalyptic label more accurate than The AntiChrist.) It proceeds to occupy news feeds the rest of this month while burning out hectares of forest in the heart of oil sands lands: ~$1,000,000,000 in lost production. 17 separate wildfires burned 930+ square miles; 2 dead; 2,432 structures destroyed; 530 damaged; 509 firefighters; 31 helicopters; 13 aerial tankers. Maybe when it’s finished and has burned the oil in the sands, they can open a glass factory.]

May 1, 2017

Neurosurgical Focus publishes an article explaining the University of Utah’s developing a skull-driller. [A brain surgeon with a hand drill can spend 2 hours putting a hole in the patient’s skull; this device can do that in ~2 minutes, dodging nerves + sinuses on the way (yeah, and I can do that in 2 seconds nyuck nyuck nyuck!) Decreased surgery time = decreased open-wound time = what do we need the surgeon for, then? To yank a tumor? I can do that!]

May 2

Poland’s Flag Day [An official holiday]

Madrid Region’s Day of the Region.

Iran’s Teacher's Day

Indonesia Education Day

Saint Boris’s Feast Day [See 907]

May 2, 907

King Boris Mihail (Michael) dies on this day (baptized in 864 and named Michael after godfather King Michael III.) [This king is King Boris I of Bulgaria: thought to be a very good king. 889, he abdicates, becomes a monk, and spends much of the next 8 years praying. He leaves the monastery twice to meet 2 different crises and returns, where he dies in 907. Willingly surrendering power is fair qualification for sainthood—he does it twice.]

May 2, 1194

English King Richard I gives Portsmouth its 1st Royal Charter. [An advantage of which is that their taxes benefit local needs; it also means they get an annual fair (££.) This is likely important because King Richard wants to assemble a naval fleet there (they’ll pay their taxes when enemies shell the port and city.)]

May 2, 1497

Italian navigators John and Sebastian Cabot try to follow Columbus' route to what he thinks is Asia. [Cabot's folk reach land June 24, likely at Cape Breton, then sail east along the south coast and names this place New Found Land. Soon enough it’s Newfoundland. Whether here, or in a 1494 scouting expedition, they see white bears and deer big as horses. You’re a bit north.]

May 2, 1568

Mary I of Scotland escapes from Loch Leven Castle where Sir William Douglas jailed her. [Imprisoned by breaking their oath to her; while there, she miscarries twins (which is likely what the nobles who imprisoned her are angling for.) The importance of this is that she raises a small army, fights a war to regain her throne, loses, and runs to England, where ½ sister Queen Elizabeth has her arrested. From this jail to that jail; sigh.]

May 2, 1665

(See March 1, 1665) England’s Parish of St. Giles records 3 deaths from the bubonic plague. [However, 4 in St Clement Danes, 2 in St Andrew, Holborn, + 1 in St Mary Woolchurch Haw. They should have it so nice. + 2 months and bubonic plague rules London, in and outside the walls. 100,000+ dead. See August 24, 1662 . . . more than coincidence? Punchline: NO ONE figures out the cause of bubonic plague until Alexandre Yersin identifies Yersenia Pestis Bacillus in 1894. Until he comes along, it’s all the Jews’ fault (and I get his bed!)]

May 2, 1670

England’s King Charles II gives the Hudson's Bay Company a permanent charter to start and develop the North American fur trade. [We think that’s monopolistic, but it’s a monopoly like your utility is a monopoly; something as dangerous as going 3,000 miles across an ocean, 100-1000 miles into a trackless wilderness, capturing unknown wild animals, and bringing back their pelts is not to be done twice. That earned profit is at life’s risk. Besides, having 2 groups doing this would only devastate the area twice as fast. Monopolies plunder more slowly.]

May 2, 1729

Empress of Russia Yekaterina Alexeevna (Catherine the Great) is born in Stettin, Pomerania, Kingdom of Prussia (d.11/17/1796.) [She’s almost as important to dragging Russia out of the Middle Ages as Peter the Great. Her 1 failure (where they all failed) is continuing serfdom. Governments cannot remove a worker’s motivation without losing the work (but then, if we let them choose, might choose someone other than me!)]

May 2, 1776

France and Spain agree to donate arms to American rebels fighting the British. [Enemy of our enemy is our friend. King Louis XVI (the one they decapitate) promises us (not yet U.S.) $1,000,000 (in francs, but still.) Spain merely says Si (so we buy Florida cheap.)]

May 2, 1797

A British naval mutiny spreads from Spithead to the rest of the fleet. [The Spithead and Nore Mutinies come at a bad time because the U.K. is at war with France’s Revolutionary leaders and this work stoppage leaves the nation vulnerable (their point?) The mutiny is more like a strike for better wages and living conditions. 29 leaders hung; some flogged; some brigged; some in Australia (gasp!); most of those mutinying go back to work on the boats.]

May 2, 1808

Madrid’s citizens rise up against French occupation. [Winning the battle is one thing; holding the territory is a very different thing. In this case, France is still theoretically Spain’s ally. France’s brutal suppression of this revolt (it should look painfully familiar to the French, but doesn’t) precipitates the (Iberian) Peninsular War. Spain’s now an enemy. Ha ha: the guy in charge of the military tribunals is General Grouchy, 2nd Marquis de Grouchy. He says anyone captured holding a weapon is executed (living up to his name enough to make even Oscar proud.)]

May 2, 1813

Napoleon defeats a Russian and Prussian army at Grossgorschen. [The Battle of Lützen encourages him on to his doom. In this case, lacking cavalry, he cannot pursue the retreating soldiers. Eventually, any nation merely doesn’t have enough people to do all that.]

May 2, 1816

Léopold of Saxe-Coburg and Charlotte Augusta are wed. [Léopold’s the 1st King of the Belgians, starting the Belgian line of Saxe-Coburg. Charlotte Augusta is the only child of the (Prince of Wales) George IV  and Caroline of Brunswick. Thus, she’s Princess Charlotte Augusta of Wales. Their Saxe-Coburg line includes English Kings Edward VII and George V, who later changed their last names to Windsor when German names became very unpopular. See February 8, 1960. Right now, poor Charlotte has 3 pregnancies: 2 miscarriages, 1 stillborn. That last one kills her, too. Rh factor?]

May 7, 1829

After anchoring nearby, Captain Charles Fremantle of HMS Challenger claims the Swan River Colony in Australia. [A week ago, he parked south of the Swan River @ Cockburn sound, walked onto Garden Island, and took his time getting these few miles farther north. But here he is, and it’s about time, too. They forgive his tardiness and even name a city after him.]

May 2, 1845

Yarmouth, U.K. hosts a clown in a barrel being pulled by a clutch of geese. [The locals stand on the Yarmouth Suspension Bridge, watching this peculiar sight happen. As the barrel passes beneath, the audience shifts position, changing the weight distribution, and snapping the south side suspension chains. The bridge deck tips over: 79 drown, mostly the children. Cable is cheaper. See April 16, 1850 for at-least-we’re-not-the-only-ones-with-dumb-engineers.]

May 2, 1853

Franconi’s Hippodrome opens at Broadway and 23rd Street in New York, NY. [That would be an indoor horse track, tho the image of hippopatomi racing is a vivid one. William Thompson ran a roadhouse he called Madison Cottage. His site’s razed to build this indoor racetrack, which itself is later removed to make room for Madison Square. 3 guesses what’s next. It’s named after a President, James somebody, I think.]

May 2, 1863

See May 1, 1863. Friendly fire takes down General Stonewall Jackson merely because he’s reconnoitering for the Battle of Chancellorsville. [Pneumonia (not blood loss or lead poisoning) kills him 8 days later. We don’t realize how many in any war die from disease, not bullets. We also don’t realize how much these Confederates lose the war with this 1 miss (he really yearned to see his daughter again.)]

May 2, 1865

President Andrew Johnson issues Proclamation 131. [Some weeks later, they see evidence that Confederate President Jefferson Davis was in on the conspiracy to assassinate President Lincoln and offer $100,000 for his capture (see December 6, 1889) along with lesser amounts for the other conspirators (William C. Cleary only fetches $10,000) because Davis has help.]

May 2, 1866

Peruvian defenders fight Admiral Casto Méndez Núñez’s Spanish fleet at the Battle of Callao. [Back when Peru had access to the Pacific. Actually, Peru, Bolivia, and Ecuador had allied to fight their old colonial masters. An early shot wounds General Núñez but they do nothing to the ironclads. Ultimately, the Spanish take out all but 3 of Callao’s guns, wounding and killing many (93 when 1 gun’s destroyed.) The Peruvians do nothing to the Spanish ships.]

May 2, 1869

The Folies Trévise opens with operettes, comic operas, songs, and gymnastics. [It does so well that 3 years later, they change their name to Folies Bergères (extravagant shepherdess, but technically named after the nearby Rue Bergères.) Besides, the Duc de Trevise isn’t involved in any way, shape, or form. Folies means foliage, as in entertainment outside, under the trees. That was the idea, anyway. Performers such as Cantinflas, Maurice Chevalier, W.C. Fields, Ella Fitzgerald, Elton John, Édith Piaf, and Frank Sinatra = it’s not all boobs.]

May 2, 1878

Grain dust ignites and Washburn A Mill in Minneapolis, MN explodes. [14 dead in the explosion; 4 dead in the fire; 5 mills destroyed in the fire; ⅓  of the milling district’s capacity gone; nearby businesses and houses destroyed. Within a year, everyone is back up to capacity because where there’s a mill, there’s a way.]

May 2, 1885

Gossip columnist Hedda Hopper is born Elda Furry in Hollidaysburg, PA (d. 02/01/1966.) [She makes gossip a media tool. Her success indicates the extent to which human beings, especially those in Hollywood, will use (bad) news to control (promote) their own careers. At least she’s telling the truth.]

Holyoke, MA’s Clark W. Bryan sells his 1st Good Housekeeping magazine. [More than coincidence? Many see a good rumor as perfect for business housecleaning. Hearst buys it in 1911 when it has only 300,000 subscribers (very profitable investment.)]

Cree and Assiniboine warriors win the Battle of Cut Knife. [Mounted police, militia, and regular army units hand the natives their largest victory during their North-West Rebellion. They are moving towards Canada’s Indian Agent to ask better treatment—spooking other settlers. Then a group shoots their Indian Agent for beating a teenage girl. Many compare this battle to Little Big Horn; Lieutenant Colonel Otter makes it different by knowing when to grab another cookie and re-treat.]

May 2, 1889

Emperor of Ethiopia Menelik II signs the Treaty of Wuchale with Italy. [In it, he gives Italy control over Eritrea—the beginning of the end. With it, he begins to modernize Ethiopia and augment his authority. His copy of the treaty differs from their copy of the treaty, so the Italians lose a war over it. He then acknowledges Eritrea is Italy’s protectorate, leaves them there. Ethiopians + Eritreans later fight a war to prove Menelik II was right all along.]

May 2, 1890

Congress organizes the Oklahoma Territory. [One might not expect to see Congress and organizes in the same sentence, but there we are. Made official might be more accurate. Until 11/16/1907, and before that date, 3 separate land runs to sufficiently populate the place so they can make states out of it. Re-settled Indians? What Indians? No one lives in this wasteland.]

May 2, 1900

King of Sweden Oscar II declares support for Britain over the 2nd Boer War. [He’s the guy you see on King Oscar sardines. He’s about the only other European monarch supporting Britain. The rest of Europe pretty much see it for the land-grab it is, that the ruler-of-the-waves cares naught about other nations’ opinions of its foreign policy.]

May 2, 1903

Dr. Benjamin McLane Spock is born (d 03/15/1998.) [Author of arguably the most successful child-rearing book, Baby and Child Care, he’s the 1st pediatrician to study psychoanalysis. This turns out to be a winning combination. He advocates against having the infant sleep on his or her back out of concern that any vomit could be aspirated; later evidence is that an infant sleeping on her or his abdomen is considerably more likely to die of SIDS. Always go with the evidence. When told about him, Gene Roddenberry had no idea that there even could be another Spock.]

Actor + singer Harry Lillis Bing Crosby is born (d. 10/14/1977.) [Or he’s born May 3. Technically, there’s no birth certificate. He dies shortly after recording a duet with David Bowie for a Christmas program. They sing so well together that things conspire to ensure they never sing together again. Quality Hollywood is like that. How’s 500,000,000 discs sold for success?]

May 2, 1918

General Motors buys the Chevrolet Motor Company of Delaware. [Which is why their cars look alike. William C. Durant starts Chevrolet November 3, 1911—he’s the guy who started General Motors (see September 16, 1908), but is evicted when they hit a rough patch. 7 years later, oh look! Swiss (not French) racer Louis Chevrolet is his partner. It’s good to be king (again.)]

May 2, 1920

The Negro National League’s 1st baseball game is played in Indianapolis, IN. [The Indianapolis ABCs defeat the Chicago American Giants 4-2. Money is made by those at the top and they prosper during the war years because of the folks working the defense plants supporting them. They begin to realize they’re not as good as paler-skinned players; they’re better.]

May 2, 1926

Nicaragua’s Constitutionalist War erupts between revolutionaries and folks who like things the way they are. [Since many American-funded businesses are there, U.S. Marines are dispatched to quell the revolt and protect U.S. companies (we’re very interested in protecting those who pay taxes on profits—wherever they make the profits.) The revolutionaries start by taking the City of Bluefield and robbing its bank. The Marines don’t leave until 1933. And now you know where Bluefield is.]

May 2, 1933

The Loch Ness monster is 1st noticed (in modern times; it could be a plesiosaur.) [The U.S. considers offering its own Marines to help kill the thing, but decides the profit is in it continuing to inhabit those murky waters. Other sightings occur, but none with either Nazis or UFO’s.]

Gleichschaltung (forcible-synchronization) is further enforced when Adolf Hitler bans trade unions. [The trade unions have some element of members chatting about stuff without Nazi oversight. Ol’ paranoid Adolf doesn’t want that, so he redefines a German word to excuse his effort to control any speech in the country. Don’t ask where the Communists are.]

May 2, 1936

Singer Arnold George Dorsey is born in Madras (which is run by the U.K., so he’s British.) [He confusingly takes as a stage name the famous composer of such operas as Hansel and Gretel: Engelbert Humperdinck. Later, he becomes a prince, tries to assassinate his princess.]

May 2, 1941

Rashid Ali’s Iraqi government invites German assistance in fighting whomever is available (mostly British.) [The RAF pre-emptively bombs the Habbaniyyah Air Base: 60% of Iraqi planes destroyed. The Abdullah helping them with this becomes King of Jordan because they don’t like him. This is the 1st of many lessons that what they want isn’t supported by enough people to actually occur, but they keep trying anyway because dumb luck happens, ya know?]

The FCC adopts National Television System Committee standards. [Without providing for color TV, they must revise these standards 12 years later so the Wizard of Oz can be an annual event. They also permit TV stations to schedule commercial TV broadcasts (beginning July 1, 1941.) Thus ends TV’s Era of Innocence. Ever since, complete strangers tell us what to do.]

May 2, 1945

German forces surrender to the New Zealand Army in Trieste. [Part of the terms of their surrender is they get their comrades in Italy to also knock it off. Or die, how ‘bout that?]

Musician Alexander Minto Hughes (Judge Dread) is born in Snodland, Kent, U.K. (d. 03/13/1998.) [No relation to the comic book character Sylvester Stallone portrayed. He’s the 1st paler-skinned singer with a reggae hit in Jamaica; he also has the most banned songs of anyone. Judging by his lyrics, I would dread meeting him.]

British troops find the P.O.W.’s remaining in Stalag Luft IV. [The prisoners had been marched zig-zag thru the snow to escape the advancing Russians. All are out in the open, ill and infected, malnourished and freezing. The British troops order them to begin marching west. Help is not provided. Survival? You need a gun for that around here.]

Bianca Pérez-Mora Macias is born in Managua, Nicaragua. [Her dad divorces when she’s 10, she struggles, gets a scholarship, learns political stuff, and goes to a party where she meets a Mick Jagger (see May 12, 1971.) Later (1981), she’s at a refugee camp with a U.S. Congressional delegation when a hit squad shows up and takes ~40 away to be shot. She and others follow, photographing the event. Finally within earshot, they all shout, "Usted tendrá que